Intellectual: A Young Adult Romance

by Katie Wright

  His breathing which had been steady no longer was. I couldn't really hear him and then I felt his body back away. My hand shot out against his chest and at that I opened my eyes. The room was dark which meant we had been sleeping for almost four hours.

  I tried to look at his face but knew couldn't make out any features.

  "Heath, you up?" His low and kind voice asked me.

  I believed that he would have thrown me out of bed by now but he hadn't.

  I nodded but after realizing he couldn't see me I muttered, "Yes."

  "Are you okay?"

  "Um, yeah, why?"

  I felt his body shift against my hand towards me. Now I could feel his face close to mine. I held my breath.

  Almost whispering he admitted, "I heard you crying."

  I pulled my hand away and closed my eyes realizing there was no point in keeping them open.

  "I didn't know I was."

  "Okay," his body moved and I felt as though I would fall into him again.

  I tried to hold myself back but gravity took me to him.

  "Sorry," I apologized and then attempted to back away but he stopped me.

  "Stop that," he said loudly, "you might as well just lay there, or you'll fall off the bed."

  I leaned back a bit and moved my hand behind me. Sure enough there was just air. I didn't understand how I hadn't fallen off.

  "Are you cold Heath?"

  "No why?" Now my eyes were opened and still staring at darkness.

  "You lost your sheets."

  "You can see me?"

  He reached out and touched my shoulder which created a serious case of gooseflesh up my entire body.

  "Yes," he finished.

  At his response I brought my arms up across my chest to cover myself. I was still very aware that the lower half of my body was exposed to his eyes.

  He chuckled quietly and then reached down to grab the thin blanket and cover me. However, his hand didn't leave my hip.

  "Thanks," I muttered.

  Then he pulled me to him and kissed my lips.

  "You're welcome," he replied after he finished kissing me.

  I held my breath and then my lips worked, "What was that?"

  He laughed bitterly and pushed himself back against his pillows. From what I could tell from the position of his had he was staring at the ceiling; finally he answered, "A mistake."

  His brief but harsh comment almost made me choke.

  I sat up and stared at him wide eyed, "A mistake? Well then why…"

  "Because the opportunity presented itself and I took it like an idiot. It's more likely that you'll push me away, put on your clothes, and leave my house forgetting that I drove you here."

  I slammed my fists onto his bed, "You're such an asshole."

  His features were becoming more visible as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

  His eyes landed on me and then he quirked his eyebrow, "Oh I forgot to mention you'd probably call me an asshole or some other derogatory term to describe my insatiable lust for you."

  My mouth followed my eyes and went wide in disbelief, "I can't believe you."

  "Would you fucking get a clue Heath!" Now his body was up straight, arms and hands flailing, "Why can't you just," then he dropped his hands and laid back on his pillow, "I can't argue about this anymore just leave then."

  I was confused, "I never said I wanted to leave; that's what you said!"

  "But that's what you want, so why don't you just go."

  "I don't want to go," I laid the truth out to him.

  His eyes turned towards me, "And can you tell me why?"

  My heart, my head, and my body all knew why I wanted to stay. Now if my mouth could work the proper words to explain to him maybe he would understand. That I wanted to be with him and this wasn't just a one time thing. So that's what I said in a quick breath, "I want to be here with you."

  "Why?"

  I wanted to yell at him, he really was going to make me explain my reasons. I had nothing to lose, "Because I want to be with you." My statement though simple, had a massive effect on both of our situations. If he agreed with me then this story would end happily and the both of us would share this bed of warm bliss. If he didn't then I would leave quietly crying outside in the dark.

  He still hadn't spoken to me for what seemed like a minute and I observed that hesitation was not a good sign so I started to move off the bed and part from him forever.

  My wrist grabbed, my body pulled back and onto him, only one word did he reply, "Stay."

  And then I was pushed back to my side of the bed. He yawned, "Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow I'm tired. But we are going to talk about this. Heather Harvey finally admits her feelings should be celebrated but in the light of my best friend and your cousin's funeral I think we should wait."

  "Till tomorrow?" My question though dumb needed an answer. I had no point as to whether he felt the same for me as I did for him. I could sense he wanted to tell me the same but too many emotions touched his face. He was overwhelmed and I had never seen Casey that way that it scared me into to thinking that I would just leave it alone, and leave him alone too.

  Finally he said, "Yeah tomorrow morning when we've had a good night sleep."

  I wanted to mention that we had slept for nearly the entire afternoon but held back. Then it occurred to me that he had heard me crying and his eyes could see everything that I could not. That he hadn't slept at all and that I, who was selfish and insensitive, had. All these thoughts would wait till morning. I wondered as he drifted off that role reversal was inevitable.

  I was woken up by a hit to my right hip. Immediately I woke up and found my cell phone ringing next to me; it was my parents. Casey's bare back was going further away as I tried to comprehend where I was.

  I reached over my hip and grabbed my cell phone bringing it to my ear. My parents, as parents are, were asking me why I hadn't come home or answered my cell phone last night. Most people would not find the words but I offered them the half truth.

  "Oh I ended up at Casey's and fell asleep on his couch. I'm so sorry mom; I guess I was just tired."

  My mom also sounded tired on the other end of the phone and said it was alright but next time call. I agreed and told her I would be home soon.

  Once we both said our goodbyes I looked out the window. The sun was coming up which meant it was just about dawn. I was relieved I hadn't slept through till the afternoon.

  Then my gaze drifted towards the bed and the folded clothes on the end. Casey had left me a white t-shirt and oversized blue sweat pants. I pulled them on and retreated to the kitchen where I found the homeowner.

  "Hey," I smiled slightly. I felt as though a giant weight from the previous night had been lifted off my shoulders.

  Unfortunately when his eyes met mine I was met with grim.

  "What?" I moved towards him and noticed under his eyes were wet and his face seemed swollen, much like the day at the hospital.

  He got up from his chair and took a few strides towards me, "I guess I should take you home."

  "I don't have to right away," I rushed. No, I didn't want to go home, I wanted to be here with him and deal with Mickey's grief and our own insignificant problems.

  "Fine," he took my hand and we went to the family room where he sat me down like a child.

  He sat at one end and I at the other didn't share more than a 'grunt' between us. Or I should say he grunted and I cleared my throat.

  "So now what?"

  He looked at me, "I don't know, where should we start?"

  I leaned back, and wanted to say 'after I spilled my guts to you now reciprocate!' But I didn't and merely offered, "Before we went to sleep."

  "Okay, well then, I guess I have to say that after what you said to me I wanted to hit you in the face for taking so long to tell me. But at the same time I wanted to um," he took a quick glance at me and the gooseflesh once again rose to the occasion. Then he cleared his throat, "Do the opposite."
>
  I slightly giggled at knowing his meaning.

  He must have ignored me because he continued, "Heath, I really can't do this for another year or whatever. I know it's partially my fault but I'm not going to run after you every time you almost admit your feelings. But maybe, I was thinking that that was harder for you than most people, I don't know why I just thought that it was. But since," he continued to ramble but I understood his meaning, "you told me how you felt I guess I should make it really clear how I feel about you."

  I settled myself sideways on the couch so I could watch him. His body hunched over and hands clasped into tight fists maybe me realize how hard it was for him to tell me this. Even though I had done the same thing maybe we were the same in that way, we had trouble admitting our feelings for one another.

  Then he began, "I know you told me how you felt but most of the time we've been together it's been cat and mouse. We've gotten to know each other the few times we weren't yelling at one another. I want to get to know you more, I know I want you, but I need to know that it's not just my body telling me that." He turned his head towards me now and I saw the questioning in his eyes, "Maybe," he continued, "we could spend time with one another for awhile. I could take you out or something or hang out here whatever you want. But I know I want to spend as much time with you as possible."

  Okay so it wasn't the 'I love you' I had expected to come from his mouth but it spoke volumes. It may have even been more sincere than if he had said 'I love you.' The truth was that I didn't know if I loved him I just knew I loved being with him and when I was around him I never wanted to leave.

  I smiled at him and he asked me what I was smiling at.

  "Nothing," I bit my lower lip trying to hold in my giddiness.

  He shook his head, "You're so full of it." He leaned towards me and laid a hand down and then moved a little closer and another hand followed. Soon he was all but on top of me. "I forgot to mention something."

  "Oh, what," I hoped he would take advantage of the opportunity and I swear in those few seconds I prayed as hard as I could he would.

  "Friends with benefits is not out of the question, that is if you don't have a problem with that."

  I just about shook my head when he landed his lips on mine. Shear torture it was when he pulled away. It only lasted a few seconds which angered me so I grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him down again.

  For the first few moments I was in control but then it was as though his animalistic tendencies took over and I was lying fully horizontal on the couch.

  The onslaught of his mouth was very welcomed and I took the opportunity to explore his best aspects.

  "Hey," he hushed by my ear, "remember this is an equal partnership, fifty, fifty."

  And then I couldn't help but let his hands explore a little bit until I his tell his breathing was getting so ragged I was forced push him back.

  "I'm sorry," he sat up and away from my greedy hands.

  I pouted.

  "No Heath," he brushed back some of his hair from his forehead, "that's not till after the first date." Then he laughed and got up from the couch.

  Sad to say there were no further exhibitions of one another the rest of the morning. I had been extremely happy when he had dropped me off at home and gave me a slow kiss goodbye. He told me he'd call later that night to see how I was doing. At first I didn't understand his meaning and then I did.

  I nodded and jumped out of his truck. My emotions went from the feeling of euphoria to the utter depths of depression. It wasn't anyone's fault but my own. I didn't understand why I could be so selfish sometimes. Why had I not been worried about Mickey and keeping him in my mind's constant regard instead of Casey? I hadn't even called Jane and the prospect of having to was upsetting. But it was something that would need to happen in order for all of us to deal with it.

  I had one thing to look forward to as I entered my house, Case phone call that night.

  Before I knew it, it was too late. My head pounded and the aches in my back and legs were consequences of the flu that struck me nearly one week after Mickey's funeral.

  "Whoever the hell thought you couldn't catch a cold from being out in the snow and nearly freezing to death was a fucking liar," I cursed to myself and to no one else. Where was everybody anyways? Here I was bound to my bed and the cable on my TV was out.

  "Help," I squeaked out.

  Of course no one would here me because no one was home. I turned my head and looked at the clock. It was almost noon and I knew that my mother was out shopping and my dad was work. There was a good chance no one would come to my rescue for another few hours.

  I'm a big girl now and I can take care of myself. I tried to convince myself, but that idea faltered as soon as I placed my wobbly feet on the floor. Positioning my body upright, I used my hands to steady myself as I went around my bed and towards the door.

  Finally I placed my hands across the walls and made a path towards the hall bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror I was disgusted by what I saw. My hair was falling out of its pony tail and my face looked as grey as the dead. If I looked that bad I probably smelled worse.

  I jumped, well more like crawled into the shower and stood in there for a good hour at least. The hot water felt like it was burning off the germs that made me this way. My nostrils cleared and I could finally take a deep breath without coughing.

  After getting out I placed a towel around my body and scooted back to my bedroom. Then, like all things, the door bell rang just as I was passing the stairs.

  Nervous I jumped passed the stairwell and hid myself. The bell rang again. Shit they saw me.

  "Heath," the voice yelled through the door.

  I turned to look down the stairs. Through the glass door I could make out Casey's face peering in.

  "Casey," I called down the stairs.

  His head snapped upwards where I was standing wrapped in only a towel. I thought I saw his eyes widen at me but then he waved.

  Now I had to decide if I should make him wait there or go down in my towel and let him in first. I looked at myself, "Hold on a second Casey."

  I went into my room and put on my robe. Then I scrunched my hair in my towel and went back. Suddenly I felt this energy that hadn't been there before. That was of course until I was at the bottom of the stairs. I was out of breath and my legs ached.

  As I pulled the door open I noticed he was holding something in his hands.

  "Hey Heath," he smiled at me.

  I pulled the door open more to let him in. He followed and waited as I closed the door and locked it. Suddenly I was aware that I and he were together in my house for the first time all by ourselves. It was too bad I felt like shit!

  He pulled out a card and handed it to me, "Here," he said. He turned around as I opened the envelope and pulled out the card.

  I read it and was surprised by the sentiment, "Thank you Casey."

  He turned back around, "Yeah no problem. Brian told me you came down with the flu and I thought maybe, um…" He scratched the back of his neck.

  I started at the sound of Brian's name, "He's back at work?"

  Casey finally looked me in the eyes, "Yea he's back, surprisingly. I don't think he's the type that can sit around. He mentioned being around his mom was making him crazy. But I mean I guess I can understand."

  I nodded, "Yeah I guess…I mean I don't know if I could deal with it. I'd probably curl up in a ball and never leave my room again if anything happened to Sarah."

  "Yea well you never know how you're going to deal with death until it really happens, you know."

  "I don't think I want to," I whispered.

  I felt a chill and involuntarily my body shook.

  Casey rubbed my arm, "Hey maybe you should get out of the hallway."

  I rubbed my arms after he let go. It felt strange for him to touch me in such a way. We hadn't really discussed 'us' since the funeral. He called every once in awhile to ask me how I was doing but lately he had bee
n trying to finish his house. Something told me it wasn't so much about finishing his house but dealing with his grief. I would have done the same but I had been forced to lie in bed and think about everything.

  Casey followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the kitchen table.

  As I looked through the fridge I glanced back at Casey who staring back at me.

  Feeling slightly tense I asked why he wasn't at work.