Two Evils

by Christina Moore

  He was going distant again, same as he always did after she rejected his advances. Billie wanted to scream, but all that would do was draw unwanted attention. She took a good pull of her own drink, then reached for Gabe’s free hand, holding it firmly and giving it a tug until he looked into her eyes.

  “I love you. I’m always going to love you,” she began. “But you are my brother. Same as Wayne and Darren and Eddie are my brothers. Given some of the shit I’ve been through—which you know about—you know damn well what a big deal it is for me to tell a man that I love him, to choose him as my brother and consider him as much a part of my family as the brothers I have by blood. I’m sorry if that isn’t enough for you, Gabe; you know I don’t want to hurt you. If you want to stop being my friend—”

  He silenced her by putting a finger to her lips. “I could never give you up, She-Devil,” he said. “I love you, too. I just need to get it through my thick head that you’re never going to love me the way I’ve wanted you to for the last ten years.”

  He laughed without humor, shaking his head as he turned and leaned against the side of the car. “You’d think after a decade of rejection, I’d get it. You’d think after seeing you deliriously happy with another man, I’d have really gotten it. But I could never quite let it go.”

  Gabe looked at her then. “Sometimes I don’t think you realize just what kind of effect you have on us men. One look at that beautiful face and we’re goners. Travis fell for you with just a look. So has John. And you fell for both of them—what is it about government spooks that you like so much?”

  “I haven’t fallen for John,” Billie said. “I’ve only known him two days.”

  “I told you, all it takes is a look, Billie. There’s definitely something going on between the two of you,” Gabe said.

  She shook her head. “You’re delusional, because it’s one-sided. Yes, I know that John’s developed some feelings for me, but I don’t return them. I can’t.”

  “Why not? Don’t tell me you feel like you’re cheating on Travis?” her friend asked incredulously.

  “No, of course not. But I still love Travis. I still miss him, Gabe, so much that I cannot even begin to tell you how much it hurt to realize where Wayne and Darren had gone. You saw what happened to me today.”

  Gabe sighed. Setting his drink down on the floorboard of the back seat, he turned and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Billie, I hate to sucker-punch you like this, but Travis is dead. It was senseless and tragic and I know his death all but killed you too. But you have got to let him go. You have got to move on with your life—he’d want you to. Travis would not want you to spend the rest of your life mourning him, and you are too young and beautiful and smart to just let yourself waste away pining for someone who’s never coming back.”

  Billie began to tremble, her eyes losing focus. She didn’t want to listen to Gabe talking about Travis, didn’t want to hear him say things that she knew deep down were true, like how much Travis would have wanted her to go on living. She also knew that he would have wanted her to find love again, but she just wasn’t ready. She might never be ready—some things were just too hard to let go of.

  The sound of a clearing throat startled her so much that she jumped. Turning, she saw an indecipherable cloud cover John’s eyes as he took in the scene before him.

  “I’d have been back sooner, but I got a phone call from Rex,” he said. “He told me how Andre and his crew knew to follow us in the Charger.”

  “Just how did they find out where Billie’s dad lived?” Gabe asked.

  John looked at him. “That I can’t tell you, though obviously someone passed them the information.”

  “Then how do you know how Andre knew to follow your car?” Billie asked.

  His gazed returned to hers, changing into one of sorrowful anger. “Because someone broke into a neighbor’s house, forced her to lie down in the bathtub, and put a bullet through her brain.”

  “Oh my God,” Billie said breathlessly, falling back against the open back door.

  “Not that I don’t believe there’s a connection, but how does your guy know that the home invasion is connected to the Sardetskys?” Gabe asked.

  “Rex has been monitoring anything having to do with Billie or her family; he has your team’s names as well, just in case,” John explained. “A call came in on the local police band not too long after we left—a man had returned home to find his wife dead in the bathtub. There were no signs of forced entry and nothing was taken. Police are suspecting she either opened the door for them or they picked the lock and surprised her. The fingerprints found on scene, other than those of the woman and her husband, aren’t in AFIS—but they do match two dead men and two other individual sets of prints found in a crashed SUV on the outskirts of Langley. He also, on a hunch, had a team inspect my car. The found a tracking device inside one of the rear wheel wells.”

  “What was her name?”

  The two men turned to her, and Billie looked at them both before holding John’s gaze. “I want to know who that bastard killed.”

  “Her name was Lydia Ellis,” John said quietly. “She and her husband Rob bought the house next to your father’s about six months ago because they were hoping to start a family.”

  Rage over the senseless murder of a young woman whom she had never even had the chance to meet coursed through her. Billie wanted nothing more right then but to put her gun to Andre’s head as he had done to poor Lydia Ellis. And she was sure he’d pulled the trigger himself—her gut told her it was him.

  Picking up Gabe’s drink, she handed it to him, and then climbed in the back seat. “We need to get moving. I want to go get Wayne and Darren and get them to the safe house. Then I want to hunt that son of a bitch down.”

  Neither John nor Gabe argued with her. They simply got in their seats—John behind the wheel again—and within a minute they were back on the road. For a long time silence permeated the air. Billie sat and stewed in her anger until weariness claimed her, and she decided to lay down across the bench seat. She laid on her right side with her legs partially drawn up and her hands clasped together under her head, sighed, and closed her eyes. Sleep wasn’t immediately forthcoming, however, and after several minutes she sensed Gabe looking over his shoulder at her from the passenger seat.

  “Thank God,” he said as he turned forward again.

  “Is she asleep?” John asked.

  “Looks like it. About time all this shit caught up to her, I suppose,” Gabe replied.

  John took a deep breath and released it. “I honestly never meant to cause her any trouble. Hell, I’d never even heard of her until my supervisor gave me the assignment to track her down and bring her back. Yet somehow I feel like this is all my fault.”

  “Billie’s the one that ran away from her pain, G-Man. She’s got no one to blame but herself for not facing the fact that Travis is gone,” Gabe mused. “Not that I’m in any way demeaning her loss or her pain, because I know as well as anyone that losing someone you love deeply hurts like hell, and that we all deal with it in different ways. But if she’d stayed and fought through it, it wouldn’t have nearly the power it has to fuck her up like it did today.”

  “I have to say it was kinda scary to see her completely zone out like that,” John said then.

  Gabe scoffed. “Who you tellin’? I have seen that woman take down multiple targets without batting an eyelash in the midst of a war zone, but one fucking reminder of where she spent her engagement weekend and she’s inside her own personal hell. I’m telling you, if she doesn’t kick Wayne’s ass for this, I will.”

  “She must’ve really loved Travis for his death to still affect her like it did,” John observed.

  “She did,” Gabe replied with a sigh. “Still does, and that’s part of the problem. I’m not saying she should stop loving the guy—he was a decent fellow for a spook, and he made her happier than I’d ever seen her—but Christ, it’s been a year already. She needs to let him
go and move on.”

  A moment of silence passed, and then John said, “You love her, don’t you?”

  “I do,” Gabe replied. “Far too much for my own good, and for far too long than is healthy. Guess I need to take my own advice and move on. Billie’s never seen me as anything more than a friend and brother.”

  Another moment of silence went by before Gabe asked, “What about you, John? Do you love her?”

  “I’ve only known her for two days, Gabe,” John replied. “Hardly long enough to know whether or not you love somebody.”

  “I don’t buy it. You’ve got feelings for her, man. I’ve seen it on your face every time you look at her. She means something to you.”

  John sighed. “Maybe she does. I don’t know. I just… Christ, I’ve never met a woman with more fire than she’s got. She is strong and willful and stubborn and beautiful and a pain in the fucking ass. She frustrates me to the point that I don’t know if I want to smack her or kiss her senseless.”

  Gabe laughed. “On that we most definitely agree, though smacking her would probably get you killed. But despite those apparent shortcomings, she’s also one of the best damn Marines I’ve ever served with. She knows how to stay cool under pressure, has a sure, steady finger on the trigger, and never once complained about being surrounded by a bunch of cock-swinging commandos… She’s saved my life a time or two. I owe her a lot.”

  “Her dossier at the agency indicates she was also an exceptional operations officer,” John said. “Everything I read told me she’s exactly the kind of agent I would like to work with. And she saved my life twice, too.”

  He released a breath. “But there’s also a vulnerability about her, Gabe. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it, but I’ve caught a couple flashes. She wears snark, sass, and guns like a shield because she is so deathly afraid of getting hurt. I’ve only ever seen her relax around her family. She’s such a tough person that I think we take it for granted, and we forget that there’s also a woman in there who needs love and protection and tenderness just like the rest of us.”

  Gabe snorted lightly. “Think about what you just said, G-Man, and try telling me again that you don’t love her.”

  For a while John made no reply. “Even if it were possible for me to love her in so short a time,” he began at last, “I’m in pretty much the same boat as you are. She doesn’t want me.”

  “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, too, and I don’t know what’s gone down between the two of you in the last couple days, but there’s something there. Billie’s just too damn scared to embrace it. The pain she’s buried and ignored for the last year has blinded her to the possibility of moving on and loving someone new.”

  “Which is something I can do nothing about,” John said.

  “I want to see Billie happy again. I want to see her living again, whole and vibrant—not this shell of who she used to be. I’m pretty sure she cares about you even if she doesn’t realize she does, so if you ever want to take the chance to really have something with her, there is something you can do, John,” Gabe told him.

  “And what would that be?”

  “Don’t give up on her.”

  

  Billie woke sometime later feeling the car slowing down. John was still behind the wheel and Gabe was snoring lightly from the passenger seat. For a moment she just studied John’s profile, wondering if she’d imagined the heart-to-heart he’d had with Gabe.

  John must’ve sensed her eyes on him, as he turned to her once he’d put the car into park and turned off the ignition. “Hey there, sleepyhead. How you feeling?”

  She thought about it for a moment, then said, “I think I should have bought some painkillers. My leg stings a little bit.”

  Actually, it was more like a lot, but she wasn’t going to say that out loud.

  “Well, this is our last stop before we get there,” he said. “Go in and grab some while I fill up.”

  Billie nodded as she sat up, and though she tried to be quiet as she got out, Gabe woke up and stepped out of the car as she did, asking her the same thing John had upon seeing she was awake.

  “I’m fine, thank you. Leg stings a bit, so I’m gonna grab some Tylenol or something,” she said.

  “Probably a good idea,” Gabe agreed.

  After they’d each made a trip inside to use the bathroom, John had paid for the gas, and Billie had bought something for her pain, they met at the car again. “Guys, I’ve been thinking,” she said. “It’s gotta be what, two in the morning? We should go to a hotel so we can all get some shut-eye, or at least park somewhere and sleep in the car. As eager as I am to get to Wayne and Darren, we’re not going to be any good to them if we’re exhausted.”

  John and Gabe looked at one another and nodded in agreement. “I, for one, am looking forward to sleeping in a real bed. Haven’t done that in about a week,” Gabe said.

  “There’s a Motel 6 right over there,” John said, turning as he pointed down the road—they were at a Speedway along a strip of gas stations and fast food restaurants off a freeway exit. “Even at this hour, shouldn’t be too tough to get a couple rooms.”

  “One question before we go,” Gabe said, stifling a yawn. “How are we going to pay for this? We want to keep Wainright—and now the Russians—from tracking us, remember? You use a credit card and bam! Instant paper trail.”

  John pulled out his wallet and produced a small wad of cash. “I pulled this from my bank earlier today. Given the unpredictable nature of this situation… I had a feeling I was going to need it. Especially given someone lifted the last wallet full of cash I had.”

  He turned a knowing gaze her way and Billie merely raised her eyebrows. “Just keep your receipts. The company will reimburse you for expenses, Johnny B. Goode,” she said as she climbed back into the car.

  

  John and Gabe were sharing a room, and Billie’s was two doors down. But it wouldn’t have mattered if she was right next door or in the next county—she was on his mind regardless.

  Gabe’s assessment of the two of them was also on his mind. Was it really possible that he was falling for her? He liked to think himself a sensible man—one had to be to do the work he did. So how could he possibly be developing feelings for Billie when most of what he knew about her came from her CIA employee file?

  Well, let’s look at this logically, he thought, reaching his arms up to clasp his hands under his head. When he’d first been given the assignment, his boss had told him to read up on her. Billie Ryan just wasn’t the kind of person who would come along quietly—she’d need convincing. He needed to know all he could about her in order to find a way of winning her trust, even if only temporarily. John didn’t see what the big deal was at first. Sure, she had a very intriguing background. An impressive record in the art of intelligence gathering. Funny, he’d thought then, how a woman who many claimed trusted no one was able to gain the trust of others so easily. However she managed that, it was a trait that had served her well as an OO.

  Rex, his friend and pseudo-partner, claimed to have heard about Billie through the analyst grapevine. Word was that she was a ball-busting, take-no-shit woman who would sooner shoot a man than sit down and have dinner with him if she had even the slightest inclination something was off. Reflecting back, he chuckled to himself as he recalled that she had, in fact, tied him to a chair and thrown ice water in his face. She’d held a gun to his head twice, and had threatened to shoot him at least two other times. She’d also punched him and given him a nosebleed.

  Ever since meeting her, there’d been little else but danger and tension. She had proven to be every bit as much of a pain in the ass as he had told Gabe she was. So what the hell was it about her that drew him in? Why couldn’t he just chalk it up to a situation best left alone, so he could walk away with a clear head when this was over?

  Because there would be no walking away when this was over—John knew that as sure as he was lay
ing there staring at the ceiling. And he knew damn well what it was that drew him to Billie: a deeply rooted, primal urge to protect. God, he was such a fucking caveman. From the moment he’d seen that flash of vulnerability in her eyes in St. Thomas, the ball-busting tough chick who had just tried to kick his ass had become someone he needed to shield from harm at all costs. Never before had he felt that strongly that immediately about a woman.

  But what the hell was he supposed to do about it? Despite Gabe’s assurances, he didn’t believe for one second that she wanted to be with him. Billie had told him she was too broken to be fixed; he figured that meant she was still too hung up on Travis to consider a relationship with anyone. He appreciated the honesty, really, because no one wanted to be the rebound guy (or girl). He’d seen the results more than enough amongst his friends to know those relationships always ended very badly. John just wished it was a conclusion she had come to before letting him make love to her, because damn it, he wanted nothing more than to do it again.

  Frustrated, and sensing that despite his exhaustion he would get no sleep, John threw back the sheet and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The room he shared with Gabe had two full-size beds in it—the Marine occupied the other, and had dropped off to saw logs more than an hour ago. Reaching for his shirt, he slipped it over his head, grabbed the keys to the car off the nightstand, and then walked over to the door, careful not to make too much noise shutting it as he stepped through.

  He’d thought to sit in the car for a while, maybe listen to the radio. He stopped short as he saw Billie leaning against the hood of the Explorer, which was parked directly in front of his and Gabe’s room.

  She gave a small smile when she saw him. “I had a feeling one of you would still be up,” she said.

  John moved closer and crossed his arms. “Weren’t you the one who said we should all get some sleep?”

  Billie sighed. “Turns out my mind had other plans. I’ve been laying there all this time and not falling asleep because I couldn’t shut it down long enough.”