In the Heart of Forever

by Jo-Anna Walker

  “Rave.” His arms wrapped around me as I fell to my knees. My stomach churned and I dry heaved. Cold sweat formed on my skin as gut wrenching sobs took over my body.

  “Let it out, baby,” Rave whispered, rubbing my back.

  My mom was awake. After all of this time, she was awake and I didn’t even know it. I needed to see her. My breath started coming out in short gasps, my chest burning with lack of air. Oh God. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Jesse.” He grabbed my chin, turning my head to his.

  Tears streamed down my cheeks and I squeezed my eyes shut. Panic soared through me, taking control, owning me. Possessing me.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to rip my chin out of his grasp but his fingers held on, digging into my cheeks.

  “Jesse. Damn it. Look at me,” Rave demanded.

  I opened my eyes and looked into the warmest green eyes I had ever seen but still couldn’t breathe. My heart thumped a mile a minute.

  “Breathe with me.” He took a deep slow breath and I copied him. He did it again and I did the same. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks but my chest no longer burned.

  “Good girl.” He kissed my forehead and pulled me back against him, enveloping me in his strong but warm grip. Safe.

  I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and sighed, snuggling against Rave. I looked up at him. “Rave, I…”

  “Shhh…we’ll talk later.” He kissed my hair and leaned his head back against the bed. Guilt and pain marred his young features, making him look twice his age. He looked tired and his eyes were red, like he had been crying. What was wrong with us? Were we both so broken that we were drawn to each other?

  A light knock sounded on the door and we both turned to Ren peaking his head into the small room. “I talked to Officer Pike.”

  I nodded and rose to my feet. I took a step towards him and could feel Rave come up behind me. Ren looked everywhere but at me. I could tell that he was worried about his brother and I respected him so much for that but I loved Rave. I knew that now. I just needed to figure out how to tell him.

  Standing toe-to-toe with Ren, I looked up at him and then wrapped my arms around his middle, embracing him in the biggest hug I had ever given someone.

  He tensed under my arms at first but then softened, returning the hug.

  “Thank you,” I said softly.

  “I didn’t do anything,” he replied quietly.

  “You put the nail gun under Rave’s bed.”

  His eye’s widened at my statement and then he sighed. “I didn’t know what else to do. I was trying to protect Rave and you.”

  I hugged him again. “Thank you.”

  Ren gave me another squeeze and released me, spinning me towards Rave. “Is this all you have with you?” he asked, grabbing my bag.

  I nodded as Rave pulled me into his arms.

  Ren smiled and left the room a moment later but not before his gaze flicked to mine knowingly.

  Rave grabbed my face in both hands and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  I frowned, holding onto his wrists. “For what?”

  “For not getting there in time.”

  “Rave.” We didn’t talk about what he walked in on. I wanted to ask him what he found when he showed up but it was too soon. Too fresh. Something had happened years ago with his stepfather and I didn’t know the full extent of the details but my situation was definitely a trigger for him. It looked like we were both emotionally scarred. I just prayed that we could get through this.

  ***

  “Baby, we’re here,” Rave said gently.

  I sat up and rubbed what felt like sand, out of my eyes, realizing I had fallen asleep. Looking outside around us, I saw Rave’s apartment building. My heart fluttered. Home.

  “We’re going to stay here for a little bit.”

  I looked at Rave, nodded and smiled softly. I wanted to be there with him.

  He slid out of the car and held his hand out for me. I grabbed a hold of it, letting him pull me out.

  Cold shivers ran down my spine and I looked around us. It was early afternoon but I was emotionally drained. I felt like I could sleep forever. With Rave by my side, at least it would be peaceful.

  Ren pulled my stuff out of the car and handed it to Rave, clapping a hand on his back. He looked down at me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me hard. “Darlin’, if there’s anything you need, anything at all, you don’t hesitate to call me. Alright?” His voice deepened, filling with emotion that wasn’t there before.

  Obviously, Rave wasn’t the only one that my situation had been a trigger for. Guilt swam in my belly at the thought that I had forgotten Ren would have been affected as well. I nodded. “Thank you.”

  “You take care of her, little brother,” Ren said to Rave. Something had passed between the three of us. Like my situation had formed a bond around us. We would always be close because of Allan and maybe I had that to thank him for.

  Rave nodded. “I will.”

  Ren smiled, satisfied with his brother’s answer and helped us carry my things up to Rave’s apartment.

  Rave walked beside me, holding my hand tightly against his side like he thought I would run. I wouldn’t. Not anymore. I realized quickly that I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed help. “I want to talk to someone.”

  “I want you to talk to someone.”

  We both said it at the same time. We paused in our tracks, staring at each other and my cheeks heated. “I do want to speak to someone,” I told him.

  He nodded. “I think I know who you should talk to.”

  “Really? Who?”

  He took a deep breath. “My sister.”

  Chapter 34

  My sister.

  Rave wanted me to meet his sister. My heart swelled at that and then I thought of my mom. Hot tears burned my eyes. I swallowed, trying to force them back. I paused in my steps and grabbed Rave’s arm. “Okay. I think I would like that.”

  He smiled, and brought our joined hands up to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “Ready?”

  I nodded and we headed into his apartment building. As we walked down the hall, I felt the heavy weight that had been on my shoulders for the past couple of years, lift slowly. Maybe being with Rave would be good for me. He loved me. I knew that now and I loved him back but…Unworthy of him. Dirty.

  Hot tears filled my eyes, threatening to escape. I took a deep breath and swallowed past the hard lump that had formed in my throat. I was going to take this one day at a time. I would talk to someone. His sister even. I would get help.

  Once reaching the end of the hall, I saw Rave’s apartment door but hesitated. Rave came up behind me and placed a hand on the back of my neck. He leaned down and kissed my head. He grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him.

  “What happened today?” I asked him once Ren had gone inside the building.

  Rave shoulders tensed and then drooped once we reached his door. “Ren took me to see our sister, Emilia.”

  My eyes widened. Wow, that must have been intense. “How did it go?”

  Rave didn’t respond and opened the door for me, motioning for me to enter his apartment. Home.

  A warm fluttering feeling soared through my heart. Could this be my home, too? Anywhere with Rave would be home. Okay Jesse. Way too fast.

  I entered his apartment when a cool breeze washed over me, sending a shiver down my spine.

  “Here.” Rave held his sweatshirt out in front of me.

  I grabbed it from him and pulled it on over my head, the black soft material reaching past my butt. The light smell of musky cologne and soap wafted into my nostrils making my heart stutter.

  Rave grabbed my hand and leaned down, his hot breath grazing my ear. “I like seeing you in my clothes.”

  My stomach flip flopped at his words.

  The corners of his lips tugged into a brief smirk and he kissed my forehead.

  I placed my stuff on the floor by the sofa bed and sat on it, curli
ng my feet under me. My mouth opened on a yawn, not realizing I was so tired.

  “Make yourself at home, baby. Anything you need, just let me know,” Rave told me.

  I smiled and nodded, leaning my head back against the couch. A feeling flowed through me that I hadn’t felt in years. A feeling so powerful, it almost knocked the breath out of me. Safe. I was safe. No harm would come to me now from someone who hated me. I would testify, Rave would be there for me and then it would be over. I no longer wished I had never been born. I finally had a chance at happiness and I would revel in it.

  Ren stood at the door and turned to his brother. “I’m going down to the shop but can I talk to you first, Rave?”

  Watching Rave talk his brother quietly at the door made me kind of sad that I didn’t have a sibling to talk to. I didn’t even have any friends, really. Jake was my only friend at school but the jealousy over Rave ruined that. I wasn’t sure what exactly had happened there, but he obviously lied to me when he told me that Rave had kissed Melanie.

  Rave and Ren whispered out of earshot from me but I knew they were talking about me. Ren clapped a hand on Rave’s neck probably giving him some sort of brotherly advice. Telling him to be careful around me but to protect me. Ren was a good guy but he worried for his siblings which was understandably so. I’m bad news, too complicated. He wouldn’t tell him anything to be malicious. It would all be out of love for his brother.

  My eyes burned and I looked away from them. Bookshelves lined the one wall and another smaller shelf, had vinyl records filling it. Rave’s love for reading and heavy metal made me realize that we were definitely meant for each other.

  A tall vase sat on a shelf with a yellow tulip in it, making my heart swell.

  Tattoo and car magazines lined the coffee table. Empty beer bottles and dirty dishes sat on the floor by it as well. It was a guy’s apartment and it made me smile. It had a homey feeling to it and knowing that Rave was there with me, I felt safe…protected.

  “Rave, fucking listen to me.”

  My head snapped up at Ren’s harsh tone and he caught my eye. His cheeks flushed and he looked back at Rave, lowering his voice.

  I rose to my feet and approached them. “Guys, maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

  Both of them turned to me, frowning.

  “What are you talking about?” Rave asked.

  “I just mean, I feel like a burden. I…I have no money. I can’t live off of nothing.” I wrung my hands together, my cheeks heating and I looked away.

  A moment later, warm hands captured my face, turning my head to stare up into Rave’s beautiful green eyes. “Don’t worry about that right now.”

  “She’s right, though.”

  “Ren,” Rave snapped.

  “Not about the burden. Darling, you are definitely not a burden but Rave, how are we going to support her?” Ren asked as he tentatively took a step towards us.

  “I will support her. You don’t have to worry about it. Let’s get this trial over with and then deal with everyhing else after.” Rave wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight against him.

  Ren looked between us two and then did something I was not expecting at all. He pulled us both in for a group hug. His big arms enveloping us. I was in the middle and being hugged by two guys who obviously cared for me, made me feel included in their little family. I just hoped that Emilia would accept me. Maybe we could become friends.

  “I’m going down to the shop. I have some appointments today, but if you guys need anything, call me.” Ren’s voice was gruff with emotion as he released us.

  “We will,” I told him.

  He smiled down at me and a moment later, left the apartment, leaving us alone.

  “Come on.” Rave grabbed my hand and walked me to the couch. He released me and pulled it into a bed.

  The soft mattress looked very inviting. My body stirred with exhaustion and pulling off the sweater and my socks, I crawled onto the bed and sighed.

  A silent chuckle sounded behind me making my heart skip a beat.

  I turned onto my back and saw Rave approach me, kneeling beside the bed. He ran a hand over my head, moving my hair off of my forehead. It was such a gentle touch but it had meant more to me than words could ever express. “Thank you for the guitar.”

  He smiled and kissed my lips lightly. “You’re very welcome.”

  “Join me?” I whispered.

  “Are you sure?” His eyes danced with affection for me, making my stomach flip. All I could do was nod.

  He seemed to think it over a moment and then drew out a breath. He rose to his full height, walked around the bed and kicked off his shoes.

  I turned onto my side and sighed when I felt the bed lower and a warm arm wrap around my middle. Rave pulled me against him and covered us in a blanket.

  I turned my head and looked into his eyes. I ran a hand down his cheek, my fingers grazing over the rough stubble from his 5 o’clock shadow that I had grown to love.

  “Jesse,” he whispered.

  My thumb ran over his bottom lip. “Kiss me.”

  Inner turmoil etched on his handsome features but he looked in pain and it broke my heart. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  I shook my head. “Please, just a kiss. Nothing else. I don’t…I don’t think I could handle anything else right now.”

  His jaw tensed and his eyes blazed with fury, like he was remembering something.

  Oh God.

  He was remembering what he walked in on earlier. He didn’t want me. Not even to just kiss me. How could I have been so dumb to think he would ever want me again? Dir…

  Soft lips covered mine in a hard kiss, interrupting my thoughts. I gasped and soon relaxed when his hot tongue forced its way into my mouth, sending jolts of electricity down my back.

  Rave grabbed the back of my neck and deepened the kiss, his tongue mingling with mine.

  A moan escaped my lips and the rough stubble of his jaw scratched at my cheeks but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I had missed him but I needed him closer.

  I fisted his shirt in my hands and pulled him against me. He released my mouth and looked down at me, his eyes now blazing with hunger. My stomach tumbled knowing that I had done that to him.

  He ran a hand down my cheek and grazed his thumb over my tingling lips, swollen from his rough but welcomed kiss. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Tears clouded my vision and I looked away.

  “My sister’s happy,” Rave said a moment later, his voice cracking.

  I placed a hand on his cheek.

  He leaned into it, kissing my palm, his eyes going glossy. “She doesn’t seem sad anymore. I should probably tell you, the rumors about her being in a mental hospital are true.”

  I bit back a gasp.

  Rave took a deep breath. “Years ago, after what our stepfather did, she put herself in the mental hospital, got help, went to school and now works there helping others. She’s amazing and that’s why I want you to talk to her.”

  “I would love to,” I whispered. Knowing that Emilia had gone through what I had gone through helped in the sense that she would understand how I was feeling except for the fact that she didn’t kill her stepfather.

  “Thank you.”

  “So your visit went well today, then?” I asked.

  He tensed under my touch and looked away.

  I placed my hand on his arm, squeezing it in reassurance.

  “Seeing her brought back so many memories of what was done to her and what I did.”

  I frowned. “What you did?”

  His jaw clenched and unclenched under the skin and he slowly turned his head back to mine. I flinched at the hatred in his green eyes. I knew what he was going to tell me. Satisfaction covered his features and he smiled. “I killed our stepfather.”

  Chapter 35

  A breath left me on a whoosh. I knew something had happened with his step father but I had no idea that it would involve a death.

&
nbsp; “Jesse.”

  I looked up at him.

  “I did it out of self-defence.”

  “You don’t have to explain…”

  “Yes, I do,” he said, firmly.

  “Rave, look at what I did today. It was self-defence for me, too. I won’t judge you and you definitely don’t need to explain anything to me,” I explained.

  He kissed me lightly and rested his head on my chest, running his hand up and down my arm. “I want to tell you what happened.”

  “Okay.”

  “I walked in on Jim raping my sister and I snapped. I blacked out and I don’t remember most of it.” Sounds like what happened to me. “I only remember little bits and pieces of that night but I do remember pushing him down the stairs. I remember hearing his neck snap.”

  My stomach rolled at that thought.

  Rave’s body tensed around me and I ran my hands over his back, soothing him. Giving him the courage to go on. Maybe talking would help him. “The sad thing is, I don’t regret any of it.” He lifted his head and looked down at me, his eyes darkening with rage. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.” He rose off of me and sat on the edge of the bed. His broad back was stiff from years of strain and obvious guilt at what had been done to his sister.

  I sat up and wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head against his shoulder. “You were protecting your sister.”

  He sighed. “When I walked into your bedroom today…”

  I cringed at the choppy memory.

  “Do you remember anything that happened?”

  Chewing my bottom lip, I looked away guiltily. “I remember some things. The biggest being that Allan had attacked me and that I shot him.”

  “I will always be thankful to my brother for putting the nail gun under my bed.”

  My gaze snapped to his.

  Rave’s knowing green gaze flashed. “I heard your conversation with him. He saved you.”