“Super. So I try to hold onto her while trying not to get so invested that she breaks my heart in the end.”
“Again, how’s that different from any new relationship? You never know if it’ll work out until you give it an honest try.”
“But will she be honest?”
“You can’t know that about anyone. She might not be able to make a go of being in a relationship, but I’d be amazed to hear that she lied to you. I just can’t see that. Toni is honest and very forthright. I can’t say enough good things about her character.”
“Or her wandering eye.”
“Maybe she never had anyone she wanted her eye to settle on.” She gave Noel another hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. “She’s not as smart as I think she is if she doesn’t recognize what a catch you are.”
***
When Noel walked into Toni’s house, she was met by a naked, grinning woman—fresh from the shower. “Oh, I was hoping you’d be home soon. I was lonely.” Toni embraced Noel, enveloping her in her warm body. “I missed you.”
Noel turned her head to be able to look into her eyes. “Did you?”
Solemnly, Toni’s head nodded. “Very much. I want to spend every minute I can with you.”
“Really?”
Why did Noel seem so suspicious? That was weird. Toni thought she’d be pleased to have her tell her how much she missed her. She’d better show her. “Yeah. Every minute.” She tipped Noel’s head back and kissed her tenderly. “Every minute.”
***
After Noel left Rehoboth on Sunday afternoon, she spent the first few miles of her drive thinking about Toni. She hated that the enigmatic woman had her so spellbound, but she felt powerless to fight against the pull. Deciding to follow her own advice about calling when she thought of her, she dialed her phone. “Hi,” she said when Toni answered. “I know I said this already, but I wanted to say it again. I had a very good time this weekend.”
“Me, too. I’m glad you called. I was sitting here on the couch trying to think of what to do with myself.” She laughed, the low sexy laugh that Noel had come to need like a drug. “I know one thing I won’t be doing with myself for a few days.”
“That goes double for me. Besides, having sex alone doesn’t have much interest for me anymore. It’s kind of like when I used to make a nice dinner for myself. It’s just a heck of a lot more fun when you share it.”
“It is. A whole lot more fun.”
“I loved looking at your photo albums. Make sure you bring some more back from your parents’ house. I want to see everything you have.”
“I will. Maybe I’ll go over there tonight. My dad’s working on a car I’ll probably wind up driving.”
“That’d be fun. Why don’t you do that?”
“Mostly because I’m lazy. He always wants me to get under the car and then get up and run to get him a tool that he forgot. He treats me just like he did when I was twelve years old, but I’m getting a little creaky.”
“You didn’t seem very creaky this weekend. At one point you were in a position that I couldn’t quite figure out how you got into. Have you been taking yoga?”
“Not hardly.” She laughed. “You just get me so worked up that I find myself twisted like a pretzel. It takes every bit of my work ethic to get my butt out of bed on Monday morning. That’s when I really feel it.”
Noel’s voice was soft and wistful when she said, “I wake up on Monday morning and I reach for you. It’s always a huge disappointment when you’re not there.”
Toni sighed heavily. “It’s so nice sleeping with you. I’m sorry we didn’t start that earlier in the summer.”
“I am too, but we’re doing it now. That’s what matters.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Toni was quiet for a second, then said, “You’re sure we can work everything out?”
“If both of us want to be together, we can definitely do it.”
“I want to be with you, Noel. I really do. But you’re awfully far away.”
The words struck Noel like a blow. “Yeah, I am. But you’re just as far from me as I am from you.”
Toni didn’t answer for a bit. When she did, she sounded puzzled. “Yeah, I suppose that’s true. But that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“We’ll both have to make sacrifices to have a relationship. It’s never easy.”
“No, I guess it’s not.” Her voice sounded small and unsure. “But the work week seems awfully long.”
“I know. I really do. We’ll have to hang in there and see if this can work.”
“You just said it could!”
“It can. I’m saying that every relationship goes through different stages. Right now we’re in the I’ve-gotta-have-you period. We’ll probably need our space again when this is over, then we’ll see if seeing each other on the weekends is enough.”
“How long does this last? ’Cause even though it drives me nuts, I’m wild for it.”
“Well, I’ve been in three relationships, and I’ve seriously dated…maybe three or four others. It’s been different with each of them, but I think the frantic part only lasts a month, maybe two.”
“We’ve been in the frantic part longer than that.”
“Yeah, I guess we have.” They were both silent for a minute, then Noel added, “But we’ve only technically been dating for a few weeks. Before that we were just having sex, right?”
“Yeah, I guess. I’ve told you I don’t know a lot about this stuff. The rules are pretty confusing.”
“That’s the good thing about being adults. We can make our own rules.”
“I always like that,” Toni decided.
“One of my rules is being honest. I’m not going to date anyone else while we’re together.”
There was a long silence. Noel was about to ask if Toni had heard her when she heard a quiet response. “I thought we’d already agreed to that.”
“We have. I was only trying to make it clear how important it is to me to know that you’ll be honest with me.”
“Isn’t that important to everyone?”
Noel didn’t have a reply to that. She felt like they weren’t quite on the same wavelength, so she switched topics. “Before I forget, one of the reasons I called was to tell you that I had the brilliant idea of going to a home improvement store in Baltimore. You and I can’t seem to get our act together to pick out things for that bathroom.”
“I don’t know about that. We worked pretty darned well together this weekend. I think we make a good team.”
“Too bad we can’t compete in the Olympics. We’d medal for sure. Now tell me what to look for when I go to the store.”
***
Three hours later Noel pulled into her parking spot. “Okay,” she said. “My battery’s almost dead, but I’m home. Are you sure you want me to call you every time I think of something to say?”
“Well, maybe not every time,” Toni teased. “Just when it’s important.”
“How do I know when it’s important?”
“If you think it’s important, I think it’s important.” Toni hoped she’d been clear enough. It was so hard to tell!
***
Noel had barely put her bag down before she started dialing April’s number. When her sister answered, she said, “Okay. You’ve got to give me a sane perspective. Toni’s driving me nuts. Completely nuts.”
“Hello, Noel. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”
“Oh, you know I care about you. I’m just so fixated on that woman that I should be ashamed of myself.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“Toni was wonderful this weekend. She was sweet and loving and kinda vulnerable. Really adorable.”
“Trade ya.”
Noel emerged from her fog to laugh at her sister’s comment. Her voice was softer and more thoughtful when she said, “When we’re together, everything is great. Really awesome. But I’m going crazy trying to figure out if she just has a bad reputation or if she’s a cad.”
“Why do you think she’s a cad? Can women be cads?”
“Yes, they can. I think a cad is someone who hurts people without meaning to. And Heidi, her friend and ex-lover, made it clear that Toni has a history of doing just that.”
“Eww. That’s not good news. Do you think she’s just got an ax to grind, or can you trust her judgment?”
“I think I can trust her. She loves Toni, and they’ve stayed very close. But she claims that Toni’s incapable of being in a committed relationship.”
“I don’t know. That sounds like sour grapes to me.”
Noel thought of that possibility for a moment. “Yeah, it could be, but Heidi’s very close to Toni. Actually, she knows her history so well I’m surprised she got involved with her.”
“It must be those eyes,” April posited. “When she looks at you, it feels like there’s no one in the world she’d rather be talking to.”
Noel sighed heavily. “You should see them when she’s making love to you. I swear I’ve never felt prettier or sexier than when I’m with her. She looks at me like I’m…magic.”
“Damn, Noel, don’t get all worked up about what other people say. You can only judge her based on your own feelings. And if she makes you feel like that, just go with it.”
“I have to,” she said softly. “I can’t pull away now. She might break my heart, but I can’t resist her.”
Part Twelve
A few nights later Toni was sitting at Jackie’s, enjoying her nightly beer. Her spirits were high, and she spent a while speaking to almost everyone in the bar, which was, at this time of year, populated exclusively by locals. She saw Heidi come in and made her way over to sit next to her at the bar. “Hi. What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Heidi took a sip of her drink and replaced it carefully on the coaster. She seemed to consider her answer equally carefully before she replied. “You remember that woman you saw me with a few weeks ago? I’ve been seeing her. She lives in Jersey, and I’ve been going over there a lot.”
Toni’s face lit up. Having Heidi in a relationship would make everything so much easier. “Very cool! But why are you going over there instead of sharing the trip?”
“She has a son who’s still in high school, so it’s harder for her to get away.”
Toni nodded. “Got it. That makes sense. I hope it works out if you like her.”
“I wouldn’t go out with her if I didn’t,” Heidi said, a bit of an edge to her voice.
“Well, no, I guess you wouldn’t.” Toni did what she often did when engaged in a conversation that made her uncomfortable—she shifted her eyes away from Heidi and tried to look as though nothing untoward had occurred.
Heidi put her hand on Toni’s back and scratched it through the jacket, an old habit. When Heidi touched her, that was the same as an apology, one Toni always accepted without comment. “I was a little surprised to hear that you and Noel are…what is going on with you two?”
“We’re dating.” Toni shrugged her shoulders, not sure what else to add.
“What does that mean for you?”
Slightly annoyed, Toni said, “I think it means what it does to most people. We’re going out with each other. We’re involved.”
“Noel seemed a little vague on the terminology, too. You’re not being exclusive are you?”
Now a small furrow had formed between Toni’s eyebrows. “Yeah, we are.” She didn’t say anything else, but she let her irritation show.
“I’m not judging you, Toni.” Heidi put her arm around her shoulder and tried to pull her into a hug, but Toni didn’t yield. “Come on, now. Don’t be mad. You’ve got to admit it’s been a while since you’ve tried to be monogamous.”
Roxy had come in a minute earlier, and she’d heard the last few sentences. “Who’s trying to be monogamous? Hooper?” She signaled to Jackie who brought her a beer. “Jackie, did you know about this?”
“I don’t know nothin’. Never have, never will.” She wore a small smirk which all involved recognized as an acknowledgment that she had known everything that was being discussed.
Roxy stood between Toni and Heidi and put an arm around each of them. “Tell me more.”
“I’m going out with Noel Carpenter. I’m not sure if that’s the most interesting news story of the day, but there you have it.”
Roxy slugged her friend in the shoulder making Toni wince. “You dog, you. Were you boning her this summer when I asked her out?”
Toni gave her a withering look. “I don’t have a bone.”
“You know what I mean.”
Toni took a breath, appearing to compose her thoughts. “It was just a few weeks ago that we decided to start dating. It was right before Noel left.”
“You’re still a dog. You probably weren’t even interested in her until I acted like I was.”
Shrugging, Toni said, “I don’t think that’s the way it played out, but I’m not good with dates.”
“I know!” Roxy laughed. “Heidi and I both know Noel’s gonna have her hands full trying to date you.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence guys. It’s nice to know you can count on your friends.”
“We are your friends,” Heidi said gripping Toni’s arm and squeezing it. “And we know how much you hate to hurt people. I just want to make sure you’re not trying to make Noel into a Max substitute, because that would break her heart.”
Toni noisily slammed her beer down onto the bar making a dozen heads turn in her direction. “What? I can’t have heard you right.”
“Don’t get all excited. It just seems like a major coincidence that you’re suddenly interested in seriously dating Max’s long-lost daughter.”
It was almost possible to see steam coming from Toni’s ears. “I might not be the deepest person you know, but I’m not completely clueless. I wasn’t sexually attracted to Max, but I am to Noel. A lot,” she added vehemently. “This isn’t my mind playing tricks on me. When I think of her my mouth waters. Hell, I don’t think of anything else! She’s on my mind all god-damned day!” She gulped down the remainder of her beer, then quietly placed the bottle on the bar and strode out.
“Whoa,” Roxy said, her eyes wide. “I haven’t seen Toni that mad in a long time.” She sat down next to Heidi. “Knowing her, you hit a nerve she didn’t want to have hit.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t think she knows why she’s so attracted to Noel. I just hope she doesn’t get too hurt in the process of finding out.”
***
Toni had only been home a few minutes when she called Heidi’s home number and left a message. “Hi, it’s Toni. I want to apologize for losing my temper tonight. I actually appreciate that you care about Noel. I just want you to know that I do too, and I wouldn’t try to use her. See you.” She hung up and paced around her apartment for a few minutes, trying to decide whether or not to call Noel. She finally decided that doing that would only make her feel worse. Noel would make her dig up all kinds of things she didn’t like to talk about, especially about Heidi. Noel would never understand the unspoken rules she and Heidi had, and Toni wasn’t able to explain them even if she’d wanted to. Which she didn’t. The best idea was to forget the whole thing. So she walked over to the fire station to spend an hour or so with whoever was on duty. None of the other firefighters ever wanted to talk about anything more complex than sports, and that was about all she was up to.
***
A couple of hours later, Toni was walking home when her cell phone rang. She found herself smiling at the simple fact that Noel’s name was on the screen. “Hi,” she said. “It’s nice to hear your voice.”
“I’m getting ready for bed and haven’t talked to you all day. I couldn’t let a day pass without at least a goodnight kiss.”
“That’s pretty romantic,” Toni said, chuckling softly. “Next thing I know you’re going to be writing sonnets.”
“If I knew how, I’d write them about you. What have you
been up to?”
“Same old stuff. I’m just walking home from the firehouse now. How about you?”
“Nothing unusual. I spent the evening grading papers. I always spend a lot of time early in the year trying to find some germ of promise to pin my hopes on.” She laughed, but it didn’t sound like she found the situation particularly funny. “So far my environment is pretty germ free, but I’m not gonna give up so easily.”
“That’s one of the things I most…respect about you. I appreciate how much you care for your students.”
“I do, but I think I care about you more. I assume you weren’t able to trade days off with anyone or you would’ve mentioned it by now.”
“No, I didn’t have any luck. I assume your brother-in-law is still insisting on having his birthday on Saturday.”
“Yeah, he’s hardheaded that way. I’m very tempted to skip the party and come see you. Would that make me a bad sister-in-law?”
“You could be a lot worse, but you should probably stay home. He did buy you a nice arbor this year.”
“He sure did. I just wish I were sitting under it with you.”
“That makes two of us. Well, I’m home now and I think I’ll get ready for bed.”
“Okay. Sleep tight.”
“I will. Thanks for calling, Noel.”
Toni hung up and put her phone down on the table. She was feeling edgy and guessed that she’d have a hard time sleeping even though she was tired. On her way to the bedroom, she saw the message light on her home phone flashing. She hit the button and heard Heidi’s voice, sounding contrite. “How about having dinner with an old friend who owes you an apology. I’m really very sorry for what I said tonight. I know you’re not the type to hold a grudge, but I want to make sure you know that I feel bad about what I said. Call me.”
Looking at the machine for a moment Toni smiled, thinking it funny that Heidi hadn’t had the nerve to call her cell phone.
Susan X. Meagher - The Legacy Page 21
