Everlasting Light

by Shey Stahl

  I nodded, still unable to stop myself from smiling.

  Miles had done the same to Blaine, only she slapped him. “Stop that, jerk.”

  “She doesn’t like him much, does she?”

  “Not really. Miles is an asshole,” Beau noted, shaking his head at them and turning back to me. “He fucked around a few summers back and slept with her. She thought it was more; he didn’t.”

  “Wow, you summed that up quickly,” I teased.

  Beau’s head tilted to one side, his eyes on mine. “Two years of bullshit in one sentence.”

  “You have a way with words, don’t you?”

  He reached out, running his fingers lightly over my cheek, his eyes searching mine. “Sometimes. And you should be careful.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re finding me charming and it’s showing on your face.”

  I wanted to pop off with something snarky, tell him I would never find him charming, though I did, when I felt something against my stomach, and my stare went to Miles to make sure he wasn’t doing anything. He was fighting with Blaine.

  “Something touched me.” And then I thought…was that his… “Was that your—?”

  I couldn’t even finish my sentence; it sounded so childish. I couldn’t say penis around him. He’d think I was juvenile. Would I say cock? That was the adult thing to say, right?

  Beau threw his head back in a cackling laughter, knowing what I was thinking. “No, it wasn’t. We’re like a foot apart. I’m sure you’ll have no complaints in that department, but I’m not a horse.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked, reaching under the water and grazing his crotch in the process. It didn’t faze him one bit, even made him smile wider. Yep, I copped a feel right then and there. My hands shot out of the water. “I’ll just keep my hands to myself.”

  Beau raised a questioning eyebrow at me, a raffish smile plastered across his lips. “Aww, don’t get shy on me now.”

  “Seriously, what was it?” I searched the water, wishing I could see below the surface. I hated surprises and water I couldn’t see through, like lakes. The fact that I was even swimming in the lake was a miracle.

  “Maybe it was a gator?” Beau joked, waggling his eyebrows.

  “Seriously? There’s alligators here?”

  I felt it again, this time on my calf, and screeched, which was heard by damn near everyone on the lake. In my screaming, I lunged forward and grabbed onto Beau, practically climbing up his body in the process.

  He seemed to have no complaints and held me to his chest. “It was probably a bass.” He breathed out, obviously affected by our closeness by the increase in his breathing and the way he watched my eyes and then my mouth, like he was begging for another kiss.

  “Beau?”

  “Yeah?” His breath blew gently over my face, like a warm breeze.

  “Don’t let me down.” Fuck, there was so much meaning in that statement and he knew it.

  His lips twitched into a small smile. “I won’t until you ask me to.”

  Leaning forward, I captured his warm lips with my own, the taste of lake and beer on his lips. Once our lips touched, I lost all sense of time while clinging to him desperately. The sensations were too much and I felt the sweet tension building within.

  I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. I wanted to drag him off right now, but knew he was still going to play later with a group of guys who came over from another house to party with us. I would have to wait.

  Beau kissed me back and then pulled away, his breath increasingly ragged. “It’s killing me waiting like this.” With our mouths parted, he nipped across my chest. His nose swept between the valley and the stubble on his cheek scraped across my sensitive wet skin.

  “Me too,” I finally said, wishing he’d kiss me again. I wanted our mouths to be welded together forever.

  Miles made a cat-calling sound beside us and then wrapped his arms around Beau and me. “Can I join in?”

  Beau glared as he held me in place for a moment and then slowly let me down. “Sorry, but I’m about to kick his ass. I’ll be back.”

  Sensing he was in trouble, Miles took off out of the water, holding up his shorts with one hand as he streaked through the grass and into the house.

  Beau took off after him and my eyes were immediately drawn to his muscular physique as he ran. The way his muscles moved and contracted.

  Jesus.

  As I stood there drooling, Blaine wrapped her arm around my shoulder, her bikini top missing. “I hate that little fucker. He took my top.”

  I snorted out a laugh as she stood there, completely unfazed that she was now topless and standing beside me as if nothing was wrong.

  I wanted Blaine to be my best friend, always and forever. I knew that for sure right then.

  “Still don’t think he likes you?” she asked, dropping her hand from my shoulder when she noticed her bikini top in the water by the shore.

  My eyes did that quick blinking thing where you didn’t exactly know how to answer the question, so you blinked to distract the other person as you desperately tried to think of something to say. “I, uh…oh, you mean the kissing?”

  “The kissing…the attentiveness. All of it. My brother doesn’t do that. Like ever. Not even with Payton-in-my-ass over there.”

  “Oh,” was all I said and then wondered what Blaine thought of Payton. I was a sophomore their senior year, and wherever Payton was, Blaine was nearby. “Do you not like her?”

  Blaine tied her bikini top back on as she spoke. “I used to like her. We were practically best friends growing up, and when she and Beau broke up, she acted like we did too. Wouldn’t talk to me anymore. It wasn’t my fault they couldn’t make it work.”

  I felt so bad for Blaine that her best friend dumped her like that, but I also couldn’t relate. I was never close with girls growing up, probably because I was so fucking awkward they all thought I was weird or snobbish when I didn’t talk much.

  It also made me wonder what really happened between Beau and Payton. Was I just the weekend replacement?

  THE RAIN MOVED in just after the sun finally set and thirty or so people were trying to gain shelter under the covered deck on the back of the house. The guys from the other house showed up with electric guitars and drums, they had quite the set-up back there.

  With his flannel from last night around my shoulders, Beau and I were in the back under the covered deck when he leaned to his side and reached for his guitar after Laney begged him to play for us.

  Taking the sleeves of the flannel, I brought the fabric to my face, and breathed in deep, noticing it was a nice mixture of firewood and Beau, a fresh pine smell I would forever associate with this weekend, this lake, this moment.

  The crowd quieted down when the music began. Sitting on a chair, Beau bowed his head toward his guitar, a trail of chords broke the silence as did the slow drumbeat. His right hand thumbed against the guitar as his voice carried through the air.

  I can’t seem to shake this feeling

  It’s deep in my bones and she’s more than willing

  The song was slower than anything I’d heard him play yet, and definitely a new one. I certainly hadn’t heard this one on YouTube.

  When did he write it? Who was it about?

  I listened to his every lyric, contemplating if the slow song was about anyone in particular when he’d say things like: She was slow-sippin, body swaying to the beat of my heart.

  I knew he wasn’t talking about me, but how strange to think it related a little.

  As I watched Beau, his head tipped back as he belted out lyrics I knew he’d poured himself into, I could feel the passion radiating from him. The energy, the adrenaline, he owned and used to his advantage.

  His eyes met mine again, and his intense stare had me blushing in seconds. He licked his lips in a deliberately casual way. His head angled to one side before dropping his eyes back to his guitar.

  Kiss me under the stars

  Lov
e me and they’re ours

  I’ll keep you safe

  If you keep me wild

  I was far enough back on the deck that if I tipped my head back, I could feel the rain that was coming down in a fine mist, clinging to my overly heated skin in the best way, like a fresh breath of air.

  Looking up at the sky as I gently swayed to the music, I felt every single drop for what it was. I knew then, even if I never heard from Beau again, or this weekend didn’t go any further than right now, I was okay with that. I would be anything he wanted for what I experienced now.

  This was what I had been missing out on.

  This life.

  Beau.

  All of it. Even if I never experienced something like this again. He was so much more than what I imagined him to be.

  Drawing in a deep breath when the song ended, the air felt damp and I savored the way my body felt listening to Beau’s voice surrounding me.

  I was absolutely right, he was more.

  I’ll keep you safe if you keep me wild.

  Did he realize how powerful that was?

  STANDING BY THE fire, for the second night in a row, just as the clouds cleared for a break in the storm, I felt a familiar set of hands on my hips and relaxed, knowing it was Beau.

  It was nearing ten and the party around us was raging, wild and ready for something more, as was I. Beau seemed the same, but down with being the entertainment. I wondered if he ever grew tired of this, always the center of attention and expected to perform.

  “Do you get tired of singing?”

  Beau’s arm wrapped tighter around my chest with his lips at my ear. His tongue darted out and then he nipped my lobe with his teeth. “I’d rather be singing just for you.”

  My stomach was full of butterflies, my heart racing so fast. Inhaling a breath, as if I thought anything tonight would go smoothly, I inhaled a bug.

  A fucking bug.

  Coughing and choking, I either swallowed it, or spit it in the fire, I wasn’t really sure other than it wasn’t in my mouth anymore. Turning slowly, I faced Beau, red cheeked and nearly crying. “If you never want to see me again, I completely understand.”

  He burst out laughing, his shoulders shaking as he turned me back around. “Now why would I want that? It’d deprive myself the chance to see you, like this.”

  “Like what? A hot mess choking on bugs and tripping over logs?”

  “I don’t mind if you trip again.”

  “I’m starting to wonder where all this ‘charm’ you say you have is,” I teased, only to have him growl softly in my ear and hug me tighter.

  It was then I felt his heartbeat between my shoulders, his chest pressed to my back and his arms wrapped around my waist as we danced.

  I could feel his heavy breath on my neck, through my hair. This feeling, the needy ache in the pit of my stomach, was better than anything I’d ever imagined. I was exactly where I wanted to be tonight, and every other night. I never wanted to let him go.

  “Now what?” I asked, leaning my head back against his shoulder, feeling his even breathing against my neck when we finally sat down. I was hoping he’d say we could sneak away someplace to be alone. “Because I’m afraid to move, or breathe, or speak.”

  “You’ll see.” He spoke slow, and then kissed my neck, once.

  Never stop kissing me. Ever.

  “See what?”

  “Shhh…” He pressed his finger to my lips. “Look up, baby, and get lost.”

  Unsure what he was talking about, I looked up to a once cloudy sky dominated by the tumbling grays of smoky and silver clouds, and thousands of tiny lights caught my eyes. I found myself in a place where nothing else mattered. Just tonight.

  The night scattered with silver stars, a surreal blanket above our heads. As one star shot across the sky, I could feel Beau’s breathing against my neck and his hands on my stomach under my shirt.

  The sky looked like glitter, so far away, but always bright, waiting for you to look up.

  In some ways, we were just like that falling star.

  We fell to make our dreams come true.

  I’d put my life on hold through college, and now, I was staring up at the stars with a man I only dreamed I would be able to talk to, let alone be wrapped in his embrace.

  Beau kissed my cheek. “Beautiful, huh?” Drawing me against his chest tightly, his voice was a low gravelly sound that left me trembling in his arms.

  “It is.”

  The crowd around us was fading—slow and sleepy talking with drooping eyes focusing on the glint of the firelight.

  The music was still loud, but not loud enough that I couldn’t hear Beau whisper dirty things in my ear every once in a while.

  All night, it seemed he’d been giving me curious looks, his eyes cutting and smiling, teasing even. It warmed me when he stared at me as though I was the only woman here that mattered to him.

  “What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”

  I bit down on my bottom lip before saying, “Nothing, you’re just…nothing like I thought you’d be.”

  “And that is?”

  “Vulnerable…”

  “Charming?” he ribbed, glossy-eyed, handing me that easy smile again, the one that seemed country, slow and sweet. There was a different side to him tonight, one I couldn’t ignore but felt completely comfortable around, as if I had known him like this, for years.

  I smiled, but didn’t say anything.

  “Did you really only come because of me?”

  “Yes.”

  “And your assessment?”

  I swallowed, thankfully not another bug. “Umm…hot and perfect in all the right ways.” Crap on a cracker, why did I say that? I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, only to have him laugh. “I mean, you’re all right.”

  “I’m just going to assume you mean somewhere in between those two answers, and with that, you aren’t so bad yourself.” He was quiet for a moment before replying with, “But it looks like I have some convincing to do.”

  “Dance with me.” My hands reached down and cupped her ass, pulling her against me.

  “You are so drunk,” she slurred against my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck.

  I could have tried to blame the last two days on the alcohol, saying it had severely damaged my judgment, but, honestly, it wasn’t that at all.

  “I’m actually not,” was my only answer as we moved to the pulsing beat.

  I knew what I wanted tonight, and I wanted to be sober for it. Removing my hands from her ass, I traced them up the lines of her hips—my fingers dug into the velvety skin and pulled her even tighter against my hips. She gasped and closed her eyes as though the sensation was exactly what she wanted.

  She had to feel my erection against her—she had to. I should have been concerned at the obvious display we were putting on, but I couldn’t help it. I only cared about the way my body was responding to her.

  We danced, her hips moving against mine, only we weren’t doing much dancing, but instead kissing on the deck. The rain had moved in again, leaving us all under the shelter of the back porch, well most of us. A bunch of girls were half-naked and dancing on the lawn to The Tractors.

  As our kisses continued, my mouth moved frantically from her ear to her neck and down to her collarbone, then returning urgently to her lips again as if I needed her breath to breathe. I was past the point of stopping.

  “Where are you going?” I reached up and touched her face when Bentley pulled away, our skin brushing again. I couldn’t pry my hands away from her. Not after the teasing we’d done today.

  “Out of this rain.” Our eyes met, locked in a heated stare. “You can join me if you want.”

  She walked away, keeping my stare momentarily, before turning around. I watched her until I couldn’t see her shadow any longer in the moonlight.

  Tossing my beer back, I took one last look at the party.

  What was it that I couldn’t shake about this girl?

  May
be it was the softness in her voice or the smile. Or maybe it was her eyes, so dark and captivating that I wanted to find the depths in which I knew were there.

  Commotion around the house drew my attention, Miles shoving Gavin playfully, or not so playfully into someone. They were competing for Laney’s attention.

  Drawing in a heavy breath, I tried to talk myself out of following her, but couldn’t think of a damn thing.

  Standing, I made my way into the shadows where her tent was. My eyes dropped to the ground as I approached.

  Just leave. Don’t go inside that tent right now.

  If you do, you know damn well what’s going to happen.

  My rational side was outweighed by those dark irises framed by thick lashes and the need to get lost in them.

  I knew for sure she would always be that girl, the one who always crept into my mind, lingered, and left me needing more from her.

  I’ll be anything she needs me to be.

  The sound of the tent’s zipper slowly being opened sent my heart racing.

  I tried to control my breathing, the fluttering in my chest just as heavy as my lids, my long lashes meeting my summer-kissed cheeks briefly before I stared up at the open vent in the tent, sending drops of water on my face, each one a relief from the humidity. I should have closed the vent but there was something about the rain on my skin I enjoyed.

  He moved inside, zipping the door shut again before consuming the small space with me—finally alone, despite the party just outside.

  The rain sounded like bullets against the canvas, and my heart beat so fast, so hard, I couldn’t breathe, let alone comprehend that I was in a tent with Beau and he was removing his shirt.

  A gust of wind rippled through, straining the tent against the ropes and pegs, the edges flapping wildly in the night.

  Beau’s shirt made a slapping sound when he tossed it aside, hitting the ground. The twang of a country song in the distance, ever so soft, ever so right, relaxing me for just a second.

  He took his damn shirt off. Take your jeans off too!