Promises Made- Promises Kept

by Jaclyn Rosamond

  Bianca whimpered, brow creasing. Time for pain meds. She struggled to wakefulness as I added morphine to the drip’s port. She drank half a cup of apple juice before slipping into oblivion again.

  I half-dozed in the chair, wakened by voices in the dreaded kitchen.

  Eddie stalked through a minute later and jerked his head. ‘Get lost.’

  Head held high, muscles clenched along my jaw, I tiptoed out to boil the kettle.

  Lisa stood there, with a sweet smile for me.

  She put her arms around me. ‘You know, it was good to clear the air a bit last night. I wish I’d been a better friend to you. I’m sorry. I think you’re amazing. All that you’re doing. You’re so lovely.’ She ran out of words and I simply hugged her back, grateful for an ally.

  ‘I can’t believe I married that piece of shit.’ I turned to fill the kettle.

  ‘I know. Now I’ve got to know him, I can’t see what Bianca wanted him for.’ She tossed her head. ‘He’d already begun to spend less time with her once the marriage certificate was in his hot little hands.’

  ‘Really?’ I switched the kettle on, propping myself against the kitchen bench. ‘The gym?’ He’d gone out every day, he didn’t say where, but Bianca told me he went to the gym.

  She nodded. ‘He’s like a kid with a new toy, isn’t he?’

  ‘You mean, once he’s got it, the novelty wears off?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s it.’

  ‘Well,’ I said, with grim amusement. ‘If he keeps that up, he’ll be married and divorced a lot! And each time he’ll lose at least half his money in settlement. That’s a crazy way to live.’

  ‘Did you ever wonder about his life before you knew him? About the women?’

  I flashed her a quick look. ‘Now that you mention it, yes, I did. He didn’t want to talk about old girlfriends, I was curious, but not that curious.’

  ‘Tony could have told you.’ Her face knowing, she looked ready to spill.

  ‘God, I’m not sure I want to hear this.’ I leaned in. ‘But do tell.’ Had I just been a sucker for Eddie’s good looks? The substance underneath always missing?

  She tiptoed to the kitchen door, making sure Eddie hadn’t snuck up to listen.

  ‘All good.’ She returned, propping herself opposite me. ‘Twice he’s moved in with girlfriends. The first one looked a lot like you.’

  ‘Maybe he has a type,’ I murmured, wondering what was coming.

  She shrugged. ‘Yeah, the type he can screw, then screw with them and treat them like dirt. He hangs around long enough to be legally de facto, then dumps them and walks out with half of everything.’

  My mouth dropped open, horrified. ‘I wish I’d known.’

  ‘He married you to get the house.’

  ‘I kind of guessed that when the shit hit the fan.’

  ‘It’s a major reason I’ve never bothered getting to know you.’

  ‘Because…?’

  ‘Because I knew he’d screw you and move on.’

  ‘You realize I’m standing here wondering why the hell no-one thought to tell me he was a bastard.’

  Shamefaced, she looked away. ‘Look, I know I’ve been a bitch, and I’m sorry, but I see things differently now Tony and I are getting divorced. He’s almost as poisonous as Eddie.’

  ‘What? Oh god, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

  She nodded. ‘Yeah, he keeps his dark side well hidden. I had to get out before he stripped my soul away.’

  ‘And now, here’s me wondering if you might be hanging around to grab Eddie once Bianca has gone.’

  ‘No way.’ She flinched in disgust. ‘I’m here for Bianca. And Timmy.’

  I smiled and tiptoed to the door to check Eddie hadn’t returned to eavesdrop.

  ‘Did you know he didn’t get half the house?’

  Her eyebrows shot up. ‘Good! How’d you manage that?’

  ‘My parents’ names were on the Deed.’ I broke into a broad grin. ‘He didn’t bother to find out before he moved in. Plus, Dominic’s a great divorce lawyer. And there’s another thing.’

  I told her about the salacious photos and my threat to publish them. Her eyes popped out on stalks.

  ‘That’s why he didn’t push harder to grab more in the settlement.’

  ‘Would you really have made them public?’

  I heaved a big sigh and nodded. ‘And I’d have sent them to his boss. I was going overseas. It sounds a bit like blackmail, but I didn’t care about the fallout, not after everything he did.’

  Half laughing, she made a bow of respect. ‘Remind me not to piss you off.’

  In that moment we became friends, and that lifted some of the weight off my shoulders.

  Eddie stomped in just then, still in a snit. ‘Timmy’s crying.’ He glared at each of us in turn, as if it was our fault.

  ‘I expect he needs a diaper change,’ Lisa said, tone neutral, face challenging.

  Seeing us prepared to leave it to him, he thundered out, footsteps like a baby elephant up the stairs. We rolled our eyes at each other.

  ‘Whoopee-doo, he’s a hero, gone to change his son’s diaper.’ She put mugs on the bench. ‘Coffee for you, or a much-needed kip?’

  ‘Sleep.’ I squeezed her arm. ‘Thank you. It’s nice to have an ally in this house of gloom.’

  ‘Right back at you.’ She grinned.

  I headed upstairs for privacy, jamming a chair under the doorknob in the spare room, before collapsing on the bed. Eddie couldn’t barge in and continue verbal battering. My thoughts were all mine now. I was bone weary, but sleep lay a long way out of reach. Every time I reached out to grasp the blissful curtain of oblivion, it fluttered away again. Finally, I rolled on my back and lay there fumbling for clarity in my mental darkness.

  First things first. Cal.

  I’d fallen in love with him. All the while denying it. Now I had to face a few facts.

  I thought back over every meeting I’d had with Cal. He’d never made an overt move I could interpret as a special liking for me. Unless I counted the unexpected meetings in Anchorage, Chicago and here in Cambridge. I wanted this to mean something more than generosity on his part. If I took those unlooked-for encounters out of context, then it looked good for me.

  We’d had two or three “moments”, a frisson of something…hadn’t we? Or had that been my vivid imagination? My breath came faster at each memory, then slowed down as I thought more about them.

  Each of those meetings had a context. Seeing his sister in Anchorage and Boston. And a few hours ago? According to Eddie the mystery woman was no longer a mystery. She was his girlfriend and he intended not only visiting her, but taking her back to Australia with him.

  A lump formed in my throat. Dammit! I refused to give in to tears threatening. Rubbing my eyes hard, I told my brain to quit circling around the same pathetic thoughts. Cal didn’t have to tell me everything. Of course not. But telling Eddie? It seemed like a betrayal and hurt like hell.

  I had to let him go. Yes, I’d still send text messages, but fewer as time passed, until they petered out, by which time Cal and Leah would barely remember my name.

  My life was up shit creek right now. Up shit creek without a paddle. I had no control over anything. I huffed into the darkness. I hated not having control.

  I had to see this through to the end. Bianca’s time was running out. Beyond that there was the funeral and then what?

  Freedom, that’s what.

  I thought about that for a while. I was nowhere near ready to settle back in England. Having established that, I thought about where I would go next.

  Cal had suggested I visit him in Australia. That temptation had gone. Seeing Cal, with a girlfriend no less, would be at the bottom of a long list of miserable experiences. With my confidence at an all-time low, I needed another rejection like I needed a hole in the head.

  Not Australia then.

  Where to go? I thought of all the rain, sleet and snow of the last few weeks and knew I
didn’t want Vermont. Too much snow. Too cold. I wanted somewhere warm. I thought of Hawaii and a tension inside me unwound. Hawaii would be lovely at this time of year. Not cold, but cooler by only a few degrees than the two weeks of summer I’d had on my honeymoon. My lip curled in the dark. Eddie was a prick! Wouldn’t it be ironic if I spent a few months working there, when he’d been the one to suggest we pack up our lives and move there? No matter where I settled, I’d be carrying emotional baggage with me, why not take it to a beautiful location?

  Decision made, my body relaxed a little. I wouldn’t tell Cal. Not until I had the contract and the airline ticket. He might like to see me in Australia, but it didn’t follow that would be in my best interests.

  With Cal sorted in my head, I turned to my next problem.

  Eddie.

  He knew more than I did. I was so cranky my fists thumped the mattress. What had Cal been thinking? Sharing something like that with him of all people. Hadn’t I made it clear he treated me like shit? I muttered a few choice curses. Bloody men!

  In truth, I’d become afraid of Eddie over the last couple of days. What he meant about paying me back was a mystery I didn’t want an answer for. His constant attacks had increased. Cal’s visit had fueled more vitriol. I didn’t have immediate answers for his hatred, except to accept I’d done nothing to provoke him. Short of being alive and well. I would do my utmost to avoid any time alone with him. And, I’d walk out if he persisted.

  I had my suspicions about his daily outings. Sure, I believed he was working out, however, he returned just a touch more cheerful than seemed reasonable. One look at his dying wife and his face shutdown with a scowl.

  I wondered if Lisa had picked up on this, too.

  A knock on the door woke me. I had time to notice pale daylight sneaking through curtains as I scrambled off the bed. Lisa stood there with Timmy.

  ‘Sorry to wake you. Bianca’s asking for you.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I squeezed her shoulder on the way out.

  Bianca was asleep when I sat down. She stirred, her eyes lighting up when she saw me. I smiled gently. It seemed strange that only a few weeks ago I’d despised her – with good reason, of course – now I felt only love and pity.

  ‘I’m thirsty. Could I have ice to suck, please?’

  ‘Of course. How’s the pain, love? Do you need anything yet?’

  She hesitated. ‘Soon.’

  Crushed ice in a small cup, I popped some in her mouth, watching her find relief for her dry mouth.

  She spat out some ice. ‘It tastes weird.’

  ‘I know it’s not nice, but it’s not unusual,’ I said. ‘It’s probably the medicine you need for pain making it taste strange.’

  ‘Oh. It won’t go away, then?’

  I shook my head. ‘Probably not.’

  ‘I feel like shit. I need more pain stuff and something to stop me throwing up.’

  I nodded. ‘Your GP will be here in about an hour. Do you think you can wait until then? You remember he’ll be fitting a syringe driver? It gives continuous small doses of all your medications into your body and keeps the pain under control better than the IV drip.’ I pointed to the bag of fluid.

  ‘Will it hurt?’

  ‘Not really. The needle will be permanently in place, a bit like this one.’ I touched the IV needle on the back of her hand. ‘But it’s smaller and won’t be in a vein, it goes just under the skin. You won’t feel it most of the time. The Doc might put it in your arm or leg, or abdomen, we’ll wait and see. The drugs – medications – will last for twenty-four hours and then you get a fresh supply for another twenty-four hours. Any questions?’

  We’d gone over these protocols with Eddie, Brigid and Lisa. From Bianca’s confused expression, I don’t think she’d heard much of the GPs longwinded technical description. She seemed to be waiting for everything to be described in simple words as they occurred.

  Eddie went out, muttering something about the gym, despite knowing the syringe driver marked another step in terminal care for his wife. Bianca seemed to have forgotten the significance, either that or she had come to a level of acceptance re her impending death.

  His absence meant nothing to anyone except Bianca, and she didn’t seem to care. Brigid turned up half an hour before the doctor arrived. With brisk efficiency, she and I changed bedding, bed-bathed our patient and settled her against pillows. Edna and Lisa clattered in the kitchen with Timmy.

  True to his word, the GP rocked up on time. A young man, with two years’ experience in general practice, he met me and Brigid with a degree of trepidation. He’d been made aware of our own skills in hospitals and had come prepared to listen to us.

  He had not been the GP who dropped the ball with Bianca’s critical diagnosis. That doctor had left the surgery.

  He greeted Bianca with somber compassion, chatting for a couple of minutes whilst performing a thorough examination. He showed her the syringe driver with a brief description of its purpose.

  ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll assess the best location.’ His eyes questioned the two nurses in the room. He knew full well we had training in syringe driver set-up, whereas he likely hadn’t as much experience. Given Bianca’s rapid weight loss, her abdomen would be the best choice. Brigid and I stood ready to correct him, if necessary.

  He scrutinized her wasted arms and shook his head. He pulled back the sheet and cotton blanket. ‘Definitely your abdomen.’ To his relief we both nodded. ‘This nifty device will rest on the bed beside you, out of the way, and take care of your pain.’

  He set up the driver. The medications had been premixed at his surgery and now contained morphine, metoclopramide and midazolam. The latter drug had now become her end of life requirement and would begin with a low dose, only scaling up as and when her pain worsened.

  Weary pain lines on her face eased as the drugs hit her system. Heavy-hearted, I stroked hair off her forehead. Bianca had only a few days left. It could be two or three, it might be as much as six. With no fight left in her, my guess would be on the lower side.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  That evening brought a devastating shock. Bianca had begged us to forbid her mother anywhere near her in these last weeks. Brigid and I had met Shirl in our school days and explained to the others in graphic detail the need to keep her away if she took it into her drug-addled head to visit.

  Even so, when the doorbell rang that evening none of us were ready. Lisa answered the door. Shirl barged in, banging the door open, slapping Lisa against the wall like a fly.

  ‘Where’s Bianca? Where’s my daughter?’ Her voice was shrill and demented.

  Shocked awake, Bianca’s mouth dropped open in a wail of disbelief. Horrified, she turned to me. I leapt to my feet, placing my body firmly between the hospital bed and the living room archway as Shirl barreled past, saw the hospital setup and whirled abruptly back to me. Dressed in dirty jeans and an even dirtier faux fur coat, she faced me, features distorted with hate, aged beyond her years from a life of dissipation.

  ‘Where is she?’ She tried to dodge round me, but I grabbed her arms and held her back. Unwashed odor and alcohol wafted off her scrawny body.

  Wide-eyed, Lisa hovered in the doorway, clueless. I jerked my head and she scurried off to fetch the men from the kitchen.

  ‘Let go of me, cunt!’ She lashed out with one arm, catching me on the side of my head. I flew sideways, landing on the floor, ears ringing.

  Satisfied, she turned to Bianca. ‘Well, look at you, you no-good piece of shit. Dying, so they tell me. I can see you are. You look like a skeleton. Ha! You’re only getting what you deserve. Fancy thinking you could steal someone’s husband and not get punished.’ She let out a guffaw and I realized she was drunk and stoned.

  Rage coursed through me. How dare she? I leapt up and tackled her to the floor, she hit her head hard. Without pity, I yanked her greasy ponytail, gripping it to halt her struggles, straddling her, I slapped her face even harder, just as Eddie and And
y raced in.

  ‘Guys, get this vermin out of here. She’s an evil piece of slime!’ I climbed off her stinking body, leaving the men to drag her into the hall, her bellowing profanities still audible.

  ‘Lisa.’ She stood mesmerized in the hall. ‘Lisa.’ I raised my voice. She turned shocked eyes on me. ‘Pull yourself together,’ I said sharply. ‘Take care of Bianca. I’ll be right back.’

  I strode into the hall as the guys thrust her off the porch step. I knew she’d stand there bellowing and shrieking unless we did something drastic. I called 999 and asked for the police, briefly describing the problem. They could hear the shouting at the other end of the line. They knew her name. And her history.

  ‘Police are on their way, another ten minutes, though,’ I said tersely, shoving past the two men. Andy might have seen something like this in Accident and Emergency as an intern. But Eddie was completely flummoxed.

  I nipped past Shirl, as she staggered around on the lawn, still hollering, and headed straight to the hose. I turned the tap on hard, aimed the hose and soaked her from head to toe. Unprepared, she went down in a sodden puddle, spluttering and kicking out.

  Still holding the hose, but clicked to pause, I stalked over to her.

  ‘Shirl. You’re an evil bitch, the most disgusting piece of shit I’ve ever met. If anyone deserves to die a long and lingering death, it’s you. Everything about you is less than human. You and your equally foul jailbird son deserve to rot in prison forever. What a shame you haven’t died from HIV or some other disease you’ve picked up spreading your legs.’ She tried to kick me at this point. I retaliated with a long shower of icy water. Soaked, she spluttered and groveled, unable to speak.

  ‘Listen well, Shirl. The police are on their way and I will press charges. You broke into this house, assaulted me and attempted to assault a dying woman. You think that’s going to go down well with your parole officer, especially when they find out you’re drunk and high on drugs? You’ll be back in jail tonight. And I hope they throw away the key.’