He gave her a sheepish smile.
“You’re too perceptive for my own good.”
“I don’t know about that, but I do know something is worrying you, as I said and I’d like to help you if I can.”
“It’s Josh,” he said with a heavy sigh.
“What about him? Have you heard something I don’t know? Is he all right?”
“That’s just it; I don’t know. I expected to hear from him by now. I told you he’d called me. I asked him to keep me informed how things went after he met with his lady friend Catherine, but it’s been too long now. I’m beginning to think his silence is a bad omen. I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.”
“They’re probably so wrapped up in each other he just forgot. I think you’re fretting over nothing.” She patted the sofa. “Come sit down now,” she urged.
“I’m too worked up to sit. I can’t stop thinking about how he questioned me concerning his mother’s interference. It sounded like she’s caused a great deal of trouble between him and Catherine. Apparently he had a lot of ugly accusations to answer for, and I’m worried he wasn’t able to repair the damage enough to get her to marry him.”
“Oh dear, that would be a shame. I remember that’s all he could talk about on the plane coming back from South America.”
“I know. That’s what keeps cropping up in my mind. He’s in love with that girl and despite what Mrs. Dallas said to me, I’d like to believe the feeling is mutual. I’ve never been one to interfere when I’m not wanted, but I don’t like to ignore my gut feelings, either.”
“That makes me think of a line from Shakespeare’s King Lear.”
He cocked a brow.
“Which one?”
“Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say,” she recited and handed him their personal telephone book. “If you believe he’s in trouble and you think you can help, then do what you can to make things right. Those two people deserve to be together.”
>>>>dreams<<<<
Catherine left work and stared up at the leaden sky that matched her mood. Rain had threatened all day and as she hurried to her car the first drops began to fall. A few escaped inside her coat collar and sent cold chills down her back. She slid inside her car just as the sky opened up and seconds later began to rapidly pour forth a torrent of water.
Her mind had been in turmoil ever since Josh’s visit, wondering if she’d done the right thing in sending him away. To make matters worse, she’d started having bad dreams about him again; visions of him kneeling and in emotional pain. What was it about the man that affected her like this? It was like a strange kind of psychic connection.
She still wasn’t convinced that he was ready to make their relationship the priority it deserved. But she was afraid she’d continue to have these dreams about him if they remained apart. If only Ivy would leave them alone. It was obvious she’d try to keep Josh bound to her forever. He’d insisted he was his own man, but Catherine had her doubts.
The rain was coming down in heavy sheets hammering against the roof of her car like the beat of a hundred drums. Catherine hated driving in wet weather, especially at night. She reached over to start the car when her cell phone rang. It was her aunt.
“I wanted to let you know you’re going to be getting a call in a few minutes from a man who was most insistent that he speak to you. It sounds important, so I gave him your number.”
Catherine frowned.
“Who is he and what does he want with me?”
“I’ll let him tell you and please hear him out, dear. Believe me, it’s imperative that you speak with him.”
“At least give me an idea what this is all about.”
“It’ll be better if he explains. I don’t want to tie up the line. Drive carefully.”
“But Aunt Pris . . .” Catherine stared at the silent phone in exasperation.
Who on earth was the mysterious caller and what was so urgent that it couldn’t wait until she got home? She couldn’t help feeling irritated with her aunt for putting her in such a position. She was willing to humor her to a point, but Catherine decided if the man didn’t call within the next five minutes he’d have to catch her at home. She refused to drive in this weather while talking on her phone.
It rang a minute later.
“Ms. Ashley?” a gravelly male voice asked.
“Yes, this is she. Are you the person who just spoke with my aunt?”
“That’s right. My name is Douglas Marsh and I’m calling you from Hawaii.”
The name sounded vaguely familiar, but she felt too impatient to think it through, and she didn’t know anyone in Hawaii.
“What can I do for you, Mr. Marsh?”
“I’d like to talk to you about Josh.”
“Josh? Why would you want . . .” His name clicked inside her head. “I remember now. You’re the CEO of the company that hired him to go to the Amazon, aren’t you?”
“I was, but I’m retired from that position now.”
“I see. Well, I can’t think why you’d be calling me.”
He cleared his throat.
“There’s no delicate way to tiptoe around this, so I’m just going to come right out and ask: Are you and Josh together?”
She was so taken aback by his query she thought she must have misunderstood him.
“I beg your pardon, sir; But, what did you just ask me?”
“I know you two were estranged, and I was wondering if you had managed to work things out and are back together again.”
She pressed her mouth into a stern line, wondering if Josh had gone to this man with his concerns as he’d done with Ryan. The thought filled her with embarrassment. The way he was going, the next thing she knew he’d be taking out an ad in the newspapers or make an announcement on the radio and TV about their private lives.
“We’re no longer friends! And I must tell you that I don’t appreciate these tactics, especially if Josh put you up to this.” She made no attempt to disguise her resentment at such a possibility. “Now if you don’t mind, Mr. Marsh, I just got off work and I’d like to get home before the rain here gets any worse.”
“Wait. Don’t hang up! This is strictly my own decision and the last thing I want to do is further complicate things, but I feel compelled to speak on his behalf. Please Ms. Ashley, let me explain the reason I’ve involved myself; that’s all I’m asking.”
Irritation cut right through her. It seemed she was destined to be burdened by begging males. She wasn’t happy with this man’s pleading anymore than she’d been with Josh’s appeals, but decided she’d better listen to him rather than be plagued by possible doubts later. She looked at her watch.
“All right, you have two minutes.”
“Thank you. I’m going to plunge right in here. Josh strikes me as a man with impulses that sometimes cause him to make bad decisions. But he’s a good man at heart and is willing to rectify his mistakes, especially where you’re concerned. Are you going to give him another chance to do right by you, or will you continue to make him suffer?”
Chapter Twenty-four
“You’re being too personal considering I don’t even know you,” she snapped.
“I realize that, but there’s too much at stake here for the proper etiquette. I know his mother is largely responsible for what’s caused the split between you and Josh.”
That surprised Catherine.
“You know his mother?”
“Only via telephone, but we had what you might call a difference of opinion because I disagreed with the way she was handling things between you and Josh when he was so ill. I personally think she’s a wretched interloper. She had no business getting involved. She acted as though she was speaking for a child,” he snorted in disgust.
Knowing that he felt the same way she did about Ivy made Catherine’s temper soften, but not enough to sway her opinion.
“I agree, but it was Josh’s choice to take her side. He’s an adult, but he allows her to mak
e too many of his decisions. I’ll admit he did try to apologize to me, but I’ve had quite enough of all this love/hate business.”
“Your attitude sounds rather cynical if I may say so.”
“After what I’ve gone through with Josh, I prefer to think of it as being realistic. I’m simply not open to any reconciliation, Mr. Marsh – if that’s what this call is about,”
“Perhaps it would help to understand his motives if you take into consideration he felt a certain allegiance to his mother. Obviously she was very convincing.”
“What about his loyalty to me? Every time he goes, he robs a little piece of me.”
“I don’t imagine he found it easy being forced to choose between his mother and the woman he wants to marry. Whatever she said to him obviously wasn’t anything good, but if Josh apologized I’d say you’re the one he believes now.”
“For how long? He’s so wishy-washy I don’t think he knows what he wants. He doesn’t understand what the concept of ever after between a man and a woman means.”
“He’s frightened, Ms. Ashley. Here’s a man who thought he had control over his world only to have everything taken away from him. Sometimes things happen in a person’s life that changes who they are. Unless Josh is willing to share his innermost feelings, none of us will ever know the exact nature of what he went through. But I had the opportunity to talk with the missionaries who found him in South America. I know you’ve probably seen the scars on his chest, but they said his body showed evidence of brutal beatings besides. They felt that he was more dead than alive when he came to them.”
She couldn’t prevent the sharp gasp and felt her anger begin to slide away.
“Add that to the fact he was forced to watch helplessly while his colleague suffered . . .” his voice cracked with emotion, as he struggled to regain his composure. He cleared his throat and continued, “. . . while she suffered her own physical abuse at the hands of their despicable captors. Then he had to watch her die because he couldn’t get her the help she needed. Small wonder Josh is ‘wishy-washy’ as you put it.”
Catherine’s stomach lurched as she listened to his harsh description.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so callous.” An image of Josh the day he’d returned flickered inside her head. “I knew he must have suffered, but I had no idea how much. I hadn’t heard about the missionaries. The last I knew he’d disappeared with a native woman.”
“I thought Josh would have told you the details about his stay with them.”
“He didn’t. I’ve seen the scars on his chest and can only imagine the pain he must have endured, but when I asked him to tell me what happened, he refused to talk about it. He obviously had a very difficult recovery to stay with those people as long as he did.”
“I don’t think any of us can have the remotest idea of what it must have been like for him being so weak and not knowing who he was, or where he came from.”
“What do you mean he didn’t know who he was? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
“Why, his amnesia of course.”
Catherine’s heart leaped like a bird beating its wings against a cage.
“Amnesia?”
“Do you mean to tell me you didn’t know the reason Josh was gone all that time was because he didn’t know his name or why he was in South America?”
“I had no idea about any of that. I did try calling his parents, but his mother was almost maniacal on the phone ranting that everything was my fault. Then he disappeared again and it was months before I knew he’d gone to Alaska.”
“Alaska? That’s news to me. But you got back together for a while, right?”
>>>>dreams<<<<
“Yes we did, but his mother made up disgusting lies about me having affairs with his best friend and a doctor I work with. I tried to tell Josh the truth, but he wouldn’t listen and by the time he finally did decide his mother had lied, I’d had enough.”
He swore under his breath, but loud enough for Catherine to hear.
“I apologize for my language, but Mrs. Dallas does seem to bring out the temper in me.”
“I know the feeling. The woman obviously doesn’t have a conscience.”
“Not much of one, anyway. Please don’t allow that woman to get away with her vile schemes to keep you and Josh apart. You were all he could talk about when we were bringing him back. Despite what you think to the contrary, he does love and need you.”
“Then why didn’t he say so in the beginning? He could have told me everything that happened to him. He must have known I’d be sympathetic.”
“He wants your love, not your pity. Let the man have his pride. He’s suffered physical pain, but the pain in one’s heart is often much worse. I know what it’s like to love someone, to say the wrong things and never have the opportunity to make it right.”
It might have been the words or perhaps the quiet earnestness in his tone, but Catherine couldn’t ignore the underlying plea. If Josh had confessed his feelings for her to this man to move him so, then perhaps she’d been too hasty in sending him away.
“You’ve told me things I didn’t know; important things that have make me look at the situation in a different light. I only had a sketchy outline of what happened before, but now you’ve filled in the details to give me a more complete picture.”
“Then you will call Josh?”
She heard the anxiousness in his voice.
“I’ll do better than that; I’ll go see him.”
“Good girl! I hope you’ll forgive an old man’s meddling in the affairs of the heart. It’s not something I’m accustomed to doing, but I felt strongly enough about this to butt my big nose in.”
She smiled into the phone.
“Josh is lucky to have a friend like you, Mr. Marsh.”
“I felt he needed someone in his corner. Thanks for taking the time to listen.”
“I’m the one who should be thanking you, and for the record I think you make a very good matchmaker.”
He chuckled. “Well, it’s not a job I’m used to, but I’m grateful you’ve been willing to hear my bumbling attempts.”
“Not so bumbling since you got me to go to Josh. I hope he still wants me.”
“I bet he’ll welcome you with open arms, but I’m crossing my fingers, too.”
>>>>dreams<<<<
As soon as they hung up she made a quick call to her aunt before heading to Josh’s motel, praying he would still be there. She realized she was driving much too fast for the weather conditions when she went through a large puddle spraying muddy water onto the hood. She gripped the steering wheel and eased her foot up on the accelerator.
Her mind was a jumble of chaotic thoughts and her nerves felt as taut as piano wires. Catherine realized now that Douglas’s phone call had been the catalyst she needed to do what she’d probably subconsciously wanted to do all along. Everything between her and Josh had come down to this moment. What could she say to undo her rejection?
She pulled into a parking place in front of the office. The motel was small and there were few cars, but she didn’t see Josh’s truck. She grabbed her purse, scrambled out of the car, and rushed through the rain to duck inside the building. The woman clerk wouldn’t give his room number, but shared the news that Josh hadn’t checked out.
Catherine went outside and stood beneath the slender overhang, wondering if she should call his cell phone when she saw Josh drive in. She watched him pull into a space and waited. It seemed to be taking him an awfully long time to get out of his truck. When he finally emerged she was surprised to see that his clothes were drenched. Wherever he’d been he must have gotten caught in the rain.
Catherine felt as though her heart was in her throat, as she walked through the rain toward him. She couldn’t seem to make her legs go any faster even though she wanted to run. The rain was coming down harder now pelting her with heavy splashes of water.
Her lips moved silently, forming h
is name, as he stood struggling to unlock the door. She frowned when she saw how much his hands were shaking. Catherine realized he was obviously cold and considering their last conversation, probably upset as well. She had to close her eyes for a moment fighting against the guilt knowing that part of the reason she’d sent him away was to make him suffer for the times he’s doubted her fidelity.
The rain darkened his hair plastering the strands against his head like a skullcap. Drops streamed in rivulets lining his face. He looked gray with fatigue and the shadows beneath his eyes told their own story. He was suffering. She had done this to him. The realization filled her with shame. He really did need her. She felt her insides crumble in a way they did only for him.
She finally managed to say his name, but he didn’t react and she realized the water gushing through the roof’s drain near their heads was drowning out all other sound. He’d just shoved open the door when Catherine stepped closer and repeated his name, louder this time. He whirled around. She heard his quick catch of breath before he rubbed his wet fingers over his eyes, as though he might be looking at a mirage.
“Catherine?” It sounded almost reverent. “Please tell me this isn’t a dream.”
He smelled of rain, and if she wasn’t mistaken, seawater.
“Not this time.”
“I’d given up. I thought you weren’t coming. Oh God, Catherine, come here. Let me hold you.” A hoarse moan escaped him and he reached out to snatch her to him.
She thought he sounded like a wounded animal suddenly being relieved of some terrible torment. Love for him moved in and crowded out every other emotion. It simply imploded inside of her until the breath was literally sucked right out her.
They stumbled into the room locked together in each other’s arms. She pressed against him. He immediately captured her mouth in a hard kiss and they fed on each other’s lips like manna from heaven. They clung together frantically gripping each other, as they poured out turbulent emotions until his shivering made her lift her head.
Dreams~Shadows of the Night Page 18
