Pull

by Rachel Van Dyken

  every week and think about how much I’d changed.

  When I first came to therapy I was a total ass.

  Now I was a broken ass.

  I wondered which was better?

  I smirked at my own joke. Yup, completely exhausted.

  “Something funny?” Mrs. Murray asked taking her seat.

  “Life.”

  “If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, am I right?”

  I nodded in agreement. “I don’t really know what to say. I

  just spent the night holding the girl I love in my arms. Watching

  pain rip through her heart almost killed me.”

  “I need you to know something, Demetri.” Mrs. Murray

  folded her hands across her lap and sighed. “I can’t be your

  therapist anymore.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you seriously trying to

  kill me?” I couldn’t believe she would drop this bomb on me after

  the night I’d had! I was ready to unleash on her when she joined

  me on the floor and then reached over and gave me a hug.

  “I know your mom and dad are gone, Demetri. I know you

  and Alec are alone. Sometimes people don’t need therapy. They

  don’t even need to talk. They just need to be held. And you have

  nobody to hold you, no adult to tell you how proud they are of

  you. As your therapist I can tell you you’ve made great strides.”

  She laughed and pulled away. “As Nat’s mother I want to

  tell you that I am so proud of the man you have become, and I

  know your parents would feel the same way. You are stronger than

  you’ll ever know, and you will get through this, maybe not today,

  maybe not tomorrow, but each day as you heal, the pain will

  slowly dissipate and you’ll walk away from this feeling stronger

  than before. “You want to know what makes life so beautiful?”

  I shook my head.

  “Pain. Pain makes life beautiful, because if we never had

  pain, we’d never be forced to grow. You’ve been given your fair

  share of pain, some of it self-inflicted, some of it just bad luck. But

  as a therapist I have to believe there’s a reason for it, and as a mom

  I know everything happens for a reason. Your pain matches your

  destiny, and you, Demetri Daniels, have a great destiny.”

  Unable to think of what to do I just stared at her and told

  myself that guys don’t cry and that I’d been doing too much of that

  lately.

  After a few brief seconds I found my voice. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Oh, and you’re fired.”

  “Finally.” Mrs. Murray winked. “You know you can talk to

  me anytime, but you’ve been more of a son to me than my client

  this last year.”

  “Thanks for separating the two until I was ready.”

  “I’m not a fan of overwhelming people just getting over

  drug addictions.”

  “That reminds me.” I snapped my fingers. “You got those

  meds?”

  “Go home, Demetri.”

  I saluted her and walked out of the house feeling lighter

  than I’d felt in years. The pain was still there, but now it was a

  reminder of growth.

  With a smile on my face I pulled out my phone and texted

  Alyssa.

  GOOD MRNING BEAUTIFUL! HW WAS UR NIGHT?

  MINE WAS HORRIBLE EVEN WITH YOU BY MY SIDE. I WILL

  LOVE YOU FOREVER. WHN UR READY U CAN FIND ME ON

  THE CORNER W MY BUCKET.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Alyssa

  The buzz from my phone woke me out of a dead sleep. I

  reached next to me expecting Demetri to still be there, but he was

  gone.

  Rejection washed over me all over again. It was safe to say I

  was past the angry stage and heading into the depths of

  depression. My phone went off again.

  I found it on the nightstand. Once my eyes adjusted I noticed

  it was from Demetri.

  Being dehydrated from crying all night, I didn’t think I had

  any moisture left in my body, but wonder of all wonders a warm

  tear slipped down my cheek onto my phone when I saw his

  message.

  Stupid taffy bucket. I should hide the thing. That would

  freak him out.

  I couldn’t reply, not yet. Everything was still so fresh in my

  mind. I walked slowly to my bathroom and started the shower,

  replaying all the drama of the day before in my head.

  After my shower, I made my way downstairs and started to

  pour myself a bowl of cereal, when the doorbell rang.

  I knew my parents were most likely already at the store. I

  shuffled over to the door and pulled it open.

  Holly was waiting on the other side. Her eyes were

  bloodshot and she was still wearing the same clothes from last

  night. And I thought I had it rough last night — at least I’d

  showered.

  “Can I come in?” she asked in a small voice. “I know you

  probably hate me right now, but I really need to talk to you about

  everything that happened.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the gory details. I mean,

  technically I was more pissed at Brady than at her, and poor

  Demetri had somehow been dropped smack dab in the middle of

  our small town drama, but still. I was too tired of fighting

  everything. I opened the door wider and let her in.

  We walked in silence to the living room and sat down on the

  couch.

  “Your house is nice.” Holly’s wrung her hands in her lap. I

  could tell she was nervous because she’d already commented on

  my house the day before when she helped me get ready for

  Demetri’s party. Gosh, that felt like a lifetime ago. Her eyes closed

  and when she opened them back up again I knew this was

  probably harder for her to do than for me. After all, she’d carried

  this burden throughout Brady’s death.

  “I was so angry at Aaron that night. We’d gotten into

  another fight about something stupid. Weird, right? I can’t even

  remember what we fought about. What was so important that I felt

  the need to throw my life away in the span of ten minutes?”

  I swallowed the emotion in my throat and grabbed her hand.

  “We always hung out at the same parties. We weren’t

  exactly friends, but it was no secret how much he liked you, Alyssa.

  That night he’d been drinking a lot. I mean, we all had. You don’t

  need the details. Just know that I’m pretty sure if you would have

  asked him his name at the time, he wouldn’t have been able to tell

  you a damn thing. The guy was wasted. He kept saying your name

  over and over again once everything was done. I tried to console

  him, but he just kept staring at his phone, staring at a picture of you

  two.”

  “He called me,” I said hoarsely. “To come pick him up.”

  “I know.” Holly smiled. “I saw him stumble outside and

  wait for you. I was too drunk to remember much, but know that the

  look on his face was something I’ll never forget. He loved you,

  Alyssa.”

  I sighed. “Does real love cheat?”

  Holly was quiet for a minute. “I honestly don’t know.”

  “He wanted forever, but sometimes I wonder if I was

  enough to fit
into his picture of a lifetime.”

  Holly wiped a stray tear. “I should have told you. It’s just

  after everything that happened… I lost the baby the same day we

  lost him. I just… I wanted to forget it all, Alyssa. Can you

  understand that? I felt so horrible and I carried it everywhere with

  me. I just… I don’t know. In the end I was selfish and I was afraid

  of losing Aaron too.”

  “Speaking of Aaron, does he know who it is now?”

  Holly nodded. “I told him a few days ago. He was pissed, to

  say the least. He didn’t say anything. He just slammed the door to

  our apartment and didn’t come back until two a.m.”

  “I’m sorry, Holly.”

  She smiled sadly. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”

  Even though I knew she was there to apologize to me, I still

  felt like I did something wrong. I mean, was I so messed up that

  people had to hide the truth from me regardless of the cost to

  them?

  “He was, or is a great group leader, but he’s an even better

  friend, Alyssa. Demetri found out and immediately begged me to

  tell you, I pleaded with him to keep the secret. Granted, as a group

  leader they do sign contracts about that kind thing, remember the

  gag order?”

  A light went on in my head. Of course I remembered. At the

  time I thought it was to protect infamous Demetri. Weird how it

  ended up protecting Holly, and in the end, me.

  “Will you ever be able to forgive me?” Holly began to cry,

  her shoulders shook with emotion.

  “Holly…” I felt my own voice quiver. “It’s in the past.

  What’s done is done. I’m still in shock, so it’s going to take a while

  to get over it, but honestly, by not forgiving you I just hurt myself

  and in the end, I hurt the guy I love.”

  “Brady?”

  I shook my head. “Demetri.”

  “You should go talk to him,” she encouraged me.

  “I was planning on it.”

  “I’ll leave you to it.” She patted my hand and then pulled me

  into a hug. “Thanks Alyssa, for everything.”

  I watched Holly leave. A new sense of calm washed over

  me.

  Demetri kept something from me, but at the same time it

  wasn’t as if he could come out and tell me. He was the group leader

  after all. When I really thought about it, I was more embarrassed

  than hurt.

  Sam knew the whole time and he never told me. That

  sucked. Not only did my friends all abandon me, but they knew

  what Brady was doing and did nothing to stop it or to protect me.

  And then it hit me.

  The only person who really had my best interest at heart was

  Demetri. And I threw something at his face.

  I was clueless on what to say, but for some reason I felt like I

  was on the edge of discovering something really important. Maybe

  it was the exhaustion but I knew if I just saw Demetri it would

  make it better.

  I wanted to surprise him with coffee. It was the least I could

  do after keeping him up half the night and assaulting him. I winced

  at the memory.

  Throwing my purse into the car I quickly texted Nat and

  asked if Demetri was working today.

  YUP & HE’S GRUMPY. WATCH OUT!

  He usually took the afternoon shift. It was already noon. I

  quickly drove through town to the Safeway where our one and

  only Starbucks was located.

  Sadly, I didn’t even know what he drank, but I guessed that

  for any recovering alcoholic or drug addict that it needed to be

  sweet. I mean, he ate taffy like it was going out of style.

  I ordered two caramel macchiatos and hightailed it back to

  Seaside Taffy. The car squealed to a stop as I slammed on the

  brakes next to the building. His usual corner was empty. Confused,

  I strolled inside, coffees in hand.

  “Um, is Demetri working today?” I asked the guy at the

  counter.

  “Hey, you’re Alyssa!” He seemed proud that he knew my

  name. I thought it was more creepy than anything. “I’m Evan. I was

  at the party last…” His words died out as he coughed awkwardly

  and looked away.

  “Right.” I tried to ignore the heat pooling in my cheeks. “I

  need to see Demetri. It’s really important.”

  Evan shrugged. “The boss gave him the day off. Said

  something about Demetri scaring customers.”

  Something was wrong. I don’t know how I knew it, but

  something didn’t feel right. The hair on the back of my arms stood

  on end. Shaking, I backed away and then tried to run out of the

  store. Once I reached my car I pulled out my phone and called

  Demetri.

  It went straight to voicemail.

  “Answer!” I called again.

  Same thing.

  Desperate, I dialed Nat’s number and waited for her to

  answer.

  “What’s up?”

  “Do you know where Demetri is?” I panted, unlocking my

  car and carefully setting the coffee in the cup holders so it wouldn’t

  spill.

  “He’s not at work?” Nat asked, confused. “Wait let me ask

  Alec.”

  Nat screamed for Alec. I heard muffled voices, and then Alec

  was on the phone. “Alyssa?”

  “Yeah, I’m looking for Demetri.”

  Alec cursed. “Well, there goes that surprise.”

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind. He just went to Canon Beach to pick

  something up for you, said it would cheer you up or something. I

  don’t know. Anyway he left about fifteen minutes ago.”

  “Thanks.”

  I hung up the phone. Should I go home? Should I chase after

  him? I turned off my car and walked across the street to my

  parents’ store. Maybe my dad could at least enjoy the coffee I

  bought.

  The door jingled when I walked in. “There she is!” My dad

  announced as if I’d been missing.

  I gave him a weak smile.

  “You should have a bigger smile on your face than that after

  what that boy is doing for you!”

  “Huh?”

  “The boy.” My dad repeated as if the boy was in fact

  Demetri’s’ name.

  “Demetri?” I asked. “What’s he doing?”

  “Getting your favorite taffy.”

  “I don’t have a favorite taffy…” I said slowly. “Unless?” On

  family vacation my parents had taken me to a taffy store that had

  the best peppermint taffy I’d ever had in my entire life. I swore to

  them it was the best taffy in the world. Whenever I got sad my

  parents offered to help me work on our recipe to make peppermint

  taffy. It never tasted the same.

  “Is he going to Canon Beach Taffy?”

  My dad shrugged. “Can’t say.”

  “Is he?” I repeated more urgently.

  “Yes.”

  “Dad…” I paced in front of him. “I have to run, but I know I

  work this afternoon and…”

  “Go, I think I can handle my own store.”

  I ran out to the car and hopped in. The minute I turned the

  ignition I froze. What was I doing? I hadn’t driven that far out of

  Seaside since before the accident? Why
was I going after him?

  Urgency coursed through me. I could do this. I had to see him — I

  had to talk to him.

  He needed to know that I loved him too. That even though it

  hurt, I wanted him in my life.

  A familiar fear plagued me as I turned off the main Seaside

  Highway and started heading down Highway 101.

  Cars passed me as my car still hadn’t gotten up to speed. But

  I was trying to be cautious.

  One mile. Two miles. Three miles. I couldn’t stop staring at

  the mile markers. Once I hit ten, I knew it was only a bit farther

  before I reached the store.

  And then the sound of sirens assaulted me.

  I tried to ignore the panic in my heart. Tried and failed as I

  slowly came up to an accident, an accident that was literally one

  mile away from the one Brady and I had been in.

  A black Mercedes was wrapped around the telephone pole.

  My stomach dropped, and the light that Demetri had ignited

  within me, died.

  I pulled over and watched in absolute horror as they

  directed traffic through one lane. I couldn’t move. No. This wasn’t

  happening. It wasn’t. I shook my head back and forth. No.

  I hit my hands against the steering wheel as my entire body

  started convulsing. Everything felt numb, but at the same time, I

  was still able to hear my heart as it slammed in my chest. Each

  thump was like another reminder that I never got to tell Demetri

  how I felt. He would never know that the love I felt for him was

  more than Brady — it was everything.

  And now he was gone.

  I jumped out of the car praying it was a nightmare, begging

  God to take it all back! It was me. I deserved to die, not him. Not

  him! It was all my fault. All because he thought I needed cheering

  up. He stayed with me last night, he held me while I tried to attack

  him.

  And now he was gone.

  My heart couldn’t take it.

  It was impossible. A person’s soul can only take so much

  before they finally give up, before they finally want to die too.

  I stumbled as I tried to cross the street, not caring that cars

  were going by me. If they hit me, fine. At least I’d be with him, At

  least then I could tell him how I felt.

  An officer began yelling at me. Soon I felt hands grab my

  arms and throw me against my own car.

  I pushed against him. “Who is that? Whose car is that?” I

  yelled.

  “Ma’am, we need you to stand back.”