Everlasting Light

by Shey Stahl

  Time seemed to stand still, nothing else mattered but the two of us on the bed of my Ford. Taking off my flannel, I let go of Bentley and then moved to sit next to her on the tailgate. Our mouths collided again, and I groaned into hers, pulling her flush against my chest, hungry lips searching for more.

  Her noises, subtle but so fucking sexy, left me wanting more. She moved then to straddle me. She had to feel my erection against her. She had to. I should have been concerned at the obvious display we were putting on, but I couldn’t help it. I cared about none of that as much as I cared about the way my body was responding to her.

  Her arousal was evident, as was mine, but how could I take this from her?

  “Bentley,” I sighed, keeping her firmly in place, my hands on her hips. “As great as this feels, we should slow down.” It took me a moment to calm my need and hormones, but I did and finally looked down at her.

  “I want you. It’s okay,” she assured me, grinding herself into me. I very nearly flipped her over on the truck bed and fucked her. Every time I touched her, throaty moans escaped. I wanted to feel more of her, so much more.

  It was everything I could do not to.

  “We can’t.”

  Emotions I didn’t understand swirled in her eyes, only I recognized rejection as one of them. “Sorry,” she mumbled at my denial, untangling herself from me and then laying against the cool metal of the truck bed and glanced up at the sky.

  “I just don’t want you to think that’s all I want.” My words seemed lost, she was already assuming the worst.

  Nodding, she wouldn’t look at me, her gaze on the sky.

  Afraid I’d already offended her, I studied the stars.

  When I peeked back at her, she was passed out, sleeping on my arm, drooling.

  Thank God.

  Twisting around, I kissed her forehead and then carried her back to where Laney was. She remained out cold.

  “Oh, you found her.”

  I laughed, watching Laney, who was about as drunk as Bentley was. “I did. Where’s your tent?”

  Laney gave a nod to a row of trees where the tents were lined up. “Over there.”

  “Hey,” Laney called out when I was a few feet away.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for, you know,” Laney waved to me and Bentley, stumbling around in the uneven ground beneath our feet, “for not being a total douche.”

  I squinted at her as she tied a flannel to her waist, and then brought a cup to her lips. “What?”

  “With Bentley…you’re the only reason she came to this party. So thanks. For being cool.”

  I was the reason she came? Bentley didn’t seem like someone who would go to a party just to meet me…or had she?

  With what seemed like luck, I managed to get Bentley inside the tent without dropping her. Part of me wanted to stay in there with her, but then the more noble side weighed out, knowing if I did and she woke up, I might try something.

  Scratch that. I knew I’d try something.

  Instead, I covered her up with my flannel and went back to the party where AC/DC was blaring.

  Miles caught me by the fire and sat next to me on the log after I put my guitar away inside my truck. He raised an eyebrow. “Where’d Legs go?”

  I snorted, unsure of what to make of her friend’s comment or Miles and why he was concerned with Bentley. “Passed out.”

  Miles handed me a beer. “And you didn’t fuck her? Free game when that happens.”

  He wasn’t serious, at least I hoped he wasn’t. What kind of jerk would do that?

  Well, he might. He did sleep with my sister. Most guys know sisters are untouchable.

  But hey, they all fucked Payton, too, so where the hell was the brotherhood there?

  I suppressed a sigh, turning my hat around backward. “No, Miles, I didn’t. I’m not an asshole.”

  Around the fire, three girls were dancing to the radio, topless, and I noticed one was Payton. She was kissing another girl, eyes locked on mine trying to entice me into joining. She’d played this hand before, mostly when she was getting desperate for me to look her way.

  I’ll admit, it worked when we were younger, but not now. Especially not now.

  Miles chuckled watching Payton. “Hmmm, interesting.” He shifted in his chair, probably turned on by it. Leaning to one side, he relaxed and glanced at me again. “Does Legs have a boyfriend?”

  “I don’t think so.” She hadn’t mentioned one, and I asked her.

  Did she lie to me?

  Nah, she wasn’t the lying type.

  “Oh, I thought I heard someone here say she did.”

  Shrugging, I stood, taking the beer with me. “No idea.”

  Passing by her tent, I had to force myself not to go check on her. I found an empty tent and noticed by the coat inside of it, it was Gavin’s and figured he wouldn’t mind if I crashed in there with him.

  Laying back against the vinyl, I breathed in deep, telling myself to stay in the tent.

  The thought was there, and then without warning, I was hard again, imagining her kissing me and the way she felt wrapped around my body.

  Damn it.

  Had she really just showed up because I was going to be here?

  “Fuck,” I groaned, feeling like I’d made a mistake turning her down.

  My head was pounding, a sharp pulsing in my ears and neck to a horrendous rhythm of a growling snore.

  Fucking Laney.

  “I hate you,” I muttered, trying to shake her awake.

  It didn’t work.

  Though I wanted her to, there was no way Laney could hear me with the horrific nasally noises coming from her. I’d been dealing with her snoring for four years now, and I knew it wasn’t about to get any better. The more you tried to wake her, the worse it became.

  Laney and I slept in a tent last night—though I wasn’t exactly sure how I got in a tent—and I thought about sleeping outside at one point.

  I mean, seriously, she sounded like a damn freight train every time she took a breath. I wondered how she stayed alive, surely she wasn’t getting quality REM sleep sounding like that. No wonder she woke up tired all the time in college.

  Grumbling to myself about the inner workings of Laney’s respiratory system, I got out of the tent and sat by the smoking fire as Beau emerged from his own tent without a shirt on.

  Holy shit, he’s here again.

  Seeing him wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, I almost choked on my own saliva.

  Did I mention his belt was undone?

  It was, and it was a shame he was buckling it.

  Damn, look at that body.

  If I were him, I would walk around half-naked all the time just because I could.

  When he noticed me, he quickly pulled on the shirt he had tucked under his arm and then his hat.

  “Hey there,” he greeted me, scratching the back of his head. “How ya feelin’?”

  “Like death,” I mumbled. If death was a feeling, I was sure it resembled this.

  Surrounding the fire were about a dozen people sprawled out in the grass, some awake, some out cold from the party last night. Around them were beer cans and empty liquor bottles.

  With the way my body and head felt, I was sure at least a few of those bottles were from me. I was surprised I wasn’t one of the passed out bodies by the fire judging by the taste in my mouth. I didn’t even remember getting inside the tent.

  Crap, what the hell was I thinking last night?

  I hadn’t been, that much was apparent. Judging by my headache, torn up knees, and the bandage on my head, the night hadn’t been easy on me.

  Clearly confused, I peeked over at Beau as if he held the answer. He grinned wider, but didn’t say anything.

  What in the world did I do last night?

  The look in Beau’s eyes and his smile made me question if we…well, you know. But I was fully clothed this morning and still wearing that damn tank top… Wait. I looked down at my shirt.

>   Fuck. I was wearing someone’s flannel shirt.

  Where the hell did this come from?

  I stared down at it offensively, my eyes wide, and then looked at Beau questioningly.

  “How’s your head?”

  “Hurts.”

  He could tell I was wondering why I was wearing this shirt, and noted, “You look good wearing my shirt.”

  Can I keep it? I’ll make a blanket out of it—or better yet—a pillowcase.

  “How’d I get your shirt on?”

  His smile faded and he glanced over at the lake in the distance where a few people on the dock enjoyed the peace before the parties started up again.

  Taking a seat next to me, he bumped my shoulder in the process. “I gave it to you.” He shrugged, leaning forward so his elbows were resting on his knees, his head hanging as if his neck were sore.

  “Oh.” I gave him a half smile, wishing I could remember last night, but it made my head hurt to even think about it.

  What if we had sex and I didn’t remember it? How tragic would that be?

  Looking at Beau, I noticed he wasn’t smiling. Had I offended him?

  His hand ran through his dark brown hair, and then he put his ball cap on. “You don’t remember last night, do you?”

  I swallowed, heavily, feeling like my heart was going to explode. “No.”

  “That’s a shame.” And then he waited for our eyes to meet. “You don’t remember me kissing you?”

  The moment he mentioned it, the images of that kiss flooded my brain, and then I remembered my fall and getting so drunk I had to be carried to bed because I couldn’t walk.

  I also remembered attacking him, begging him to have sex with me, and being denied.

  God, memories suck.

  Why couldn’t I have just gone on remaining clueless?

  I frowned, disappointed in myself. “I remember.”

  “So I take it you’re not thrilled by what happened?” he pressed, looking for an answer. With the intoxicated haze of last night beginning to lift, the closeness I felt to him now was unlike anything I’d ever felt before.

  “I wouldn’t say that, just confused.” I snorted, once. “Maybe I hit my head a little too hard.”

  He nodded, taking a deep breath. “Well, you did hit your head pretty hard, but what has you confused?”

  That you’re talking to me. That you’re here, next to me and so much more than I imagined you would be.

  “Why you stopped us,” I admitted, staring down at my hands, wishing I could throw them over my face from the embarrassment. But with my luck, I’d probably knock myself out in the process, give myself a black-eye and a fat lip to match my attractive looking gash on my forehead.

  Just before Beau was about to answer me, Laney chose then to come out of the tent and made her way over to us.

  Perfect timing, jerk.

  “Hey,” she grumbled. Sitting beside me, Laney placed her arm around my shoulder. “Thanks for coming last night.”

  Stop talking. Go away!

  “Uh, you’re welcome.” I was begging her with my wide eyes not to say anything embarrassing in front of Beau. He had his cell phone in his hand now, but still, he could hear her if she said anything—like tell him I’ve been crushing on him since I was fourteen, or that the only reason I came to this damn party was to catch a glimpse of him.

  Then I landed in his lap and he took pity on me.

  See, that was it. He felt bad for me.

  Damn it.

  Laney shifted her eyes to the lake and then back to me, a strange flicker of emotion present. “Gavin said he’d take you back to Mountain Brook today.”

  “Okay.” I stood, awkwardly tugging at the bottoms of the jean shorts that kept riding up. “I’ll grab my bag.”

  “Your stuff is still in his truck.” For some reason, Laney’s face broke into a wide smile and she stood herself. “I’ll find him after coffee.” And then she took off in the direction of the house when she spotted Miles and Wade on the deck, both with coffee mugs in hand.

  “Gavin’s in the tent,” Beau noted, my head whipping around to face him. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but his brow scrunched in what appeared to be concentration. “You can’t leave.”

  You’re right, I can’t. Marry me. Let’s have babies!

  “I need to go. I don’t have…enough clothes for the weekend.”

  “Oh, come on…won’t you stay?” His eyes slowly met mine, and I saw an emotion I couldn’t quite place. “Miles has a washer and dryer. We can wash your clothes.”

  I didn’t say anything. My brain hurt from thinking too much.

  “Please?” he begged, a teasing smile spreading over his beautiful face, watching me fall in his hands, not literally, but he knew I was just about to tell him I’d stay. “I mean, what will happen if you leave? Look at me. I’m a good-lookin’, charming guy, and if you leave…” he shook his head, letting out a slow whistle as he touched my cheek with his warm palm, “I might fall into the wrong hands. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

  Still, I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him.

  Beau’s face was scrunched as if he was trying to remember something. “Why do you want to leave?”

  “I don’t want to leave.” And then I grinned, unable to keep myself from doing so any longer. “Maybe I fell into the wrong hands?” I teased, and then heard Miles and Wade on the deck arguing about who was the best porno director.

  Beau raised an eyebrow. “Still think I’m not the best pick here?”

  “I really wouldn’t know. You’ve scared everyone else off.”

  Liar.

  I would know. I obsessed over him for years. Believe me, I know.

  “Well then see, all the more reason for you to stay and let me show you I’m the better guy.”

  “You’re convincing, aren’t you?”

  “Very much so. You should see what my charm gets me.”

  “Charming? Yeah, like the charm you laid on me last night?” I giggled, unable to stop myself. “If it’s anything like my ‘charm,’ I think you’re in big trouble. Because last night was the least charming thing anyone could have done.”

  He threw his head back, laughing.

  Yep. I’m funny. Not!

  I noticed Payton then, walking with Miles, her arms around his neck. “I have an idea what that charm can get you,” I noted sarcastically.

  Beau frowned, seeming disgusted with Payton and her hanging on Miles, and reached for my hand. “Did you bring a bathing suit?”

  “No…” I tripped while trying to keep up with him as he dragged me toward the house.

  “You can borrow one of Blaine’s.” He glanced back at me, smiling. “Do I need to carry you?”

  I scowled at him. “Shut up. Where are we going?”

  “On the boat.”

  THE SATURDAY AFTERNOON sun was burning against my skin as we laid on the deck of the boat, my mind on Beau and my eyes on the water sparkling like diamonds in the sky I stared at last night. The ripples in the water rocked the boat in a gentle motion I found incredibly relaxing. The longer I laid there, the more I thought about taking a nap.

  When Beau said we were going on the boat, I had no idea it would be him and his friends. For my own comfort, I drug Laney and Blaine with me, only they were in the water and I was afraid to move.

  Soaking up the precious rays, my cup beside me was mostly rum with a splash of coke. I figured if I were going to stay, I would drink to relax me and, hopefully, not be so damn awkward around Beau the rest of the day.

  I heard footsteps before I could see him, and I knew it was Beau standing there by the way my heart started to beat faster.

  “Want some company?” he asked, as he sat down beside me, his hair messy under his red baseball hat.

  He probably just wants some. Why else would he continue to hang around me?

  He turned you down last night, smarty-pants.

  Oh right.

  “Sure
, yeah. Help yourself. If you want.”

  Help yourself if you want? Just stop talking.

  I looked over at him then, arms hung over his knees, watching the lake.

  As we sat there in silence, Laney floated around on a raft. Wade and Miles jumped off the side of the boat. I knew what they were about to do—flip her off the raft. They were obvious about it as they snuck up on her and Blaine.

  Sensing his chance, Miles flipped the raft over, dunking Laney down into the water, and untied the strings of her bikini.

  She screamed, flailing around for the dramatics of it all and knocking Blaine off her raft too.

  Laney wasn’t fooling anyone, though; she loved this shit where Miles was paying attention to her when Gavin was nowhere in sight. I didn’t like what she was doing, leading Miles on, or Gavin, but I wasn’t anyone to judge her.

  Beau shook his head. “They’ll do anything for a little attention.”

  “Who? Miles and Gavin?”

  “Yeah, and Wade.” He let out a chuckle and then sighed, as if he was used to them doing this. “Bunch of fuckin’ hoodlums.”

  Covering my mouth, I giggled hearing him cuss like that. I knew he did, even on those YouTube videos I obsessively watched of him on stage. Between songs, when he was interacting with the crowd, he wasn’t exactly PG-13.

  I once saw him take his pants off on stage and sing an entire song in his boxer briefs. Best three minutes of my life. Well, until last night when he kissed me.

  Just thinking of that kiss sent my heart pounding and my tummy flipping.

  Laney screamed. “I swear to God, Miles, I’m going to cut your dick off and shove it up your ass!” she warned, splashing water his direction.

  Undeterred by her warning, Miles took a hold of her, taking her under water with him.

  “Are they always like this?”

  Beau snorted. “Yep.”

  “You’d think they were competing for her attention.” Cupping my hands around my red cup, I took a slow drink, feeling the effects of the rum.

  Keeping my attention on the water, I noticed how many people were surrounding the boat. It was everything I thought a graduation party at Lake Martin would be, hundreds of beautiful women and men, all drunk and livin’ up their freedom for the weekend.