Trickster Noir (Pixie for Hire Book 2)

by Cedar Sanderson

  Bella let me brood while we ate. I’d stopped when I was pleasantly stuffed, more than I’d eaten in a long time, before she spoke again.

  “Lucia wanted me to talk to you about wedding plans. She said not to expect much help from you in that area.”

  I rubbed my face. She wasn’t... That had been a long time ago, and I didn’t need the indigestion those memories would bring up. “Pretty much what you want, I want. Just... She’s right. I’m not going to help with picking out patterns, and colors, and god knows I don’t care about who we invite.”

  “Do we have to have a big wedding?” She looked dismayed.

  “Well, I’m a duke now, and you are the consort-elect. It is sort of expected.”

  “I’d rather have something more like the one... rogue leap and princess jump.”

  She did surprise me now. “Leap the sword together? I know that story, and it’s a good one.”

  “Couldn’t we?” She got up and came around to wrap her arms around me, leaving my face in a pleasant place that reminded me strongly of when we were above and I was shorter than she. “I don’t know what the Underhill customs are, except that it is much more casual until legal matters are entered into. No one cares who is sleeping with who.”

  “I care. Bella...” I hesitated, picking my words delicately.

  “We’ve had a very unusual courtship,” she pointed out. “Less romance and more a business alliance in some ways.”

  “Which does not mean that is how I feel about you,” I pointed out firmly. “I’m just not equipped for flowery romantic speeches and gestures.”

  She chuckled, which did interesting things with her chest. “I don’t mind, you know.”

  “The wedding could be that simple,” I admitted. “As for the casual sex, Bella, I want to wait until after the leap.”

  “I’d hoped...” She kissed the top of my head. “I meant, when you are ready. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I growled playfully and pulled her face to mine. Some time later when I let go, she was flushed and sparkling. “The past is gone for me. But the intimacy is not at all casual for you, my dear woman, and I want to respect that and honor it. So we wait. Our moment will come.”

  “Moment?” She raised her eyebrows, teasing.

  “Honeymoon? A month do you, wench?” I ran a hand up the side of her neck to cup her cheek. “And you won’t hurt me, when the time comes.” She nestled into my hand, eyes half-closed.

  “It’s far more complicated than it needs to be.” Bella complained, with a sigh, going back to her own chair. “We’re going to have to do this twice, you know.”

  “Your family can’t come and go Underhill with ease.” I had already thought about that problem. “Well, some could, but...”

  “Aunt Min, and Mya, and...” She took a deep breath. “Two weddings. One here, for political reasons.” She spat that like the epithet it was. “And another, so my cousins accept you as my husband.” She delivered that with an impish grin, and it made me laugh.

  “I accept that, I want them on my side. Granted, two weddings. Which is worse than I was hoping, but better than I had feared.”

  “And I’m going to tell your mother that you are too ill, and I’m too busy, she and Margot must arrange the Court Wedding.”

  I put a hand to my forehead. “I feel... feverish... must.. lie.. down...” and sagged sideways in my chair. Bella dissolved into giggles.

  “I would call Raven and ask him to set up the Alaska wedding, but I’m afraid of what we’d get.” She managed to speak through her laughter, gasping a little. It was good to see her release the final tensions after the mission.

  “Yeah... but your Aunt Min could do it up pretty.” I pointed out, sitting back up. “I think we have a plan to avoid our own wedding on both counts.”

  “Works for me.” She said cheerfully, and checked her watch. “I am going to see if I can relax you and get you to sleep, I have an early morning meeting, and then...” Bella wrinkled her nose. “Another meeting. With Dragon Lady.”

  “Dill’s duenna? Whyever?” I got up and smirked at her. “And you can’t relax me, we just talked about that.”

  Bella stuck her tongue out at me. I pointed out, “Don’t do that unless you mean it, little girl.”

  “I am going to sit in the chair next to your bed and read to you.” She put her nose in the air and sniffed, playing it to the hilt. “Once I’ve tucked you in, of course.”

  “Tuck us in, and I’ll be happier.” I leered at her joyfully.

  “If I spend the night with you, you have to be a gentleman.” She picked up the book on my nightstand and read the title.

  “Then you’d better not. I have no control over what I do while asleep.” I lay down and she pulled the covers over me, and aimed for a kiss on the forehead again. I grabbed her and made it the kiss I wanted. She abetted, snuggling and kissing me back thoroughly. When I had to come up for air, she disentangled herself, the book, and the covers which were all askew.

  “I think you must be feeling better,” Bella’s smile was something to behold.

  “Just don’t tell mother yet!” I begged, grinning.

  She settled into the chair. “If this doesn’t put you to sleep, I don’t know what will. Why on earth are you reading ‘Tytles and Duties of the Ellerians?’”

  I closed my eyes. “Mostly, it seems, to put me to sleep.”

  She started to read, “Whether Rockaway is to be represented by Ridgeway, which is in the Upway parish, having lost its name, or is sometime in the Broadway parish...”

  I fell asleep in sheer self-defense. I think I dreamed, but when I woke up to Ellie rattling the coffee tray more forcefully than necessary, all I had left were wisps of a dragon's scales sliding by my nose, while I tried frantically to hold onto something, anything. Waking saved me from falling, and I was sure it would have been falling from a height.

  Clean Up

  Bella had left a note, and I read it after I’d sipped enough coffee to clear the cobwebs. “I left a mess, I’m afraid, in the armory. I had to borrow a couple of things, and I put them back, but they will need more cleaning, I didn’t have time or facilities to do a proper job. I’d say I was sorry, but they were needed: one ogre, each. Melcar assures me that you are up to stairs. Oregon mud and moss... well, use your best judgment. Oh, and Raven wants to hire us, when you are up to it. He said there was no hurry, but I think you had better talk to him, he was cagy with me.”

  I muttered out loud, “And she thinks he will reveal all to me? Secrecy is the old man’s stock-in-trade.”

  I went back to reading. “I’ve arranged to luncheon with your mother, and I will dispose of the wedding then. I have a command performance at an event this evening, I am told, so I will be home late.

  Love, Bella.”

  I picked up a fork and tackled the mushroom frittata. Ellie’s idea of fattening me up was delicious. I did think I could make the stairs work today, and I knew perfectly well Bella could have done the cleaning, but it was a delicate ploy, and I was happy enough at the thought of my armory and peace. Another cup of coffee, and I set out on my grand adventure of the day.

  Stairs were harder and longer than I thought, although the handrail was conveniently placed. A day or so before I could have used one in the long hallway and around my bedroom. I was getting better. I stopped at the foot of the spiral staircase and decided I would sit and look out the windows for a while. Taking a break was a good thing.

  Ellie, I was sure, knew what was going on, but she left me strictly alone. The house seemed to be empty, otherwise, for a change. Mother was likely at Court, and Margot was at the Manor with Devon. Alger and Mark were out on some mission to parts unknown, and who knew when they would be back. I hoped not too long, I had plans for Alger.

  I took the second set of stairs a little faster, they were straight, and shallower steps. At the bottom, I unlocked my door, realizing that she must have stripped the spells off of it. I wondered, sometimes, if Bella app
reciated just how strong she was. Without magic I would have been locked out of my armory, and away from my weapons. No-one should have been able to get in, but she had.

  “Note to self,” I was talking out loud with no-one around again. “Don’t piss Bella off.”

  The weaponry sitting in the middle of the floor didn’t surprise me, I would have chosen something like it as well to go up against ogres. The belt-fed grenade launcher ate ammo, but it was effective. I wondered what the whole story was, and when she’d have time to tell me.

  The .600 Nitro was clean and dry, but I took it apart, a relatively simple process. The big gun was big, not complex. Both barrels had been fired, and there were three cartridges remaining with it. So whoever had used it was not one to waste bullets. One of her cousins, had to be. The kick on this monster would put Dean on his ass.

  The rhythm and smell of the oils was soothing. I spent a lot of time down here when healthier, cleaning, stripping, and re-building my weapons. For a pixie of limited magic they were essential. Now, even more so, with no magic to draw on. I felt stronger than I had since I left for the Eastern Court, but I didn’t dare try for magic again, with no-one around.

  The Nitro, gleaming, and hung back on the rack, was done. I looked at the ugly grenade launcher. It was going to need more work, and my belly was telling me lunch was long past. Reluctantly, I left the armory and climbed slowly to the kitchen. Stairs going up were no fun.

  I went up four steps and decided to sit and rest a minute. Thinking over the last day or so, I realized I was too happy. Something was going to go wrong, and soon. I went up another few steps: five, this time, and sat again. Of course, maybe the fact that I couldn’t even walk up a whole flight of stairs was the bad news. This sucked troll toes. Bella loved me, yes, but would she love a man who couldn’t come close to keeping up with her?

  I made it to the top of the stairs. The kitchen, invitingly close, seemed like a good idea. Food was in that direction.

  When I walked in... ok, staggered a bit, and sat in the closest chair to the door, it was empty and there were no good food smells. I leaned back in the chair and wondered where Ellie was for a moment, then remembered I had sent her to the Manor to help Mother and Margot. My own fault, not being selfish. I do know how to cook, simple food, and that’s all I really needed. But first, to catch my breath.

  Ash walked around the corner from Ellie’s pantry, and her secret passageway, and startled me. I think I left the chair from full relax mode and was on the other side of the table, facing him, fireplace poker in hand, but I’m not sure, I couldn’t have moved that fast.

  “Hey! Lom, it’s Ash...” He was backing away slowly, his hands held up and spread out wide in a gesture of surrender. “Do you remember me?”

  I cut him off. I hadn’t seen him since the battle with goblins in the Court cellars. Before that, we had worked together off and on over the years. The stout wood elves were good friends, not that I admitted it to them often. Trust few. “Of course I remember you, idiot. I didn’t lose my mind, just my magic. And I wasn’t expecting someone to come in that way.”

  I put the poker back and sagged into a chair. “If you want tea or lunch, you’ll have to wait until I catch my breath again. Ellie’s out.”

  “Yeah, I know. She sent me.” He went to the cupboards and with the air of someone who knew my house far too well, started to gather materials. “I can do a reliable omelet,” he informed me over his shoulder.

  “So can I.” I got up.

  “Sit and stop being so stubborn. Ellie asks me to spell her when she has other things going on, so I know my way around.” The short wood-elf came and looked up at me. His hair-leaves were fresh and green, a sign that he had come straight from his home grove. Wood-elves can only be away for so long before they must return to their grove, or become ill. Held too long away from home, I’d read, they would die. The leaves were not only identification and decoration, but practical reminders of timing.

  I sat. “The woman thinks of everything.”

  He laughed, “She’s scary, man, I’ll tell you!”

  I watched in silence as he prepped the omelet, sautéing mushrooms and onions on the big flat griddle before sliding them off to the side and starting on the eggs. I wondered what Bella had thought of my kitchen. Powered by magic, the stove was recognizably a stove. The cool cupboard, on the other hand, looked just like the other cupboard, but was bespelled to keep the goods at a constant temperature. Everything in it was just slightly too short for me, as I’d considered Ellie while designing it.

  Ash brought two plates, and a pot of tea. It smelled divine, and my stomach rumbled, provoking another laugh from him. We didn’t talk until the food was inside us.

  “So you’re my babysitter for the day?” I sipped the strong tea. I preferred coffee, but this would do.

  “I’m supposed to take care of meal prep and make sure you don’t fall down the stairs.”

  I snorted. “Is that what she said?”

  “Not exactly, but close enough, and I know you. You’re a stubborn man.”

  “Thank you,” I assured him gravely, taking that for the compliment he’d meant it to be. Then I tweaked him back, “and the horse you rode in on.”

  “I take it Bella is at Court?”

  “And I don’t know when she’ll be home. But I can put you to work, don’t worry.”

  My grin must have been a little evil, because he leaned back with a look of concern and asked, “What would Ellie say?”

  “She’s not my mother, and come with me.” I got up. Food had helped a lot, and I was ready to tackle the next project.

  The wooden wasters were in the umbrella pot, a giant vase, really, near the door. He looked surprised when I pulled them out and offered him one.

  “You sure this is a good idea?” He took it gingerly and let the tip fall to the ground.

  “No, but I still have reflexes, proved that when I got the poker. So, time to get me back in shape.” I jabbed at him, poking him gently, and he put up his guard, jumping back a little.

  “What will Ellie say?” He still wouldn’t come at me, so I started to circle him, watching for an opening. There was enough room here, no furniture to trip over. The rug I needed to watch, though... I lunged. He fended me off easily, and I stepped back.

  “I’m not worried about Ellie. Unless we break something. Then we’re in deep,” I assured Ash cheerfully. Another jab, and, ah... there he’d made up his mind, and engaged me.

  A moment or two later, and I looked up at him from my position on the floor, flat on my back, gasping. I held up a finger, “Just... let me... catch my breath.”

  “Are you all right?” His voice rose to almost squeak at the end. He obviously regretted letting his training get the better of him.

  “Rest a minute.” I panted. He subsided, and I focused on making the room stop spinning. I didn’t hurt, I was just out of breath.

  The front door opened. I sat up, and immediately regretted it. Not only did I have a mere wooden sword to take on any enemies, my body really wanted that flat time a little longer. I saw stars, and when they cleared, I wished they hadn’t.

  “Alger.” I greeted him with a flat tone. “Mark, how are you making out with the old man?”

  The Alaskan walked over and offered me a hand. His beard was trimmed short, and he looked subtly different. “I’m learning a lot. You ok? Good to see you out of bed, but not on the floor.”

  “Ash was helping me with physical therapy.” I gestured at the little elf, who was now putting the wasters away.

  “Is that what we’re calling it?” he muttered. “Mark, is it? I don’t believe we’ve met.” Ash held out his hand, and the human engulfed it in his hand. I didn’t see Ash wince, so Mark wasn’t a competitive sort.

  “I’m Bella’s cousin, sort of. Lavendar was my grandmother as well,” Mark explained.

  “One of these days I want to ask about your genealogy. I thought Lavendar only had Daisy...”

 
; Alger broke in. “It’s fascinating, m’ boy! But I think tea and perhaps a biscuit or two...” He headed toward the kitchen, the rest of us following in his wake. He had a tendency to be like that. A hint of information, distractions, and then, no answer. Sitting for a bit sounded good, though.

  Ash and Alger between them came up with plates of cookies and a pot of tea. I looked at it, and then at Mark, who chuckled. “Yes, I prefer coffee as well.”

  “Thought so,” I got up and found the larger french press. Above, coffeemakers were nice, here, I used this. The small one if it was just me, but the big one made four cups. Or, two large cups, which I did now.

  Mark came and got his. “How are you?” he asked, his voice low.

  “Better, thanks.” I nodded toward the table, and he got the hint. We would talk later, alone.

  “Alger, how did your mission go? The Eastern court mad at me?” I turned back to the table, and navigated the distance with the cup of coffee, no spilling. Success.

  He smiled. “I knew trying to keep it secret was useless, m’boy!”

  “Trying to keep it secret was silly. The council is losing their collective minds.” I took a sip of coffee. Ah, that was the stuff. “Buckingham has delusions of grandeur, thinks Bella is an ignorant human-bred... No offense, Mark.”

  “None taken,” he murmured, mostly hiding his smile in the cup as he took a sip. His eyes widened. “This is...”

  “Good stuff, eh?” I grinned at his reaction.

  “You could corrode steel with that!” He took a deep breath, and then another sip.

  “Want tea?” Ash asked. “I tried Lom’s coffee once. Just once.” He shuddered theatrically.

  “No, it’s growing on me.” The big man took another sip. “It’s got personality.”

  “More like growing in you.” Alger growled. “The council underestimating Bella isn’t a surprise, do they know about the library?”