Keep Forever

by Alexa Kingaard

  Paul felt his face redden with embarrassment, unprepared to hear what Lily felt she had to say. He fiddled with his coffee mug.

  “And Mama, don’t think I don’t know how hard it’s been for you. No matter what, you were always there. You take care of everyone and everything, and even when the work piled up or you were worried about one thing or another, you still managed to create the most cherished, childhood memories.” It was Elizabeth’s turn to be a bit uncomfortable. She was not used to hearing these words spoken aloud.

  Elizabeth knew what was coming next, but still held her breath as she watched her daughter grab Michael’s hand and draw him into the conversation. Lily glowed. “Mama, Daddy, Michael has asked me to marry him . . . and we’re going to have a baby.”

  As she exhaled, Elizabeth watched the expression change on Paul’s face from one of embarrassment to delight. He raised his coffee cup as if to toast. “Well, all right.” The unassuming simple phrase spoke volumes.

  While Lily and Elizabeth talked wedding plans, Paul glanced at Michael and nodded. He would tell Elizabeth over dinner that Michael had asked for their little girl’s hand the week before and that he’d been sworn to secrecy. But the baby, another grandchild, was a complete surprise. Their children having children.

  Paul stayed long after Lily and Michael left. The comfortable surroundings of Elizabeth’s small apartment gave him a sense of security and well-being compared to his congested, over-crowded environment. He felt momentarily lifted from the pain he had inflicted on himself, his children, and his Elizabeth. “I hope it’s a boy,” he said under his breath.

  “What did you say?” Elizabeth heard Paul mumble, unsure if it was important or not.

  “Oh, nothing,” Paul responded with a wave of his hand.

  Elizabeth countered, “Well, I was thinking it would be perfect if Lily and Michael had a little boy. Wouldn’t that be great?”

  A look of serenity, seldom exposed, washed across Paul’s face. “It sure would, Elizabeth . . . it sure would.”

  )

  Six months later, Noah Paul Cunningham made his entrance into the world.

  Chapter 39

  The ringing phone in the middle of the night, never expected, but always dreaded, sounded much louder than it was. Elizabeth slept with the phone within arm’s reach and fumbled to answer before the answering machine could intercept the call. Her heart raced, and she braced for bad news. “Is this Mrs. O’Brien?”

  The unfamiliar voice made her uneasy. Elizabeth started to tremble and could barely answer. “Yes, this is Elizabeth O’Brien. Who is this?”

  “I’m calling from San Diego General Hospital. I am verifying that you are the mother of Lily Cunningham.” Elizabeth could barely hold onto the phone. Her hands began to sweat and bile rose in her throat. She felt like she was going to throw up, but managed to continue the conversation with the stranger on the other end.

  “Yes, Lily’s my daughter. Please, is she all right?”

  “Please take a deep breath, Mrs. O’Brien. Lily, her husband Michael, and their four-year-old son, Noah, are at the hospital. We need you and your husband to get here as quickly as possible.”

  Elizabeth interjected in a panic, “What? Are they okay? Are they alive? What happened?” She wanted it to be a bad dream. Her mind flashed back to her fourteenth summer, the policemen in the driveway, and the unspeakable tragedy that shattered her youth and had followed her like a dark shadow every day of her life. God, don’t do this to me again. I can't do this again.

  The woman gave her little information except that they had been in a car accident, Michael and Noah were being treated in the ER with minor injuries, and they were still running tests on Lily.

  “You need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. The doctors will review everything when you arrive. For now, everyone’s stable.” The stranger’s voice assured her that someone would be there to answer all her questions, but left Elizabeth shaken and numb as she hung up the phone.

  Still clutching the receiver, she froze and tried to control herself as another wave of nausea swept over her. After a few deep breaths, she dialed Paul. She couldn’t take the time to think through what she was going to say or how he would react. She needed to make the call and get down to the hospital without wasting another minute. Hands shaking, she willed him to answer without his usual sluggish movements. He picked up the phone on the second ring.

  “Hello.” He neither sounded like he had been sleeping nor even surprised. “Elizabeth, I know the hospital called you. I asked them to because I knew you would know what to do.”

  “Paul, I want you to come with me, but you can’t take all night to get ready.”

  “I want to go. I want to be with you.”

  “Can you be ready in fifteen minutes? I’ll pick you up, but if you aren’t ready, I’ll need to go by myself.”

  “I can do it. I promise I’ll be ready. Don’t worry, Elizabeth. It’ll be fine.”

  Grateful for the five-minute head start he had gotten by being the first one notified, Paul focused on nothing more than putting on his pants, a clean T-shirt, socks, shoes, jacket, and throwing some extra clothes into his duffel, along with his prescriptions and two bottles of water. Stepping onto the porch, he saw the approaching headlights of Elizabeth’s car and her quick turn into the driveway. Paul grabbed his cane, walked to the passenger side of the car, settled into the seat, and buckled up.

  “Told you I could do it. Be careful, Elizabeth. It’s very dark. Go slow, so we get there in one piece.”

  Elizabeth turned to look at Paul. “What did the hospital mean? For now, everyone is stable. For now?” Her words drifted off, she didn’t ask to get an answer and they found themselves gliding toward the downtown hospital on a dark, deserted freeway, unspoken words hanging in the air. She was glad Paul was with her.

  )

  Rushing to the reception desk, Paul trying to keep pace, Elizabeth asked the first person she saw where their daughter was.

  It felt like hours, not seconds, before the girl looked up. “Lily Cunningham . . . Let me see . . . Oh yes, here she is. They just checked her into the ICU in the West Wing. Take those elevators on the other side of the lobby, and go to the fourth floor. The ICU will be on your right as soon as you exit.”

  With a hurried “Thank you,” Elizabeth took Paul’s hand and dragged him to the elevators, urging him to move faster, even though she knew it was difficult for him. He stood up straight and quickened his pace, focusing on the short sprint, feeling every bit as eager as Elizabeth to get to the fourth floor and to their daughter.

  As soon as the elevator doors opened, they saw Michael and Noah in the hall. A young doctor was in a deep discussion with their son-in-law, and although his head was down, he wasn’t crying. From afar, this seemed to be a good sign to Elizabeth. Her imagination painted a dreadful scene. She felt a sharp tug from Paul, as if to steady her body and mind. Together they approached the trio. Noah saw them first. Rushing toward them, arm in a cast from his wrist to his elbow, he leaped into Paul’s arms, almost knocking him backward.

  “Grandpa, Grandpa, we were in an accident! The car who hit us was coming really fast and hit mommy’s side of the car. It was so loud, and then it was quiet, and then there were ambulances, and mommy couldn’t get up, and . . .” Paul laid a gentle hand on his grandson’s shoulder and brought his shaking body close to his, allowing him to lean on his leg and guide him toward his father and the doctor.

  “Shhh . . . it’ll be okay. Take my hand, let’s go talk to the doctor. Your mommy will be fine.” But his heart sank and his legs almost gave way beneath him, as he braced for what he might have to hear.

  Michael looked up, and it was easy to see the fear in his eyes when he stretched out his hand to greet them. Elizabeth drew him in for an extended hug and Paul did the same. Except for being shaken and scared, he appeared to be unhurt.

  Dr. Brian Holcomb, with his short-cropped hair, t
rimmed mustache, and checkered Vans slip-on tennis shoes looked more like a college student than an orthopedic surgeon. He appeared to be barely out of medical school. He greeted Paul and Elizabeth with a strong handshake and an air of confidence that put them at ease. As Noah clung to his grandfather’s leg, Dr. Holcomb continued his conversation with Michael and brought Paul and Elizabeth current on Lily’s condition.

  “I was telling your son-in-law that although Lily has suffered some severe injuries and will need surgery, she’s in stable condition. At first, we suspected the worst, internal bleeding, but tests ruled out any clots or damage to major organs. Both legs suffered compound fractures, but her spine is healthy and with therapy and time, she should be able to resume her normal activities. This rehabilitation may take up to a year or two, but she is young and fit, and obviously has wonderful family support.”

  They breathed a collective sigh of relief, knowing that what was obviously bad, could have been so much worse. Young Dr. Holcomb lowered himself to Noah’s level, and with a bedside manner that can’t be taught, looked him in the eye. “Don’t worry, young man. Your mother will be okay, but she’s going to be staying with us for at least a week. I also want you to know before you go in and see her that some glass from the windshield cut her face a little, so she has a few stitches and bandages and she’s a little puffy. Don’t be frightened. She’ll be your beautiful mommy by the time she comes home.”

  A big smile slowly emerged on Noah’s worried little face, and Elizabeth watched his tiny shoulders relax. Dr. Holcomb stood up, shook Noah’s hand, and glanced at the adults. “Lily is awake. Why don’t you all go in and say hi. I’ll check back in the morning and we’ll be able to discuss her long-term treatment plan then.”

  In an unusual move for surgeons and doctors, he handed Paul and Michael his card. “Call me anytime you have a question. We’re going to be seeing each other quite frequently over the next year, but Lily is going to be just fine.”

  The fact that they were as fortunate as they were to have gotten such a caring, intuitive doctor was not lost on any of them, and Elizabeth felt, from out of nowhere, a brush of warm air as she entered into Lily’s room. She thought of her beloved parents, gone so many years, and it gave her great comfort to think that maybe there had been a couple of angels in the car with her daughter that night, even if it was just her imagination. She sensed a closeness as though she had seen them yesterday, and felt somehow protected, knowing she and Paul were ready to help nurse their little girl back to health, no matter how long the journey.

  Chapter 40

  Elizabeth dropped Paul off at Lily and Michael’s house on her way to work during the week. Their daughter’s recuperation was slow, but her father’s affection and unwavering attention put the family at ease. Knowing that Paul would be there every day was good medicine for both of them.

  “What do you want for lunch today, Lily?” Even though he was slow, Paul was eager to help. “I make a mean peanut butter and jelly or tuna sandwich, or a tuna salad, or scrambled eggs and toast. That is the extent of my ability to cook. Exciting, huh? Oh, and chicken.”

  “Daddy, I’m not hungry yet. It’s not even lunch time. But I’ll let you know when I am. She was propped up on a lounge chair, legs lifted to heart level as instructed, and the remote within easy reach. Her father made sure the radio was tuned to a classic rock station, careful not to bombard his daughter with too much noise.

  “Either the TV or the radio, Daddy. Not both at the same time, please. I prefer the radio. It reminds me of when I was little and I could hear music from every room. It brings back good memories.”

  “Well, what do you know? I didn’t know you even noticed since you and Rex kept yourselves busy dashing in and out, running from one spot to the next. You moved too fast for me.”

  “I didn’t notice so much when it was playing. Mostly when it wasn’t. I only remember a few times when there wasn’t any music in the house, but instead of making me crazy with the constant drone of rock and roll, it made me sad when there was silence. I don’t want to think about that now, Daddy. Maybe I am a little hungry. Can you make me some scrambled eggs and Wonder Bread toast?”

  Paul obliged, emerging about thirty minutes later with her meal. Lily was grateful she wasn’t that hungry. She knew her father moved in slow motion, and after so many years, the whole family learned how to patiently disguise their irritation instead of pushing him beyond his sloth-like pace.

  “Here you go, darling Lily. Did you know there’s a song called ‘Pictures of Lily?’” He balanced her plate of food in one hand, while he reached for the lap tray with the other. Lily didn’t move, fearing he would lose his balance, sure her lunch and her father would both land on the floor.

  “Yes, you told me a hundred times. By The Who. It’s a pretty awesome song. I like my name. Glad you named me after your mother.” Lily wondered if she looked like her, how different it would have been if she and Rex had grandparents that had been there for them like her parents were there for Claire and Noah.

  “Wasn’t a stretch when we were deciding what to name you.” Paul’s mind drifted, as he thought about the day Lily was born, so many years in the past.

  “Concentrate, Daddy! Be careful!” Lily clenched her teeth, fearing the worst was about to happen. “Watch it. Here, hand me the tray.” He almost dropped it, as he steadied himself and, with a sigh of relief, managed to get the plate to her lap.

  “You’re getting old, Daddy,” Lily teased.

  “I’ve been old for a long time. Too long.” Paul shrugged his shoulders, got his plate from the kitchen, and sat down beside his daughter. By the time they finished eating, they were drowsy.

  “Why don’t you take a nap?” The morning activity had caught up with him and he nodded off. As familiar music filled the room from their favorite station, they both fell asleep, waking only to a knock on the door that felt like it came out of nowhere.

  Julia had been standing outside for more than five minutes and she reached into her bag for the extra key. Paul suddenly remembered that she and Claire were coming over after Noah got home from school. Paul was still trying to put his body in motion. He looked up and rocked back and forth to gain momentum, “One, two, three,” he stood up at last, ready to greet his daughter-in-law and granddaughter.

  The older Paul got, the more he resembled Santa Claus, with a full head of thick, shoulder-length gray hair and a beard that reached to the top of his stomach. Claire and Noah boasted they knew Santa personally, and it never took long to turn the doubters into believers once they saw their grandpa. Once inside, Claire raced first to Paul and squeezed him around his legs. Paul bent down so she could stroke his beard, “Hi, Grandpa Santa,” she said with a confidence of a second grader and rushed to the kitchen to find a snack.

  “Keep it light.” Claire rushed past her mother and made a beeline toward the cookie jar. “Your father and grandmother will be joining us for an early dinner.” Claire pretended not to hear, picked up some cookies, and retrieved a clean glass from the dish rack for a cold glass of milk.

  Turning her attention back to Lily and noticing how difficult it was for her to find a comfortable position, Julia added, “Are you still okay with that? If you’re not doing well today, we can make it another time.”

  “No, I was looking forward to it. I’m beyond bored, and six months of being held captive inside these plaster casts has lost its allure. Did I tell you I have an appointment on Monday, and Dr. Holcomb is pretty confident they can be removed? I’m not looking forward to physical therapy or the sight of my legs after all this time, but anything is better than laying down all day. I feel like a prisoner in my own body.”

  “Let me help you.” Julia rushed to Lily’s side, and propped the pillows, making sure the lounger was neither too far back, nor too far forward. Lily’s hair was getting matted and looked like it needed a good wash, but Julia kept the thought to herself as she sat down next to her.

 
; “I know what you’re thinking. That I look pretty rough and it’s been too long since I wore any makeup, but the nurse is coming tomorrow, so I’ll make sure I get a shower and shampoo.”

  While the rest of the world moved forward just outside her front door, Lily never let on to anyone how desperate she was feeling inside, and the demoralization that accompanied the inability to do the simplest of tasks by herself, or for anyone else. Michael had been a rock, Noah thought watching cartoons with his mother was better than any video game, and Elizabeth and Julia made sure the refrigerator was stocked with easy-to-prepare meals. Paul was her daily companion and kept watch over his daughter, tending to her every need as best as he could.

  I know how Daddy feels, she thought as she turned to Julia. “What’s on the menu for tonight?”

  “Thinking pizza, as long as everyone agrees.” Julia studied Paul for an affirmative nod.

  “I heard that,” came a small voice from the kitchen, as Claire carefully put the cookie jar back in its place on the island, and Noah came bursting through the door.

  An overloaded backpack, jacket, and lunch bag that looked like it hadn’t been touched tumbled from his arms two steps into the entry. He was flushed from the day’s activities. “Heard what?” He rushed into the middle of the room before he remembered his cousin and the rest of the family would be eating dinner with them. Running first to his mother, he gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek, and spinning around to face Claire, said once more in a measured tone, “Heard what?” Ever since the accident, he felt like he had to know everything that went on in his absence, and at the beginning of Lily’s recovery, spent his days in school worrying instead of paying attention in the classroom. Subsiding somewhat, he still needed to make sure everyone, not only his mother, was okay when he got home from school before he could relax.