Fisher of Men

by Pam Rhodes

  He’s got the whole world in his hands,

  He’s got the whole world in his hands!

  He’s got you and me, sister, in his hands…

  He’s got the itty, bitty baby in his hands…

  It was a very usual choice of song, Neil realized that – but the response of the mourners was odd, to say the least. He soldiered on, singing enthusiastically until the end, then invited the congregation to sit as he turned to his notes. He felt hot red colour creeping up his neck as he stared out with a definite sense of foreboding at the sea of faces looking in his direction. He made an instant decision that he would not deviate from the facts he’d been given by Joan and the family. No extra comments, however compassionate, would be worth risking when the mood of the mourners was so unpredictable.

  He launched into the description of George’s early family life, and how he’d gone on to work for a local manufacturer for many years, finally reaching the grade of foreman of the factory. He spoke of George’s passion for football. He had played for the local town team as a young man, and later continued his interest by cheering from the sidelines when his son, Shane, started to play. He was a long-standing member of the local Working Men’s Club, and as Captain of their Darts Team had enjoyed a measure of success each year in the county league championships.

  From here, Neil moved on to the specific wording that the family had asked to be included:

  “George was a family man – a husband, father, and grandfather. But he spread his love further than that. He loved one and all, and in fact was such a loving man that some might say he was almost too free with his affection. George was always there for his neighbours, and enjoyed mixing with people from many walks of life. He often spent time with others who were desperate or unable to cope, because he was truly a lover of all men – and women. His neighbourhood will be very quiet without him.”

  The sound of muffled laughter rippled around the room.

  “And he was known to be good with his hands,” Neil continued, as beads of sweat coursed between his shoulder-blades. “George wasn’t afraid to get stuck in and do whatever dirty work was needed. If he thought it had to be done, George was the first to volunteer.”

  The sound of the congregation laughing out loud made Neil look up nervously from his notes. Thank goodness that was the end of the piece the family had asked him to read, so he felt on safer ground as he continued with the more formal wording of the service. He moved on to the Prayers of Penitence:

  “As children of a loving heavenly Father, let us all now ask his forgiveness.” Neil’s voice shook slightly as he went on:

  “God of mercy, we acknowledge that we are all sinners…”

  By this time, the laughter from the congregation was so loud that they could hardly hear the rest of his prayer for forgiveness.

  The atmosphere settled as Neil invited everyone to join in prayer, before asking them all to stand for the next hymn requested by the family, “Who Would True Valour See”. This hymn was sung unenthusiastically until the line about “hobgoblins” and “foul fiends”, when the volume of singing suddenly escalated with those particular words being spat out with gusto. What on earth was going on? Neil’s palms felt clammy as he turned once again to his notes, ready to lead the congregation in prayer for the soul of the dear departed George – at least, he knew that George was definitely “departed”, but did anyone at his funeral actually think of him as “dear”?

  Thankfully, Neil managed to soldier on until the Committal, but wondered with real trepidation how the congregation would react as the curtains closed in front of the coffin to the accompaniment of the CD hymn track chosen by Joan and Tracey. How he wished he were familiar with the hymn! At least then, he would have some idea of what was coming. He froze as the music started with what was obviously its chorus:

  Sow His seeds of love,

  Sow His seeds of love,

  The love of the Father,

  Sow His seeds of love!

  Tears of laughter rolled down the cheeks of some members of the congregation. Tracey and Joan stood side by side at the front, holding hands, each wearing an expression more of triumph than grief. Neil caught the eye of Clifford on the organ, who looked as confused as Neil felt, but neither had any idea what was really going on. What was clear was that Neil had been duped into playing a central role in what was almost certainly more an act of vengeance than affection.

  To Neil’s relief, Clifford faded out the CD early, so that Neil could rattle through the final prayers, dismissal and blessing in record time. All he had to worry about now was the final piece of music which they had asked to be played as the congregation left the chapel. He held his breath as Clifford pushed the button on the CD player…

  The congregation practically danced out of the chapel to Hank Williams’ “Your Cheating Heart”. Standing to one side just outside the exit, Neil couldn’t think of a thing to say as several of them shook his hand warmly and said what a wonderful and appropriate send-off George had had, and they couldn’t ever remember enjoying a funeral service more! Joan and Tracey had ignored him totally as they led the way out to the Garden of Remembrance, but once Tracey noticed that Neil was finally on his own, she made her way over to him, her brother, Shane, at her side.

  “You didn’t know him, but I can tell you he deserved that.”

  Neil shook his head as he looked at her. “Surely everyone deserves to be remembered at their own funeral service with some degree of respect?”

  “He didn’t. He made my Mum’s life hell for years. But his last affair was with that tart across the road who had wheedled her way into the Darts Team. Mum finally saw sense and threw him out – and just in case he couldn’t remember the way to his floosie’s house, Mum marked the route down the street with all the things that were most dear to him. I wonder what his bit of stuff thought when she saw him arrive having picked up his verruca powder, his box of Dinky cars, his haemorrhoid cream and his carrier bag of dirty magazines on the way!”

  “Did he want to leave your mother? Had he planned to leave her for this other woman?”

  “Mum was beyond caring. He’d already done exactly what he wanted by getting that bimbo pregnant – or at least, she said he had. But then she said a lot of things just to get what she wanted. I don’t suppose she planned on him having a heart attack when he was in bed with her on that first night, though, did she? Serves them both right!”

  Neil’s face was flushed as he replied. “You shouldn’t have involved me in this way. That wasn’t fair or right – not for me, and certainly not for your father.”

  Tracey peered at him closely.

  “This has really upset you, hasn’t it? Well, I’m sorry you were dragged into it, but I can’t say we’re sorry we did it. You were great. Bye, Reverend.”

  As she moved off, Neil realized that her brother, Shane, was still at his side. When Shane spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper:

  “You know what it’s like, Vicar. You’re a man. You have urges, just like me – just like my Dad. It’s just that my Dad didn’t know when to stop, and he talked about it too much to too many people. It always got back to Mum. I’ve seen her crying so many times over the years. She shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

  As Shane moved even closer, Neil realized that there was real sadness in the young man’s face.

  “You see, I don’t think he meant to hurt her. I think he loved Mum a lot, really. She was his rock, his ‘brick’ – that’s what he called her. And I spoke to him that day she finally threw him out. He was really upset and frightened. I don’t think he ever thought she would actually go that far. I don’t blame her, of course. You couldn’t, could you? But she wasn’t always the easiest woman to live with either, and sometimes I felt really sorry for the way Mum and Tracey bossed him about. I think he was a broken man. I think his heart was broken, and that’s why he died. And I think he’d cry his eyes out if he knew what happened at his funeral, and that he was remembered this
way.”

  “I’m sure he would. He’d be devastated.”

  “Anyway, I just wanted you to know. Don’t judge my Dad by what happened today.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Don’t judge my Mum and Tracey either.”

  “I’ll try not to. Thank you for explaining, Shane.”

  The young man looked at Neil for a second or two, then moved off to disappear among other members of the family.

  The mourners didn’t hang around. Within five minutes, the courtyard where flowers were displayed was eerily silent. Looking down at the blooms, Neil noticed the card on one wreath of white roses.

  “Rest in peace, George,” it read.

  And as Neil was reading, a teardrop of rain fell on to the writing, making the ink run. Surprised, Neil looked up, expecting to see dark clouds.

  The sky was clear and blue.

  “A group of us are going bowling on Wednesday night. Do you fancy coming?”

  Neil turned to find Wendy beside him as he gathered up music books at the end of the choir rehearsal.

  “I’d love to!” he replied with a smile. “I’m not busy that night – well, not unless you’d call preparing my sermon for Sunday a hot date!”

  “Oh, if you feel you need to work…” Wendy’s expression was cheekily wistful.

  “No! I’m hopeless at sermons, as you know…”

  “I don’t agree with that at all.”

  “Well, I feel hopeless at them, so actually I spend all week worrying about them – so, a night out would be wonderful. Who else is going?”

  “Your friend Graham…”

  “Great!”

  “And Debs. Just the four of us so far.”

  “That sounds like good company to me. What time?”

  “I’ve booked a couple of games at eight, and the plan is that we go for a pizza afterwards. That all right with you?”

  “Perfect!” agreed Neil. “Would you like me to drive?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but don’t worry. I’m not much of a drinker. I’m happy to stay teetotal for the night. I’ll pick you up about half seven, OK?”

  “I’ll look forward to it. Thanks, Wendy.”

  She blushed prettily, then turned away to join Debs, who was packing away the music stands. A discreet thumbs-up from Wendy brought a broad grin across Debs’ face. Linking arms with her friend, Wendy pulled her away from any listening ears.

  “So…” she started.

  “… the big question is, what are you going to wear?” finished Debs.

  “Come on, fashion expert, you know my wardrobe as well as I do!”

  “Your new black leggings, the shiny ones – and that silky white top of yours. You look good in that.”

  “Demure and yet saucily sweet?”

  Debs grinned. “Exactly. It’s perfect.”

  “And you? What sort of outfit might Graham actually notice you in?”

  “Honestly, I don’t think Graham would even think about looking in my direction unless I turned up wearing nothing at all!”

  Wendy laughed. “Well, that’s one idea. I do like you in your turquoise top, though. That really brings out the colour of your eyes.”

  “Graham just never sees me like that. I’m the girl next door. I have to accept he really doesn’t think of me as anything but an irritating kid sister.”

  “Why is it that men are so thick?”

  “Good question!” agreed Debs with a chuckle.

  “Never mind,” said Wendy, giving her friend a hug. “You’ll get your man – and so will I!”

  “Sad news, I’m afraid,” said Margaret when Neil met her at the Church Centre the next day. “Lily passed away last night.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that! How’s Elsie taking it – do we know?”

  “Well, it was their great-niece who called me this morning. Apparently, Lily fell asleep in her chair after tea, just as she always does – but when Elsie tried to wake her a bit later because the carer had come to help her into bed, they couldn’t rouse her. She’d just drifted away in her sleep. Not a bad way to go, really.”

  As Neil took this in, he saw again in his mind’s eye Lily’s face, the calm and steady faith shining from her eyes. He couldn’t imagine either of the sisters having the slightest fear of dying. For them, it would be a homecoming, a longed-for meeting with the Lord they had loved and faithfully served all their lives. His only sadness was that Lily hadn’t made it to her hundredth birthday after all. And Elsie? He was sad for Elsie. She would be so lonely, left behind.

  “I feel for Elsie,” said Margaret, echoing his thoughts. “This will hit her hard.”

  “Will she manage in the flat on her own, do you think?”

  “Her great-niece and the rest of their family are already considering that.”

  “And?”

  “And they think she should go into residential care now. She’s not as sprightly as she was. Her hips are painful, and she’s very unsteady on her pins nowadays.”

  “But she’s always active, isn’t she? Just think of all that baking she does, and she’s got a good circle of friends.”

  “Yes, but at the end of the day, she’ll be living alone. Suppose she takes a tumble? Suppose she’s ill, or feeling low without Lily? That’s what the family are worried about.”

  “Has anyone asked Elsie what she would like?”

  “Well,” she replied, “I’ve spoken to her about this possibility on several occasions. She knew Lily could go at any time. She’s not daft, and she knows her own mind. She most definitely does not want to leave her home. They’ve been there for years. She wants to die there.”

  “But if she’s not safe? It’s easy to see both points of view here.”

  “Look,” said Margaret, “as much as I’d love to, I simply can’t manage to get over there this morning, not with the Rural Dean due to arrive at any moment. I’ll pop across later this afternoon, of course, but would you mind going straightaway? She’s taken quite a shine to you during our visits, so I think she’d be glad to see you.”

  Fifteen minutes later, as Neil sat holding Elsie’s hand on the sisters’ comfy old sofa, he realized that she was indeed very pleased to see him. She wasn’t alone, with several people pottering round the house, not all of whom Neil recognized. He knew Alison, Elsie’s great-niece, from past visits, but the others were less familiar.

  “They all feel they need to be here,” whispered Elsie so that only he could hear. “They’re trying to be kind, of course – and I know they genuinely loved Lily and are shocked by what’s happened – but honestly, I could do with a bit of peace at the moment. I’d like the two of us to pray, really. That’s what Lily would want.”

  Neil squeezed her hand in total understanding, before getting up to find Alison busying herself in the kitchen. He explained that Elsie had requested some quiet time for prayer, and knowing how important that would be for her great-aunt, Alison took the point that perhaps it was time for the rest of the family to give Elsie a little privacy, knowing that Neil was there to keep an eye on her.

  “I’m going to stay, though,” finished Alison. “I want to do some sorting out in Lily’s bedroom.”

  “You’re not clearing things out already, are you?”

  “Of course not – well, not really. I just thought I would put away some of Lily’s personal bits and pieces – the plastic cup she put her teeth in overnight, her glasses and night things – bits and pieces like that.”

  “I wonder if Elsie might take comfort in things remaining the same for a few days,” suggested Neil gently, remembering how important that had felt to him when his own father died. “She hasn’t had a chance to say her goodbyes yet. She might like to sit in Lily’s room to do that.”

  There was a sudden hardness in Alison’s expression. “I know my aunt very well. Elsie doesn’t like clutter. She’ll appreciate me taking over the jobs that might upset her. I’ll be in Lily’s room when you’ve finished. Come and find me, because we’ll need to t
alk about the funeral.”

  Recognising that he’d been dismissed, Neil returned to the front room, closing the door behind him as he went to join Elsie on the sofa. Soft, silent tears were shining on her cheeks. He reached out to take her hand, and the two of them sat quietly together, both with their own memories of Lily.

  “Alison wants me to go into a home.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Nothing.” The old lady turned to look directly into his eyes. “I just want to be left alone. I’ve been used to doing most of the housework by myself for quite a long time now, so why shouldn’t I carry on doing what I’ve always done? I don’t understand why they’re making such a fuss.”

  “They’re concerned for you, Elsie. You know they only mean well.”

  “Do I? Why doesn’t it feel that way? I’m not an idiot. Why are they suddenly treating me as if I am?”

  “I am sure they mean nothing but the best for you. And you’re wise enough to recognize that things become more difficult as you get on in years, especially if there’s no one else living with you at all. It’s not just what becomes hard physically. It’s also the challenge of living on your own, with no one to talk to. I expect Alison and the family are thinking about all those things, because they love you and they don’t like the idea of you being distressed or in difficulty on your own.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  Neil gave her hand an extra squeeze. “Let’s not think about it now. There’ll be time enough for that. Shall we pray for Lily?”

  With a smile, Elsie closed her eyes and dropped her head as Neil began to lead them both in prayer.

  By the time they’d finished about a quarter of an hour later, it was clear that Elsie was starting to tire. Neil plumped up her cushions and helped her to settle back comfortably. Her eyes fluttered for a while before she fell into a deep sleep. Looking down at her fondly, he tucked a blanket around her before closing the door quietly behind him. He found Alison in Lily’s room, sitting on the bed with her nose buried in her aunt’s nightgown, her eyes sad and gleaming with tears.