Photographs of Claudia

by KG MacGregor

  dresses.”

  “I see not everyone got the memo that this was a formal

  affair,” the woman grumbled.

  Leo absorbed the snipe that was clearly meant for her, as

  she was the only woman present not decked out in a formal ball

  gown for the approaching ceremony. As a nod to today’s occasion

  she had worn a black silk vest over her usual white shirt, which

  was tucked inside pressed wool slacks instead of tight black jeans.

  That passed for formal in her book. Mrs. Pettigrew could like it

  or lump it.

  Though she wasn’t privy to the story behind the elder woman’s

  scowl, or that of her daughter, anyone with eyes could see they

  felt Eva was marrying beneath her class in Todd McCord. Leo’s

  camera would capture that sentiment on their faces for posterity,

  where it would contrast starkly with the happiness on display

  from everyone else.

  Chapter 9

  Halloween 1986

  The gravel crunched as Claudia pulled off the shoulder of

  the road at the back of a long line of cars. Butterflies welled up

  in her stomach. She was nervous about meeting a houseful of

  lesbians, but hoped her friendship with Sandy and Maria—and

  now Leo—would be enough to earn her a welcome. “Looks like

  a big crowd.”

  “It’s always like this,” Leo said. “No one wants to miss one of

  these parties.”

  Claudia felt a little silly in her leather pants and riveted jacket,

  especially since Leo wasn’t in costume. But Leo had vowed to put

  on something from the bag by the door, and that would help with

  her self-consciousness.

  With growing anticipation, she turned off the headlights and

  ignition. “I’ve never been to a lesbian party before. Is there a

  secret handshake or something?”

  “Not that I know of.” Making no move to exit the car, Leo

  added deadpan, “But don’t take my word for it. Nobody ever tells

  me anything.”

  She was curious about whether Leo’s famed shyness was only

  for new friends like her, or if it extended even to people she had

  known for a while. “Will a lot of your friends be here?”

  Leo shrugged. “I suppose I’ll know most of them, but not

  very well. The only ones I’d call friends are Sandy and Maria…

  oh, and Patty.”

  “Who’s Patty?”

  “The woman who brought me the jack-o’-lantern. She was

  on the porch the other night when you drove by.”

  Claudia had gotten only a glimpse of the tall redhead, and

  it hadn’t occurred to her until that very moment that she might

  have been something more than a friend. “Is Patty someone

  special?”

  “Oh, no! She’s just a good friend.”

  By the rapid and emphatic denial Claudia surmised there was

  more to it than that, but when Leo didn’t volunteer more, she

  gripped her door handle and drew a deep breath. “Shall we?”

  They walked under the streetlight toward the house. Leo was

  dressed in dark jeans with a white shirt that seemed to swallow

  her, its sleeves rolled to her elbows and the collar turned up. It

  was a popular style, and Claudia thought it suited her perfectly—

  the flowing shirttails made it distinctly a woman’s look, but not

  overly feminine for someone like Leo.

  She tugged Leo’s sleeve. “I like this look. I stole one of Mike’s

  shirts once to wear around the house. It was so comfortable but

  then he stole it back.”

  Leo was enigmatic, a study in contrasts. She was attractive,

  intelligent and self-sufficient. Yet alone. The line of women

  wanting to date her should be wrapped around the corner.

  Perhaps it was, and Leo was holding them all at bay.

  A printed sign by the door said friends didn’t need to knock,

  so Leo led them in to find the party well underway, the stereo

  blaring a familiar Eurythmics tune. About three dozen women—

  many of them in full costume—were crammed into the living

  room and spilling onto the deck.

  “Here’s the basket of masks. I have to pick out something.”

  “Let me,” Claudia said, covering her eyes with one hand while

  she groped in the basket with the other. Her fingers brushed

  against a feathered mask and she pulled it out. “You aren’t allergic

  to birds, are you?”

  Leo smiled to see a simple black mask with white feathers

  sweeping upward over one eye, and brilliant blue feathers over

  the other. “That’s probably the one I would have picked if I’d

  been looking.” She slipped the elastic string over her head.

  “That looks terrific.” In fact, she looked dashing, especially

  with her broad white smile.

  As they made their way into the living room, Claudia’s eyes

  adjusted to the dim light and she spotted Sandy in the witch’s

  costume she had worn to school the day before. She waved and

  grabbed Leo’s sleeve to pull her past the crowd.

  Sandy’s eyes lit up with recognition and she set down her

  snack tray. “You made it! And look who you dragged in with

  you.”Leo shouted over the music. “I wouldn’t miss one of these.

  You’d all talk about me.”

  “We talk about you anyway, sweetie.” Sandy gathered up her

  long black skirt and stepped onto an ottoman to scream for quiet.

  Someone killed the music and the crowd went silent. “Everyone,

  I want you to meet my new personal slave. Actually, she’s my

  intern this semester, Claudia Galloway.”

  Claudia felt herself redden under the attention, but she

  managed to smile and hold up a hand in greeting.

  “I told her all of you were nice. Imagine that.” She leaned

  over and tugged Claudia closer. “Now I hate to break your hearts,

  but she doesn’t play for our team.”

  The news was greeted by hisses and boos. “We’ll fix that,”

  someone shouted.

  “You’re too late,” Sandy continued above their laughter, lifting

  Claudia’s hand to show off her ring. “Claudia here has a fiancé.”

  “Somebody better tell Leo that.” Claudia followed Sandy’s

  eyes to the red-haired woman she had seen on Leo’s porch. Patty,

  who wore a San Francisco Giants baseball uniform, gave her what

  she hoped was only a playful sneer before shooting a lascivious

  grin at Leo.

  “Let’s go outside,” Leo said, nudging her anxiously as the

  music started again and people turned back to their conversations.

  They passed through the sliding glass door and found a spot to

  themselves in the corner of the deck. “Sorry about that.”

  “What was that all about? I thought you said Patty was a

  friend of yours.”

  “She is. But she’s also notorious for saying whatever’s on her

  mind. Nobody takes her seriously.”

  “Was it my imagination, or was she shooting daggers at me?”

  Claudia was beginning to suspect Leo and Patty had a history.

  Leo propped her elbows on the rail and pushed up her mask

  to rub her eyes, obviously flustered. “I’m pretty sure those were

  meant for me, not you. When Patty brought the jack-o’-lante
rn

  the other night, she asked me to come to the party with her. She

  sort of got her nose out of joint when I told her I was coming

  with you.”

  “You should have called me, Leo. You could have gone with

  her instead. I would have understood that.”

  “I didn’t want to go with Patty. She has a…a different idea

  about her and me. Don’t get me wrong. She’s a nice person and I

  like her a lot. I just don’t want to date her.”

  “Ah.” That confirmed Claudia’s earlier suspicions that it was

  Leo who wasn’t interested in dating, or at least that she hadn’t

  found the right woman yet. “Have you known each other long?”

  “About four years. A bunch of us rode up to San Francisco

  for Pride. We went out a few times after we got back. No spark

  or anything, though, and after a while it started to feel forced.

  I quit going out with her but she never stopped asking. Now I

  think she just does it out of habit. She’d probably fall over if I

  ever said yes.”

  “So she’s just playing, huh? I’m not going to walk out later

  and find a key scratch down the side of my car, am I?”

  “No, she’d never do anything like that.” But an ambiguous

  expression crossed her face, which Claudia took to mean that it

  wasn’t entirely out of the question.

  “Any other spurned lovers I need to know about?” she

  teased.

  “None, and just for the record, Patty and I weren’t lovers. I

  wouldn’t do that with just anybody. I’d have to feel something.”

  “That’s a pretty good rule to live by.” She wondered if that

  meant Leo hadn’t had sex with anyone since Melissa. That was

  four or five years ago. “A lot of us like to think we’re that way

  but we don’t exactly live our values, especially when it comes

  to sex. Sometimes we even try to manufacture feelings after the

  fact so we can justify our behavior…not that I’m speaking from

  experience or anything.” She looked away and whistled with

  exaggerated innocence.

  “You did that?”

  “It wasn’t that bad. But you know what they say about

  men—they want their lovers to have a lot of experience in bed

  and their wives to be virgins. Mike wasn’t too happy to find out

  someone else had gotten there before he did. He had to know all

  the details about my first time, and I didn’t want to tell him it was

  just a typical case of teenage hormones gone wild, so I made up

  some tragic story about how I thought I was in love and it turned

  out I was just young and naïve.” She couldn’t quite read Leo’s

  expression, but the upturned corner of her mouth suggested

  amusement. “I bet you’re thinking it doesn’t bode well that I’m

  not even married yet and already I’m concocting tales, but trust

  me. A man doesn’t always want to hear the truth, especially if it

  means his future wife had horny sex for curiosity’s sake. And I’m

  sure he wouldn’t be too thrilled to know that he’s not even the

  second. Definitely a case of what he doesn’t know won’t hurt

  him.”

  As several quiet seconds passed, Claudia got the sinking

  feeling she had said too much. She should have realized sooner

  that being friends with a lesbian didn’t necessarily mean she

  should talk freely about her sexual exploits with men.

  “And there you have it, more than you probably wanted to

  know about Claudia Galloway.”

  “No, no,” Leo said. “I was just thinking you’re probably right

  about how we pretend to be in love. We convince ourselves that’s

  what it is because that’s what we want it to be. Otherwise we have

  to admit we gave away something for nothing. Not just with sex,

  but with letting someone that close.”

  “Were you in love with Melissa?”

  “I thought so at the time, but then I decided it wasn’t really

  love unless both of you felt it.” Her voice implied indignity rather

  than sadness.

  “I don’t know about that. Just because Melissa had other ideas,

  that didn’t make your feelings any less real. It probably made it

  impossible for things to grow between you, but it doesn’t mean

  you didn’t feel love.” She wondered how much Leo’s experience

  with Melissa weighed on her apparent reluctance to date other

  women. “Sooner or later, you’ll meet someone and have all those

  feelings again.”

  Leo looked over her shoulder, as if making sure there was

  no one within earshot. “I’m not too bothered about it, if you

  want to know the truth. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t,

  I’m not going to pine my life away like some old brokenhearted

  spinster.”

  “I’m sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean to sound so patronizing.”

  “No, it’s not that. I just don’t want people to worry about me.

  Even if I never fall in love again, I’m sure I’ll be happy, because

  I’m not going to let that become the most important thing in

  my life. People like Patty are just the opposite. All she wants in

  the world is somebody to love. Every day that goes by that she

  isn’t in a relationship is a day she isn’t happy. I hate it for her

  because she needs that, and I don’t ever want people to feel that

  way about me.”

  “I understand.” Though Leo had explained it in terms of

  not wanting her friends to worry, Claudia couldn’t help but feel

  admonished. “It’s not like I’m some great sage when it comes

  to love anyway. I just got lucky with Mike. It would have been

  agonizing if I’d fallen in love with him and he hadn’t fallen in

  love with me.”

  “I think that’s what it’s like for Patty. I feel bad for her, but

  not enough to date her. At least we’re still friends.”

  Claudia spun at the rail to face the party and nudged Leo

  with her elbow. “Let’s go back in so I can meet her. Maybe I can

  talk her out of keying my car.”

  Leo could barely contain her smile as Claudia poured on the

  charm with Patty, who was glowing with pride at the attention.

  “Seriously, Patty. You must be very smart to have a job like

  that. My father has a computer in his study but I can’t even figure

  out how to turn it on.”

  “It isn’t hard. Get Leo to bring you over sometime and I’ll

  show you all you need to know. I have an IBM AT with a twenty-

  meg hard drive. It runs on DOS—we’re talking the future of

  the tech industry. I’ve loaded WordStar and Lotus so all I have

  to do is put in my floppy disk. That’s just for personal stuff,

  though. At work I do most of my programming in dBASE on the

  mainframe.”

  “There’s Maria. We should go say hi,” Leo interjected after

  noticing Claudia’s eyes had glazed over in confusion from Patty’s

  technical jargon.

  “I’m so happy I got to meet you,” Claudia said, putting out

  her hand.

  “Believe me, the pleasure was all mine.” Patty leaned in and

  whispered mischievously, “And if things don’t work out with that

  fiancé of yours, come on back an
d we’ll show you a good time.”

  Leo steered Claudia toward the kitchen, where Maria

  had just taken a stack of empty cups. She was glad to have the

  confrontation behind her, especially since Claudia had shocked

  her by playfully telling Patty she had no idea how much fun

  lesbians could be, and she was glad she still had time to change

  her mind. Patty would never have expected such nonchalance

  from someone with real questions about her sexuality.

  0

  Maria, thirty-six years old and sculpted from hours in the

  gym, stood at the island of her gourmet kitchen arranging stuffed

  mushrooms on a tray. Her short blond hair looked almost golden

  under the tinted track lighting. “Hey, girls! Sorry I didn’t say

  hello earlier. I was upstairs showing Joyce some of the photos I’m

  putting into a gallery in San Luis Obispo.”

  “You got into another gallery?” Leo exclaimed. “How many

  is that?”

  “Eight. But that’s not the big news.” Maria motioned for them

  to come closer. “I haven’t told Sandy this yet. She’s going to flip

  out. You remember that black and white collection I showed last

  year in Santa Monica, the one with all the octogenarians? I asked

  an agent to shop it around and she called this afternoon—some

  publisher wants six of them for a coffee table book.”

  “That’s fantastic!” Leo held up her hand for a slap. “That’s

  my favorite collection of yours. I loved the way you lit the lines

  in their faces.”

  She gripped Leo’s forearm and shook it emphatically. “That’s

  the kind of thing we learned at the Santa Fe workshop. Why do

  you think I keep telling you to apply?”

  Maria had been raving about the portrait workshop

  for two years and had offered half a dozen times to write a

  recommendation for Leo. “I don’t think they’d take me,” Leo

  argued again. “I haven’t had enough practice with the fine art

  aspects of portraits.”

  “That’s the whole point of the workshop, silly. And besides,

  you already know more about portraits than most of the people

  who were there when I was. You’re just not getting credit for it.”

  She turned to Claudia. “Have you been to her studio? Her work

  is so…” She frowned dramatically as she searched for the right