Promises Made- Promises Kept

by Jaclyn Rosamond

  She huddled in a heap, begging me not to press charges. Nauseated, I shook my head, relieved to see the police car’s flashing lights arrive.

  Cuffed and cowering she was shoved in the back of their car. If there’s one thing she’s afraid of it’s yet another stint in prison. I fixed a pitiless glare on her, satisfied by her panicked face. My satisfaction was small compensation for the horrible life she’d given her daughter.

  After listening to our story, we made on the spot statements, with more to be made at the police station the next day. They advised Lisa and me to take out AVOs against her. I would, even if Lisa didn’t.

  When they’d gone, shock set in. I shuddered, the bitter cold February night turning my skin bone white. I’d inadvertently hosed my legs. Icy jeans felt glued to my legs and my house slippers were ruined.

  ‘Get changed,’ Andy ordered, taking in my shivering appearance. ‘The last thing you need is to get ill at this point.’

  Still burning with fury, I nodded. ‘In a sec.’ I strode through to Bianca, huddled in Lisa’s arms.

  ‘Honey, she won’t be back, I promise. The police have taken her away and charged her. She’ll be in jail tonight. She won’t be back, okay?’

  Poor Bianca, she looked like a broken doll. She stared at me transfixed.

  ‘She’s not coming back, love,’ I repeated, leaning in close, holding her petrified gaze. ‘I need to get changed, Bianca, but I’ll be right back here looking after you. You have my word.’

  A tiny nod. I picked up her hand and pressed it to my cheek. ‘Darling Bianca, you’re surrounded by people who love you, never forget that.’ Tears crept down my cheek. ‘I’m so sorry this had to happen. Eddie’s here, he loves you.’ I pressed her hand into Eddie’s outstretched arm and went to change.

  Andy followed me into the spare room. ‘That was memorable,’ he said, eyes still flashing anger. ‘What a bitch. Well done you. You deserve an Oscar for that performance.’

  I gave him a feral grin. ‘I’m glad to have repaid Shirl in some small measure for her unreasoning hatred of her own daughter. What a pathetic excuse for a human being.’

  Still shivering hard, it was only with Andy’s help I could remove my clothes. He grabbed towels from the bathroom, pummeling warmth back into my ghostly white legs.

  ‘I hope the bitch gets pneumonia and dies,’ I muttered through blue lips. ‘How could she say such horrible things to her only daughter?’

  ‘I know, I know,’ he murmured, turning his back while I changed my wet undies. ‘Timmy seems to have slept through the whole thing. I thought we’d hear him bellowing.’

  I wriggled into fresh clothes. ‘You’re right,’ I said, surprised. ‘Bloody hell, Andy, can you imagine? She might have tried to run upstairs to see him. Christ, what a disaster that would have been.’ I flopped on the bed, exhausted.

  ‘You were amazing, you know. I wish we could do that to some of the deadbeats who turn up in Casualty. They make it impossible to feel you’re doing any good treating them.’ He sat beside me, gently rubbing my back. Lisa knocked on the door at that moment.

  ‘Bianca’s asking for you, Rose. Are you up to going down?’ She was still white as a sheet. ‘She’s in a bit of a state, honey.’

  Taking a deep breath, I stood up and hugged her. She’d just called me ‘honey’. That called for a hug.

  ‘Of course. Meanwhile, I think a stiff drink all round is needed. I don’t know about you two, but a glass of brandy, followed by scalding hot coffee would work wonders for me.’

  ‘Me too.’ Lisa swallowed remnants of shock, color seeping back in her face.

  ‘I’m on it.’ Andy hurried down the stairs, happy to be useful.

  ‘God, I wish I’d seen what you did.’ Lisa punched the air, reliving the moment. ‘We’re so proud of you. I hope Bianca isn’t crushed by this. What an evil cow.’

  Lips thinned, I said, ‘I wish I could have done something permanent. That’s the first time in my life I’ve actually wanted to kill someone.’ I raised a trembling hand to my mouth. ‘I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly in my whole life. Not even Eddie.’

  Lisa put her arms round me. ‘You’re in shock. So am I. I’m glad you soaked the bitch. I hope she gets sick and dies.’

  ‘Really?’ I raised my head with a ghost of a smile. ‘Is that down to our primitive tribal roots, do you think?’

  Downstairs we found Eddie cradling a distraught Bianca.

  ‘Here she is.’ He beckoned me over. ‘Your personal avenging angel. I wish you could have seen her outside, my darling, you’d have been so proud of her.’

  She reached up for a hug, wrapping her skinny arms around my neck with surprising strength. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

  ‘That,’ I said, leaning back with a grin, ‘was definitely my pleasure. I’ve waited years to give your mum a bit of her own personal hell. To do that and practically drown her at the same time was a blast.’

  Bianca managed a small sigh of contentment as Eddie tucked her tenderly against the pillows. We had a mini celebration with brandy and coffee. Bianca even risked a few sips of warm milk with a spot of brandy before pulling a face and pushing it away.

  Later that night I sat alone with her in the darkened room, reliving our drama while she slept. There were a few things I’d like to have added to my rant at Shirl. Skanky slut came to mind. Her precious son in prison for drug-pushing was all on her. She’d gotten him addicted. She’d chosen to lead a life of wanton depravity. I’d meant it when I said she deserved to die. Some people were a waste of space on this earth, poisoning the lives of others – she was one of them.

  In the wake of this evening’s events, Shirl would be banned from her daughter’s funeral. We’d all make sure of it.

  ‘Rose.’ Bianca stirred.

  ‘Yes, love.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ A sob escaped her throat. ‘I’m so sorry. For everything.’

  ‘Hey,’ I said, leaning in to stroke her hair. ‘We’ve already been over that. It’s in the past.’

  ‘Do you think she was right?’ Bianca clutched my hand. ‘That I deserve this?’

  ‘Absolutely not! You don’t deserve this, my friend. You are a fantastic mother and a loving wife. Why would anyone punish you for that?’

  She thought about that for a few moments. ‘Maybe, but I did steal Eddie.’

  She sounded so lost my throat closed up for a moment.

  ‘Hey, you know something? Maybe you should have stolen him when he was just my boyfriend. That way you’d have had more time together.’

  ‘You’d have hated me.’

  ‘Probably, but I’d have gotten over it. He loves you more than he ever loved me. That’s something you’ve had that I never had.’

  Her face brightened with a ghost of a smile. ‘That’s true. I want that for you one day.’

  ‘Me too.’ Involuntary thoughts turned to Cal. I shut them down before they took root. ‘Maybe it only happens once in a lifetime. I hope it happens for me.’

  ‘I know I’m selfish, but I don’t want Eddie to find someone else too soon after..., after I’m, you know..., gone. It wouldn’t be right.’

  I leaned over and kissed her brow. ‘I don’t think you need to worry about that.’

  Bianca surprised us. After her mother’s horrific spectacle she seemed to gain a new lease of energy for a couple of days.

  Most surprising of all, Eddie ceased hostilities. He made no mention of my part in the hair-raising drama, but he left me alone. I could only be grateful.

  Despite a brief remission after that night, Bianca’s life was measured in days, then hours and then minutes. She lapsed into a coma three days after her insane mother’s intrusion. And less than three days later the she was drawing her final shallow breaths. Each breath grew further apart, her chest barely rising in the last hours.

  I would have left Eddie alone with her, but he asked me to stay. We both held her hands as she slipped away in the early hours of a Tuesday morni
ng.

  Eddie turned agonized eyes on me.

  ‘She’s gone,’ I murmured.

  Tears falling, he climbed onto the bed and held her. I detached her drip, giving him more space, and draped a blanket over them, tiptoeing away.

  In the kitchen I switched on the kettle, readying a mug for Eddie, and made chamomile tea for myself. Andy wandered into the kitchen a few minutes later, alerted by movement.

  He took one look at my face. ‘It’s over?’

  I nodded, unable to speak. He hauled me off the kitchen stool and into his arms. Lisa, roused by some uncanny sense of change, joined us. Eddie found us like that a few minutes later. Wordless, we formed a four-person embrace, allowing a strange peace into the finality of her death.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Permission for Bianca’s funeral took seven days to be granted after her death. A coronial inquest had been mooted and deemed unnecessary. The turnout at her funeral would have humbled her. Many more than just a handful of her friends turned up to say goodbye. Even at death’s door she’d been certain everyone despised her. I hoped somehow her spirit was nearby watching and she could see there were no dry eyes.

  There had been no contact from Eddie in the week following his wife’s passing. He wouldn’t have wanted me to enquire. The abrupt cessation of daily interaction had felt odd. Almost as if the last few weeks had been a surreal dream and I’d woken to regular life. Nothing could be further from the truth as we sat waiting for the ceremony to begin.

  Eddie sat with his parents in the front row. Lisa sat with them holding a sleeping Timmy. Eddie seemed indifferent to his son. I wondered why he didn’t hold his son close, his remaining tie to Bianca. Alive and in need of a loving father.

  Shona and Martin had returned from Australia in time to attend.

  Tony, absent during Bianca’s last weeks, also missed her funeral. Eddie had been a long-term friend. The last year stood between them, Bianca’s death the final nail in that coffin.

  Absent and perhaps ignorant of the event, were Bianca’s family. By unlawful entry into Bianca’s house, drunk and disorderly, Shirl had violated her probation. She remained in jail until further sentencing took place. Her son was serving out a ten-year sentence for a variety of crimes.

  As for me, despite the celebrant’s request to participate in the ceremony, I’d declined, too exhausted to pull myself together. Instead, my father gave a short, poignant eulogy. Bianca would have been astonished and elated. Eddie was gobsmacked and grateful a high court judge not only spared his time, but he gave her life and death a gravitas that no other person or event had bestowed on her in life.

  The celebrant concluded a moving ceremony, emphasizing the highlights of Bianca’s life and her role as a wife and a mother. Some of his superlatives were more hyperbole than reality. I wouldn’t have been the only one to recognize this, but death often makes heroes of ordinary people.

  Following the ceremony, we clustered in small groups in the cool sunlight, making the usual clichéd comments one makes at funerals before making our way to a wake at Eddie’s parents’ home.

  I went through the motions, all the while feeling strangely foreign, as if everything was happening in a language I hadn’t learned, and at a distance I couldn’t quite breach.

  The wake drew to a painful close. Hugs and good wishes followed me out to the rental car. Shona tagged along with me.

  ‘I’ve sent Martin packing,’ she said. ‘Or, at least, unpacking. I can’t face suitcases and washing all our stuff. I’m coming with you.’ She rested a calm hand on my arm. ‘You look beaten up and way too thin, Rose. It’s crazy to ask if you’re okay, but are you okay?’

  ‘I will be, I guess. Last year started out as a shit year, and slowly got better. This year’s crap, so far. God, I’m really hoping for improvement.’

  Shona took the car keys from me.

  ‘I’m driving.’ She stated this as fact and I sat in the passenger seat overwhelmed with relief. I had no more responsibilities, just an urgent desire to do nothing for as long as I could.

  Shona pulled into the drive next to my parents’ Range Rover. We joined them in the kitchen and found them at the huge farmhouse table making coffee.

  Dad pushed a plate of his homemade brownies in front of me. Mum took one look at me and made hot chocolate.

  I managed a half smile. ‘Comfort food, just what I need, thanks.’

  ‘The funeral went very well,’ Dad said.

  ‘Yes. It’s amazing how death makes everyone into a saint.’ Mum said, exasperation in her voice.

  I nodded with a wry smile.

  ‘Anne.’ Dad murmured a reproach.

  ‘I know, I know. Sorry.’ She tried to look contrite, but didn’t quite succeed.

  ‘Look, we all know what Bianca was really like. But she didn’t deserve to die,’ Shona said. ‘You know the old saying about never speaking ill of the dead, so I guess we tend not to, but let’s not pretend she was a saint. In my mind, she had a surprising turnout of friends and family. If it hadn’t been for Rose, she’d have spent the last few weeks in hospital, instead of the comfort of her own home.’

  This was surreal. Not that long ago, Bianca’s home had been mine.

  ‘You look like you haven’t slept in a week,’ Mum eyed me closely.

  ‘Probably not,’ I agreed. ‘Home nursing really needs to be done in shifts, but Eddie wasn’t really up to a full shift, especially with Timmy to look after.’

  ‘I hope he’s been suitably grateful.’ Shona glanced at me sharply. ‘You gave up the last weeks of your life to nurse Bianca.’

  ‘Grateful? Eddie? Haha,’ I said sarcastically. ‘Not so I’d notice. The highlight of me thrashing Shirl seemed to reduce some of his loathing of me. Bianca seemed to have a resurgence of energy from that, too. That could just have been an unusual reaction to her new meds regime.’ I rubbed my eyes. ‘I could do with a holiday. Or something cheerful, at least. It’s been five weeks of emotional hell.’

  Shona slung an arm over my shoulder. ‘I’m going to take you out on the town tomorrow. How does that sound?’

  ‘Brilliant.’ I managed a proper smile. ‘I feel like I’ve been imprisoned for the last, what is it? Six weeks? And now I have an early reprieve. I need to not think about anything except a bit of fun.’

  Dad squeezed my arm. ‘Of course, love. Why don’t you two go and unwind in your room while Mum and I make dinner. You don’t by any chance fancy lasagna, do you?’ he asked with a twinkle.

  I gave a mock shudder. ‘Not for a few years. Maybe not even in this lifetime. Choose something that doesn’t involve mince and I’m sure I’ll love it.’

  Shona and I sprawled on the floor of my bedroom, just like our teenage years.

  Eyes shrewd, she asked, ‘So, how are you doing, really?’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘How do you think? I feel…’ I searched for a word. ‘I feel wounded. Like someone’s beaten me with a cricket bat, or something.’

  ‘You need a holiday, honey.’

  ‘I know. I’m wound up like a spring, all tense and unhappy. My neck and shoulders ache from all the pressure of the last year.’

  She stroked my arm. ‘What do you want to do?’

  ‘I’m not sure yet. I mean, I had plenty of time to think whilst I sat with Bianca as she slipped slowly away. It’s not just Eddie and Bianca that got to me.’ I looked down, propping my chin on my knees. ‘I feel wounded emotionally, like a ship battered about by storms. You know, I was this close,’ I left a hair width distance between two fingers, ‘to falling in love with Cal. And, of all the people to tell me I’m not even on his radar, it was my bastard ex-husband.’ I wiped away sudden, furious tears. ‘I felt like I’d been slapped in the face and then punched in the stomach. So, to answer your question, what would I like to do now, I’d like to not have to consider anybody’s feelings except my own for a while. Maybe I need to just get away and really rethink my life.’

  ‘Why not stay at your parents�
� place in Provence? A break from everything might be just what you need.’

  ‘Mm. I suppose. But is that what I really want?’ I shrugged and leaned back on the cupboard behind me. ‘I dunno, perhaps a new work challenge would take my mind off everything, whereas on my own in Provence I’d probably over-think everything.’

  ‘You do whatever suits you, honey-bunny, cos I guarantee nobody will do it for you. You know, now you’re really footloose and fancy-free again, the world’s your oyster. You can go wherever you like, do whatever you want and have some fun.’ She gave me a sly grin. ‘I can highly recommend lots of carefree sex. Play the field, don’t take dating seriously, no worry, no pressure for a change. What do you think?’

  I giggled. ‘I haven’t had fun like that since,’ I paused, eyes widening, ‘since God knows when. Maybe my first year at uni. That’s a long time without fun.’

  ‘Now that’s just plain daft, Rose. Eddie was only around for what, eighteen months? What were you doing in the years in between?’

  ‘Being far too serious, that’s what. But then, you know me, casual sex has never really been my thing. I need to fancy a guy before I hop in the sack with him, don’t you?’

  She shrugged. ‘Not if I’ve partied hard and alcohol’s taken the edge off. I’m not so picky,’ she said with a grin. She saw my face and added hastily ‘I don’t want that any more, I wouldn’t dream of cheating on Martin, you know that, especially after seeing what happened to you last year.’ She shivered suddenly. ‘No, I couldn’t do something like that to Martin.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. But I can tell you right now that if some random attractive man gives me more than a passing glance, I’m likely to think he’s a dodgy prick and deck him.’

  She sighed. ‘It’s true, the good guys are taken. Although, Martin has a gorgeous single brother; you’ll meet him at the wedding, so you never know.’

  I yawned suddenly. ‘God, I can’t wait to have a good night’s sleep again.’