Now You See Her

by Heidi Perks

  ‘What makes you think it was my dad?’ I said.

  He chuckled. ‘Are you going to pretend it wasn’t? Alice was calling out in the background. I knew it was her, but I couldn’t work out what she was saying at first. Then I played it over and over in my head until I was convinced she was calling out “Grandpa”.’

  I held a hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying. My need to see my daughter was so desperate.

  ‘It made me think that whoever had her was some sick old man trying to make her believe he was her grandfather, because supposedly she doesn’t have a real one, does she, Harriet?’ Brian spat. ‘My own father is dead and apparently so is yours,’ he went on. ‘But then I wondered, what if yours wasn’t? After all, you never went into much detail about him. Always clammed up when you mentioned his dying. I’d no clue what had finished him off. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense that he could still be alive.’ Brian paused. ‘Anyway, I did a quick online search and found there was every possibility of it because there was no record of his death.

  ‘I knew I wouldn’t get the truth out of you so I watched you even closer. You don’t always know when I’m watching you, do you? When you came back with your milk you protested you felt ill and asked me to get you a glass of water, which I kindly did. But when I left the room, after you accused me of swapping the photo of Alice, I didn’t go downstairs like you thought. I waited a while to see what you did next, how deep your deception ran.’

  ‘God!’ I cried. ‘My deception?’

  ‘I saw you fussing around down the side of the bed, moving your bedside table, then pulling out a notebook. You’d hidden it under a floorboard, hadn’t you, Harriet? I found it when I looked there later. When you were downstairs I pulled it out for myself and read everything you’d ever written in there. I knew then for certain your dad was alive and it was clear you wanted to get away from me.

  ‘I found the card for the cottage and called the number. I told the woman a friend of mine, Les Matthews, had recommended me the place and do you know what she said, Harriet? She said, “How funny. Les is staying in the cottage at the moment.” That’s your dad’s name, isn’t it, Harriet? See,’ he tapped the side of his head with his finger, leaning in closely, his teeth bared in a smile, ‘I remember the things you did tell me. The ones you didn’t lie about.’ He leaned back, savouring his words.

  ‘I went to see your good friend that night,’ Brian said, in a sudden change of conversation.

  ‘Charlotte?’ I asked, stunned.

  ‘I thought she must be involved too, but the poor cow doesn’t have a clue what you’ve done, does she?’

  Brian carried on. ‘I paid a visit to my old fishing buddy yesterday too, Ken Harris. What happened there, Harriet? Your dad manage to have a word with him and get him to withdraw his alibi, did he?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘No, my dad knows nothing about any of your fishing buddies.’

  ‘No, well, the man’s a drunk anyway,’ he said eventually. ‘Doesn’t have a clue who he sees and who he doesn’t. The good news is he’s making another statement for me. They’ll soon know I was there after all that day, though after this it won’t really matter, will it, my love? Very soon everyone will know this is all down to you.’

  He stood up and paced over to me, taking hold of my wrists and pulling me up too. ‘How could you have done this to me, Harriet? I have always loved you, only that was never enough for you, was it?’

  The sound of a car stopping outside the house made us both jump. Was it my dad and Alice? Or Charlotte?

  Brian grabbed my arms and pushed me against the wall, out of sight of the window so I couldn’t see out. He arched his back to peer out, his eyes flicking back and forth. ‘Are you expecting anyone? I can see a woman in the car.’

  It had to be Charlotte. She had come for me, only now I regretted making that call, involving her further, and I wished there was some way I could stop her coming any closer. If Brian saw her he’d never believe she had nothing to do with Alice.

  I shook my head, though he would know I was lying. Brian always knew everything, that was clear enough now.

  He pursed his lips. With a jerk he reached behind himself and grabbed my handbag, which was sitting in full view on top of the side table. He pressed it into my chest, forcing me to take hold of it. Then, with one finger against my mouth, he leaned in close to my ear and told me not to make a sound while we waited for the inevitable knock.

  The loud rap on the door still surprised me. Silence. Then another knock. I waited for her to walk away when all of a sudden a key was pushed into the lock. Brian’s face froze in panic as he gripped on to my arm, his fingers pinching hard into my flesh.

  It wasn’t Charlotte. It must have been the owner of the cottage. In seconds Brian was pulling me through the kitchen and out the back of the house. Behind us the front door opened, but by then we were already making our way down the side path towards the gate.

  Brian wouldn’t stop running as he turned right on to the path and headed towards the clifftop. I yelped in pain as he raced down the hill, tugging on my wrist and making it burn. Each time I begged him to let go of me, his grasp tightened. When we reached the cliff edge he stopped.

  The air was getting colder, the light beginning to fade. ‘Brian, tell me where she is,’ I cried.

  ‘I’ll do better than that,’ he sneered, his fingernails piercing my skin where he was clutching so hard. The wind picked up from the sea and carried his words towards me. ‘I’ll show you.’

  But as he stared out at the ocean I recognised the same flash of fear I’d seen that day he’d taken me for a picnic on the beach. I followed his gaze. The waves were choppy, encroaching on to the sand as the tide came in. Brian hated even looking at the water.

  ‘You’re scaring me. Where are they?’ I said.

  With a shaking finger he pointed towards the horizon. I followed his finger, looking out to sea.

  ‘Where are they, Brian?’ I shouted. The feeling of helplessness was almost drowning me by then.

  ‘Out there,’ he replied, and nodded towards the open water.

  Friday 21 April 2017

  When I spoke to my dad on the phone today he finally told me what Alice said to him on Brownsea Island when they were looking at the peacocks. He didn’t have to tell me much more – I now fully understood why he’d changed his mind about what I’d asked of him.

  ‘I’m not a liar.’ Alice had started the conversation.

  ‘Goodness me, no,’ my dad said. ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’

  ‘Daddy says I make things up because I like to make him cross. I don’t,’ she said. ‘I don’t make things up.’

  ‘Tell me what he says you’ve done,’ my dad demanded.

  Alice told him about an incident with an ice cream that I had all but forgotten. On New Year’s Day Brian drove Alice and me to the New Forest. Alice hadn’t wanted to go, she preferred playing on the beach, but Brian was adamant we would walk in the woods. I had noticed by then how he liked to make the plans for the three of us almost as if he was marking his place in the family.

  I was walking ahead with Alice when I slipped into a rabbit hole and twisted my ankle. Brian muttered in my ear that I had done it on purpose. I told him it wasn’t the case but despite his annoyance I needed to go back to the car and rest it.

  Alice didn’t want to leave me because she didn’t like that I was hurt, but regardless Brian dragged her over to the river to make her look at the fishes. I watched through my side mirror for a bit as she agitatedly prodded the water with a stick. Eventually I looked away, the pain in my ankle making me close my eyes and rest my head against the seat.

  Fifteen minutes later they came back to the car and I could see Alice’s eyes were red from crying. I asked her what was wrong and Brian told me she was upset because she couldn’t have an ice cream from the van that was parked up the road.

  ‘Oh, it’s too cold for ice cream,’ I smiled. My ankle was hur
ting and I was desperate to get home.

  But Alice gave my dad her version of the story, which went more like this:

  ‘If you look a bit happier I’ll get you an ice cream from that van.’ Her daddy pointed up the road.

  ‘Can I have a whippy?’

  ‘Yes, with a flake too,’ he promised.

  They watched the fish and Alice made a brave show of being dragged away from her mummy when all she wanted to do was ask me if my foot was any better. ‘Can we get my ice cream now?’ she’d said when she was eventually allowed to go back to the car.

  ‘Ice cream? It’s too cold for that.’

  ‘But you said I could have one.’

  ‘No, Alice, I never said that.’

  ‘Yes you did,’ her voice would have cracked. ‘You said I could have a whippy with a flake—’

  ‘Alice,’ her daddy snapped. ‘Stop making things up. No one likes a liar.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘You’re ungrateful,’ he said, taking hold of her arm and leading her, tear-streaked, back to the car. ‘Do you want me to tell your mother you’re turning into a liar?’ he asked. ‘Or shall we just keep this between ourselves and not upset her?’

  ‘Grandpa, he says Mummy makes things up too and that I lie for her, and he doesn’t like it,’ Alice had said on Brownsea Island. ‘He says I make him hurt. Can I tell you a secret?’

  ‘Alice, my darling, you can tell me absolutely anything,’ my dad replied.

  ‘If I hide behind the sofa he can’t find me, then he can’t get cross with me because I haven’t said anything wrong.’

  Surely, whatever happens, I am doing the right thing for all of us?

  Harriet

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I shouted to Brian. ‘What do you mean, they’re out in the water? What have you done to them?’

  Brian continued to stare out to sea from the edge of the cliff. ‘I haven’t done anything to them,’ he said eventually.

  ‘Then what’s going on?’ My voice shook as I took a step nearer. I wanted to grab him and shake him, scream at Brian to tell me where Alice and my dad were. But I also knew I would get nothing from him if I did. It took every ounce of strength I had to restrain myself.

  ‘They went out in a fishing boat. I watched them get in it. Just before you turned up this morning,’ he said, facing me. ‘I followed them down to the beach and he took a boat that was tied up on a jetty by the rocks down there.’ I looked in the direction he was pointing but the rocks were high in places and from where we stood I couldn’t make out the jetty, let alone see if there was a boat tied up to it.

  ‘You must have missed them by ten minutes,’ he said. ‘I saw you running down to the beach and watched you from behind the rocks. You didn’t see me, but then you weren’t looking for me, were you, Harriet?’

  I stared at Brian, wondering what he expected me to say. Of course I wasn’t looking for him.

  ‘You were looking for Alice,’ he said frankly and it crossed my mind, not for the first time, that my husband was jealous. ‘And your father, of course,’ he added flatly.

  My dad had told me about the fishing boat; he must have decided to go out with Alice but that was hours ago now.

  ‘The old man seemed very determined as he headed down there,’ Brian was saying. His jaw tensed. ‘Holding on to my daughter’s hand as if he had every right to. It made me sick.’

  I turned back to the beach. The sky had clouded over now and even though the rocks were still clear I knew there would only be another hour of daylight before the sun disappeared. Surely they would be back before it was dark? ‘I still don’t understand any of this,’ I said. ‘You’re telling me you watched them this morning. That you followed them to the beach and you let him take her in a boat and did nothing to stop them?’

  ‘I’ve been watching the house all night, Harriet,’ Brian said calmly. ‘I got home yesterday and found you gone. When you still weren’t back two hours later I had a feeling you were on your way to find them. But when I got here last night there was no sign of you.’ He turned to me, expecting me to tell him where I’d been, but I didn’t answer. ‘I saw him, though. Clear as day through the window, sitting in that armchair. I sat in my car and waited for you. All night I waited but you didn’t show up. I was beginning to think I’d got it wrong.’

  ‘If you knew Alice was in the house, how could you just sit there watching it?’

  ‘Like I’m telling you, Harriet,’ he snapped. ‘I was waiting for you.’

  I stared at him, incredulous.

  ‘Do close your mouth, Harriet,’ he said. ‘I could see Alice was safe this morning. There was no need for me to rush in. Not when I was still certain you would be along soon. And here you are.’ He reached out to stroke a hand through my hair. ‘You came in the end.’

  I pulled out of his way. He hadn’t seen his daughter in two weeks, he’d believed she’d been abducted for the most part, and yet once he knew where she was he was happy to let her wait until he got what he wanted: me.

  ‘I knew she was OK,’ he growled, as if guessing my thoughts. ‘If she was in any danger I would have got her, so don’t try and make out I’m not a good father.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ I muttered under my breath. Brian stepped closer and took hold of my wrist. I winced as pain shot through it and up my arm from where he’d grabbed me when we ran out of the house.

  ‘You weren’t there, Harriet,’ he said, his words ice-cold as his eyes flashed brightly. ‘And I need you to realise you can’t take our daughter away. You have to know you can’t leave me, Harriet.’

  When Brian let go of my arm I rubbed the tender spot as I flexed it up and down. Who knew what damage he had done? An X-ray might show me that, but it would never tell the real story. The one that lay deep beneath the skin where the scars are invisible.

  Brian began walking along the clifftop, towards the path that led down to the beach. ‘I don’t know why you let them get in the boat,’ I shouted as I followed him. He ignored me but I knew it would have been his fear of the water that stopped him going any further. ‘So what did you do when they’d gone? Why didn’t you come looking for me?’

  ‘I waited for them to come back,’ he called behind him. ‘I didn’t think they’d be long.’ Brian started making his way down the path and I stayed close behind. He stopped and turned back to me. ‘Over five hours I waited before I came back to the house and saw you. They shouldn’t have been gone that long, should they, Harriet?’ he said, his eyes drifting over my face as if he wanted to see my panic.

  I shook my head. ‘No,’ I said quietly, ‘they shouldn’t.’ I had no idea what my dad thought he was doing. All I knew was this morning she was safe and all I could hope was that he was looking after her like I believed he would be.

  ‘So what happens now?’ Brian asked. ‘We go home one big happy family?’

  ‘Yes,’ I told him. ‘We can do that.’ Whether he was serious or not, I’d take the bait. ‘We can, Brian,’ I said again. ‘We need to talk about what we do next.’

  I’d do whatever I had to do to make sure Alice was never out of my sight again. I’d stay with Brian forever if it meant he wouldn’t tell the police.

  He laughed softly. ‘You really think I believe that? That you’ll walk straight back into our life together? Jesus, Harriet. How stupid do you think I am?’ His dead eyes bored through my pupils, into my head where he could always see everything that was going on. And then he turned on his heel and began down the path again.

  Finally we reached the bottom and arrived at the lane. Brian strode off towards the slipway that led to the beach. The tide had come in and was now covering nearly all of the sand. I wondered if it could come in further still. I’d been to coves like this and seen the sea wash straight over the rocks, hitting the walls beyond when it was stormy.

  To our left the rocks stretched ahead of us but they were clearer now and as soon as we started down the slipway we could both see the jetty and a little fishing bo
at that must have been there all along.

  ‘Is that it?’ I cried. My legs felt like jelly as Brian grabbed my wrist again and began pulling me towards the rocks. ‘Brian, is that the boat?’ I believed it must be by the way he hauled me towards it. I strained to see past him and could just make out the outline of a figure in the boat.

  As desperate as I was to see Alice, it was still a struggle to keep up with him, but then the nearer we got the more visible the figure became until I was certain it was my father.

  ‘Dad!’ I cried, clambering over the rocks towards him. He looked up as he stepped out of the little fishing boat that bobbed on the water, glancing at Brian and then turning to me, his face dropping in shock.

  ‘Where’s Alice?’ I shouted when I could see no sign of her. Brian’s grip on my arm tightly squeezed my flesh. ‘Where is she?’ Panic coursed through me, my legs buckling beneath me. We had reached my dad now and it was clear Alice wasn’t in the boat.

  ‘Alice is fine.’ My dad stepped forward as we reached him. ‘Harriet,’ he assured me, ‘she is fine.’

  ‘Where is she?’ I shouted again. ‘She’s not with you so what have you done to her?’

  ‘Harriet, I haven’t done anything.’ His eyes sought Brian out and then flicked nervously back to me.

  ‘Dad, will you just tell me where she is,’ I said urgently. The need to hold her in my arms and know she was safe had become unbearable.

  ‘He’s been here all night,’ my dad said to me, his eyes wide with fear. I felt Brian tense at my side. So my father had seen him. He’d have known Brian was watching the house. No wonder he looked so frightened; he must have been worrying all night about what Brian would do. But that could all wait. Right then I needed to see my daughter.

  ‘Alice!’ I cried out and when my dad turned to his left I followed his gaze towards a bundle of blankets on the rocks. I stepped forward but Brian, still holding on to my arm, yanked me back. Reminding me he was there.

  ‘She’s sleeping,’ my dad said as the bundle stirred. ‘I took her out for the day because I didn’t know what else to do. It’s been a long day and she fell asleep so I just laid her there while I finished up on the boat.’