Unforgiven (Wanderers #3)

by Jessica Miller

  He placed his hands gently over mine. “Ella, I want to be with you, I do. I just can’t right now. I need some more time.”

  “I understand.” I pulled my hands away.

  “Let’s get you inside.” He took my hand and led me back to guest housing. He walked me all the way up to my room. I didn’t want him to leave and when he let go of my hand I felt a slight emptiness, a stabbing cold where his warm hand was.

  We both stood there awkwardly for a moment not knowing what to say. “What are your plans for tomorrow?” I asked.

  “Ella I –”

  I knew he thought I was jumping the gun. I quickly corrected him. “No, that’s not…I just, well…I talked to Mr. Callahan about holding a memorial service for the students tomorrow and I was hoping maybe you’d go with me?”

  He sighed and I could tell he was struggling with his answer. “Ella…” I looked up, hopeful. “I can’t.” I looked away, scared I might start to cry again. “I think what you’re doing is great and I will be there I just…I can’t. I need time.”

  “I understand,” I said, turning to open my door. I looked back over my shoulder at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “I’ll be there,” he said and left. Our future wasn’t promising, but at least he said he would be there tomorrow. I closed the door behind me and fell on the bed. Our conversation didn’t exactly go as I planned it, but still better than I expected.

  I got up and threw on a sweatshirt and then climbed back into bed, pulling the covers up tight. I thought about the talk with Roman and everything I had to do. I didn’t say everything I wanted to but I still hoped that things between Roman and I would work out. I held on to that hope while I closed my eyes and rested.

  I woke up in the morning feeling better. Gabe and I were okay, I was setting up the memorial to honor the loved ones we lost and Roman, well, he was at least talking to me – minus the scowl – so to me that was a definite improvement from when I first got back.

  Aidan excused me from my classes even though from what I heard we didn’t really do anything since everyone was leaving. It was more like a really long study hall. Aidan told me I could grab a few of my friends to help me out so of course I called the gang – minus Dean because he would be no help.

  Sienna, Riley, Cameron, and I worked on getting the lanterns made while Justin and Dixon cleaned up the area around the fountain. We set up torches and strung lights around the surrounding area. When we were done I took a step back to look at our work. I smiled. Cameron stood beside me and put her hands on my shoulders. “You’re doing a good thing here Ella. I think this is really gonna help.”

  I smiled back at her, and wrapped my arm around her waist. “Thanks Cameron, I think so to.”

  I dug through my suitcase to try and find something to wear. It was still fairly hot. So I dug through all the new clothes my mom had bought me for my birthday. I found a nice, pleated gray skirt and a short sleeved, dark blue top. Out of habit I slipped on Josie’s knee high boots. I heard a low whistle and looked over my shoulder. “Didn’t you get your own pair of black boots for your birthday?” Josie asked, with her hands on her hips.

  “Did you whistle?”

  “You told me to.”

  I stifled an eye roll. “I thought they would be fitting for tonight,” I said, pointing to the boots.

  She came over and sat down next to me on the bed. “I feel honored and I think what you’re doing tonight is great and so will everyone else.”

  “It’s not going to bring them back though.”

  She placed her hand gently over mine. “No, but it will help everyone move on.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “They told me I could come down for the night, but just for the night and I think I picked a good night to come back.”

  “Yes and thank you,” I said, hugging her. “So why are they granting you this one night? Are they letting you out for good behavior?” I teased.

  She hit me playfully. “You know I never was good,” she winked. “They’re letting me have this one night because it will be my last. They’ve decided my punishment,” she said sadly.

  “So what will happen to you?” I asked a little frightened.

  “I still don’t know. They only told me they decided. Not what they’re going to do.”

  “I still get you for tonight so let’s make it count,” I smiled, trying to be positive.

  I worked on pulling the knots out of my hair while Josie raided my clothes for something to wear. “Did you and Roman kiss and makeup yet?”

  “No, but he’s not yelling at me anymore so that’s a plus.”

  “Is he going to be there tonight?”

  “He said he would.” I put down my brush and looked at the dark circles under my eyes. Despite the much needed sleep I got I still looked rundown.

  “Are you okay?” Josie asked, joining me in the bathroom.

  “No, but I’m working on it,” I said, forcing a smile.

  “Ella, it will all work out. If there’s one thing I know it’s this. Life is crazy. You never know what to expect and things may not go the way you planned. But in the end you will survive, because Ella, you are a fighter and I know you can overcome anything.”

  “Thank you Josie,” I said, hugging her. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “I know,” she said, brushing her hair off her shoulder. “You ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” She took my hand and led me outside. We Joined Cameron and Dean in the front. They exchanged hugs with Josie and we waited while the rest of the school crowded around. Soon Riley, Sienna, Justin, and Dixon joined us. I felt warmth spread inside of me as I was surrounded by my friends. There was only one person missing. I craned my neck and searched the crowd, but I couldn’t find him. I told myself to be patient. He would be there.

  Aidan was making his way to the front getting ready to make his speech. Roman was still not in attendance and I was getting worried. Something told me that the future of our relationship depended on whether or not he would show tonight. I closed my eyes and took a breath as Aidan started his speech.

  “I want to thank everyone for coming tonight. We are here to honor those who we lost back in March. To properly say goodbye to the loved ones who were taken away from us too soon.” My hand tightened on Josie’s. I opened my eyes and looked up. Aidan’s words were just a background noise. Roman walked straight for me, eyes determined. He stopped, gave me a small smile, and stood beside me taking my other hand. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  My circle was complete.

  “We will celebrate their lives by lighting the sky. You can put the names of those you wish to honor on the lantern. If you all, one at a time come forward, we can light your lantern.”

  I turned to Roman who squeezed my hand softly. We walked hand in hand, silently, up to the front and collected our lanterns. Aidan nodded respectfully at me and I waited until he lit my lantern. We returned back to our original spot and waited until the rest of the students had theirs. Ms. Kraft led us in a small blessing and then we bowed our heads for a moment of silence. Then, one by one, we all let go of our lanterns and watched as they drifted weightlessly into the air. The sky was lit up with tiny floating lights. It was like hundreds of tiny orbs glistening in the sky. I shivered. Roman surprised me by wrapping his arm my shoulder and pulling me into him.

  I didn’t protest. I rested my cheek on his chest and inhaled his deep, clean scent. Roman always smelled so good. It reminded me of when you first got out of the shower with the smallest hint of cologne. “I’m leaving,” he said. I pulled back. My heart stopped and I felt like all the air was sucked out of my lungs. “Just for a few days,” he finished, sensing the terror in my eyes. “I’m leaving tonight to go home. I just wanted to see you and tell you before I left. I need some time to think before I make my decision.”

  “Okay,” I said, speaking around the lump in my throat.

  “I should be
back by Monday.”

  “Okay,” was all I could manage without letting my emotions getting the best of me.

  He looked at me with his deep, dark blues eyes, and it took all I had not to throw myself at him and beg him to stay. I knew it was only a couple of days, but a couple of days waiting while he stewed over a decision felt like an eternity. I brushed a piece of hair out of his face. He closed his eyes and swallowed. I placed my hand on his chest. “I have to go,” he whispered.

  I threw my arms around him and pulled him close, afraid that might be the last chance I got to hold him or touch him. “I love you.”

  He pulled back all too soon. He looked into my eyes and slid his hand behind my neck. My pulse started to quicken at his delicate touch. He pulled me closer and placed a tender kiss on my forehead. “I’ll see you Monday.”

  “Monday,” I smiled. When he walked away I felt like he took a part of me with him.

  Josie was beside. “You doing okay?”

  “I’m a fighter, remember,” I said, trying to stop the tears from spilling over. Josie pulled me into her and rested my head on her shoulder.

  “Yes, you are.”

  The crowd slowly started to disperse and I caught a glimpse of Gabe standing by himself on the outside of everyone. His hands were clasped in front of him and his head was bowed. I turned to Josie. “I’ll be right back.”

  I walked over to Gabe who still had his eyes closed. “I lost a few good men that night,” he said.

  “I know,” I said, biting my lip to keep the tears at bay. When he finally looked at me I saw the tears that he himself was fighting. I took a step forward and slipped my arms around his waist. He hugged me back and let me comfort him.

  “Ella?” Josie called, clearing her throat. I pulled away wiping away the few tears that managed to escape. “I only have about an hour left before I have to go back.”

  “Right.” I turned to Gabe.

  “You did a good thing here tonight. I am very proud of you. Never forget that.”

  “Thank you,” I said, hugging him again. He squeezed me back like a father would a daughter and that was what I loved about Gabe. He kind of reminded me of my dad. He felt like home. I gave him a small smile before Josie and I retreated back to my room.

  We spent the remainder of the time she had left lying on the bed and just talking. Before I knew it I was asleep and when I woke up in the morning Josie was gone and I was all alone. But I was okay. For the first time in a long time I felt at peace.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  There was a peaceful calm amongst the students during breakfast. I like to think last night helped bring some closure to those who needed to let go. Dixon had let me know a lot of the students thought how awesome it was that I had thought of the memorial and were thankful they got a chance to say their proper goodbyes.

  The cafeteria was filled with smiles and excited students, happy that they were finally going home for the summer. That was the first breakfast I wasn’t tempted to run out of the room. I enjoyed what time I had left with my friends and spent most of the morning exchanging addresses to keep in touch while they were away.

  Despite our punishment, Aidan was being pretty lenient with us. He let us have the weekend to settle in and get adjusted to our new schedules. He even said we could go out in the town, but with one speculation. Gabe and he had to be with, which wasn’t so bad now that we all were able to coincide civilly, well for the time being at least – that could change at any moment.

  Cameron said she didn’t care where she went just as long as we got off campus. When her dad caught wind of her leaving school and jetting off to Ireland, he basically could have cared less. He hadn’t even noticed she was gone even though the school had called him to inform him. He didn’t even bother to call to see if she was alright. When she called him to say she had to spend the summer at school his only response was, “How much is this going to cost me?”

  She never mentioned her mom and I didn’t push to ask. From what I learned, Cameron’s parents weren’t the parenting kind. She said her father told her, her mom only wanted to have a kid because she thought it would make a good accessory. In a way I felt sorry for Cameron, but she didn’t seem to mind and despite the not so loving childhood I’d say she turned out pretty damn well.

  After I said goodbye to all my friends that were departing for the summer, I moved back in to the student dorms. Unfortunately I couldn’t have my old room back because it was still being occupied by Mackenzie. Aidan set me up in a new room across the hall. Cameron offered to let me stay with her, but when school started back up I would have to relocate again after she got a new roommate and frankly I didn’t want to deal with moving…again. I was thankful for the room I got because on this side I wouldn’t have the sun shining through my window bright and early in the morning.

  I was a little sad to leave my room in guest housing. The room was so much bigger and had better accommodations, but at least I still had my own room. I settled into my new room and then showered. When I was done I met everyone downstairs. I knew Cameron was itching to go shopping and Aidan told us he had no problem with us doing a little light shopping while we were there. He said he needed to get some supplies anyways. Aidan was going to learn the hard way that to girls there was no such thing as ‘light shopping’.

  Zane joined us for the trip into town. Aidan invited Mackenzie to come along, but she said she rather shave with a dull razor than spend the afternoon with us. I was willing to supply her with the razor.

  Dean decided to spend his time at the local tavern instead of enduring what he called a ‘tedious’ day of shopping. Instead of torturing Gabe with another one off our shopping exploits, Zane volunteered to stay with us while Gabe went and kept an eye on Dean at the tavern. Gabe knew all too well the McCallisters had a history of getting into trouble at bars.

  Cameron was in her glory once we hit the shops. She didn’t hesitate to charge everything and anything she could. I didn’t know where she was going to put everything. I think she just bought stuff because she could and to piss off her dad. The one thing he actually did pay attention to and cared about was money. Cameron told me once her dad’s idea of a social call was to yell at her for how much money she was spending. “It’s not like we don’t have it,” Cameron said.

  I watched Cameron smile as the card slid through the machine over and over again. I only bought a few items, but for the first time in a long time I bought some nicer shirts besides my normal t-shirt and jeans. I also got a few new lip-glosses and a new pair of sunglasses. When I thought we were finally done, we passed a dress shop, and Cameron pulled me inside. She said she wanted to look for a dress for the Fall Ball while she had the chance.

  She tried to get me to try some dresses on with her but I was too tired. I told her I would just help her pick out some nice ones for her and wait while she tried them on. Zane and I found seats just outside the dressing room. I practically fell down on the chair. I didn’t think it would be possible to be shopped out, but for the first time I think I was.

  I looked over at Zane who sat quietly in the chair. He was silent the entire trip and didn’t once complain about being stuck with two girls who dragged him from store to store. He even offered to help carry some of our bags. I assumed combat moves weren’t the only thing Gabe taught him.

  While we waited for Cameron to come out of the dressing room I turned to Zane and asked, “So how did you get stuck here for the summer?”

  “In order to get my license as a guardian I have to do a semester worth of one on one training.”

  “So you chose to stay here for the summer?”

  “Yeah, this way there’s less distractions and I can focus more on school work in the fall.”

  “Makes sense,” I said. “You know, you really don’t have to stay here with us. I’m sure this isn’t fun for you.”

  “I don’t mind, besides it’s good practice for the future,” he smiled, showing off his dimples.

 
“Okay, so what do you think?” Cameron asked, coming out of the dressing room.

  She was wearing a green, mermaid style dress that looked so tight I was wondering if she could actually breathe in that thing. “You plan on doing aquatics?” I asked and Zane laughed.

  “You could have just said no,” she frowned.

  “Well if I knew you wanted to try out for ‘The Little Mermaid’ on ice,” I replied, getting another laugh from Zane, who then tried to cover it with a cough. Cameron pouted and stomped back into the dressing room.

  “I think you hurt her feelings,” Zane said, trying to keep the smile from his face.

  “Trust me. I’m doing her a favor.”

  After about the tenth dress and many insults later, Cameron finally found the perfect dress. It was a plum colored strapless dress that just grazed the floor. The top was heart shaped and gathered in the middle with a diamond broach right in the center. The material clung to her just right, accentuating her body, but not too much that it was tight or clingy. It was perfect. All she needed was the perfect pair of shoes and a few accessories and she was good to go.

  We finished just in time to meet the boys for dinner. After dinner we went and saw a movie. Cameron and I were outnumbered so we had to settle for the latest Alien flick. By the time the movie was over I was exhausted. I crashed the moment I laid on my bed.

  When I finally woke up, it was sometime around noon. I stretched my arms high above my head. For the first time in a long time I had a good night’s rest. I ventured down to the cafeteria to get some food. Sleeping through breakfast I decided to make up for lost time by piling my plate high. I found Aidan sitting at a table in the corner alone and I thought I’d say hello. “Good morning,” I said, in what I hoped was a cheerful voice.

  “More like good afternoon,” Aidan said smiling. “Planning on having someone join you?” he gestured to my plate.

  “Oh, um, I missed breakfast,” I said bashfully, suddenly embarrassed about the massive amount of food on my plate. He laughed kindheartedly and pulled out a chair for me to have a seat. I joined him and tried not to look like a pig as I scarfed down my food. “So, could you give me a little hint as to what we’re in for as far as the manual labor we’ll have to do?” I asked in between bites.