Twisted Souls

by L. L. Collins

  “I’m going to put my stuff in my condo,” I announce. “And put my suit on. Will you bring lunch out for both of us?”

  “Sure thing,” Blake says, pulling me to him and kissing me like it’s the last time. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll see you in five minutes,” I laugh. But I know that’s not what he means, though I pretend it is. I just can’t deal with that today.

  THE DOOR TO my condo is unlocked, so I hurry in to change. I don’t want to waste any time that I can spend with Blake. Flinging my bag on my bed, I walk into my bathroom to grab a bathing suit.

  “Liane? Is that you?”

  “Hey, Mom! I’m in my room!”

  I hear her outside my bathroom door, and I will my heart to stop racing. She doesn’t know anything unless you act like a fool, so chill out, I admonish myself. “Did you guys have fun?”

  I lean my head against the door. “We sure did! Met a lot of new people. Shaun and Eric’s place is really nice. It’s a neat college area over there. Being in college in Florida would be awesome. Why didn’t I think of that?” Slipping my cover-up on, I swing the door open, plastering a smile on my face. “What did you guys do last night?”

  “We went into Fort Myers, too. We had dinner and went to a movie just the four of us. Brianna and Brooke stayed here to hang out with friends, so it was nice. I’m sure going to miss them.”

  Walking past her, I fight against the lump in my throat. “Me too, Mom. Me too.” I avoid looking at her, willing the tears to go back where they came from.

  “They’re talking about maybe coming to Kentucky for Christmas and staying with us. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

  Hope blooms in my chest. “Yes. That would be amazing. Blake’s been talking about looking at schools in Kentucky, Mom. Can you believe that?”

  She sits down on the corner of my bed. “I know. Phil and Cathy told us. I hope it works out for both of you. I remember the young love feeling you have right now. It’s powerful.”

  I dare to look over at her. She’s smiling that knowing mom smile. “Me too. I’ve never felt like this before. Not even with Ronan.”

  She looks at me for a moment too long, and my palms start to sweat. “Are you being careful?” I open and close my mouth, hoping to God she doesn’t mean what I think she means.

  “What?”

  “I might be old, but I was your age once, too. You’re an adult, Liane, and you have a good head on your shoulders. But you’re still my baby, and I want to make sure you’re protected. You have your whole life ahead of you. So please tell me you’re being careful, and the conversation can be over.”

  My cheeks flame. She is asking me that. We never even had this conversation when I was with Ronan, though she had taken me to the gynecologist for the first time when I was sixteen. “Mom.”

  “I’m sorry, Lia. I just have to know…”

  “Yes,” I say, shoving a towel in my bag. “Everything’s fine, Mom. I have to meet Blake at the pool. See you later.”

  I can’t look back at her or I might die of embarrassment. “I love you, Liane. Our annual Last Beach Night starts at five, okay? Both of you be here. It’s at our condo this year.”

  “Okay,” I say, picking up the pace so I can get out of there faster. “See you then.” I practically ran to the pool, wanting to throw up every time I think about what she asked me. So she knows. How does she know? Does she know that we weren’t really at a party last night? I’ve never lied to my parents before, and it makes me feel ill.

  I’m walking so fast I don’t see that Blake is right in front of me until I practically run him down. “Li? What’s the matter?”

  I fall into his arms. “Oh, my god. My mom just asked me…” I shake my head. I can’t say the words.

  “What? What did she ask you?” He holds me at arms length, his worried eyes searching mine.

  “She asked me if I was being careful,” I whisper, knowing my face is as red as a tomato again. His mouth makes a little O, and I nod. “Yeah. Talk about awkward.”

  “Do they know about last night?” Blake whispers back to me. I shake my head. “So what did you say?”

  “I said yes, and practically ran out of there. She said our Last Beach Night tradition is starting at five tonight and we both need to be at my condo by then.”

  Blake laughs nervously. “Oh my. I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Li. If I had to guess, I would say both of our parents have been discussing that. So hopefully she’ll tell my parents we’re being safe and they won’t ask me. I might pray for the floor to open up and swallow me if they ask.”

  “Right? That’s pretty much how I felt. Thanks for letting me take one for the team. I should’ve made you come in with me and you could’ve answered that question. She wasn’t upset or anything, and said she has been my age before and knows I’m responsible, but she just had to make sure. If I never relive that moment again in my life, it’ll be too soon.”

  “Come on over. I’ll feed you and whisper in your ear all the things I would like to do to you in that amazing bathing suit, and you can forget all about what she asked you.” I allow him to lead me over to the group around the pool, wanting to do nothing more than make time slow down.

  OUR CONDO IS a lively place tonight between Blake’s six member family, our three member family, and some additional friends that came to join to say goodbye, including Shaun and Eric. I’m a nervous wreck that someone is going to say something that outs us, but they are being careful.

  I take in the smiles and laughter of everyone in the room, and I try to join in. I really do. But while this tradition has always been a little sad, essentially saying goodbye for one more summer, this time it’s agonizing. All I want to do is go curl up in my bed and cry. But only if Blake is with me.

  Right now he’s across the room talking to Shaun and Eric. Every few minutes he’ll look over at me and smile. We’d spent the entire afternoon at the pool and beach, finishing up with a family volleyball game in which we lost terribly, even with Shaun and Eric to help our numbers. It doesn’t hurt that both Brooke and Bri play volleyball in high school; their team had the advantage. For all intents and purposes, it had been a wonderful day.

  I had snuck in a few minutes early and called Gretchen, needing to hear some reassurance from her. I had told her all about our night together, the letter from Ronan, and what Blake said about going to school near me. When I had finished, I think even she was flabbergasted. She had definitely told me to tell Ronan to go fly a kite, and that she would be at my house when I arrived home if I wanted her to, since we both knew he would be there ready to argue his case. She told me to enjoy the last day with Blake and not worry about the future, and I’m trying.

  “Hey, Li,” Bennett flops next to me on the couch. He’s an exact replica of his big brother, just younger. I haven’t spent as much time with him as I would’ve liked, but back when he was only eight, he’d been my little sidekick.

  “Hi, Bennett! You ready to go home?” I ruffle his hair, to which he frowns at before smoothing it back in place.

  “Li, I’m almost thirteen. I have to look good for the girls. Don’t mess up my hair.” I look around, wondering what girls he might be talking about when I see Jen and a few of her friends.

  “Oh yeah? You got your eye on them?” I tease, nodding towards them. His face gets red and he shrugs. “Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, Bennett.”

  He frowns at me. “You love my brother. So why can’t I have a girlfriend, too?”

  “Well, we are a lot older than you,” I laugh.

  “Six years isn’t anything. I’m starting seventh grade. Girls think I’m cool at school. Hey, are you going to marry my brother?”

  Blake catches my eye across the room, and he mouths ‘I love you’. I mouth it back, and then turn back to his brother. “Well, I would love to someday.”

  “He told me he’s going to marry you. He’s saving his journal to give it to you when you get married.”

  “What jour
nal?” Bennett’s eyes get wide and he looks over at Blake.

  “I… oh, never mind. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m going to go get a soda. See you later, Li.” He trips trying to get away from me, and I wonder what in the world he’s talking about. A journal that Blake is keeping for me? Oh now I want to know. But I’m afraid to ask Blake because I don’t want him to be upset at his brother.

  “Bri,” I say, approaching Brianna at the dessert table. That girl has such a sweet tooth, it’s a wonder she’s still so skinny. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” she says, her mouth full of brownie. “Sorry. What’s up?”

  “Bennett was just talking to me,” I begin, looking over to make sure Blake isn’t paying attention to us. “He said something about Blake having a journal he’s saving for me. Then he got freaked out and ran away. What’s he talking about?”

  Her eyes got wide, just like Bennett’s did. She looks over at Blake, then back at me. “Don’t ask him, Li. He’ll kill Bennett. None of us are allowed to tell you anything about it. The fact that Bennett knows is probably a mistake. He can’t be trusted to keep anything a secret.”

  “But why is it a secret?” I have to know what it is now.

  She smiles, and I know as much as she loves me, she’ll never betray her brother. “Leave it be, Li. You’ll know when Blake wants you to know. Just know this… Blake has set the bar high for me to find a boyfriend. He continues to show me how a man should treat a woman.”

  Brooke walks up then and they start talking about starting high school again in a few weeks, Bri a sophomore and Brooke a junior. I listen for a minute, but my mind is elsewhere. I know I should drop it, but the curiosity is killing me.

  BLAKE PUTS THE last of my things in our rental car, neither of us saying a word. The time is here, and there’s no more avoiding it. Blake’s things are already packed in his parents’ car. The only time we have left are the moments until my parents follow us down here. We had a great night last night, both of us falling asleep wrapped up in each other on the couch. I can’t believe either of our parents allowed it, but I guess they figured that our entire families were in the condo so it was safe. While it wasn’t nearly as amazing as the night before that when we’d been all alone at the hotel, we’d still snuck in some stolen moments. Feeling his arms wrapped around me for the second night in a row had been amazing. Watching Blake sleep will forever rank in my top five favorite things to do with him.

  At not even eight in the morning, the Florida sun is brutal and I’m sweating already from bringing my suitcases down. Blake takes my hand and leads me under a palm tree, his fingers squeezing mine as we walk. I know for a fact I’m not making it out of here without breaking down, despite my pep talk to myself all morning. I usually cry every year when we pull out of the parking lot, but this is so much worse. Never before have I had to say goodbye to this Blake; the one I’m in love with.

  Blake sits down under the tree and pulls me with him, both of us crossing our legs so we are facing each other as closely as we can. When I look at him, tears are shining in his eyes and a sob rips from deep in my chest before I can stop it. I shake my head. “Don’t, Blake. I can’t take it.”

  “Tell me nothing’s going to change, Li,” he says, and a tear spills out over his cheek. It’s not often I see Blake McIntyre be anything less than stoic, and it rattles me.

  “It’s not,” I cry, trying but failing at keeping the tears behind my eyes where they belong. “I promise, Blake. I’m yours. You’re mine. Us leaving here today doesn’t change that.”

  He reaches his hands up and cups my face, pulling me to him. Before his lips join mine, another tear drips from his eye and hits his lip. I wipe it away with my thumb, and the two more that follow. Maybe sometime in my life I’ve seen Blake cry; but not like this. We stare into each other’s eyes for another beat before his lips press to mine, both of our tears mixing together as we pour everything we can into that kiss. He’s shaking as he releases me, and I’m in awe. He’s not holding back anything. I’m glad, but it shreds me all at the same time.

  “I love you,” he whispers, his voice catching on the last word. He’s still holding onto my face, his thumbs tracing soft circles on my cheeks. “I’ll never, ever forget these two weeks. Thank you for everything.”

  “You sound like you’re saying goodbye,” I whisper back, trying my hardest to be the strong one right now when Blake can’t be. “This isn’t goodbye, remember? This is ‘see you later’. We’re going to have a lot more of these weeks in our future. I can’t wait for you to call me when you get back to South Carolina. We’ll have to give our parents some money for the long distance calls, because I fully expect to be on the phone with you most of the night.”

  He smiles, and I feel my heart cracking. “I’ll be thinking of you the entire ride home,” he admits. “Be careful. Okay?” He wraps his arms around me, and I feel his chest shaking with the tears he’s trying to hold in. And that’s when I lose it. Because he’s not telling me to be careful on the way home. That’s not up to me; that’s the pilot’s job. He’s telling me to be careful of Ronan. After all of this, he still doesn’t think I’m going to choose him. It breaks me, but I’ll show him. To me, there’s no more Ronan.

  I sob on his shoulder, knowing I’m soaking his shirt as we both grip onto each other for dear life. I wish sitting here under this palm tree would stop the inevitable, but it’s not going to. His arms are so tight around me I can barely breathe, but I won’t ask him to loosen them. I need this touch with him as much as he does.

  “Let’s figure out when you get home how soon we’re going to meet up and see each other again,” I say into his ear, kissing his ear lobe like he likes.

  “You’re going to move into the dorms next week, Li. I know you’re going to be busy.”

  “I’m never too busy for you, Blake. Let’s find out how many hours it is from you to my school and find a halfway point. I have money saved, and I’ll use it to come see you. We can have a replay of the other night.” He smiles, and I see the familiar gleam in his eye behind the sadness.

  “Guys? We have to go,” Brooke’s soft voice comes from behind me. I turn and see the tear stains on her cheeks, too. Brianna is only a few steps behind her. I stand and hug both of these amazing girls, Blake’s sisters and my friends, as the three of us sob on each other.

  “Don’t hurt him,” Brooke says into my ear. I nod, trying not to be offended that she thinks I could hurt him, but I understand her concern.

  “He loves you so much,” Brianna says. She’s always the more diplomatic one. “And so do we.”

  I look over and see my parents standing by the car, hugging the McIntyre’s goodbye. My mom looks over at me and mouths, ‘Let’s go’. Brooke and Brianna wave and walk over to the cars, hugging my parents goodbye. Bennett waves from the car, shouting goodbye to me.

  “We can’t stop it,” Blake says from behind me. “This is it, Li.” He takes my hand and we walk to the cars together, our hands linked until we have to let go. Our parents get in the cars, giving us the privacy we want. “I’m not saying goodbye.”

  “No you aren’t,” I respond, burying myself in his arms again. I try to memorize everything about the way he feels and smells right now. I tip my face back, forcing a smile. “I’ll dream of you.”

  He smiles back, smoothing my hair back off my face. “You are my dream, Li. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Blake.” We kiss for nowhere near long enough before we both get into our cars. The air conditioning is humming and I’m relieved. I collapse in the backseat, watching his parents pull out in front of us. He turns and watches me as long as we can before another car gets in between us. And that’s when I lose it, weeping like someone just tore out my heart, because that’s just how it feels. My heart is now riding in the car ahead of us, driving to South Carolina.

  MY PARENTS TURN the car down our street, and I sigh. Sitting in my driveway is Ronan Collier, leaning up a
gainst his car. Of course he is. He probably looked up our flight to see when we would arrive, calculated how long it would take us to get our luggage and drive home, and arrived five minutes ago.

  My mom turns to look at me, reaching her hand into the backseat and squeezing mine. She’d held me as I cried the entire flight home, whispering reassuring mom things in my ear. But there’s nothing she can do about what I have to do now. I feel emotionally raw, and don’t want to deal with another situation right now. Not that I’m getting any choice about it.

  “You’ve got this,” she says. “Listen to him, but in the end, you do what you think is right, Lia.”

  I nod, meeting my dad’s eyes in the rearview mirror as he pulls into the driveway. He hasn’t said much to me at all about this entire thing, and I wonder what his opinion is about it. “Sweetheart, you do what you feel in your heart,” he says, shocking me. “At the end of the day, your happiness is what matters. You’re too young to put yourself through the emotional wringer. You’re one week away from going away to college. You should be happy.”

  Tears fill my eyes again. “I’m happy, Daddy. I’m going to college and am going to live my life. I just miss him.” I don’t have to tell him which him I mean. He turns the ignition off and steps out of the car, acknowledging Ronan but that’s about it. My mom does the same and they grab a suitcase and head for the front door. Ronan is at my side in an instant, and I sigh again. Knowing him as well as I do, he looks nervous. He’s dressed in a pair of shorts and a shirt, looking like he just came from the gym. His dark hair is styled perfectly, though, so I know he hasn’t. He’s handsome, and two weeks ago I would’ve given anything for him to be here. But not today.

  I step out of the car and he closes the space between us, wrapping his arms around me. The first thing I notice is that he’s nowhere near as built as Blake. Even though he takes care of himself, he’s just not him. It feels all wrong, his arms around me like that. I step back after a few seconds, and he looks at me with a cautious smile on his face. I know I look like hell; I’ve spent most of the day crying.