If You Ever Change Your Mind

by B. Love

  “We got in yesterday, Ana,” Lucas reasoned.

  “And?”

  He chuckled as he turned towards the door and looked through it at Soren’s assistant.

  “I don’t have him. He’s with Tommy and Jackie.”

  “Figured so. I wanna see the both of you soon, Luke. I haven’t seen you in a month. Where are you staying?”

  Lucas knew that question was coming soon and he’d been dreading it. That was one of the few things he kept from his sister. Not wanting to hear her mouth, he had no plans of telling her that he moved into the vacant high rise next to Hali until she asked. Okay, so it wasn’t vacant when he called to check to see if they had any openings near Hali last month, but after offering the young couple a piece of change in exchange for them moving to a different unit they happily agreed.

  “Um…” he opened the door to Soren’s office and made his way inside, hoping that would be a good enough excuse to get off the phone if she let him have it, “Those high-rise apartments off Griffin and Nolan road.”

  “Why’d you choose an apartment?”

  Good. The location didn’t register in her mind.

  “I don’t want another house until I find…”

  “Lucas!” he chuckled as he pulled the phone away from his ear, “That’s Hali’s apartment complex! Are you crazy or something?!”

  About Hali? Yea.

  “I gotta go, Ana. I’m at Soren’s office.”

  “Wait! You can’t come back home and start screwing with her mind, Luke. That girl mourned you like you died. I’m pretty sure when she sees you it’s going to be like seeing a ghost for her,” it was, “You made your choice and it wasn’t her. You say you care about her, so let her go.”

  Having no plans of checking in with Soren’s assistant at the front desk, Lucas made his way to the back of the office where he knew she would be.

  “Luana, I know I hurt her…”

  “Yes, but you don’t understand the capacity, Luke. She cut me off because of you. I lost my best friend because of you. Now, I know there wasn’t anything I could do to keep her from catching feelings for you in the past, but I’m not going to let you come back and hurt her even more.”

  Lucas knocked on Soren’s glass door before entering.

  “I didn’t come here to hurt her. It’s easy for you to tell me to stay away from her when you have your man. Hali could’ve been to me what Jaxon is for you, but I messed it up by letting her get away. I understand that, but I’m getting my angel back, Luana… with or without your approval.”

  Luana’s voice was a lot softer when she said, “I hear you, Luke. I really do. And if I felt like you were coming to marry her I would be all for it, but I know you. You didn’t think you deserved her before Shanice, although you did, so I know you don’t now that you married a whole other woman. Don’t force yourself back into her life just to be her friend, Lucas. That’s selfish and unfair. Hopefully she won’t even let you back in.”

  “It’s like that, Ana? You supposed to be on my side,” he argued, pulling Soren into him for a hug.

  “I am. I want what’s best for you – Hali. Just because you don’t see that doesn’t mean I want to watch you destroy her in the process. Tell my Cupcake I said hello.”

  As much as Lucas didn’t want to agree with Luana she was right. It was unfair of him to try to return to his place in Hali’s life. But what could he say? The heart wants what the heart wants, and his heart wanted Hali Davison in whatever capacity he could get her at this point. Ten months was way too long to go without her. How did he think he could manage forever?

  Yes, Lucas didn’t think he was good enough for Hali before Shanice. Not only couldn’t he love her properly, but he was into a lot of illegal dealings that a good girl like her shouldn’t have been privy to. Her or Luana. He’d chosen to give himself to another woman, even after Hali poured her heart out to him. There was no coming back from that.

  “I gotta go, baby sis. Feed my niece or nephew. How much longer do I have to wait to know what you’re having?”

  Luana’s smile was evident as she said, “We’re going to wait until I’m five months, so you have three months left.”

  “Three months?” his face must’ve matched the distress in his voice because Soren used her fingers to smoothen his face out before sitting back down, “My lil baby taking forever to even get here, now I gotta wait three more months to find out she gon’ be a she? Next time just don’t even tell me you’re pregnant until you’re five or six months in.”

  Lil baby.

  That had always been what Lucas and Hali called Luana. Even with them being at odds, that was what Hali called her yesterday when she found out the news.

  “You can be so dramatic, Lucas. I miss it, though.”

  “Of course you do. I really gotta go, Ana, but why didn’t you reach out to Hali to tell her about the baby?” as he sat across from Soren he added, “Or me?”

  Luana sighed, and the smile and happiness that had been in her voice for most of their conversation slipped away.

  “If you want to talk about that it will have to be face to face, Luke.”

  “Cool. I’ll be over. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Lucas disconnected the call and placed his phone in his pocket before giving Soren his undivided attention.

  “Why didn’t your rude behind check in with my assistant?” Soren asked, sitting back in her seat with a smile.

  Lucas shrugged as he smiled himself.

  “Check in for what?”

  Soren rolled her eyes as she chuckled.

  “So to what do I owe the pleasure of one of my favorite cousin’s dropping by my office? I know you’re not here for my services…”

  “Actually… I am.”

  Soren’s face displayed the surprise Lucas felt when he had the idea to reach out to Soren. Ever since she became a relationship consultant and matchmaker he teased her about playing cupid. Never did he ever think he’d be coming to her for her services, but my how things change.

  Love was clearly something Lucas was ignorant of, so it only made sense for him to go to the expert at love. Soren. Her record had proven that she was more than capable of matching lifetime partners in little to no time, and all Lucas could do was hope she would be able to do the same for him.

  “You know I have a strict policy against fixing up my male family members, Luke. Y’all are crazy, and my ladies are far too valuable to me to be playing with y’all.”

  “I’m serious about this, Soren. This isn’t just about me finding a wife; Luca needs a mother. A real mother. I don’t have time to waste trying to find someone on my own. I promise you I will be fully committed to the process and do whatever you tell me to do.”

  Soren studied his face for a few seconds before standing and walking over to her bookshelf. It didn’t surprise Lucas that she was leery of working with him. He knew his intentions were pure and still had a hard time believing it.

  “You come from a broken home, so before I set you up for dates we’ll have to work on getting you healthy,” Soren informed him.

  “Agreed.”

  “That counselor you and Ice Cream went to… you’ll have to go to her regularly. You cannot be with a woman who didn’t grow up with both parents in the home, and she can’t have any daddy issues or previous relationships with toxic men. She will need to be the opposite of you in order for this to work, so it’s extremely important that you let me do the picking.”

  “Agreed.”

  Soren turned to face him, sighing and hunching her shoulders as if she really didn’t want to do it.

  “I’m waiving my usual fee, but I don’t believe people value things that they don’t have to pay or work for, so instead of paying me with money you must agree to be on my annual relationship panel next year…”

  “You’re pushing it, Soren. Just let me pay you the ten stacks.”

  “No, these are my terms,” she replied quickly with a smile, “
And make up your mind quickly because I have a client coming in soon.”

  “I don’t know shit about relationships, so what I look like being on a panel for them for?”

  “You know more than you think, and you offer a unique perspective. Luana said the same thing and she did an amazing job. This is all I’m asking for in return, Luke. You should agree just on the strength of being my blood.”

  “Alright, alright,” Lucas stood and pulled his phone back out of his pocket. He was itching to check on Luca for what felt like the millionth time that day, “I’ll do it. Just give me the details.”

  “Great! Normally the next step would be the contract and setting up your file, but we don’t have time for that right now. Can you meet me here this evening? Like around seven?”

  “Yea, that’ll work. That will give me enough time to pull up on Ana and get a little work done.”

  “Cool. See you later.”

  They embraced, then Lucas left. Unable to resist, Lucas sent Jackie a FaceTime request hoping she’d answer. She did, and as soon as she did she put the phone in front of Luca, who was sitting in the middle of the floor attempting to eat applesauce. It looked like most of it was on the towel under him and not in his stomach. At the sight of Lucas, Luca’s eyes widened along with his smile… and that was enough to get Lucas through the rest of his day.

  5

  Hali

  His voice was just as sensual and calming as it had always been. Even when he put her in her place. It kind of reminded her of Kendrick Lamar. She went to sleep hearing that voice loop itself around her mind over and over and over again. Not only was she hearing his voice but she was seeing his face, so much so that as she made her way into Soren’s office Hali would’ve sworn she saw a man that favored Lucas leaving out.

  Brushing it off, Hali entered Soren’s office and checked in with her assistant. She hadn’t planted herself into her seat before Soren was calling her back. Hali hadn’t even gotten started on her journey and she already felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. There was something about having Soren help her find her husband that made the process less… terrifying.

  Hali didn’t have any horror stories from relationships past. In all honesty, she’d kept herself fairly open most of her life in hopes that Lucas would pursue her. Besides her ordeal with him, Hali couldn’t think of one instance where trying to love and be loved by a man had caused her any pain. She didn’t realize how much of a blessing that was until her first meeting with Soren.

  She realized she had an ability to deeply use her intuition that most women didn’t have. Yes, she suffered from loneliness and her desire to love and be loved like most people do, but she didn’t allow that desire to make her desperate. Hali understood that her time with love would come. That there was no need to force it by being with someone she wasn’t supposed to be with. So if a man wasn’t capable of giving her what she wanted and needed she had enough strength to keep herself from getting attached… thus avoiding the disappointment and heartache that plagued most women.

  Except when it came down to Lucas.

  He was always her weakness.

  The one that had Hali forgetting all she knew.

  That didn’t matter anymore. The feelings that she had for him for years no longer mattered to her. Her only priority in this moment was securing her future – husband and babies included. The most she and Lucas would ever be in her mind were neighbors. Nothing more.

  “I’m surprised to see you here, Hali. Now at least,” Soren confessed as soon as Hali entered her office and sat across from her.

  Hali’s smile was genuine as she situated herself in the seat.

  “Why? You’re the only matchmaker I know and trust.”

  “Well, yes, but… it’s just that… never mind. Let’s get started on your file.”

  Soren didn’t have to finish her statement; Hali knew exactly where she was going with that. She expected Hali to return to her infatuation with Lucas since he was back home. Not this time around. Thankful that Soren dropped it, Hali pulled out the notebook Soren told her to bring.

  “Okay, I want you to write this down first, and then we’re going to have copies typed and printed for the both of us. We’re going to go over your wants and needs from your man and your relationship, what you have to offer and the timeframe in which you want to manifest the man of your dreams. Your goals for your future. We have to cover every little thing you can imagine in order to match you perfectly. From how many kids you want and when you plan to retire to how you spend your down time. Your debt and money habits to your likes and dislikes. Don’t hold back or leave anything out. The more open and transparent you are the better I’ll be able to match you.”

  “Okay cool.”

  They started with her needs first. Hali shared with Soren that above all she needed a man that would be able to love her unconditionally. A man who would respect, cherish and cater to her. A man who could provide for her. Not just financially, but Hali needed a man to provide his leadership, strength and power.

  He needed to provide spiritually – offering himself to God on his family’s behalf. Covering her in prayer. Leading them in devotion. He needed to provide himself – not just to her but to their children. He needed to provide his attention and affection. His time and priority.

  Hali needed a man to protect her. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. She needed a man she could trust with all of her. A man who knew his role as a man and her role as a woman, making it easy for her to rest in her position as wife and mother because she could trust him to take care of her. She needed a man to protect her spiritually and financially. She needed a man to protect her soul. Her vulnerability and intimacy.

  She needed a man that would be loyal, honest and faithful. One who would be able to communicate with her clearly. One who desired to be a husband and father. One who was prepared to be a husband and father.

  “Good,” Soren validated, motioning for Hali to flip to the next page in her notebook, “Now let’s go over your wants. Remember; your needs are things we are not willing to compromise on. Wants are added bonuses.”

  Now that was the tricky part – her wants.

  “I don’t know, Soren,” she admitted softly with a smile, “Well, it’s not that I don’t know. It’s just… it seems… unattainable.”

  “Honey, with the place you’re in in your life, it’s more than okay to have high standards. You need a man to complement you, so go for what you want. Like I said, wants are added bonuses. We’ll go over them and put them in order of priority. We’re not going to drop a match because he snores, but we’re also not going to overlook your desire to be physically attracted to your man if that’s one of your wants. And even if it did seem unattainable before you have me now.”

  Feeling more at ease, Hali went over her wants. She wanted a man who had a vision for his life if he wasn’t already walking in it. One who had dreams and goals and was ambitious. She wanted a gentleman but a savage gentleman. One who maybe came from the slums and polished himself for the world he abides in now. A man who was attractive, even if only to her, and great in bed. She wanted him to be passionate and sensual. One who wasn’t afraid to kiss her. Touch her. Hold her. Crave her.

  Hali wanted a man who was fun and romantic. One who was charming and sweet, but not too sweet. He had to be a masculine man. The kind of man who wouldn’t let her walk all over him. She wanted him to be intelligent and if he was creative like her that was a double bonus.

  “One thing I stress with my clients is that although opposites do attract, most often like attracts like. Your life must resemble what you want. As an example, if you want a strong, masculine take charge man you have to be a soft, feminine woman who’s willing to surrender.

  I can’t tell you how many women come in here saying with their mouths that they are ready for love, but they aren’t ready to surrender mentally and emotionally. They think because they say it with their lips that that’s all it takes,
but it doesn’t work like that when you have so many blocks up. Love won’t come to you just for you to push it away. I guarantee you, the moment you are ready for love your man will appear. He will not come before then.

  So we’re going to have a chart printed up, and on the side of your needs and wants we’re going to compare if you’re ready to give what’s needed in return and if you’re ready to receive. Believe it or not, men desire to cater to women and spoil us. They want to love us and take care of our needs. What makes them close up is when we’re shut down and not open to receive what they’re willing to offer. We’re so used to being in control and not needing this and that that we unintentionally shut ourselves down. Even going as far as to use the bible telling us to guard our hearts to justify being so hard and difficult when it comes down to men and love.

  But I promise you this; the more you show a man respect and appreciation the more he will do for you. Men need to be used by their women. It’s their nature to provide. The more you make him look like the King he is the more he will treat you like the Queen you are.”

  Hali couldn’t help but smile as she absorbed Soren’s words. This was definitely Luana’s cousin.

  “So tell me what you like physically.”

  It didn’t take Hali a second thought before spilling, “Tall, built and sexy. Sexy as in his swag and aura. I love a smooth, low voice. And peanut buttery skin. Tattoos. Dreads. Nice lips. Pretty teeth. Beautiful eyes. I love a man with beautiful eyes. Beautiful shining eyes. Eyes that smile like his mouth.”

  Soren chuckled as she pushed herself up in her seat. Her head shook as she stood and stared down at Hali.

  “You know you just described Luke, right?”

  “I… no I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did, Hali. Let’s go over to my desktop to get started on your chart and print this up. There’s a worksheet saved that you can use to answer the rest of the questions.”

  “I didn’t describe him, Soren.”

  “Yes you did. Peanut butter skin and dreads? Lucas has the prettiest eyes and smile I’ve ever seen on a man. He is exactly what you want as far as looks are concerned, and to be completely honest, he’s everything on your list too.”