Deny: A Dark, Erotic Motorcycle Club Romance

by Jade Chandler

  “I need to be fucked. Fuck me. Fuck me,” I chanted. My body was a fire of need and only one man could quench it. I burned for him and the need grew bigger.

  He spoke but I couldn’t understand. I was locked in the torture of my need. A hard jerk sent a spasm through my boobs and then I was shattering as he brought me home. I cried at the beautiful feeling of the climax rushing through me.

  The vibrator was gone and Jericho pounded into me. “Thank god.”

  I pushed up into him, our bodies slapping together as we rushed toward another ending. He reached above me and tugged a rope and my hands were free. I dug nails into his shoulders and slammed into him. His hands found one leg and the other, pushing up until my legs rested on his shoulders and he was buried even deeper inside me. We were racing toward an end and I couldn’t wait to get there.

  “Make me come.”

  “Fuck, can’t stop it. Too much.” He grunted and pushed deeper. “Come now.”

  I broke apart again, this orgasm shaking me to my foundation. He touched my soul as he fucked me. No one had ever ripped away all of me until only my soul stood between us.

  My legs fell to either side of him and he skimmed up my body as he continued pressing into me. He pushed through my aftershocks and rocked into me. I glanced up into wild eyes as raw and exposed as I felt.

  “I love you,” I murmured and passed out.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jericho

  What had she said? Surely not those words. I shook my head, unable to get the words out of my head.

  I love you. I love you. I love you, echoed in my mind. Only one other person had ever said those words, and she was dead. I pulled out of her and stood panting above her. She was out cold, probably didn’t even remember what she’d said.

  I retreated to the bathroom, grabbed a washcloth and ran it over my face. Staring into the mirror I saw a coward. I’d fucked up one woman and I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Marr was supposed to be tough, too tough to fall for me.

  I craved the words she gave me, and with Layla I’d turned crazed when she told me, using her however I wanted knowing she was mine in every way. No one had loved me and I’d been high on her commitment to me. I’d only understood after she was dead that I had loved her in my own fucked up way. I’d sworn two oaths that day—never be a Dom again and never love again. With Marr I was close to breaking both vows.

  I wet another washcloth and cleaned her. Sliding the cloth through her cunt, I felt the vibration of the plug. Damn. I’d forgotten all about it. I removed it and turned it off, dropping it on the tray below. I finished cleaning her and dropped the cloth on the tray as well before I moved up to her wrists. With slow care, I unwound the ropes and rubbed her hands and wrists before putting them down to her sides. I turned the blankets back on my side of the bed before I picked her up. She moaned but didn’t wake. I tucked her in and kissed her forehead before pulling up the covers. I pulled up my jeans and snapped them before I left her sleeping and went out to the common room.

  Bear sat there with his brood on.

  “Why are you here?” I grabbed two bottles of bourbon from the bar before sitting across from him.

  “Ollie kicked me out, says I’m too foul to be around.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Besides listening to you have sex all night?” He sneered.

  “Yeah, besides that.” I laughed.

  “Fucking Romeo, something isn’t right with that. And if it is then I don’t know shit because I’d never picked him for a traitor.” He finished off the bottle in front of him and grabbed another one.

  “I feel you, brother. He taught me how to fight and I know when he’s putting in effort, today he let me take him. It pisses me off, and not saying I couldn’t beat him, but I didn’t have to.” I had sworn not to admit that but there I was spilling my guts.

  “The more I think, the more pissed I get, so here I am brooding.” His astute eyes pinned me.

  “You know he made some comment about me ousting the Old Man but that doesn’t ring true. Romeo was playing an angle but I don’t have a clue what it was.”

  “I know, and it fucking bugs me. I feel like we missed something.” Bear sighed and gave me one of his cocky smiles. “Doesn’t explain why you aren’t passed out with your old lady. She said a lot, but not get out.”

  “Fuck off.” I flipped him off.

  “Was it the I love you?”

  I stared at him. “No way you heard that here.” I crossed my arms.

  He shrugged. “Thought you were done, was going to bug you to join me, despite what you said, all ready to knock and I hear that shit, well I backed away from there quick. Can’t interrupt a tender moment.” He cocked that eyebrow of his. “But I didn’t hear any return words.”

  “Get the fuck out,” I shouted.

  “Why?” Bear leaned back, smug smile in place.

  I shut my eyes and tried to find calm. The fucker wanted me to punch him. A fight would satisfy his ass.

  “I don’t do love, not after Layla.” There I said it. “Marr was supposed to be too smart, too tough, too sadistic to fall in love with me. That’s why I chose her.”

  “You’re serious? Brother, you have got to be kidding. Marr is all that shit, and the biggest damn romantic you ever met. Six years with a woman—romantic. She’s fucking Irish for Christ’s sake, they’re a whole damn country of romantics. You just picked a woman who will kick your ass when you screw this up. Like you’re doing now.”

  “You know her well?”

  “Used to anyway. Val and I earned our leathers together. We were close, you know it’s all the caring in her that makes Marr jealous. Val is made like me, cold. Marr couldn’t handle it, and Val didn’t love her like I love Ollie.” Bear took another swig of liquor.

  “You’re just now telling me this shit?” I was thinking about punching the smug bastard across from me.

  “You didn’t ask...but now that you’re trying to fuck shit up...” Bear crossed his arms and stared at me.

  “What the fuck do I do?” I should just send her packing, but I didn’t want to.

  “No point in asking me, you’re set to fuck it all up. You’ll be an asshole, she’ll be a bitch. You’ll fight. She’ll leave. Like that.” He tipped back the bottle. “Seeing your fucked up head makes me miss my man.” He grinned down at me. “And I’m suddenly in a much better mood.”

  “Ass.” I growled.

  “Fuck off. Surprise me and don’t hurt her. That’d be worth seeing,” he called over his shoulder.

  I threw the bottle at his retreating back but it crashed on the floor long before it reached him. The break of glass on the concrete floor didn’t improve my mood.

  I sat brooding. Bear had given me his bad mood. All I could think of was Layla and those last days.

  “You can’t mean it.” Layla had screamed at me, clawing her face. “You wouldn’t send me away, not after, after you told me you loved me.”

  “Baby, I have to, my dad will hurt you, and I can’t protect you. You have to be safe.”

  She shook her head so fast I wasn’t even sure she heard me.

  “You don’t love me, you lied to me.” She wept and fell to the floor in this pathetic heap.

  Maybe this would be easier, one lie to keep her safe.

  I hardened my heart, believing I had to do it. The Old Man had told me to send her to him tonight. She either had to go to him or be gone. I chose gone. No way I could touch her after him, and no way to refuse him without getting rid of her.

  “I don’t love you,” I barked. “And this shit just shows me how weak you are. Get the fuck out of here and never come back.” The words broke my heart but would keep her safe.

  “No.” She stood backing away from me.

 
“Yeah, it’s over. You’re too much, too needy, go and never come back,” I repeated.

  She fled my room and I heard the back door crash shut when she left through it. Three hours later the police had come to tell me she was dead and show me her note. Two lines written on pink notebook paper. “Without Jericho’s love, I am without purpose. Goodbye. I am sorry you denied my love, it could’ve healed us. Layla.”

  She was two days from eighteen when she died. I was nineteen and that day I swore to never love again. Denied love, that was only a fitting punishment for taking her life with my lies. Only after Dogg confronted me had I made my second oath. I don’t know which has been harder to keep. Denying my dominance or denying love.

  I finished the bottle and grabbed two more. I was close to passing out when Marr padded into the common room sleepy-eyed with just fucked hair. “Hey, ace.” Her voice was scratchy with sleep. “I need you in my bed.”

  There was some reason I shouldn’t go to her but my drink-clouded mind saw only those legs and her sexy lips. I grinned and followed her to bed. She rode me this time with slow care that riled something deep in me, something I thought long gone. But I pushed away the emotion and drifted to sleep with my love in my arms.

  * * *

  When I woke the next morning, Marr was gone. My head pounded and I felt like shit. Squinting one eye, I read the clock. Noon. I crawled out of bed and went to shower. The hot water pounded down on me and the night came back to me. Getting drunk. Marr’s words. The slow tender way she fucked me. And I knew what I had to do.

  She was a great old lady, and I planned to keep her doing that, but we needed some distance, some perspective. I refused to let our sexual chemistry swallow us up and make her think she loved me or worse that I loved her. No, some space and this would all fall into place.

  “Hey, ace.” Marr greeted me when I came out of the shower. “You got a hangover.” She handed me pills and some water.

  I chewed the pills and drank down the water before I headed to the dresser for some clothes.

  She tugged off my towel. “Let’s play naked games.”

  I grunted and grabbed a pair of black Levi’s to slip on.

  “Or not.” She was still all happy sounding.

  “Look.” I struggled for the right words to say. “I’m going to have brothers confessing their sins, so to speak, why they voted against me. I need to get Ren locked down and find a replacement for Romeo. Shit’s complicated and busy.” I emphasized the last word.

  She held hands up. “How can I help?”

  “Run up and check out the club today? Give me the lowdown on how things stand? Maybe stop by and see Misty, get any gossip there.”

  She agreed, ready to help.

  And I felt two inches tall. I didn’t need her to do any of that, I just needed her away from me today. I needed space—room to breathe. After I got through this shit-ass week then we’d renegotiate our relationship. We needed some rules, some limits.

  “Great, I’ll see you tonight, after confession time.” I couldn’t meet her eyes.

  She gave me a quick kiss and headed out. I watched her ass swish out of my room, wishing I’d tumbled her into bed after all.

  I walked out into the club room with my head pounding. Dare sat at our table. “Red has food in the kitchen—”

  I held up my hand, the last thing I wanted was food on top of this hangover.

  “Heard you tied one on last night.” He grinned at me. “But you got four bikers here wanting to talk to you.”

  “Part of the thirty-four?” I asked.

  “All but one. Ringer is here to see you.”

  I had no clue what he wanted, but he’d been loyal.

  “Send him over. I’ll take confessions next.”

  Dare stood.

  “Oh, bring me the vote sheets, I want to write down these reasons before I post the sheets.”

  “You’re going to do that?” Dare’s tone made it clear he wasn’t in favor of it.

  “Not out here, in the Council chamber—it’s a good reminder for me. Thirty-four fucking brothers who were unhappy with my rule—that was more than I expected.”

  Dare nodded and left.

  Ringer sat down across from me, looking nervous.

  “What can I do for you?”

  “I’ve been on assignment out of Barden and I’m not great with all the politics, but I’d be willing to take Romeo’s place if you’re going to fill it.” He smacked the table. “I know I just asked to be out of securities, but that was because of the time away from home. But the guy in charge should be here, not out on the road all the time. Anyway, if it helps, I’m willing.” He stood to go.

  “Why?”

  He collapsed into the chair. “Romeo was wrong the way he ran things. He liked keeping us on assignment too long, taking more jobs than we had men for, so we were always booked. He could’ve worked smarter, taking lucrative contracts over the shit details he took half the time and we’d still make good money without burning out our members.”

  “That all?”

  He glanced away. “I don’t want to see the business gone. It helps a lot of us who wouldn’t find work otherwise.”

  I held out a hand. “Thanks. I’ll talk to Thorn about it and we’ll discuss it on Thursday, I’ll get back to you after that.”

  He shook my hand. “Appreciate that.”

  He had potential. Loyal, plainspoken and ready to lead. Three plusses for him. I nodded to Dare and he sent over the first confessor.

  “Hey, Dandy, what can I do for you?” I glanced up at him before searching through the pile of thirty-four until I found his name.

  He gulped and glanced away. “I wanted to clear the air.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “When I hear Romeo talk—”

  “This is about you. You have a problem, you tell me. You’re a stupid sheep who follows, then just get the fuck in line.” I met his gaze making sure he got me.

  “You’re a bastard, that’s my beef. You treat people like shit half the time.” He tapped his fingers. “Makes it too easy to believe the worst. You want loyalty, then earn it.”

  “Now that’s something.” I leaned back and assessed him. “So work on my charm?”

  “And not fucking over women. Like Mama or being a dick in church meetings.” This time he didn’t look away.

  “Or way back when I fucked over another?” I asked.

  “Ren tells Layla’s story like a bedtime tale, pisses most of us off. And then you pretend to care about the bitches at Bound.”

  I lost all my cool at his words. “One. Ren has no right to speak her name since he’s the one who egged on my father to fuck her. That part of the story he tells? That he convinced my father to fuck my woman, so I sent her packing rather than share her with him, probably them for all I know. Would you let him fuck your woman? I’d rather see her gone than in his bed, so I sent her away.”

  He frowned. “You what?”

  “Made the mistake of telling her I didn’t love her so she’d go away. Be safe.” I laughed but there was no humor in it. “Yeah I was a kid who fucked shit up, and I might fuck up again, but I never set out to hurt women. Renegade does that. The Old Man did that. And they’re gone.”

  Dandy nodded. “Why did you put me on Bound? Punishment?”

  I counted to ten and tried to let some of my anger cool. It was no use. After thinking about her half the night and now this, I’d be wound tight all damn day.

  “All Romeo’s boys seem to think women are bitches or whores, hard to call a working mom a whore once you meet her. And if you aren’t loyal, then I want you close until I sort shit. You get me?”

  He ducked his head. “I get you.” Then he lifted his head full of stubborn pride. “You get me?”

 
“Got it. But you might warn your brothers, next person who says her name, I’ll punch and won’t stop until they’re down and out. Some shit ain’t up for discussion.”

  He hurried away. I scrawled three words on his sheet. My attitude problem. I spoke with the other two guys from Romeo’s squad, and they had the same issue—my reputation. I needed a makeover. The last guy who’d talked to me did say that Marr was a good move. Not that she’d help for long, I was sure to fuck that up soon enough. No way to avoid it after she’d said the wrong three words.

  Chapter Thirty

  Marr

  I swear someone replaced Jericho with an asshole in Jericho skin. He’d changed overnight and I had no idea why.

  Now, I might strangle him. Monday I spent the day checking on Misty, Sherilynn and Bound for him and when I got back he’d wanted to hear none of what I discovered. Tuesday, he was gone all damn day in Ardmore, basically doing the shit he had me do on Monday. When I tried talking to him about it, he’d laughed at me and told me to stop being a bitch. We’d fought and ended up in bed to settle our argument. Today, I had played hide-and-seek with him half the damn day. So I sat here in the common room and waited for the ass to show up. We were having words.

  I woke up when the back door opened. I’d fallen asleep at the damn table. I stood in the hallway and watched the totally drunk ass try and unlock his own door. He didn’t even notice me watching as he dropped the key in his pocket and headed across the hall to an open room. By the time I got there he was passed out in another bed. No call or text to tell me he’d be late, driving drunk to hell and back. I wish I understood why he’d acted like an ass all week.

  I stormed into the room and dug in his pockets until I found the bike key. I pulled off his boots and brought them with me. I unlocked the door and carried in his boots and the key. I grabbed the keys off the rack by the stove and stuffed them in the bottom of my bag. I hid his shoes in the shower and went to bed. I was going to talk to my old man tomorrow before he disappeared again. We were getting to the bottom of this change in behavior or I’d beat him bloody.