Bloodsucking Fiends ls-1

by Christopher Moore

  Jody sat down on the floor in front of him. "Tommy, you could have killed me."

  "I'm sorry!" he screamed. "I'm afraid of you. You scare the hell out of me sometimes. I didn't think it would hurt you or I wouldn't have done it. I just wanted to feel special, but you're the special one. I just wanted to talk to someone who sees things the way I do, who can understand how I feel about things. I want to take you out and show you off, even during the day. I've never really had a girlfriend before. I love you. I want to share things with you."

  He looked down, would not meet her gaze.

  Jody took his hand and squeezed it. "I know how you feel. You don't know how well I know. And I love you too."

  Finally he looked at her, then pulled her into his arms. They held each other for a long time, rocking each other like crying children. A half hour passed, ticked off with tear-salty kisses, before she said, "Do you want to share a shower? I don't want to let go of you, and it'll be dawn soon."

  Warmed and cleaned by the shower, they danced, still wet, though the dark bedroom, to fall together on the bare mattress. For Tommy, being with her, in her, was like coming to a place where he was safe and loved, and those dark and hostile things that walked the world outside were washed away in the smell of her damp hair, a soft kiss on the eyelid, and mingled whispers of love and reassurance.

  It had never been like this for Jody. It was escape from worry and suspicion and from the predator mind that had been rising for days like a shark to blood. There was no urge to feed, but a different hunger drove her to hold him deep and long and still, to envelop and keep him there forever. Her vampire senses rose to the touch of his hands, his mouth — as if finally her sense of touch had grown to feel life itself as pleasure. Love.

  When they finished she held his face against her breast and listened to his breathing becoming slow as he fell asleep. Tears crept from the corners of her eyes as dawn broke, releasing her from the night's last thought: I'm loved at last, and I have to give it up.

  Tommy was still sleeping at sundown. She kissed him gently on the forehead, then nipped his ear to wake him. He opened his eyes and smiled. She could see it in the dark; it was a genuine smile.

  "Hey," he said.

  She snuggled against him. "We've got to get up. There's things to do."

  "You're cold. Are you cold?"

  "I'm never cold." She rolled out of bed and went to the light switch. "Eyes," she warned as she flipped on the light.

  Tommy shielded his eyes. "For the love of God, Montressor!"

  "Poe?" she said. "Right?"

  "Yep."

  "See? I can talk books."

  Tommy sat up. "I'm sorry. I didn't give you a chance. I guess we were always talking about — about your condition."

  She smiled and snatched a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt from the pile of clothes on the floor.

  "I talked to the other vampire the other night. That's why I left the note."

  Tommy was wide awake now. "You talked to him? Where?"

  "In a club. I was mad at you. I wanted to go out. Show off."

  "What did he say?"

  "He said it's almost over. Tommy, I think he's going to try and kill you, maybe both of us."

  "Well, that sucks."

  "And you've got to stop him."

  "Me? Why me? You're the one with X-ray vision and stuff."

  "He's too strong. I get the feeling he's really old. He's clever. I think that the longer that you're a vampire, the more you can do. I'm starting to feel… well, sharper as time goes on."

  "He's too strong for you, but you want me stop him? How?"

  "You'll have to get to him while he's sleeping."

  "Kill him? Just like that? Even if I could find him, how would I kill him? Nothing hurts you guys — unless you have some kryptonite."

  "You could drag him into the sunlight. Or cut his head off — I'm sure that would do it. Or you could totally dismember him and scatter the pieces." Jody had to look away from him when she said this. It was as if someone else was talking.

  "Right," Tommy said, "just shovel him into a garbage bag and get on the forty-two bus. Leave a piece at every stop. Are you nuts? I can't kill anyone, Jody. I'm not built that way."

  "Well, I can't do it."

  "Why don't we just go to Indiana? You'll like it there. I can get a union job and make my mom happy. You can learn to bowl. It'll be great — no dead guys in the freezer, no vampires…

  "By the way, how'd you… I mean, where did you thaw out?"

  "In the morgue. With a pervert all ready to live out his wet dreams on me."

  "I'll kill him!"

  "Not necessary."

  "You killed him? Jody, you can't keep —"

  "I didn't kill him. He just sort of died. But there's something else."

  "I can't wait."

  "The vampire killed Simon."

  Tommy was shaken. "How? Where?"

  "The same way as the others. That's why the cops let you go."

  Tommy took a minute to digest this, sat for a moment looking at his hands. He looked up and said, "How did you know I was in jail?"

  "You told me."

  "I did?"

  "Of course. You were so tired last night. I'm not surprised you don't remember." She buttoned up the flannel shirt. "Tommy, you've got to find the vampire and kill him. I think Simon was his last warning before he takes us."

  Tommy shook his head. "I can't believe he got Simon. Why Simon?"

  "Because he was close to you. Come on, I'll make you coffee." She started into the kitchen and tripped over the brass turtle. "What's this?"

  "Long story," Tommy said.

  Jody looked around, listened for the sound of turtle claws. "Where's Scott and Zelda?"

  "I set them free. Go make coffee."

  Rivera and Cavuto sat in an unmarked cruiser in the alley across the street from the loft, taking turns dozing and watching.

  It was Rivera's turn to watch while Cavuto snored in the driver's seat. Rivera didn't like the way things were going. Weird shit just seemed to follow him. His job was to find evidence and catch bad guys, but too often, especially in this case, the evidence pointed to a bad guy who wasn't a guy at all: wasn't human. He didn't want to believe that there was a vampire loose in the City, but he did. And he knew he'd never convince Cavuto, or anybody, for that matter. Still, he'd dug out his mother's silver crucifix before he left the house. It was in his jacket pocket next to his badge wallet. He had been tempted to take it out and say a rosary, but Cavuto, despite his growling snore, was a light sleeper, and Rivera didn't want to endure the ridicule should the big cop wake up in the middle of a Hail Mary.

  Rivera was getting ready to wake Cavuto and catch a nap when the lights went on in the loft.

  "Nick," he said. "Lights are on."

  Cavuto woke, instantly alert. "What?"

  "Lights are on. The kid's up."

  Cavuto lit his cigar. "And?"

  "I just thought you'd want to know."

  "Look, Rivera, the lights coming on is not something happening. I know that after ten or twelve hours it seems like something, but it's not. You're losing your edge. The kid leaving, the kid strangling someone, that's something happening."

  Rivera was insulted by the admonition. He'd been a cop as long as Cavuto and he didn't have to take crap like that. "Eat shit, Nick. It's my turn to sleep anyway."

  Cavuto checked his watch. "Right."

  They watched the windows for a while, saying nothing. Shadows moved inside the loft. Too many shadows.

  "There's someone else up there," Rivera said.

  Cavuto squinted at the shadows and grabbed a pair of binoculars from the seat. "Looks like a girl." Someone passed by the window. "A redhead with a lot of hair."

  Tommy took a sip of his coffee and sighed. "I don't even know where to start. This is a big city and I don't know my way around that well."

  "Well, we could just wait here for him to come get us." Jody looked at his cup, watched
the heat waves coming off the coffee. "God, I miss coffee."

  "Can't you just wander around until you feel something? Lestat can…"

  "Don't start with that!"

  "Sorry." He took another sip. "The Animals might help. They'll want revenge for Simon. Can I tell them?"

  "You might as well. Those guys do just enough drugs that they might believe you. Besides, I'm sure the story was in the paper this morning."

  "Yeah, I'm sure it was." He put his cup down and looked at her. "How did you know about Simon?"

  Jody looked away. "I was in the morgue when they brought him in."

  "You saw him?"

  "I heard the cops talking. I slipped out during the excitement when they found the dead pervert."

  "Oh," Tommy said, not quite sure of himself.

  She reached out and took his hand. "You'd better go. I'll call a cab."

  "They took all the money," Tommy said.

  "I have a little left." She handed him two hundred-dollar bills.

  He raised his eyebrows. "A little?"

  Jody grinned. "Be careful. Stay around people until it gets light. Don't get out of the cab unless there are a lot of people around. I'm sure he doesn't want any witnesses."

  "Okay."

  "And call me if anything happens. Try to be back here by sundown tomorrow, but if you can't, call and leave me a message where you are."

  "So you can protect me?"

  "So I can try to protect you."

  "Why don't you come with me?"

  "Because there's two cops in the alley across the street watching the loft. I saw them from the window. I don't think we want them to see me."

  "But it's dark in the alley."

  "Exactly."

  Tommy took her in his arms. "That is so cool. When I get back, will you read to me naked, hanging from the ceiling beam in the dark?"

  "Sure."

  "Dirty limericks?"

  "Anything."

  "That's so cool."

  Five minutes later Tommy stood at the bottom of the stairs with the fire door cracked just enough to see when his cab arrived. When the blue-and-white DeSoto cab pulled up, he opened the fire door and a furry black-and-white comet shot past him.

  "Bummer! Stop!" the Emperor shouted.

  The little dog skipped up the steps with a yap and a rattle every step of the way; his pie-pan helmet was hanging upside down by the chin strap, hitting the edge of each step. He stopped at the top of the stairs and commenced a leaping, barking, scratching attack on the door.

  Tommy leaned against the wall holding his chest. He thought, Good, a heart attack will sure mess up the vampire's murder plans.

  "Forgive him," the Emperor said. "He always seems to do this when we pass your domicile." Then, to Lazarus, "Would you be so kind as to retrieve our comrade-in-arms?"

  The golden retriever bounded up the stairs and snatched Bummer out of the air in mid-leap, then carried him down by the scruff of the neck as the rat dog struggled and snarled.

  The Emperor relieved Lazarus of his squirming charge and shoved the smaller soldier into the oversized pocket of his coat. He buttoned the flap and smiled at Tommy. "Dogged enthusiasm in a handy reclosable package."

  Tommy laughed, more nervous than amused. "Your Highness, what are you doing here?"

  "Why, I am looking for you, my son. The authorities have been asking after you in regard to the monster. The time to act is at hand." The Emperor waved his sword wildly as he spoke.

  Tommy stepped back. "You're going to put someone's eye out with that thing."

  The Emperor held his sword at port arms. "Oh, quite right. Safety first."

  Tommy signaled to the cabdriver over the Emperor's shoulder. "Your Highness, I agree, it's time to do something. I'm on my way to get some help."

  "Recruits!" the Emperor exclaimed. "Shall we join forces against evil? Call the City to arms? Drive evil back to the dark crevice from whence it came? Can the men and I share your cab?" He patted his still squirming pocket.

  Tommy eyed the cabdriver. "Well, I don't know." He pulled open the rear door and leaned in. "Dogs and royalty okay?" he asked the cabbie.

  The driver said something in Farsi that Tommy took for a yes.

  "Let's go." Tommy stepped back and motioned for the Emperor to get in.

  Lazarus jumped into the back seat with a rattle of armor, followed by the Emperor and Tommy. As soon as the cab had gone a block, Bummer settled down and the Emperor let him out of his pocket. "Something about your building vexes him. I don't understand it."

  Tommy shrugged, thinking about how he was going to tell the Animals about Simon's death.

  The Emperor rolled down the window and he and his men rode through the City with their heads out the window, squinting into the wind like mobile gargoyles.

  Cavuto slapped Rivera on the shoulder, startling him out of sleep. "Wake up. Something's going down. A cab just pulled up and that old wacko just came around the corner with his dogs."

  Rivera wiped his eyes and sat up. "What's the Emperor doing here?"

  "There's the kid. How in the hell did he get hold of the old wacko?"

  They watched as Tommy and the Emperor talked, Tommy glancing from time to time at the cabdriver. A few minutes passed and they loaded into the cab.

  "Here we go," Cavuto said as he started the car.

  "Wait, let me out."

  "What?"

  "I want to see where the girl goes. Who she is."

  "Just go ask her."

  "I'm out of here." Rivera picked up the portable radio from the seat. "Stay in touch. I'll send for another car."

  Cavuto was rocking in the driver's seat, waiting to go. "Call me on the cell phone if you see the girl. Keep it off the radio."

  Rivera stopped halfway out of the car. "You think it's the girl from the morgue, don't you?"

  "Get out," Cavuto said. "He's leaving."

  The cab pulled away. Cavuto let them get a block away, then pulled out after them, leaving Rivera standing in the dark alley fingering the crucifix in his pocket.

  Four stories above him, on the roof of a light industrial building, Elijah Ben Sapir, the vampire, looked down on Rivera, noting how much heat the policeman was losing though the thinning spot in his hair. "Jump or dive?" he said to himself.

  Chapter 32

  All for One, and… Well, You Know

  They might have been the Magnificent Seven or the Seven Samurai. If each of them had been a trained professional, a gunfighter with a character flaw, or a broken warrior with a past — or if each had a secret reason for joining a suicide mission, an antihero's sense of justice, and a burning desire to put things right — they might have become an elite fighting unit whose resourcefulness and courage would lead them to victory over those who would oppose or oppress. But the fact was, they were a disorganized bunch of perpetual adolescents, untrained and unprepared for anything but throwing stock and having fun: the Animals.

  They sat on the registers as Tommy paced before them telling them about the vampire, about Simon's death, and giving them the call to action while the Emperor stood by quoting passages from Henry the Fifth's speech at the Battle of Agincourt.

  "The cops aren't going to believe it, and I can't do it alone," Tommy said.

  The Emperor said, "'We few, we lucky few… "

  "So who's with me?"

  The Animals didn't say a word.

  "Barry," Tommy said, "you're a scuba diver. You've got some balls, right? Sure, you're balding and going to fat, but this is a chance to make a difference."

  Barry looked at this shoes.

  Tommy jumped to Drew, who hung his head so that his greasy blond hair covered his face. "Drew, you have the most complete knowledge of chemistry of anyone I've ever met. It's time to use it."

  "We've got a truck to unload," Drew said.

  Tommy moved to Clint; stared into his thick glasses, ruffled his curly black hair. "Clint, God wants you to do this. This vampire is evil incarnate. Sure, you're a
little burned out, but you can still strike a blow for righteousness."

  "Blessed are the meek," said Clint.

  "Jeff!" Tommy said. The big jock looked up, as if the key to the universe lay in the fluorescent lights. "Jeff, you're big, you're dumb, your knee is blown out, but hey, man, you look good. We might be able to use that."

  Jeff began whistling.

  Tommy moved on. "Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It's time to strike back. Look, you don't have your MBA yet — they haven't completely juiced you of your usefulness yet. Would Martin Luther King back down from this challenge? Malcolm X? James Brown? Don't you have a dream? Don't you feel good, like you knew that you would, now?"

  Lash shook his head. "I have to study in the morning, man."

  "Troy Lee? Samurai tradition? You're the only trained fighter here."

  "I'm Chinese, not Japanese."

  "Whatever. You're a kung-fu guy. You can reach into a guy's pocket and take his wallet before he knows it's gone. No one has reflexes like you."

  "Okay," Troy said.

  Tommy stopped on his way to the next man. "Really?"

  "Sure, I'll help you. Simon was a good friend."

  "Wow," Tommy said. He looked to Gustavo. "Well?"

  Gustavo shook his head.

  "Viva Zapata!" Tommy said.

  "Leave him alone," Troy Lee said. "He's got a family."

  "You're right," Tommy said. "Sorry, Gustavo."

  Troy Lee got up and stood in front of the other Animals. "But you fuckers. You worthless bags of dog meat. If Simon could see you he'd shoot every one of you. This could be the best party we ever had."

  Drew looked up. "Party?"

  "Yeah," Troy Lee said, "party. We drink some brews, kick some ass, dismember some monsters — maybe pick up some babes. Christ, Drew, who knows what kind of shit we could get into. And you're going to miss it."

  "I'm in," said Drew.

  "Me too," said Barry.

  Troy looked at Jeff and Clint. "Well?" They nodded.

  "Lash, you in?"

  "Okay," Lash said without conviction.