Ela: Forever (Waking Forever)

by Heather McVea

  Coleen’s raised her eyebrow. “Your duties?” She smiled. “Right. Let’s see, what did your friend say – cook, sew, and wash?” Coleen chuckled as she walked away. “No guns though. We don’t need you shooting yourselves.”

  Ela hooked her arm through Rachel’s. “She’s rude. Doesn’t she realize what we’ve been through?”

  Rachel pulled Ela toward the tent. “I don’t think they care. She doesn’t anyway. Look how they’re living. I don’t think they have it much better than we did at the camp.” Rachel looked at the squalor around them and sighed. “At least they have the freedom to come and go as they wish.”

  Ela looked at the small tent, then back at Rachel. She realized for the first time in her life she was free to think about herself and what she wanted. She meant to own that freedom and to make a life with Rachel no matter the cost. She wrapped her arms around Rachel. “At least we’re together.”

  ***

  For the next few weeks Ela and Rachel worked tirelessly for the Maquis. They washed and mended their clothes. The food they were provided to cook with was meager, and frequently Ela and Rachel would eat the rations when none of the Maquis arrived for the meals.

  The weather had continued to deteriorate as the winter set in. Ela sat bundled in several blankets, huddled next to the fire she had been using to heat the basin that held the water for the wash. She heard footsteps approaching from behind her and turned to see Claudio standing a few feet from her. Ela stood up quickly and moved to the other side of the fire. “Your clothes aren’t ready yet, Claudio.” The man stood in a pair of loose fitting trousers made from thin cotton material and an equally thin undershirt. “Aren’t you freezing?” Ela asked as she stirred the laundry avoiding eye contact with the man. He made her nervous.

  Claudio smirked. “Not for a very long time.”

  Ela shook her head. He was like this every time they interacted, cryptic and creepy. “Fine. Well, your pants were a complete mess this time and I had to wash them twice.” She finally worked the courage up to look at him. Claudio had light blond hair, was at least six feet tall, and his chest and shoulders were broad. He stood perfectly still, his piercing blue eyes fixed on Ela. She felt anger rise up through her stomach and chest. There had been a guard in the camp who had behaved in a similar manner, and she had hated him too. Ela narrowed her eyes. “Claudio, in case it’s too complicated, let me explain it in the simplest terms.” Ela paused, thinking the man was probably going to lunge at her, but when he didn’t she lifted her chin in defiance. “Your pants are not ready. They will not be ready for at least another two hours. You can go now.”

  Claudio walked toward Ela, stopping with barely a foot separating them, and took a deep breath in through his nose. A smile gradually spread across his full lips. “Thank you.” He walked past her, slapping her firmly on the butt as he passed.

  Ela yelped at the unexpected contact. “Bastard!” She yelled at Claudio’s back, then rubbed her now burning backside.

  Several hours later and exhausted from a long day’s work, Ela returned to the tent she and Rachel shared. The interaction with Claudio had continued to bother her, and by the time she saw Rachel she was frustrated and angry. “I want to leave!” She exclaimed as she crawled into the small tent. Not waiting for a surprised Rachel to respond, Ela continued. “These people are incapable of the simplest expressions of gratitude.” She turned and the sharp pain that shot up her back from the right side of her butt only further fueled her rage. “I just spent the better half of the afternoon washing Claudio’s pants and shirts. I don’t want to know what he’s doing in them. They’re completely covered in mud and I think blood mixed with bits of bone, Rachel.” Ela wrinkled her nose in disgust. “And instead of thanking me like a human being, he slapped me on my butt.”

  Rachel winced as Ela relayed the story. She took Ela’s hand in hers. “Has it been so long since you dealt with men that you forget what brutes they are?” Rachel leaned forward and gently kissed Ela’s cheek. “Ignore him and he’ll lose interest.”

  Ela leaned toward Rachel, enjoying her warmth. “It’s not just the rudeness. He was barely dressed.”

  Rachel pulled back and looked cautiously at Ela. “What do you mean?”

  Ela turned to face Rachel, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. “It’s freezing out there, and he walked up with nothing more than a thin pair of trousers and an undershirt on.” Ela looked down, and bit at her lower lip. “Come to think of it, I can’t be sure he had shoes on.”

  Rachel shook her head. “I’m sure you’re mistaken.”

  Ela looked at Rachel and thought maybe she was wrong. It wasn’t possible for anyone to withstand this cold in their bare feet. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Rachel placed her hand on Ela’s cheek and pulled her toward her. She kissed Ela’s lips lightly. “If he does it again, you know what you should do?”

  Ela opened her eyes and smiled as she ran her finger along Rachel’s jaw and down her neck. “What’s that?”

  “Kick him in the privates.” Rachel paused, waiting for Ela’s reaction.

  Ela laughed and pulled Rachel to her. She began kissing along the length of Rachel’s neck until her lips found the softness of Rachel’s shoulder. They hadn't had much privacy since arriving in the camp. Ela was reminded of the limits put on her and Delia’s relationship because of their time in the tenements. This was different though. Where Delia and she had little time together because they shared a room with both their mothers, she and Rachel’s issue stemmed from the fact the Maquis never seemed to sleep. It had been so long since she and Rachel had been together, Ela hardly cared if they ended up with an audience.

  “I want you, Rachel,” Ela whispered. She traced the outline of Rachel’s jaw with her mouth, eventually finding her lips. Ela could feel the heat rising to her face and her stomach turning somersaults in anticipation of being with Rachel. The two women slowly reclined on the makeshift bed. Rachel lay back as Ela slid her hands down to the button on Rachel’s trousers and unfastened it. Sliding her hands under Rachel’s shirt, Ela kissed along Rachel’s abdomen, then lifted her shirt. Ela began to slowly suck Rachel’s hardened nipple.

  The silence in the tent was broken by Rachel’s sharp intake of breath. Ela leaned back, quickly pulled her own shirt over her head, and began taking off her pants. Rachel lifted her hips and slid out of her pants. Within seconds both women were naked and straining against each other. Rachel shifted so she was straddling Ela, who stroked Rachel’s breasts. Leaning forward, Rachel kissed Ela hard. Ela gasped as Rachel thrust her tongue into Ela’s mouth, then bit down on Ela’s bottom lip.

  “I want you inside me, Rachel.” Ela took Rachel’s face in her hands, their eyes locked as Rachel slid two fingers inside Ela. Ela twined her fingers in the soft hair at the nape of Rachel’s neck and pulled down on top of her. Rachel kissed and sucked Ela’s neck while maintaining a steady rhythm with her fingers. Rachel heard the strained gasping as Ela came.

  Ela ran her hands down Rachel’s back and, grabbing her butt, rolled them both over so she was now on top of Rachel. Ela slid down and pushed Rachel’s legs apart. Rachel gasped as Ela entered her with two fingers, then began sucking on her clit. Rachel grabbed the back of Ela’s head, pushing her further into her and rocking her hips against Ela’s onslaught. Ela felt Rachel’s body tense, then with a muffled groan she climaxed.

  The women lay in each other’s arms, covered in several layers of blankets. After several minutes, Ela heard a low rumble. “What’s that?”

  Rachel buried her face in the crook of Ela’s neck. “Oh, that’s me. Actually, it’s my stomach.” Rachel propped herself up on her elbow and smiled down at Ela. “I’m hungry and forgot to eat lunch.”

  Ela cupped Rachel’s cheek. “There’s stew left from lunch. In typical fashion these people couldn’t be bothered to eat.”

  Rachel nodded, got to her knees, and began getting dressed. “Perfect. Do you want some?”

  Ela
rolled on her side to face Rachel and stretched. “Yes.”

  Rachel leaned down and kissed her. “I love you.”

  Ela smiled. “I love you.”

  Rachel crawled out of the tent and closed the flap behind her. Ela reached for her pants and slid them on. She rummaged around the blankets for a minute before finding her shirt and coat. Once fully dressed, she lay back down with her hands behind her head. She was happy for the first time in a very long time. Like her freedom, she would protect this happiness no matter what.

  ***

  Ela sat straight up. Feeling around in the dark for Rachel, she realized she must have fallen asleep. By the absence of light outside, she must have been asleep for at least an hour. Crawling out of the tent, the cold of the night air slapped her in the face, and she clutched her coat and one of the blankets to her. “Rachel?” Ela squinted against the darkness and didn’t see Rachel anywhere.

  Walking toward the tent where the food was served, Ela assumed Rachel had stayed in the tent to eat. Sticking her head through the tent flap, she saw it was empty and taking a quick count of the bowls, realized they were all accounted for. Ela walked the perimeter of the camp, careful not to shout for Rachel. One of the first things Coleen had told them was to be quiet. Even though they were many miles from the nearest German camp, sound had a way of carrying in these woods and loud noises had a way of travelling for miles.

  Ela finished her inspection of the camp. Rachel was gone. She focused on not panicking, and reassured herself there was a perfectly good explanation. She turned quickly at the sound of footsteps behind her. Instead of Rachel, Coleen walked toward her.

  “Ela, what are you doing out?” Coleen’s attempt to sound concerned was more unnerving to Ela than her hostility.

  “I’m looking for Rachel.” Ela looked past Coleen, hoping Rachel was with her.

  “She’s gone on patrol with Ivan.” Coleen placed her cool hand on Ela’s shoulder. “They’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.” Coleen wrinkled her brow. “I’m surprised she didn’t say anything to you.” Coleen shrugged. “Oh well, why don’t you try to get some sleep?”

  Ela shrugged Coleen’s hand off. “I’m surprised she didn’t tell me either.” Ela looked at Coleen closely. “Why do you think she would do that?”

  Coleen laughed. “Well how should I know? She’s your lover, not mine.” She turned and began walking toward her tent.

  Ela felt her chest tighten at Coleen referring to Rachel as her lover. She wondered if that was why the people in the camp acted so strange around her and Rachel. Shaking her head, Ela walked toward her tent not really caring why the Maquis were so odd. What she did care about was Rachel and why she would leave the camp without telling her. The panic Ela had been pushing back earlier was replaced with a tension in her stomach and shoulders. She was all too familiar with the feeling. It was fear accompanied by dread.

  ***

  “She’s dead, Ela.” Coleen had spoken the words so casually, Ela thought she had misunderstood.

  “What did you say?” Ela felt the tears begin to run down her cheeks.

  Coleen grimaced. “She was killed on patrol. Ivan made it back, but Rachel is dead.”

  Ela felt her head began to throb. A wave of nausea washed over her, and she doubled over. Her knees buckled, and she threw the contents of her lunch up on the dirt floor of Coleen’s tent.

  Coleen’s hand was on her back, tentatively patting her. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

  Still on her knees, Ela jerked her head around, glaring at Coleen. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she had bits of spittle clinging to her lips. She spoke through clenched teeth as the rage rippled through her. “Don’t touch me. You don’t know anything about it.” Coleen took a step back.

  Ela managed to get to her feet, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. She turned to face Coleen, determined this woman would bear the brunt of her anger. “I spent my life folded between what I wanted and what was expected of me. I am stretched so thinly there are days I imagine I’m invisible.” Ela wiped at her eyes, looked up, and took a deep breath. “Oh, God.” Coleen stood motionless in front of her. Ela shook her head back and forth. “Don’t presume to know what’s okay, Coleen. It’s not okay that everyone I have ever loved is dead.”

  Coleen took a cautious step toward Ela. “I’m sorry. I had no idea –”

  Ela laughed. “No idea. Why would you? It’s not as if you ever asked about either of us, you thoughtless bitch.”

  Coleen’s nostrils flared. “There was no point in that, Ela. We made you and Rachel no promises. We had no commitments. No point really in getting attached.”

  Ela looked down and shook her head. “I want to see her.”

  “Ivan wasn’t able to get to her.” Coleen stated flatly.

  Ela’s face brightened. “Then how do you know she’s dead?”

  “Ivan saw her shot and saw her go down.” Coleen lowered her eyes. “He couldn’t get back over to her.”

  Ela closed the space between her and Coleen. “Then take me to where it happened.” Sensing Coleen’s apprehension, Ela softened her tone. “Please. It’s the least you can do.”

  Coleen hesitated before she spoke. “I won’t.”

  Ela shook her head and backed away from Coleen. “Why not?”

  “It’s too dangerous. The spot is hot right now, and honestly Ela, the Nazis may have already taken the body.” Coleen’s tone was agitated. “Besides what difference does it make?”

  Ela crossed her arms over her chest. “All the difference.”

  Coleen considered Ela for several seconds. “You would risk your own life just for the chance to see the corpse of your dead lover?”

  Ela’s shoulders tensed and her jaw clenched. “Don’t speak about her like that. Her name is Rachel, and you will use her name when you talk about her.” Ela began to cry again. These weren’t tears of grief but tears of rage. “You will never call her 'the corpse' again. Do you understand me, Coleen?” Coleen started to respond, but hesitated as if thinking better of it and only nodded her consent.

  Ela turned and, without another word, left Coleen’s tent. She moved through the camp looking in various tents trying to find Ivan. After nearly a half hour, Ela concluded he wasn’t anywhere in or near the camp. Exhausted, she made her way back to her and Rachel’s tent and crawled inside. She wrapped herself in the blankets they had shared, desperate to catch some hint of Rachel’s scent. Alone in the tent, Ela wasn’t able to cry, because she was racked with the worst kind of grief. There was no comfort or cure for it, and it left her instantly withered.

  ***

  Two days had passed since Coleen had told her Rachel was dead. Ela still couldn’t accept it and continued to seek out Ivan. She was desperate for any detail about Rachel’s demise. On the evening of the third day, Ela saw Ivan walking across the camp.

  “Ivan!” Ela ran after him.

  Ivan stopped and in a mechanical cadence, as if rehearsed, he spoke. “Ela. I’m sorry about Rachel.”

  Ela was a bit out of breath from her sprint across the camp. “I don’t want your apologies, Ivan. I want to know exactly what happened, and why you weren’t able to bring her back.”

  Ivan pursed his lips. “I thought Coleen explained this to you.”

  Ela shook her head. “I want to hear it from you.” Ela put her hands on her hips. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Ivan turned and walked away. Ela gasped. “Ivan! Get back here.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me, Ela. She’s dead, and I couldn’t get over to her.” He continued walking and refused to look at Ela.

  Ela grabbed the man, easily twice her size, by the shoulder. “Wait!” He shrugged her off and kept walking. “Damnit, Ivan!”

  The man turned so abruptly Ela ran into him, his light brown eyes glowing for an instant. “Ela, let it go.” Though not sure what she had just seen, Ela was sure he wasn’t telling her the truth about Rachel.

  “I’m going to talk to Coleen.
” Ela turned and began walking toward Coleen’s tent.

  In the blink of an eye, Ivan was in front of Ela. “Wait. I’ll go get her for you.”

  Ela’s gaze narrowed as she considered Ivan. “Fine. But hurry.”

  Waiting for Ivan and Coleen, Ela began to pace back and forth. It was a new moon, and the camp was near pitch black. To make matters worse, the temperature had already dropped below freezing. Ela wrapped the blanket she carried tighter around her shoulders and began to pace more quickly in an effort to warm herself.

  “Ela.” The familiar voice came from behind her.

  She turned, trying to see through the darkness. She thought it was Rachel, but the voice was different. Lower and more musical. Squinting while she took several tentative steps forward, Ela swallowed the lump in her throat. “Rachel? Is that you?”

  The figure didn’t respond, so Ela walked the last few feet until she could see Rachel. At least she thought it was Rachel. The woman standing in front of her was a more perfectly formed version of Rachel. Her skin was pale and flawless. Her hair longer than Rachel’s and thicker. It was when the woman smiled that Ela knew it was her. She had spent hours memorizing that smile and would know it anywhere.

  “It’s me. I’m sorry you have been so worried. I have been very ill, and they thought it best if I was secluded. There were several times they thought I would die, so Coleen decided it was best if you were prepared for that.”

  Ela took several tentative steps toward Rachel. “She didn’t prepare me. She told me you were dead – repeatedly.”

  Rachel’s voice was strained. “Don’t come any closer. I’m still not well, and I would never forgive myself if you took ill.”

  Ela wasn’t going to be deterred. She didn’t care what was wrong with Rachel. The fact the woman she loved was still alive pushed any concern or trepidation away. She lunged toward Rachel, clinging to her as she kissed her face and neck. Rachel’s body was rigid. Ela felt the coldness of her skin against her lips. “You’re freezing.”