Following Your Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “I’m leaving all that to the young boys,” Menno assured her. “No more fast horses for me.”

  “Just keep remembering that!” Mamm said, pulling her bonnet strings tighter under her chin. “One never knows when wild ideas will spring into a man’s head.”

  “Did you see who that was going around us?” Susan asked Teresa, keeping her voice low.

  “No, I didn’t see,” Teresa said. “Who was it?”

  “That was Deacon Ray’s boy, James,” Susan said. “He was staring at you all during church. I wonder what that is all about.”

  “Shh…” Teresa said again, her face growing bright red.

  Susan raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything more.

  Daett pulled back on the reins as he turned into the driveway, coming to a stop out by the barn.

  Susan climbed down, taking Samuel from Teresa’s arms while Mamm got down and helped Daett unhitch.

  “We’re going inside,” Susan hollered over her shoulder, ushering Teresa ahead of her and then upstairs.

  “What is going on?” Teresa asked as they entered her room. “Why the rush?”

  “That look on your face, that’s why the rush. Now let’s get to the bottom of this, Teresa!” Susan said, laying baby Samuel on the bed. “Why is James watching you? And why did you turn red when I mentioned it? Has he spoken to you?”

  “Of course not!” Teresa sounded horrified. “I wouldn’t dream of such a thing. I’m an engaged woman, remember?”

  “Yah, but that’s not how it seemed today,” Susan said. “Although I couldn’t see your face, James couldn’t stop looking in your direction. And I’m sure Eunice noticed. You should have seen the look she gave James. That’s all we need—rumors floating around that you and the deacon’s son are making eyes at each other. Do you know what people will say about that?”

  “But I wasn’t doing anything!” Teresa protested. “Believe me. And for part of the time I was in the instruction class trying to do good.”

  “And you said they were nice to you,” Susan said. “Did anyone make trouble?”

  “No. Susan, please,” Teresa said, “it was fine. Even that Deacon Ray was nice, and the bishop couldn’t have been nicer. He even asked if I could understand the questions being asked about the Ordnung. I kind of nodded and muttered something. I’m not lying to him, but at the same time I did understand words here and there.”

  “Understanding German is not the problem, Teresa,” Susan said. “Making eyes at an Amish man is. If anyone notices, they will descend upon your head with a fury like you have never known.”

  “Is everything okay up there?” Mamm’s voice came from the bottom of the stairs.

  “Yah,” Susan replied, getting up and closing the bedroom door. Below them the stair door also clicked shut.

  “So you think I’m up to my old ways?” Teresa accused, sitting down on the bed. “You think I’m trying to lure men in?”

  “Look, Teresa.” Susan took both of her hands. “I don’t think that, and no one thinks like that around here. It’s different than it is out in your world. Here we’re thinking about marriage, about children, and about what is the right thing to do. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Teresa answered, “Yah, I do and I also understand who I am and what is to become of me. For a few moments, yes, it was delicious to think otherwise. But how can I undo the life I have lived? I know I deserve Yost Byler. I deserve everything about him. In fact, I know that it’s right that I should be thankful he even deems me worthy of his attention. That’s the real me, Susan. Have I made that plain enough for you to understand?”

  “Oh, Teresa...” Susan sat down on the bed again. “I’m sorry. This situation is really horrible. I know you’re not the kind of person who would try to lure a man. You’re very wonderful, and sweet, and beautiful. You deserve a good husband. And that’s what makes it even more difficult.”

  “In my dreams, I do,” Teresa said. “But I know what is real, and this is what is real, Susan: Yost Byler. Not that young man who was looking at me today. So you don’t have to worry about him and me.”

  “Sometimes I think you should go back to your own world and find yourself the kind of husband you deserve,” Susan moaned. “There has to be one out there, Teresa.”

  “Susan, you still don’t understand yet? Not after all this time? I can’t go back. My life was awful and growing worse. Even Mom couldn’t have saved me from it. If I went back, in no time at all I’d be just another sad statistic in the newspaper. And someday so would Samuel. That’s not going to happen to us! It just isn’t!”

  Susan sighed. “There has to be some way out of this mess, but I have racked my brain and haven’t found one.”

  “Come, come,” Teresa said. “Don’t worry your head about it. I’m going to be fine.”

  “I hope so. I pray so. But please know that one of these Saturday nights Yost will come by now that you’re attending the instruction classes. And if for any reason you want to call this whole thing off, I’ll take you to the bus station and buy you a ticket to Asbury Park. I’ll write a letter to Laura, and I’m sure she’ll take you in. I might even go with you!”

  “You are very sweet,” Teresa said, a tear running down her cheek. “All of you are, but I’m not turning back. I know where my place is, and I know what’s good for Samuel.”

  “Then I’ll come with you to clean that old bachelor house of Yost’s,” Susan declared. “I can do no less, even if it stinks to high heaven in there. And it probably does!”

  Teresa relaxed and smiled. “Aren’t you thinking a little far ahead? I just had my first instruction class.”

  “Your wedding will come before you know it,” Susan said. “And keeping that man’s house will take all the help you can get.”

  Below them they heard the sound of the stair door opening again.

  “I have popcorn made!” Mamm hollered up. “Come get some if you want.”

  “I don’t feel like eating popcorn right now,” Susan said.

  “Come!” Teresa picked up Samuel. “I think popcorn would cheer us all up. Now wouldn’t it, little man?” she said as she smiled at her son.

  Baby Samuel wrinkled his face into a broad smile.

  “He’s such a little darling,” Susan commented. “Maybe even I would marry Yost Byler if Samuel were my child and needed saving.”

  “You know you would,” Teresa said, holding Samuel against her shoulder. “Your sweetheart was in class today. Are you sure you don’t want to join us? I really don’t see why you’re holding back.”

  “Well,” Susan said, “you do make my troubles seem kind of small.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Teresa said, opening the bedroom door. “Just different, that’s all.”

  Susan said nothing as she followed Teresa down the stairs. In the living room Mamm had bowls of white fluffy popcorn sitting by the couch, along with two glasses of orange juice.

  “I’m going to be spoiled and pampered yet!” Teresa said, seeing the bowl and drink set aside for her.

  “I doubt that,” Mamm said with a laugh. “Sit down and eat while the popcorn is still warm.”

  “Teresa and I are not going to the hymn singing tonight. Or to the youth supper,” Susan said.

  “Why not?” Mamm looked up in surprise.

  “Too many things going on.” Susan shrugged and looked away.

  “Teresa, do you want to stay home?” Mamm asked as she glanced over at her guest.

  “I think so,” Teresa said after a moment’s thought. “Susan is right. It’s been a little stressful today with the class and my falling on the stairs and all.”

  “You’re not changing your mind, are you, Teresa?” Mamm asked.

  “I’m not changing my mind about anything,” Teresa said. “I’m not even thinking about changing my mind.” She shot a glance at Susan.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Three weeks later on a Saturday evening, Yost Byler drove south along the gravel r
oads, allowing his horse to take his time. At each stop sign the horse lingered, hanging its head before Yost slapped the reins again. What was it going to be like, he wondered, to actually speak to the Englisha girl? Not that Teresa was Englisha anymore. She had been through two instruction classes now, and looked very Amish in the dresses Susan and Anna made for her.

  Still, she was an Englisha girl. And with that knowledge came fears, even though he was determined to marry her. What if after the vows were said she decided to up and leave him like many of the Englisha women left their husbands? There could even be children by then, many of them, since he was an old man and she was a young woman. He would lose them all besides losing his wife. Didn’t Englisha women always take the children with them when they left home?

  Yost combed his beard with his fingers, holding the reins with the other hand. Well… things didn’t look too comforting, but neither did his present state. Marriage to an Amish girl wasn’t going to happen, so he might as well take this chance. And Teresa was gut-looking, much too gut-looking for him, but that could not be helped. He would have to be thankful for what Da Hah had sent him.

  Yost combed his beard again. Teresa was still a little skinny. No doubt she was hanging on to some of her Englisha eating habits. But this was nothing that good Amish cooking and a couple of children couldn’t take care of. That was, if Teresa could cook.

  His fingers stopped combing his beard. Surely Anna and Susan would be teaching the Englisha girl the ways of the community? A wife who couldn’t cook would be too awful to even think about. His hands grew cold at the very thought.

  And what about how young Teresa was? Teresa would be bearing children for many years. Would it be wise to have a wife who was still bearing children when he could no longer farm the land? They would starve once he could no longer work. Yost pushed the thoughts away and slapped the reins. These were things Da Hah would have to take care of. He was going to marry the girl.

  Ahead of him, Menno and Anna’s farm came into view. No one knew he was coming, but they surely expected him. It was, after all, Saturday evening, and the time for these things. Work would be slowing down on the farm in preparation for tomorrow’s day of rest. Teresa would have time to speak with him.

  He should have waited longer perhaps, but there were many things to speak of with their wedding coming up so quickly. He drew his breath in. How fast Da Hah worked once His will was understood. Yost really had nothing to offer but thanks even with his many fears. Turning into the Hostetler driveway, he pulled up to the hitching post and climbed down.

  It would not be wise to unhitch, Yost decided. That could look like he wanted to stay for supper—which he did—but one didn’t go asking for an invitation. This was his first visit, and he hardly knew the Englisha girl. He should not be staying long. Taking the rope out from under the seat, he tied the horse to the wooden crossbar.

  The washroom door behind him opened, and Yost nearly lost his hat turning around. Menno was walking across the yard toward him, a slight smile on his face.

  “Gut evening,” Menno greeted him.

  “Gut evening,” Yost said. “Nice weather tonight.”

  “Yah,” Menno said. “And if it holds, I ought to get my plowing done this week.”

  Yost looked around, “Are you still taking care of the farm on your own?”

  Menno laughed. “I’m afraid so. I’ve been waiting on Susan and Thomas…but you know how young people are these days. They can’t make up their minds. In our day and time we would have had the vows said a long time ago.”

  Yost cleared his throat, his mind on other things than Menno and his trouble with Susan. “Is the Englisha girl available to speak to? I was thinking it is time she and I spoke with each other.”

  “I don’t suppose Deacon Ray would have any objections, what with her attending instruction classes,” Menno said.

  “Has the girl been speaking of doubts?” Alarm flashed across Yost’s face.

  “No doubts,” Menno said shaking his head. “Teresa seems to have fully made up her mind. I must say you will be getting a gut wife. The girl is learning our ways rather quickly.”

  “Has she been…learning to cook?” Yost asked, staring at Menno’s face.

  “I can’t say that I’ve been keeping track,” Menno chuckled. “But she spends time in the kitchen with Susan and Anna. I suppose she’s helping cook. You wouldn’t be worried, now would you?”

  Yost swallowed hard. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

  “She couldn’t do worse than your own, now could she?” Menno teased.

  “I guess not,” Yost agreed. “But she is an Englisha girl.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about Teresa,” Menno said, slapping Yost on the shoulder. “But why am I jabbering with you? I’m sure Teresa will come out if you take a seat on the swing over there.”

  “I’ll do that,” Yost said, watching Menno’s back as he went inside. Yost walked up to the porch. The swing creaked as he placed his weight on it, holding the seat steady with his feet.

  Yost turned to look across Menno’s open fields. Happy thoughts ran through his mind. With his marriage to Teresa, he would fatten up in the years ahead until these porch springs not only squeaked but groaned when he sat down. Wasn’t that what happened to married men? With even half decent cooking around it would also happen to him. He would grow old with his middle swelling from added pounds.

  There would be cherry and apple pies. Perhaps the Englisha girl could even learn how to make shoofly pie. Although that could be expecting a lot. Fresh bread on Saturdays would be enough to be thankful for. Of course all of this would cost more in groceries. He would have to work the farm a little harder, but it would be worth every effort. Perhaps the back field could be plowed this spring yet, and a large garden begun. Yost smiled, looking out across Menno’s fields.

  “Good evening,” Teresa’s voice said behind him, and Yost jumped to his feet.

  “Gut evening,” he said, extending his hand.

  What else was there to do, he wondered. How did one greet an Englisha girl, especially one that was to be your frau?

  “I’m glad you came to visit.” Teresa shook his hand.

  Her touch was soft. That wasn’t gut. Amish women’s hands were toughened by hard work. But perhaps he was jumping to conclusions too quickly. Teresa hadn’t been in the community long, and might not have had time to show the effects of her hard work.

  “I thought it was time we spoke,” Yost said, sitting down again. She lowered herself onto the swing beside him.

  “Was it a nice drive down in your buggy?” Teresa asked, with a warm smile. “It’s been beautiful weather all week.”

  “Yah, it has.” Yost cleared his throat. “It makes for good working conditions in the fields.”

  “Where is your farm located?” Teresa asked. “Susan said it was north of here.”

  “It’s on the edge of the community,” he said. “Land is cheaper up there, but not by much. I hope it’s not someplace you don’t wish to live. I mean, our people like to live close by each other.”

  Teresa’s cheeks blushed, but Yost didn’t take his eyes off of her face. This was an important question, he figured. But surely Teresa wouldn’t be putting on airs, wanting to live in a more convenient place?

  “It doesn’t matter where I live, Yost,” Teresa said smiling again. “Just as long as it’s part of the community.”

  “Oh it is,” Yost said. “It’s only a little inconvenient.”

  “I’m used to inconvenient,” Teresa said. “Were you born here in the community?”

  “Yah,” Yost said, leaning back on the swing. “Mamm and Daett used to live here, but they have moved away to a community in Iowa. I decided to stay. Most of my brothers and sisters also have stayed. I guess we like it around here.”

  “I’ll have to meet your family sometime,” Teresa said giving him a quick sideways glance.

  Yost smiled. The girl was definitely on the right track with thin
gs. She already wished to meet his family.

  “We have our reunions once in a while,” he said. “And there’s Sundays of course. At the church services.”

  “Perhaps Susan can point them out sometime,” she said.

  Silence settled on them, broken only by the soft squeak of the swing. It was time they got down to talking about what was most important. Yost cleared his throat.

  “I hope you understand about you and me—how this arrangement came to be,” he said. “I know that you are an Englisha girl, and that your people do things differently. So perhaps I should ask you to marry me like they might do it.”

  “It is a little different around here,” Teresa said, not looking at him.

  “Are you willing then to wed me on the day of your baptism?” he asked. “I know Menno has already asked you, and that is gut enough for me—if you don’t wish to answer.”

  Teresa sat unmoving, her hands clasped in her lap. “Is this how your people ask each other to wed?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I have never asked a woman to wed me.”

  “I see.” She raised her eyes to his face. “And are you asking me now, even when I have already given my answer?”

  “Yah, I thought this might make it easier for you,” he said. “Perhaps if we should speak of this to each other, instead of through others.”

  “It would be best if we didn’t do things through others anymore,” Teresa agreed. “And I am agreeing to wed you on my baptismal day.”

  Yost stared off across the plowed fields, his eyes taking in each clod of turned dirt, lingering on the rich darkness of Da Hah’s great creation. This was so much easier than he had ever imagined. All that work he had put into traveling to other communities. All that work trying to get widows and old maids to allow him to take them home from the hymn singing. Now here was an Englisha girl, agreeing to be his frau the first time he spoke with her. Surely Da Hah’s compassion had finally reached him.