Dark Illusion

by Daniels, A. J.

  Without another glance, I stalk toward the shower and turn the water as hot as it’ll go. If I can’t burn away his memory from my mind, maybe I can burn away his touch from my body.

  ***

  “What exactly am I doing here?”

  Braxton continues typing away on his computer, paying me the barest of attention, causing my level of irritation up another notch. The fucker dragged me off the couch, made me get dressed, and coerced me into a cab to the office, the least he could do was tell me what the fuck I am needed here for.

  Not to mention, my head is pounding like a hammer on a nailhead after all the alcohol I consumed this morning. It probably wasn’t Braxton’s brightest idea to force me into the office today with a raging hangover.

  As one of the partners of Luca Enterprises, I can and have worked entirely from home. Only coming into the office for absolute emergencies when one of our servers is down. I’m not an introvert, far from it, but it was easier to hide the extracurricular activities I did for Braxton and the Famiglia when I wasn’t trying to sneak out of the office unnoticed. And those activities have increased in number since the Don got himself married and started a family.

  Right now, staring out the window behind him and over the city, I wish I were out there taking care of the other side of the business instead of being cooped up here in a stuffy suit. I swallow hard, my throat feeling restricted by the tight collar and tie. Cracking my neck from side to side, I slide a finger under the collar to try and loosen it. What the fuck’s wrong with me? It feels like there are a million tiny bugs crawling under my skin and no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of them. I’m like a kindergartener who was told they had to sit still for hours on end. There’s no way this shit is happening.

  The only time I don’t feel like I’m crawling out of my skin is when I’m lying in my bed at the end of a long day and for a split second my defenses come down. That’s the moment thoughts of Kai will inevitably appear. And for those few stolen moments, my heart rate slows and I feel like I can breathe again. Until I feel the ghost of his touch on my body. The whisper of his lips along my neck. His rough, post-coital voice telling me to come for him while his fist pumps the length of my shaft.

  I groan, shifting in my seat and trying to adjust my junk without drawing Braxton’s attention. Fucking Kai. Fucking Belize.

  “I need you to sit in on the meeting with the social media division. There’s a new developer starting today and I want to make sure Rogers doesn’t try his usual bullshit.”

  Reese Rogers, Luca Enterprises’ resident douchebag, and department head for the Social Media division. Also, the only guy in Canada to know my secret. Second guy. Second guy, dammit, because Kai is also in Canada; an hour away to be exact..

  Reese and I had a drunken run-in at a club outside of town one night a year ago. He sucked me off, I freaked, and left before I could return the favor, and now he thinks he has some twisted, lover claim over me. “We could be so good together, Antonio.” Just the sound of his nasally voice is enough to have my dick going full turtle and retreating. Thankfully, he isn’t dumb enough to try anything at work or in front of Braxton.

  The conference room is already starting to fill with the people who make up the new division. Two years ago, this division wasn’t even in the plans, but being ever the business person, Braxton wanted to expand Luca Enterprises. Now we own the top three social media platforms in the world, with the latest one we just acquired, being on the way up in popularity as well.

  “Mr. Moretti.”

  I nod at the few employees who greet me on my way to the head of the table. As soon as I settle in the high-back leather chair and unbutton my suit jacket, my secretary, Lauren, brings me my coffee, black, and an iPad with today’s meeting notes, and the projected sales and downloads.

  As soon as Lauren leaves, Reese takes the opportunity to approach me knowing damn well that I can’t pretend not to see him and walk the other way when we’re stuck in a conference room. Greasy blond hair slicked back on the sides, with dark, calculating eyes, and a cheap knock-off suit slide up next to me, a knowing smirk curling his unshaven face.

  “Antonio.” He sticks out his hand for me to shake, but I ignore it, glancing down at the iPad and pretending to read through the notes Lauren has put together for me.

  “Mr. Moretti,” I correct him, hoping he’ll take the message and fuck off. I have half a mind to march back into Braxton’s office and tell him he can take this damn meeting himself since he is the CEO. “Let’s get this meeting going, shall we?”

  Glancing around the long oak table, I notice everyone has already taken their seats and turned their expectant gazes on me. All but one. There’s an empty seat at the far end of the table, right beside Reese Rogers.

  “Has anyone seen the new kid?” I ask but am met with several head shakes. Fucking great. I don’t have time for this shit. “Well, looks like we’re starting without him. Mr. Rogers,” I nod at Reese letting him know he has the floor and to start the meeting.

  Just as the first PowerPoint slide pops up on the projector screen and Reese begins the weekly meeting, the door to the conference room flies open, bouncing off the wall. Papers fly from the folder under the man’s arm.

  “Shit,” he mutters, dropping to a knee to retrieve them. Once he has everything secured again, he apologizes to the room and takes the empty seat at Reese’s left.

  I’m too stunned to pay any attention to what Reese is blabbering on about at the front of the room. My attention rooted firmly on the newcomer as he sweeps a hand through his onyx colored hair, the tendons in his forearm rippling with the movement. My mouth waters when he leans forward to brace elbows on the conference room table, muscles bunching under the tight sleeves of his blue dress shirt. If I were to guess, I’d say it was the same blue as his eyes when he laughs.

  No fucking way is this happening. The universe couldn’t be so cruel. And yet, when those blue eyes finally sweep over the room and land on mine, I know it really can be that cruel because Kai’s sky-blue eyes stare back at me in shock and confusion. He looks even better than I remember. Shit, has the guy gotten bigger?

  Sliding out my phone so that it’s still concealed by the table, I fire off a message to the one number I’ve been avoiding for the last month.

  Me: You look good.

  Across the table, Kai jumps back with a yelp and I have to stifle the chuckle threatening. Seems like old habits die hard. With a blush, Kai pulls out his phone from the back pocket of his dark jeans. His eyes immediately snapping up to mine after he glances at the screen, but thankfully he keeps it out of eye sight of Reese and the others.

  Kai: You work here?

  Me: You could say that.

  Me: Have dinner with me.

  I hear Kai sigh, then my phone vibrates with a new message.

  Kai: I’m sorry, I can’t.

  My hand balls into a fist and clenches with the need to mark his ass.

  Kai: You look good too.

  Me: Have dinner with me

  Kai: No.

  I know it’s not smart for me to potentially be seen with Kai outside of work since I’ve never bothered to socialize with any of our employees outside of office hours, but fuck it. I need to feel his skin beneath my fingers, need to feel his body next to mine, his lips on mine. I’m a starving man and he’s the big chunk of steak I so desperately need.

  When Reese finishes his spiel about the projected numbers for the next quarter and what we can expect in the next app updates as well as the reviews the apps are getting – I swear the guy likes hearing the sound of his own voice with the way he’s drawing this out – he introduces Kai as the creator of the newest app Luca Enterprises just bought, along with that also came Kai’s new title as assistant head of the social media division. Meaning he’s now under Reese. Not under, under but… yeah. I push that thought away immediately and lock it down so that it’ll never resurface. The thought of Kai under anyone else but me has my stomach rolling. No
fucking way.

  Kai gives a brief introduction about himself – probably on Reese’s recommendation – then quickly breaks down what he hopes to achieve with the coming update, and with that, the meeting is over. I half expect him to hang back and talk with Reese, so color me a little shocked when he goes straight for his things and is one of the first people out of the conference room.

  I notice Reese approaching me from my peripheral, but before he can wade through the straggling crowd, I’m pushing up from my seat and hightailing it out the door and after Kai. I manage to slip into the elevator before it has a chance to close with me on the wrong side.

  We’re the only ones in the enclosed space, but neither one of us moves. Kai’s posture is rigid, his hands balling into fists at his side as he continues to stare straight ahead, watching the numbers rapidly descend. The tension is so thick, I could cut it with a knife and even then, it wouldn’t do much in lessening the intensity.

  “You plan on just ignoring me?”

  Silence.

  His lips purse and I know he wants to tell me to fuck off but he doesn’t. And I can’t take it anymore. It’s been a month since he left me standing in the Belize airport. A month since I’ve felt his touch, kissed his lips, or heard his voice. I feel like there’s a noose around my neck and the longer I go without this man, the tighter it becomes. Hell, I’ll take his anger, his frustration, or his hatred. I’ll take all of it, any of it as long as it’s his. I’m fucking desperate, but I don’t care. Like a caged animal, I pace the length of the elevator until it all becomes too much. His scent, the knowledge that he’s been within arm’s reach of me for the last hour. I snap, hitting the stop button for the elevator and walk him back until he’s pinned between me and the wall. My hands press firmly into the wall on either side of his head.

  ‘What are you doing?”

  “I missed you” I say, leaning into him.

  “You never called.” There’s no heat to his words. In fact, he couldn’t have made it less monotone.

  “I wanted to. Christ, did I want to. But you and I both know it could never work here. We were in our own little world in Belize.”

  “I don’t know that.” He pushes against my chest but I don’t budge. “All I know is that I experienced the best two weeks of my life on that island, and left thinking that maybe… maybe we could continue it. Whatever it was.”

  “You know I can’t.” I drop my hands and step away, hitting the button again to get the elevator moving.

  “No, you can. You just refuse to,” Kai throws over his shoulder, stepping out into the parking garage when the elevator stops and the doors open.

  “Is that what you really think?” I ask, stopping him before he has a chance to get into his car. “That I wouldn’t hesitate for one second to tell my best friend about us if it wouldn’t get me killed?”

  “What the fuck does that mean, Antonio? Your best friend wouldn’t kill you for being gay.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t really know you after all.”

  “Kai.” I reach for him again but drop my hand when the elevator dings and we hear several voices behind us.

  “I’ll see you around, Toni. Say hi to Siobhan for me.”

  And with that he peels out of the garage, leaving me standing in stunned silence once again. How the fuck does he know about Siobhan?

  Kai

  FUCK. SERIOUSLY, WHAT were the odds that my boss’s boss was none other than the man I spent two glorious weeks with on the Belizean Island. The man I foolishly allowed myself to fall for after such a short amount of time.

  Was two weeks a long enough time to know that I had fallen in love? Probably not. Hell, even those couples on that horrible TV show, the one where they get married after only knowing each other for three months. Yeah, that one. Even they knew each other longer than two weeks and it was arguable if love even played a part in those relationships.

  Am I in love with Antonio? Fuck if I know. What I do know, though, is that this past month without him has been hell. I dread waking up in the mornings because I know he won’t be there, sour mood and all. The man really can’t function without a cup of coffee in his hand first thing in the morning.

  I smile at the memory of Toni bumping into walls and door handles when he first woke up and in his haste to get that first cup of roasted goodness. After that first cup, it was like he was a transformed man. Gone was the klutz who couldn’t make it five feet without bumping into something, and in its place was the put together man I first met on the beach. The man whose body could and had rendered me speechless and reduced me to a quivering, pleading mess.

  Antonio said I didn’t know who he really was, and I got the feeling he was right, in more ways than one.

  Maybe two weeks wasn’t enough to fall in love, but maybe it was enough to recognize my soul mate.

  I chuckle awkwardly as I push open the door to my new rental apartment in Toronto. It is going to take a lot of getting used to living in the city, instead of an hour away. Thank fuck I decided to keep my house in Hamilton too.

  Soul mates?

  Yeah, and maybe unicorns really do exist.

  After all, how can someone be your soul mate if they aren’t even gay to begin with. When I showed up at my first meeting earlier in the week with Reese Rogers, my boss and head of the social media division, I was told that the COO wouldn’t be joining us as expected because he was away with his girlfriend, Siobhan, but that I’d get to meet him at the team meeting later in the week. Color me shocked when I turned up at the team meeting this morning, only to find out that the COO of Luca Enterprises is none other than Antonio Moretti. My Toni.

  For a guy who likes to keep his life as simple as possible, that little bit of news just made things a whole lot complicated. I am falling in love with a man who had a girlfriend.

  ***

  AntoNio

  Pacing the length of my living room, I still can’t believe that the new assistant head of the social media division Braxton had hired is none other than Kai. My Kai. The same man who had me contemplating coming out of the closet.

  Stopping at the floor-to-ceiling window, I brace a hand on the glass, bringing the other up to take a drink of the whiskey I poured the minute I stepped foot inside the empty condo. Night has already descended on the city. The street lights and lights inside of buildings working together to create a masterpiece of their own.

  In a moment of weakness, I allow myself to wonder what Kai is doing at this exact moment. Is he drowning himself in expensive, age old whiskey wondering what I am up to? Is he gone out after walking away from me earlier today? Is he seeking comfort in another man’s arms?

  The thought alone makes me want to hunt down every nightclub in the city until I find him and beat the living shit out of anyone who has their hands on him. My heart and body scream mine. Mine to touch, mine to fuck. Mine.

  But save for a couple of weeks a month ago, he isn’t. Not really. Even if by some miracle, Kai changes his mind and decides he still wants to pursue this… thing away from the Island. I never could, because I am a coward. A coward with a gun and black belt in jujitsu, but a coward nonetheless. Where it counts most.

  It’s easy to throw fists and fire a gun but when it comes to matters of the heart… that shit isn’t easy. It was the way we were brought up. Call it an Italian thing, call it a De Luca and Moretti thing, or even a mafia thing, whatever you want. But those raised to take over the Famiglia were raised with the sentiment that women wasted time talking about feelings and flowery shit, while men – real men – solved everything with a couple of punches and a couple bullets; no hearts, no flowers.

  And if I don’t think that is true, all I have to do is think back to the memory of when I was still a boy and seeing Braxton’s father, Lukas, and my own delivering a beatdown to a man they once considered their closest friend. I would later come to learn that the man had it coming because he was a fag, and fags were nei
ther accepted nor tolerated in the Famiglia.

  That began a lifetime of living in fear of the people I call family. If Braxton’s father and my own could turn on their closest friend, and Braxton is said to be more ruthless than his father, then what the fuck does that mean for me when he finds out the secret I’ve been hiding from him since we were fourteen.

  I’ll give you a hint. Death. It means certain death. So now the question is, am I ready to give it all up, to face certain death for a man I may or may not be in love, and who may or may not love me back?

  The answer doesn’t matter because it would all be pointless if that man doesn’t want to pick up where we left off at that airport and I don’t know about everyone else, but putting my life on the line for something that could not happen, is stupidity. I’ve already lived twenty years in the closet, what is another twenty? I slam back the rest of the whiskey and pour another. This back and forth bullshit with what my head and twenty years of experience is telling me to do versus what my heart wants after two weeks, is giving me a headache.

  Just as I’m crawling into bed, my phone pings with a new message.

  Braxton: Family dinner. Sunday. 6pm

  I tap out a fast reply then plug my phone into the charger beside the bed and wish, not for the first time since being home, that a certain dark-haired, light-eyed man was lying beside me in the king-sized bed.