If You Ever Change Your Mind

by B. Love

  He allowed his children to live with him as long as they were working or going to school. Even when they had their own families. Hali’s father, Harris, didn’t move his family into their own home until he could purchase one with little to no help from the bank. He had his car and their mother’s, Miranda, paid off. And the both of them were done with college and paying off their student loans.

  That tradition continued with her siblings. Although Sir’Kenya’s wife, Amber, didn’t understand the concept of family saving leading to wealth for all, she agreed to live with Sir’Kenya’s family until she gave birth to their first child. Once he was born they moved out. Shortly after, Kenya met and married her husband, Anthony, and he flat out refused to live with their parents. He soon regretted that decision when it was time for him to not only provide for himself but a wife and soon to be daughter, but Harris quickly took his son-in-law under his wing to help him learn the quickest ways to increase his income without losing the time needed to spend with his family.

  With such a high value on family, they were also the reason Hali was ready to start her own. Both of her twin siblings were married. Luana was married. Even Lucas.

  Lucas.

  She hadn’t heard from him since his wedding, and she hadn’t heard about him since Luana mentioned him moving to New York a month afterwards. That was when the disconnect slowly began to form between them. Not only was Luana a new wife with a husband to devote herself to, but every time she saw Luana she saw Lucas and his rejection of her. A rejection that she promised her heart that she would never have to feel again.

  Hali wasn’t sure what made her go to talk to Lucas that day. She’d never done something so reckless before. It wasn’t her style to initiate anything with a man for that very reason. It was safer, in her eyes, to follow a man’s lead because his lead and his priority showed you his intentions. He could say he was interested and committed, but that meant nothing if his actions said otherwise.

  When Hali was done cooking, she pulled the largest foil pan she had out and filled it with most of what she’d cooked to take down to the front desk clerk and doorman. Not bothering to throw on any clothes, Hali slipped into her most comfortable floor length cotton robe and a plush pair of Minions house shoes. It wouldn’t be the worst thing they’d ever seen her in. Actually, with her working from home, Hali hardly ever put on real clothes unless she had to make a run. On her way back into the kitchen she pushed her hair out of her face, huffing when it flowed right back into place, then grabbed the pan of food.

  Humming a tune she didn’t recognize, Hali opened her front door and used her hip to hold it open while she grabbed the pan from the table she’d set it on to grab her keys off the hanger.

  Her sense of smell betrayed her. Had her mind playing tricks on her. There was no way someone in the hall was wearing that scent. It belonged to him and him alone. It wasn’t just the cologne… but the way it combined with his natural scent to create a smell that had always been uniquely him. Uniquely Lucas.

  Hali stepped back into her apartment and closed the door. She leaned against it and inhaled deeply. Not wanting her great mood to be spoiled by thoughts of Lucas, Hali beat her head against the door softly a few times as she reminded herself that he was just a memory. A memory that held no weight in her present. Besides, he was in New York living the good life with his wife and child.

  “Get it together, Hali,” she scolded under her breath, turning and opening the door again.

  While her door closed behind her, the door to the apartment to the left of her that was supposed to be vacant opened. Her eyes lowered and she took in the boxes that were pushed against the wall neatly. Curiosity started to get the best of her, but when she remembered what she had on, Hali decided to wait to meet her new neighbor. She’d gotten five steps in towards the elevator before she heard his voice, and at the sound of it the food filled pan slid from her hands.

  Her breathing escalated as her heartbeats slowed down. Wobbly knees had Hali walking over to the wall and leaning against it for support. Surely, she had to be hearing things. There was no way she heard his voice. He didn’t just call her name.

  “I’m sorry,” Lucas apologized softer, voice louder, as if he was closer, “I didn’t mean to scare you and make you drop your food.”

  Her food.

  Hali looked to the right of her at the mess she’d made, catching a glimpse of Lucas out of the corner of her eye. Unprepared to face him, Hali looked straight ahead as her trembling voice asked, “What are you doing here, Lucas?”

  “I live here now. We’re neighbors.”

  That was enough to have Hali turning around to face him, and suddenly, her nervousness was being replaced with anger. Her body stiffened. Pulse began to race.

  “What do you mean you live here now?” she asked, taking a step over to him.

  She regretted it almost immediately. Lucas was still just as beautiful as he always was. Same smooth peanut butter skin. Skin she’d dreamt of tasting for years. His dreads were a few inches longer. They fell just past his shoulders now. Same big, beautiful shining eyes. Those eyes… Hali fell victim to those eyes the first time she looked into them.

  There was a brightness about them that in no way matched the darkness that used to surround Lucas. Maybe that was what Hali liked about them most. Whatever the case, every time she looked into his eyes she felt like the seven-year-old girl she was when they met all over again. The same seven-year-old girl whose heart turned to mush. Stomach filled with fireflies. Arm pits got all sweaty. Brain got all stupid.

  Then, crushing on Lucas felt like a safe, consistent, growing and ebbing of the waves of the sea. Now, crushing on Lucas felt like a hurricane. Lifting those same calm waves and turning them into the most violent storm, leaving nothing but destruction and pain in its place.

  Then, falling in love with Lucas felt safe. It made her feel dependent upon something that was bigger than her. Someone that she could trust to give her something she was unable to give herself. Now, falling in love with Lucas felt like the most reckless, powerless choice she could’ve ever made. But had it ever really been her choice? There was nothing about her feelings for him that she could control. No matter how hard she tried. And she tried. My God did she try.

  Lucas licked his full brownish pink lips, reminding her of how she used to pine over his smile. He had the straightest whitest prettiest teeth she’d ever seen. If she had his teeth her mouth would never close. But his smiles, like Luana’s, were blessings that hardly ever came around. Maybe that had changed with time. Maybe being a business owner, husband and father gave him more reasons to smile.

  He hadn’t blessed her with one yet.

  If anything, his eyes were a bit unsure as he stood before her. Lucas had always been muscular, but now, his build was even bigger. Biceps were more prominent. His stomach went from flat to ripped. So ripped Hali could see the outline of his six pack through his tight fitting shirt.

  Lord.

  That shirt.

  Covered in sweat… sticking to his skin…

  That’s why his scent was so strong.

  So him.

  So poignant.

  “I mean I live here now. Moving in today,” Lucas answered, regaining Hali’s attention.

  She looked into those eyes just to look away. Focusing on the boxes by his door she asked, “Why, Lucas?”

  “Why what, angel?”

  Angel.

  The first time Lucas called her that she skipped home, giggling every time it crossed her mind. He said he called her an angel because that’s what she was to him and Luana. A piece of peace and happiness during what otherwise was hell with their parents. Hearing it now almost felt like an insult.

  “Don’t call me that,” she ordered, voice low and hard.

  “Then what do you want me to call you, an–”

  “My name,” Hali interrupted quickly, taking a step away from him.

  Her arms crossed over her chest, like that would disconnec
t her from him. From this moment. Irritation building or not, Lucas had a power over her and her emotions that no one else had. It didn’t matter how irritated, angry or furious she grew at the sight of him… there was still a small piece of her heart skipping and giggling. Resisting the urge to beat her heart into submission to her and not Lucas, Hali’s head flung back as she took another step away from him.

  She began to pace in the middle of the hall. Next to her ruined breakfast.

  “You can call me by my name, Lucas.”

  His eyes followed her as his head tilted. He crossed his arms over his chest as well but it wasn’t for the same reason as Hali. Lucas was sizing her up. Trying to decide how he was going to handle her.

  “Why are you here?” she asked, stopping in front of him, “I thought you moved to New York?”

  “I did,” he smiled softly for the first time as he took a step towards her, “I’m home now.”

  Hali looked around the empty hallway, wishing one of her neighbors would join them. The last thing she wanted in life was to be alone with Lucas. Who was she kidding? That was all she’d wanted at one point. Well, not anymore. Not since he’d rejected her and ran off with another woman.

  “Why? Where’s…” her eyes rolled, mouth tightened. She hated even mentioning her name. Her agitated tone made that clear when she finally managed to spit out, “Shanice?”

  Lucas shrugged and took another step towards her, smile widening the entire time. Hali looked around the hallway again as he answered, “Somewhere in Miami I guess,” she stepped back as he added, “We’re divorced.”

  Divorced?

  When did that happen?

  Was she about to smile?

  No. No smiling.

  Divorce wasn’t a good thing; even if she didn’t think they should’ve gotten married in the first place. Hali knew better than anyone how important it was to Lucas that he give his son the childhood he never had. It was Hali that Lucas talked to when he was sure Luana wouldn’t hear him out. It hurt Hali to her core to be his friend and listen to him mentally sort out his plans for a future she knew she wouldn’t be in but she did what she had to do. And what was her thanks? Him tossing her heart back at her feet like it meant nothing to him.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” she apologized quietly, hoping she sounded far more sincere than she actually felt.

  “I’m not.”

  Lucas took another step towards her. She took another step back.

  “When did you guys divorce?”

  “About four months ago. Luana didn’t tell you?”

  Hali’s head shook. Her hands fell to her sides as a knot formed in her throat. She hadn’t even realized that four months had gone by since the last time she talked to her best friend. Were they even best friends anymore? Of course they were. No distance or time could sever their bond. Just Lucas.

  “No, I…” Hali inhaled deeply and pushed her hair out of her face, just for it to return to its place yet again, “I guess we haven’t talked in a while.”

  “So you don’t know I have a niece or nephew on the way?”

  She clutched her chest as her eyes watered.

  “No. I didn’t know. Lil baby is having a baby?”

  Lucas smiled and nodded, taking another step towards her. She took another step back – back hitting the wall gently in the process. Now she had nowhere else to run.

  “Yep. Lil baby is having a baby. You should be around for this, ang– Hali. I never meant to come between you two…”

  “No,” her foot went to the wall, hoping that would keep her leg from shaking, “It’s not your fault or hers; it was mine. I needed time to get myself together and she reminded me too much of you.”

  The hint of a smile that played on the corners of his mouth as he talked about Luana fell at Hali’s truth. His head lowered slightly. Shoulders caved. He did his tale tell of when he was warring with his emotions or thinking deeply – Lucas tugged his dreads softly and sighed.

  “I’m…”

  “Please,” Hali lifted her hands to stop him, “Don’t,” stepping away from him and the wall, she looked down at the food on the floor through watery eyes, “I need to clean that up,” she almost whispered, feet heavy and steps slow towards her door.

  “I hope we can fix our friendship, Hali. I’ve missed you a lot.”

  She stopped and turned to face him. Was this a game to him? Did he enjoy torturing her? Obviously so. There was no way in hell Hali would ever be his friend. That ship took off the day he committed himself to another woman for life. It took Hali far too long to get over that, and to this day she still struggled with the pieces of her heart that he’d ripped apart becoming unglued.

  “Where the hell do you get off, Lucas? First, you go off and marry another woman. Then, when I confess my love for you, you toss that shit back to me like it meant nothing. Now that your marriage is over you move in next to me, like you don’t have enough money for a mansion somewhere. And you think we’re going to be friends? I will never be your friend again. So if you thought moving in here next to me was going to be your way back into my life you’ve got another thing coming. I don’t care if we are neighbors, besides the polite hello, I don’t want you saying anything to me, okay?”

  Hali didn’t know what type of response to expect from Lucas, and she honestly didn’t care. As long as he respected her wish of not having anything to do with him that was all she cared about. If he wanted a friendship between them to sprout he would just have to suffer in silence because of his desire for her like she did for him over the years.

  “I’m going to let you get away with raising your voice at me this one time,” Lucas gave her quietly, his left hand slid down his mouth as he used the right to grab himself through his basketball shorts, “But don’t forget who I am, Hali. I fucked up and hurt you; for that I apologize. Did you have me on such a high pedestal that you forgot I was human and capable of making mistakes? I will never regret trying to do what was best for my son, but I do regret the way my decision affected you,” he paused as he closed the space between them. Hali tried to step back but his hand around her arm stopped her. The second he touched her skin, he branded her all over again. It was easy to hide the fact that she belonged to him with him being miles away. How was she going to shake him now? “Now, I came here with specific goals in mind. I want my son to be loved by his people. I want to be here for my sister as she goes through this transition of motherhood. And I want you,” Hali opened her mouth to refute his plan, but he silenced her with his finger to her lips, “I’m not asking for your permission. If you don’t want to be my woman I understand that. I didn’t feel like I deserved you then, and I don’t now, but I miss you, woman. I miss my friend. You’re going to be my friend, Hali. I don’t care if me and Luca have to harass your stubborn ass every day for the rest of our lives, you’re gaining the place in his life that you should’ve always had, and you’re returning to your place in mine. Now take your little ass in your apartment and don’t come back out until you remember I’m running this shit.”

  Not giving her a chance to do so on her own, Lucas guided her to her door, took her keys from her hand to unlock it, and gently pushed her inside. The last thing Hali saw as the door shut was him smiling and winking as if he thought he’d won.

  4

  Lucas

  Lucas never thought he would have to resort to this but there was too much at stake now. He didn’t have to just secure a woman that he could trust with his heart, and if he was being completely honest, that seemed impossible enough on its own to accomplish. On top of that, he had to find a woman that he could trust with Luca. Yes, he wanted Luca to have a present motherly figure, but was he willing to risk starting a cycle of women coming and going in Luca’s life? As he stood in front of Soren’s office he wasn’t exactly sure.

  Part of him wanted to go in to receive her help in finding what he was hoping would be his forever wife, but the other part of him wanted to return to his old lifestyle of using w
omen as options for sex and nothing more. The last time he gave a woman a genuine chance she played him. She preyed on him. His pride made it extremely difficult for him to willingly set himself up for that to happen again.

  As he weighed his options, Lucas pulled his phone out to call Luana. He hadn’t seen her yet, and was sure she was going to give him a hard time about allowing Shanice’s parents to watch Luca while he got everything in their new home squared away. That wasn’t his choice, though. After going so long without spending time with their grandson, her parents practically snatched Luca from his arms and told him not to expect to have him back until Luca specifically asked for him.

  That was probably the only good thing about being with Shanice; her parents were the total opposite of her – loving, genuine and supportive. Even still, Lucas planned on letting them keep his son for forty-eight hours max. He was going crazy being away from Luca. The only thing keeping what little sanity he had left intact was the fact that he was able to get things cleaned up and situated a lot quicker than he would have with Luca running… well… wobbling around getting into trouble.

  Just the thought of the sight had Lucas smiling as Luana answered his call.

  “Why haven’t I seen you and my nephew yet?” Luana asked, wasting no time.

  Lucas’ smile fell, but quickly returned and widened.