Perfectly Loved

by Lacey Silks

  “I’m a man who didn’t get any because his girlfriend was afraid to make noise with another woman in the house.”

  Oh, I stopped Gwen and Dave from having sex last night? Well, this day could get better after all.

  “Why are you so happy about that?” he accused.

  “I’m not. I swear.” I put up my hands in defense. Since I guessed he wouldn’t let me out of his sight until he knew exactly where Savage was, I asked, “So, after you jerk off in the bathroom, what do you want to do?”

  “Millie, you’re really asking for it,” he warned.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. So, friend…” I wiggled my brows. He might have thought of us as more, but we’d always remain friends, no matter what. “How are you going to force me to spend the day?”

  “Well, at least you admit that I still have some control over you. Not the kind I’d like, but I’ll take it.”

  “You may want to use that bathroom sooner than later.”

  “That’s it!” He was at my side in an instant, lifting me over his shoulder and carrying me out the front door. He grabbed a sweatshirt off a coat rack and a small brown bag from the table. I couldn’t stop laughing. He was exactly the dose of happiness and ignorance I needed today. “I’m planning to get you out of this crappy mood before I have to go to work this afternoon.”

  Hadn’t he noticed that around him my mood shifted 360 degrees? Outside, he set me down on the ground and lowered his hands to his hips. “Okay, Millie. How difficult are you going to be?”

  “I am never difficult.”

  “Hah!”

  I crossed my arms. “Try me.”

  “I’m planning to, cupcake. I really am.”

  My cheeks heated and body flushed, as a memory of him eating my cupcake flashed in my mind.

  “Where are we going?”

  He got that mischievous smile on his face that made me question whether I should trust him. But if there was anyone in this world I trusted, it was Dave. He was the best part of a family I’d ever had. Maybe if I thought about him as a brother, again, I could move on. It worked before. Why wouldn’t it now?

  Minutes later, we were driving in Dave’s Jeep to the outskirts of the city, and for a moment I thought that Dave was taking me to the family cabin.

  “We’re not going to the cabin,” he said.

  “Well, where then?”

  “You’ll see.”

  After another ten miles, we turned right onto a dirt road. We’d normally head left to get to the Mayers’ family cabin, but not today. I looked out the window at the lines of trees enveloped by the orange, yellow, and red of their leaves. A déjà vu moment flashed, and I gasped. It felt like I’d driven down this road many times before, although I knew I hadn’t. The image of a little girl playing in a pile of leaves was so clear, I could have sworn it was me.

  “Are you okay, muffin?” Dave asked. He reached to the back of the car and grabbed a muffin from the brown bag he’d taken from the house. Dave had a thing for food. He always called me those silly names and had a snack ready at the least expected moment. He handed one to me and helped himself to the other. Pumpkin spice was my favorite this time of year.

  “Yeah, I’m just getting the heebie-jeebies, and I don’t know where they’re coming from.”

  “Maybe that cleansing stuff has cleared too much of your brain.”

  “Hardy har har.”

  “We’re here.”

  Dave pulled up to what looked like a house. Actually, it resembled a pile of twisted boards more than any kind of a structure. Brown paint was peeling off most of the wood, revealing its old, gray shade. The rooftop had caved in over the porch, and pieces of metal jutted out from within. Deformed window frames with broken glass were propped against the wooden horizontal beams. If the wind blew any harder, it would knock everything over.

  I took in a deep breath. The perfectly blue skies and autumn sunshine were cooled by the brisk wind.

  “What is this place?” I asked, as I twirled over the scrunching grass.

  “I don’t know. The owners have been gone ever since I can remember.”

  I looked around the abandoned shack of a house and again got an eerie feeling in my chest. A high-pitched squeak of shifting wood planks, one rubbing against another, echoed.

  “What’s the matter?” Dave asked.

  “This place. It looks familiar.”

  “It’s just because we’re close to the cottage.”

  “No. I feel like I’ve been here before.”

  “Well, maybe you went mushroom picking with April once and strolled off further away. We’re not that far from Mrs. Bowers. I think the river divides the property to the west.”

  The Bowers lived in the mountains, fifteen minutes away from the Mayer family cabin. We’d visited them often. Mr. Bowers had had the funniest sense of humor. I fondly remembered him pranking us by sticking eggs in our running shoes around Easter time. Although messy, the memory was one of my favorite ones. Her husband having passed away, Mrs. Bowers now lived by herself. I wondered how she’d been since I’d last seen her at Christmas time. Her frail body wouldn’t support her much longer, despite her wise mind.

  “Maybe you’re right.” The mountain view across the road was the same as from the Bowers’ house.

  “Come on. I didn’t bring you here for sightseeing.” He pulled on my hand and led me toward the woods.

  “You mean we’re going on a hike?”

  “No, we’re not going on a hike, sweets. We’re taking your mind off Savage.”

  Right. Savage. The asshole who’d almost raped me, brutally beat me, and was the permanent thorn in my life.

  At the brim of the forest, on a wooden log, Dave set up a handful of beer bottles he found lying around, and then removed the gun he wore in a holster underneath his jacket.

  “Wow, officer. What are you doing?”

  “Come here. You’re about to learn what it feels like to let go of stress.”

  The only way I remembered letting go was when Dave and I… oh, no, I couldn’t think of us that way. Because if I did, I was afraid we’d end up rolling around the grass right where I stood. Since that wasn’t an option, I shook my hands and stomped my feet to try to get rid of the sneaky lust that wanted to invade my body.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he laughed.

  “You do?”

  “You’re trying to get all those dirty thoughts out of your body.” He then leaned toward me saying, “Only say the word, and I’ll accommodate.”

  A devilish grin stretched across his face. He really did know me well. Too well, in fact. No matter what obstacles life had brought me, Dave always knew how to make things better. He’d always saved me when I thought there was no way out. Only this time, I knew he couldn’t.

  Chapter 4

  Dave

  Twelve years earlier

  For the past week, I’d walked Millie to the abandoned house after school. Each time I left her there, I felt my heart break in half. That first chicken parmesan night, I ate dinner with her on our porch, and I’d done so every day since. She refused to go inside though, and I had yet to find out why. I offered to let her stay in our guest bedroom as well, but when I did, her cheeks flushed pink, and she made an unsettling comment about sleeping in a stranger’s house. How was my house any stranger than the abandoned one? At least she’d agreed to come over for dinner every night. Each morning, like this one, we met up on the corner and walked together to school.

  “How does no one else get into that house you’re sleeping in?”

  “Oh, I sprinkle skunk spray around the perimeter before night fall. It clears by morning, and then when I go to school, I do it again.”

  I didn’t even want to ask her where one would go to get skunk spray.

  “How can you sleep in that, and how do you not smell?”

  And every morning I felt like we were playing a Q&A game. I asked most of the questions.

  “I wrap a plastic bag arou
nd myself. That way my clothes stay clean. And I plug my nose for the night.”

  That explained the smell in the house.

  “So you’re breathing in skunk smell through your mouth?”

  “It’s not as bad as you think. I can’t smell it that way.”

  “Okay.”

  As we got closer to her locker, I saw Laurie lurking a few classrooms away. That girl had been getting more on my nerves lately, strolling around me like a preying lioness, brushing against my arm in gym and sucking on her finger, trying to get my attention.

  “You know, if you keep kicking that locker, somebody’s going to find out they can open the lock without the combination.”

  “Well, if I were rich I’d buy a new lock.”

  Didn’t she know the locks only cost a couple of bucks? She probably did, but even that was money she didn’t have.

  “Here.” I removed the new one I got for her last night from my pocket.

  “Why?”

  “Because.”

  “That’s not an answer.”

  “Well, then, consider it a friendly gesture.”

  “Thanks.” She gave me that rare smile I always looked forward to. It opened up her gorgeous eyes and let me have a peek at a girl without worries. Despite the rough exterior Millie wore to protect herself, she was more like a kitten.

  I waited for her by the locker, watching her remove the old, broken lock. As soon as the metal door swung open, a teacher’s hand grasped her shoulder. It was none other than Mr. Brown. Down the hall, Laurie whispered conspicuously to her friends.

  “What the…”

  “Do you mind if I have a look in here?”

  “Why?” she asked.

  But instead of answering her question, he reached inside and removed a pack of cigarettes.

  “Those aren’t mine.” She pushed the teacher’s hand off her.

  “Come to my office, Millie.”

  “She doesn’t smoke,” I defended.

  “I’ve heard that one before, Dave. This school has rules. You both know that. I’m going to have to call your parents.”

  “They’re not mine!” She raised her voice. Everyone within earshot stared; Millie was rapidly becoming the center of attention. Her face shaded over with red as she became more upset with every passing moment. She was like a sleeping volcano about to erupt.

  “Millie…”

  She ripped her hand away from Mr. Brown. Millie was in self-defense mode. She wouldn’t let anyone touch her. A snicker flew from across the hall, catching Millie’s attention. She pushed past Mr. Brown and headed toward the group of girls.

  She stopped in front of Laurie, asking, “You did this, didn’t you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Carlton.”

  “Why the hell do you keep picking on me?”

  “You think you deserve that kind of attention? And why would I pick on a brat who sleeps with her step-siblings?”

  Millie wouldn’t have allowed Caleb or Mark to touch her; in fact, she was barely ever at the Savage house, so Laurie was really trying to get underneath her skin. And she succeeded.

  “Screw you!”

  Then with one fast swing, Millie’s fist connected with Laurie’s nose. If this was what a catfight between girls looked like, I would rather have stepped into a boxing ring with the world titleholder. Punches flew, kicks connected with rib cages, and soon enough the two of them tumbled to the floor, pulling hair and digging fingernails into bare flesh. Someone ripped Millie off Laurie, who took the opportunity to return a strong jab underneath Millie’s eye.

  Screams tore through the halls, and by the time I had a chance to get between them, blood was gushing down Millie’s cheek and from Laurie’s nose. The floor was streaked with so much red you’d think someone had slaughtered a pig. From the cries of rage and pain, I had a feeling that Laurie’s nose was broken.

  I wrapped my arms around Millie, tugging her away and protecting her from Laurie’s persistent claws. That’s when I saw my brother, Justin, holding Laurie away.

  “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” I whispered to Millie.

  “Then – my office.” Mr. Brown pointed.

  I watched as the nurse cleaned Millie’s face. She hadn’t spoken a word and seemed to be lost in thought. As promised, Mr. Brown had called Mrs. Savage, and it was just a matter of time before Millie went back to the foster home for whatever reprimand was waiting for her.

  “She deserved it, Millie.”

  “I know. I just wish it hadn’t come down to that.” Her voice was low and sad.

  Me too.

  “What are you thinking?” I passed her a tissue, and she wiped another drop of blood off her lip.

  “How much I don’t want to go back to that house. They’ll make me go back.”

  “Come to mine, then.”

  “They’ll be mad. Real mad.” The fear in Millie’s eyes penetrated my bones. I didn’t dare imagine what Millie would have to face at the Savage’s.

  Millie spent the remainder of the day in detention, working on homework from there, and I couldn’t talk to her. She didn’t wait for me after school, either, and by the time I realized it, she had already gone.

  I ran to the abandoned house, stopping to give the hat lady an extra sandwich I’d bought at the cafeteria. I found Millie sitting at the kitchen counter, twirling her thumbs. She was lost in deep thought.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know yet. This could really screw my chances.”

  “Chances of what?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head. I hoped she’d feel comfortable enough to tell me later.

  “How long do you have left at the Savages?”

  “This morning, I would have said a couple of months. Since the school called them about the cigarettes and the fight, it may be only days. They don’t want anyone messing up their clean track record at the city.”

  She finger quoted the clean track record.

  The Savages had every right to be worried about their reputation, but it had nothing to do with being good foster parents for Millie. I was more afraid of the kinds of punishments they’d come up with to get back at her.

  “How does that happen? I just don’t get it. How can the law allow that? People like them should not be running a foster home.”

  “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “What’s the worst that could happen?” I asked. “They wouldn’t hurt you, would they?”

  “No. But they’ll ask to have me transferred. Doesn’t really matter.”

  It mattered to me. I didn’t want her to leave our school.

  “Does it bother you that you keep moving?”

  “Does it bother you asking inconsiderate questions? You’re like the persistent pest who won’t die.”

  Why was she mad at me? Why was she trying to push me away?

  “I’m sorry, Dave. It’s just… hard. I wouldn’t even have to be there if I could find a place of my own.”

  I wished she could see the value in what I wanted to offer her, but I wasn’t sure how without having her feel like a charity case, which Millie didn’t appreciate.

  “How long have you been going from home to home?” I asked.

  “Most of my life.”

  “Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

  “I… I had a little brother.” Her eyes held sadness. If she weren’t determined to keep that wall up between us, she’d probably cry.

  “I’m sorry. It can’t be easy.”

  “It’s fine. It’s hard to get placed with a sibling. At least he was taken away to a good home, from what I heard. Babies have a greater chance of being adopted. So he’s safe, at least. When I get my own place and have enough money, I’ll get him back. It’s called reverse adoption. If he’d want to be with me, that is.”

  “I’m sure he would. Is that why you try to stay out of trouble?”

  “Yeah. Need to keep that record clean. I’m glad he’s safe, t
hough.” She smiled. Somewhere inside her head, I bet she was thinking about the good place her brother was at right now.

  “What about you?” I asked.

  “Who’d want to adopt me? I have half a year left before I’m legal. And technically I can live on my own now, but who’d rent a place to a seventeen-year-old with no job?”

  Why did it feel like she was waiting to turn eighteen for all the wrong reasons?

  “You shouldn’t want to be on your own so fast. You need a family.”

  She shrugged. “I already had one. They didn’t turn out to be that good.”

  The awkward silence grew between us.

  I shook my head and grabbed her arm. “Come with me.”

  “Ouch!” She wiggled out of my grasp. I didn’t realize I was holding her so firmly. Or maybe it was a bruise from the fight? “Why, so you can finally report me? Stab me in the back, just like Laurie? I should have never talked to anyone at your stinking school.”

  I let go of her. “You know I wouldn’t do that.”

  “I had a good thing going here, you know. Until that stupid bitch, no one cared what I did. And when I move, I’ll get a fresh start.”

  “That’s the problem, Millie. Someone should care.” She rubbed the spot where I’d had my hand on her a moment ago, and I regretted squeezing her. “Let me have a look at your arm.”

  Hesitating, she rolled up her shirtsleeve. A scratch ran down the length of her arm. “You didn’t show this to the nurse?”

  She shook her head.

  “Your eye’s swelling too.”

  “It’ll go away.”

  I sighed. “Look, you can stay here for all I care, but you already know that my father’s a great cook.”

  “What about your mother? You never mention her.”

  We hadn’t talked about her up until now simply because I wanted to avoid the subject, and since Millie still hadn’t set foot in my house, she only knew as much about my family as I allowed. In fact, we’d both avoided the subject of family. I was afraid if she knew how much love I’d gotten from mine that she’d feel out of place.