Everlasting Light

by Shey Stahl

  “Yeah what?”

  “I’ve been kissed before.”

  Play it cool, I told myself.

  “By a boy?” His question came out with a laugh as he leaned on his arms, propping up his relaxed body. He was probably hoping it was a girl.

  “Well, yeah.” Trying to show him I was comfortable—though I wasn’t—I leaned back on my arms, mimicking his position.

  “Sure you have.” The sarcasm in his voice was clear, and I didn’t appreciate it, and he knew it. Looking over at him, I watched him gaze down at my position and then my chest. “And I bet you’ve never had sex before, have you, pretty girl?”

  What the fuck? Did I look like a child to him?

  Glancing around, I caught sight of those around the fire, a few watching us, others caught up in their own conversations.

  “Shut up,” I said, giving his shoulder a push, teasing him. “It’s none of your business anyway.”

  “I’m just teasin’ ya.” His eyes caught mine, and we stared in silence. His forehead creased in deep concentration before he finally asked, “Do you want me to kiss you?”

  I felt that question in my gut, like a punch. My heart bounced and then settled on a hard thumping beat. Just his presence made me so ridiculously nervous, but suddenly I felt brave.

  Don’t be shy and naïve. Act normal, like this happens to you all the time.

  “If you want to.”

  Tilting his head, he stared at me in silence and I could tell he understood what I was feeling. The anticipation, the fear, and the excitement, it was all there for him to see for himself, if he wanted.

  I was trying to be indifferent. I didn’t lean in, nor did I act like I wanted it to happen.

  And then it happened. Moving closer, he had me trapped securely against his side. I felt his hot breath on my skin, and then the tender brush of his lips.

  “So are you going to let me kiss you sometime soon?” he asked, moving my hair to the side and brushing his lips down my neck, so close the warmth of his body overwhelmed me. I had never been kissed on the neck. Ever. Not even when I lost my virginity.

  Then came the tingles, the tiny hairs standing on end, and a warm feeling situated itself nicely in my gut. I wanted to be kissed on my neck all night.

  Screw the lips, keep kissing my neck!

  “I wasn’t aware you wanted to.” Heated cheeks and hearts beating fast, we stared at each other for a moment. I tried moving back a little, but he wasn’t having it as he kept a firm grip on me. Though he was making me wait, he wasn’t about to let an inch of space come between us.

  Dipping his head forward, I had his lips again. “I think you are well aware of the fact I want to kiss you, Bentley.” His lips became steady as he kissed up and down my neck, sending shivers through my entire body.

  “Hmmm,” I said, enjoying the feel of him finally touching me. “I don’t think I was aware of that.”

  He pulled back, his eyes locking with mine. His sky blue eyes sparkled as a coy smile graced his lips and he leaned in. “You knew. You did.”

  And at last, his lips touched mine. My body jerked at the feeling of lightening rushing through my veins as his lips fused with mine. His free hand that wasn’t on my hip pulled my face securely against his as his tongue glided along my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth to accommodate. With his hand sliding into my hair, he kissed me deeper, giving me his tongue, tasting of whiskey and cinnamon.

  As he surrounded me, heavy and constricting, the taste on my tongue was the only thing that mattered. It was a moment I would never forget and a feeling I would never understand.

  His kisses became filled with passion, more urgent, as if he wanted more. Moving closer, his hands fused me to him, with no complaints by me.

  How does he control my reaction to him this way?

  And why me?

  Closing my eyes, I let the sensation soak over me like rain, coating everything and encouraging me to believe this was really happening, that Beau Ryland was actually here with me. There were hundreds of women here on this lake, but because I took a flying leap through the air while I wasn’t watching where I was going, I was the one in his arms, lip-locked.

  With a sigh, he pulled back, and I could see it in his eyes. I could see the significance and feel his passion. He felt something for me, even if it was just for tonight.

  But then it ended. He drew away, the soft and tender smile matching his eyes. “Told you I wanted to.”

  “Well, not necessarily,” I pointed out. “You asked if I was going to let you kiss me sometime soon. You didn’t say the words ‘I want to kiss you.’ You could tell I wanted you to kiss me, but I didn’t realize you’d kiss me stupid.”

  He raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Kiss you stupid?”

  “Um, well, I apparently forget how to speak around you, so yes, you kissed me stupid.”

  He winked and gave me one more kiss, this one lingering on my lips a little longer.

  With a sigh, I leaned back and stared at the stars.

  Despite my grand entrance, maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad. If only I could shut the fuck up and stop talking in front of him.

  What was I doing?

  Was I leading her on?

  No, you’re just…I had no answer to finish the thought.

  I knew I was nowhere ready for any type of relationship, but I didn’t want to let this girl go.

  “What’s going on with you and the hottie with the legs?” Miles asked when I was retrieving beer from the keg, one for me, one for her.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled, barely making eye contact. I’d known Miles since I was a kid. If I looked up at him, he’d know I had intentions with this girl. For tonight anyway.

  “She looks like she took a pretty good fall there, enough that you—”

  Glaring, I shook my head before he could say anything. I knew where he was going with that. He saw me kiss her and he was going to point it out, or ask where I was going with it.

  Even I didn’t know why I kissed her. There was just something about those eyes and the way the fire sparked against them that had me wanting a closer look.

  Miles didn’t let my glare stop him from watching Bentley dancing around by the fire with Blaine and two other girls. He let his eyes wander a little too long and a pang of jealousy gnawed at me. I shoved him back. “Knock it off.”

  He held up his palms, grinning, as he watched me grab two beers from the cooler beside the tapped keg. “Okay, I see she’s spoken for…at least for tonight.” Then he gave a nod to the house. “You can use my room if you want.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like that.”

  He knew I had my eye on her from earlier when I told him to keep his hands off. Miles let out a dark laugh while raising his beer to his lips, shaking his head. “Yeah, right.”

  My problem was, if I didn’t show interest in Bentley, one of these guys here would, like Miles.

  You could be damn sure I wasn’t going to allow that to happen. No fuckin’ way. The idea made me want to run down to the fire and grab her, haul her over my shoulder, and lead her away like some kind of caveman.

  Miles made a humming sound, as if he knew my answer of, ‘It’s not like that.’ was bullshit. Even I didn’t know if it was true, but I knew I wanted another kiss soon.

  I craned my neck forward to look over at her. Watching her dance, and those tan legs, hell, I wanted more than a kiss.

  “Sure, Beau, but hey—” he motioned me forward and then gave a nod over his shoulder “—Payton’s been lookin’ around for ya.”

  Fuck. I forgot she was here. Damn it. She was gonna think we could hook up, and the last thing I wanted was to be wrapped back up with her.

  She was in Memphis with me about three months back and we fucked around for a weekend and then called it off, like we always did.

  Payton was toxic. She consumed me and my thoughts any time I was with her. When she left, I was reminded of how lonely I was and that it didn’t matter if I lost myself
in her for an hour, or two. I would never escape that feeling with her.

  My problem was anytime we were in the same city together, she assumed we’d get together despite me telling her I couldn’t keep doing it.

  I nodded and tried to walk away, only Payton spotted me.

  Ignoring her, I kept walking toward the fire and Bentley, who was now watching me curiously, still dancing around with my sister. My sister wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, but the fact that she instantly took to Bentley made me realize there was something special about this girl.

  Watching them now, you would have thought they were best friends.

  I flashed her a smile, but Payton approached me at the same time. Bubbly and smiling, I knew she was drunk.

  “Hey, babe,” she purred as her arm locked around my elbow and she leaned in to kiss my cheek.

  Only I dodged it and tipped my head to the left so she couldn’t reach. “Don’t.”

  Payton looked offended and jerked her head back in surprise, her wild brown locks falling freely out of the black and red trucker hat with my dad’s bar plastered across the front. “What?”

  “We can’t keep…” I gave a nod south, “doing that. I told you in Memphis.”

  She laughed, or giggled, whatever it was she did that I used to find adorable. “I didn’t think you were serious.”

  “I was.”

  I started to walk away, but Payton tugged me back right before I reached the fire, her pleading green eyes finding mine. “You’ve never said no to me.”

  “I know, but I can’t.” Without meaning to, my stare drifted to Bentley, who was now being coerced into doing shots of tequila with my sister and her friends.

  “Why now? Someone else got your attention?” She gave a quick drift of her eyes to Bentley and then back to me.

  I laughed condescendingly. “Don’t do that to me. You said it was over a long time ago. Just because you keep leadin’ me on, isn’t my fault.”

  She frowned, knowing there was a lot of fucking truth to my words.

  “Excuse me.” I moved away from Payton, her hand dropping from my arm, and then I was standing a few feet from Blaine and Bentley, who were practically holding one another up. When I reached them, both had their arms around my shoulder immediately, squishing me between the two of them.

  “Uh, what are you doing to her?” I asked, looking to Blaine for an answer, noticing Bentley was so drunk now I was actually holding her up.

  She shrugged, glossy-eyed and giggling. “Gettin’ this girl drunk. Fuck, she’s awesome!” Blaine brought the bottle of tequila to her lips, threw her head back, and took a drink. “Now play something for me.”

  I saw the way Bentley watched me when I played for her earlier, and I wanted that look again, the one that said she was totally captivated by my presence. For so long, I never paid much attention to the way anyone looked at me, not since Payton. It was a feeling deep inside I never fully understood until I craved the connection it gave me once I finally had it again.

  I had one-night stands with the intention of getting physical pleasure, and knowing once I did, the thrill would be gone and any feeling I had toward them would be sustained.

  This—what kept drawing me to Bentley—wasn’t anything like that.

  Finally I felt something, a spark, a desire for something more, and it was Bentley who I saw it in. With irises so dark they resembled midnight, I found it ironic we were the complete opposite. Where I was sky blue eyes, the color of the clearest days, she had the darker ones, consuming me. It was as if I could see myself in the shadows of her eyes, my loneliness staring back at me.

  I moved back, out of their grasps, and Blaine held Bentley up, both laughing. Bentley raised her hands up in the air. “I can’t believe I did a flip into you!”

  Her voice was loud, and right in my ear, but I laughed anyway. “I think your shirt jinxed you,” I teased, winking at her.

  “Maybe I should take it off.” It was the first time I’d seen her flirt, with anyone, and it was most certainly directed at me. Even when I kissed her, she was standoffish and timid. This wasn’t timid.

  “Maybe you should.” My problem when I said that was she actually started to.

  I stopped her, kissing her forehead. “I was kidding. Don’t take it off…yet.”

  Her cheeks instantly flushed as she stepped back, smiling, cherry-red lips calling to me. She fiddled with a strand of hair, like she was trying to think of something snarky to say.

  Fuck, what was with this girl that drew me in and held me there?

  Picking up my guitar again, I whispered in Blaine’s her. “Take it easy on her.”

  She knew what I meant. One look at Bentley with a bottle of tequila pressed to her lips, she knew.

  Payton had the nerve to sit down next to the fire as I began to play, crossing her legs seductively.

  Fuck, this should be interesting.

  Maybe I was being a dick, or I’d always been one, but I decided on something new I found fitting for tonight. “This one is call ‘Little Bit More Of You’.”

  It started with a sweet look and that’s all it took

  For this old boy to get torn up and wrapped around your pretty little finger

  Ever since I found you

  I’ve been all about you

  Girl, you might as well be the only girl in this town

  With the lyrics clearly directed at Bentley, Payton huffed out a breath and walked off in the other direction toward a group of men, where Miles and Gavin were now standing as well.

  My gaze turned back to Bentley. She was slumped against a log, giggling with Blaine, and so far gone I was surprised she was still sitting up straight.

  Once our eyes locked and I felt trapped, something stirred in my chest and I was unable to shake the feeling.

  When the song was done, I set down my guitar, and took a seat next to her, the warmth of her body practically scalding.

  “So, pretty girl.” I drew out the words, slowly reaching for the bottle of tequila, because she was now having trouble focusing on me she was laughing so hard. “Maybe you’ve had enough.”

  Bright glassy eyes, sweet creamy skin highlighted from the alcohol—I had to laugh. She was adorable. Usually, I found drunk women annoying. Bentley didn’t even come close to fitting in that category.

  She jumped up, yanking me up to a standing position. Her arms flung up and around my shoulders. I definitely had no complaints, but I feared she’d fall again.

  I’ll catch you.

  Her eyes drifted to mine and then down to my lips. “Not even close, Beau.” Her lips parted, her breath faster, anticipating my mouth on hers. And then she kissed me, again—the kind of kiss that held meaning and promise of more to come. Not just any kiss, a strong, determined kiss.

  I knew that kiss. The soft brush of her tongue, her sweet captivating taste.

  I wanted that too. I bet she was wet and ready for me to go further.

  Fuck yeah.

  When I looked into her eyes, she had an expression I hadn’t seen before. I had never seen the look on another girl, and I certainly didn’t understand the meaning behind it. There was a field full of people surrounding us, but I couldn’t look away from her in that moment.

  Breathing deeply, trying desperately to keep my erotic thoughts at bay. “Come with me,” I whispered and drug her away from the fire to my truck where I sat her on the edge of the tailgate.

  I had to have her alone.

  Standing in front of her, between her legs, I ran my nose up her throat, kissing gently. As I did that, Bentley squirmed under my touch, wrapping her legs around my waist and drawing me closer.

  Kissing her sent a wave of pleasure through my entire body. I ached to lay her back, let my hands roam, and fuck her right here, but resisted, seeing how the crowd around us would surely notice.

  Ordinarily, that wouldn’t have bothered me, seeing as about a dozen trucks around us had the same noises coming from them. Kissing the side of her neck,
I became lost in the moment until her hand found my waist, drawing me into her more firmly.

  She whispered my name, a breath caught in her throat.

  Fuck, I wanted to take this so much further. I wanted to lay her back and cover her body with mine.

  I wanted her warmth.

  I wanted to feel her heartbeat against mine.

  I wanted…just wanted for the first time in a long time.

  Needing a breath, I drew back, my eyes flickered to her lips. “Slow down,” I told her, hoping she understood the meaning. I didn’t want to rush this.

  “I can’t,” she gasped, her body tensing around me.

  My problem was, I had been imagining in detail everything I wanted to do to her, so I couldn’t slow those thoughts down either. My mind had gone wild thinking about kissing her in seclusion, licking up the side of her neck or kissing her breast and sucking her nipples into my mouth.

  I gave thought to slipping my hand down her tiny shorts and feeling how wet she would be. And then another more drawn out thought of me removing those very shorts and slipping inside of her.

  Fuck, you’re an idiot. Keep going.

  Blood surged through me when I started kissing her with more intensity, and it went straight to my dick. I was so hard and trying to draw back, keep from pushing her further when I knew she wouldn’t remember anything in the morning.

  The pent-up passion had been building, and even when I would pull back, I would groan, needing more, and bringing her mouth right back to mine.

  Her kisses were urgent and full of passion, igniting everything I thought I’d lost inside of me, that burning desire to live in the moment.

  Her body moved against mine in a desperate way, pulling me against her, tiny hands caressing me in ways I hadn’t felt in so long and unlike anything I’d felt before.

  Her soft hands swept over my shoulders and down the contours of my back. I let out a groan, pulling her hard against me. My mouth moved from its place against her neck back to her warm lips, moving frantically. Lust began drowning any rational thoughts I had about this and I was scrambling to gain control.