Paroled on Love

by Hestand, Rita

  He sounded like something out of a farm journal. Leah stared at him a long time, "That's fantastic!" She shook her head. "I've never heard anything like that where I come from. Never."

  "It's the way it is out here."

  She looked up at him and smiled, "It's kinda nice, isn't it?"

  His eyes brightened that she caught on, "Yeah, it sure is. I told dad I didn't want to go to college I just wanted to stay on the farm and work, but he said I needed an education. So I went."

  They went back to cleaning stalls, but they talked too.

  "My dad's a financial advisor."

  "Yeah?"

  "Yeah, and if people don't take his advice, he just walks off, end of responsibility and he blames them for not heeding his advice. He doesn't stick around to see that they make it."

  "I guess that's how business is in the city." Jeremiah told her. "College opened my eyes to other worlds, but, I don't much like them as much as I do right here, at home. My dad's never been to college so he doesn't know how it is. But he's spent a lifetime trying to make a go of this place and to me it's heaven."

  "Jeremiah, you go to college, when someone needs help, do you help them?" She asked.

  "If I can I do. And if I have a problem, I find someone who can help me. If I didn't I'd never make it through college, I'm not real scholarly."

  She smiled. "Funny, I went to SMU last year and no one ever offered to help me. My own sister wouldn’t even help me, and she's a real smart kid."

  "Did you ask them to?" He asked.

  "No…not others, but her, yeah. Do I have to ask people to help me?"

  "Well, if you don't, how are others to know you need it? There's no shame in asking for help. If there was, my head would be buried in the sand all the time." He chuckled.

  "The kids there, it's different Jeremiah. No one seems to care about anyone else. Their parents expect them to excel in everything. There's a lot of pressure just to survive it. If they don't, things get bad. At home and at school."

  "Did you?"

  "No. I didn't."

  "Did things get bad?"

  "Yeah…" Her voice seemed to crack. He heard it, but didn't move. "You see, my dad paid my tuition but if I didn't get all A's, he told me he wouldn't support me any longer. And he didn't. I had to get a job, a job I wasn't qualified to do, and I failed at that too. My parents…they don't have anything to do with me…I'm the only one in my family who won't graduate college. They are terribly ashamed of me. My dad says I'm no good and he wants nothing to do with me. They kicked me out and…" Now she was sobbing so hard, she couldn't stand any longer and just sat down in the hay and covered her face.

  Jeremiah came toward her. "Hey, it's alright. You aren't a failure, Leah. You just need more help, that's all. It isn't wrong to ask for help."

  "That depends on where you are from, I think."

  He had walked over to her stall, saw her crumbling, and taken her in his arms and cradled her there.

  She felt his big strong arms come around her and she cried her heart out.

  "You've been alone a lot, haven't you?" He asked.

  "Alone." She sniffed. "I'm always alone, Jeremiah. They hate me. They are ashamed of me. They won't come near me. I haven't even seen them since they told me to get out. All because I wasn't an A student, and I couldn't do the job dad got for me."

  "I'm so sorry. It's rough enough for a guy to be on his own, but a girl. I'm sorry I misjudged you, too. People do that sometimes, without thinking. You've had it hard. I should have known that. I've seen enough kids come here that have had hard times. But, I could see the sadness in your eyes."

  "You could. I'm sorry. I don't ever cry," she apologized.

  "You can cry here all you want. In fact, Mom says crying is good for what ails you." Jeremiah said.

  Realizing what she was doing, she stopped, dried her eyes and stood up. "I'm sorry, I have to get back to work now. I never cry."

  He nodded. "Any time you need to talk, I'm here."

  She looked at him differently now, his compassion startled her, and comforted her. No one had comforted her since Gloria.

  She went back to work and after a long silence he began talking again.

  "You know I should have seen it in you. But just because you have money, doesn't mean you have a good life. I can tell you one thing about my folks. No matter how much we kids fail, they never look down on us. They encourage us to try and do better, but they don't look down on us, or make us feel dumb. My dad knows I'm not really college material, but he hopes I can stick it out long enough to get a degree. I get tutoring help some."

  "But if you want to work here, why do you need a degree?" She asked.

  "Well, he says it's like a safety net, if you need that degree you have it to rely on. A degree can help you get a better paying job if you need or want it. And a man needs that assurance that he can make a good living for his family. I go, because he believes in me and wants the best and he says a college education is the best. But there are a lot of things they teach on campus that I don't like too."

  "Like what?"

  He hesitated saying anything because so many kids thought him too backward. "Most of the professors don't believe in God. So what they teach isn't always right. I've learned you have to think for yourself and not be brain-washed. Even if they are the smartest people on earth, if they don't have a belief system, they are lost, in my opinion. You see we were brought up to go to church and to believe in God. And I do. In fact, very strongly. But I ignore all those people, even though I want to stand up and argue with them, I ignore them. I'm there to get an education, but I won't be swayed by some of the things they try to teach. I think for myself." He affirmed.

  "My parents quit going to church a long time ago. But, I believe in God and Jesus. It's one of the things that keeps me sane sometimes. God didn't let me go to juvenile, he put me here on this farm, for a purpose." She smiled. "I haven't admitted it to anyone, but I was scared to death I was going to juvenile. I've never been in jail before."

  "I'm glad you're here, Leah." He called to her. "And I’m glad you can admit that to me."

  "Me too." She smiled at him.

  That evening at the supper table, they all talked and Leah even joined in. She was getting used to them all now and they treated her as though she belonged. His brothers talked about the cattle industry and things that were going on in their lives. Leah thought it nice, that this family actually communicated. And the best part was, they were for real.

  Leah knew she didn't belong, but she liked what she saw in this family. She wished her own family was as functional.

  Later that evening she sat on the porch steps with Jeremiah.

  "So, what happened to your boyfriend?" He asked out of the blue.

  "He's in jail."

  "You miss him?"

  "No," she hung her head. "I used him, Jeremiah. I see that now. He was an easy out for me at the time. I'll admit I'm used to taking the easy way out."

  "What do you mean?" He looked at her sincerely now.

  "I didn't have a place to live when my parents kicked me out, and he did, and I used him to stay at his place. I wasn't in love with him. But I let him call me his girl, so that I could stay there. He had a two-bedroom apartment and he let me have one all to myself. He had a roommate but he bailed on him and so the extra bedroom wasn't being used. I didn't sleep with him or anything, but I let him call me his girl. It boosted his ego a bit. My folks probably thought I did sleep with him. They thought the worst of me all the time. I guess, they never got to know me very well. I'd never do that."

  Jeremiah nodded thoughtfully as though taking it all in. "Did you like him?"

  "He was okay, but I wasn't in love with him or anything. He was rough, and I felt protected by that roughness at the time. Does that make sense?"

  "Yeah, I guess so. In a way."

  "I wasn't street smart, I needed protecting. Anyway, I didn't realize he wasn't just all talk. When he stole that car, I di
dn't know what to do. On one hand, he gave me shelter, on the other hand, if he went to jail, who would give me shelter. And because I was with him in the car, I was what do they call it, you know, I helped him, they thought. I just needed a place to stay." She answered. "I didn't help him steal. I wouldn't do such a thing. But my folks probably thought I did. Like I said they don't know me very well."

  "When you leave here, if you don't have to go to juvenile, where will you go?" Jeremiah asked.

  "I don't know. And I'll admit, that scares me more than anything. I need to find a job and get a place of my own. But, I don't know…I don't know where to look for a job and I guess now I have a record."

  Jeremiah hung his head. His guitar was sitting against the porch and he grabbed it.

  He sang her a song and she stared wide-eyed at him. It was a lovely ballad and kind of sad. She listened and watched him.

  "That was beautiful," she murmured when he finished.

  "You like music?"

  "Oh yeah. Your dad says there is a dance once a month, can I go?" she asked.

  "Sure, I'll take you. That is unless you'd rather just go with someone else…."

  "Yeah right, like I know anyone else?" She elbowed him and he smiled.

  "It's the last day of the month." He told her with a smile.

  "Good."

  When she went to bed, she thought about the day and how Jeremiah had comforted her. No one had done that for her but Gloria. That's why she cared so much about the maid at her parents' home.

  She was determined to work hard and maybe things would somehow work out for her. That was a big maybe because she didn't know where she would find a job, or a place to stay. It scared her witless. She was bright enough to know that with a record of arrest, finding a job would be hard for her.

  She knew one thing, this was a nice family, and she sure wished she could take it home with her. But right now, she had no home, and she had to start thinking about that and planning for what she would do when she left here. It was scary.

  She needed to decide what kind of job she could do.

  Chapter Five

  She worked hard, and paid attention to the things Jeremiah told her, and Mr. Douglas seemed pleased with her. While she was here, she could be happy, but once this was over, things didn't look so good.

  One day she stopped for a minute to talk to Carol.

  "Mrs. Douglas, I'm worried."

  "Oh what about dear?"

  "When I leave here, if I don't go into juvenile I'll need to find a job and a place to stay. I'll need to do that quickly, or I'll be on the streets. And I'm not street smart. But since I've been arrested, it will be hard. How do you find work when no one wants to hire you?"

  The concern in her voice had Carol paying close attention.

  Carol nodded as though she saw her problem. "Well, for one thing, my husband can vouch for you. If you were interested in living in Livingston, he might help you find work even, and a place to stay." She told her.

  "That would be great, but, do you think he can?"

  "He has a lot of friends in Livingston and I'm sure he could work something out for you. We've even got a garage apartment above the garage, maybe you could stay there and pay a little rent." She suggested.

  "You'd do that for me?" She asked. "You people would help me like that?"

  "I can't promise, but maybe we can work something out. As long as you work and do your part until this is over, I'm sure he'd be glad to help you out all he can." Carol told her.

  "Why?" Leah's face screwed up in a puzzle look.

  "Why what dear?"

  "Why would he do that for me? I mean, letting me stay here for three months is a big deal, why would he stick his neck out more for me. My parents sure wouldn't." She told her. "I know there is a lot of difference in my folks and you people. That's why it's so hard to understand."

  Carol stared at her. "I'm sorry dear, I am. But, one reason is, if we help someone and we see a change in them and see they are trying, he doesn't like to think they will go back to doing the same things as before. He likes young folks to be able to straighten themselves up. But, I can't promise all of this to you. I can only talk to him about it."

  "Will you?"

  "If you want me to, I will. But let's wait a bit longer. Until he's seen what you can do."

  "Fair enough, thank you for all the help. I'll do my best for you."

  "Do your best for yourself, Leah."

  "Mrs. Douglas, I've never seen a family like yours before. I've never seen such honest and good people. I mean I've read about them in fairy tale books, but I've never met any in person."

  "You know I think that's pretty common too, with the boys and girls that come here. It's sad, really. The world is too busy these days." She said and finished peeling the potatoes. "Parents forget that just having the baby doesn't end their responsibility to them."

  "I better get back to work. Thanks for talking to me. I've been worrying about this for a while."

  "Are you going to the dance?"

  She bowed her head, "Jeremiah said he'd take me if I wanted to go. I'd love to."

  "Good. It's a lot of fun." Carol smiled at her. "Forget about your troubles and relax."

  "It's this Saturday isn't it?" She asked.

  "Yes, tell me, do you have a dress you can wear?"

  "One, it's just a sundress, will that be alright?"

  "Of course, and I'll loan you my shawl in case it gets nippy."

  "You're very kind."

  She chuckled, "We aren't wardens here. We want to see you succeed."

  "That's more than I can say for some." She smiled.

  "See you at supper." She winked and left.

  Jeremiah was acting a bit strange when she saw him in the barn.

  "What's going on?"

  "It's a spider."

  "A spider." She shrieked.

  "Yeah, don't come any closer, he might jump on you." Jeremiah said as he watched the door of the barn swing open. "He seems to move pretty fast, I've chased him from the other side of the barn.

  "Where is he?" She shrieked.

  "On the door." He stared at the door and raised the shovel.

  "Is he big?"

  "Yeah, really big. Don't breathe," he told her.

  She held her breath and he smacked the door hard.

  The big ugly spider lay dead on the ground and she moved closer to look at it.

  "Oh my gosh! He's huge!" She screeched.

  "Tell me about it. But he's dead now. No problems. He probably isn't dangerous to people, but he could hurt an animal, I'm sure of that." He smiled at her.

  "Do you have many of those spiders around here?"

  "No," He bent down to examine it. "That's a Brazilian Wandering Spider, I think, at least it looks like the one I saw in science class. They can hurt pretty bad if they bite you."

  "What's he doing here, I wonder?" She asked not wanting to get too close in case he wasn't dead.

  "They get imported pretty easy as they climb on the vegetable and fruit boxes and are imported into our country. They like bananas." He told her.

  "How do you happen to know so much about them?"

  "Oh," He smiled at her as he stood up. "I studied them quite extensively in high school. Had a teacher, Mr. Leavenworth that loved to collect specimens. He showed me some and he had one of these. He told me how they got over here."

  "They were dead I hope?" She looked at him.

  "Yeah, preserved but dead." He smiled. "He can't hurt anything now."

  "Well, I've got three more horses to curry." She told him.

  "No you don't. I did them. I saw you go in the house and so I decided since I was about through, I'd do them." He told her.

  "Thanks, but you didn't have to."

  "I know that. It's called helping out, Leah, and who knows I might need help someday."

  She smiled shyly at him.

  "So you going to the dance with me Saturday?" He asked.

  "Yeah, I’m looking
forward to it." She told him as she put the combs up and straightened up the small tack room.

  He followed her. "You're getting pretty at home here with all the stuff. That's good."

  "Who would have thought. I stopped to talk to your mother in the kitchen for a minute." She told him.

  "Oh?"

  "I told her I was worried about finding a job and a place to stay when this is over."

  He nodded. "And what did she say?"

  "She said your father would probably help me find something, if I wanted to stay around here."

  "And do you?"

  She studied the ground for a minute, and moved the toe of her tennis shoe through the dirt. "Yeah, if I can. If I don't have to go to juvenile."

  "I don't think you'll have to worry about that."

  "I can't believe he'd help me. My own father wouldn't help me right now."

  "Why not?"

  She'd tried to explain it before, but no one seemed to realize she wasn't exaggerating about her folks. "My father has this philosophy, if you make your bed hard, lie in it." She said slamming down a comb.

  He put his arm around her then and walked her toward the house, "I wouldn't worry about it. Dad can help."

  She liked him feeling comfortable with her enough to put his arm around her, but she still had her guard up. He probably just wanted to comfort her again. It didn't mean anything.

  That evening they all sat on the porch for a while. They sang songs together and watched the sunset and it felt so peaceful. Even Leah enjoyed it. She'd never been a part of a family that was so much like…a real family!

  When they finally went to bed she headed upstairs. Jeremiah followed her.

  "Want to play checkers?" He asked

  "Checkers?" She twisted her head. "I haven't played that in years."

  "Well, you haven't forgotten how, have you?"

  "No, of course not. Where do you want to play?" She asked.

  "Right here in the hall. I'm not allowed in your room, and you aren't allowed in mine, but we can sit out here in the hallway and play a while, if you aren't sleepy."

  "Sounds good."

  She waited as he went to get the game and when he came out he sat down on the floor in the hallway. She joined him and he set the game up.