Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  After eons of time, Austin lifted his head slightly and whispered against her throbbing lips, "That was some sip of brandy. It's filled me with a warmth I'd never thought possible."

  "Austin, I-"

  "No, don't say a word. I was simply trying to thank you for being here, for sharing this with me. Now we'd better get back before Jim wonders where we are. And I'm sure you must be hungry by now." Austin rose and turned his back to her while he began to fold the blankets one by one.

  Sinead struggled to her feet, and though her hands were shaking, she folded the rest of the blankets. "I should be thanking you. I can't remember the last time I've been out in the country. And thank you for sharing your special place with me."

  "You're very welcome, my dear. Now, you have yet to be awarded your prize, so let's get back to the stables. We'll teach you how to do a bit of basic horse grooming, and then it's off the pub."

  Sinead followed him out of the cabin, and gasped as his hands helped lift her up onto her horse. They seemed to touch her everywhere. She steadied herself in the saddle, and soon they were riding back down the bridle path towards the stables. All around them the woods snapped, creaked and groaned. Sinead shivered with fear at the thought of being trapped out it here all alone. It was like a fairy tale, but of course witches, elves and trolls could also lurk in magical places, she thought to herself fancifully.

  But could the spirits of the woods weave their spells in daylight? Sinead wondered, for just then her worst fears became reality. She watched in horror as a huge branch weighted with snow snapped, hurtling down towards Austin and the chestnut gelding. The horse stumbled in fright, and Austin was thrown out of the saddle head first.

  "Austin! Austin!" Sinead called, as she galloped up and threw herself out of the saddle to where he lay on his back.

  Chapter Sixteen

  "Austin! Say something please!" she urge as he lay in the snow where he had fallen from his horse. She waited moments in an agony of fear, while she examined him quickly for and broken bones and then took his head gently in her hands to examine it.

  "Damn that horse!" Austin grumbled.

  Sinead laughed with relief.

  "I'm fine," he reassured her, as he rubbed a glove filled with snow over his face and shook his head. "Just a bit winded, that's all, and slightly bruised."

  Sinead smiled down at him, and her heart turned over. What would she have done if he'd been hurt. Or killed by that branch? She couldn't bear the thought, and she threw herself on his broad chest and began to cry.

  He patted her shoulder, and said soothingly, "Now, what's all this? I'm fine. There's no need to be upset."

  His voice was unsteady, but he continued, "I'm sorry you had a scare. It could have been you riding in front. Now help me up and we'll get back to the stables."

  Sinead said nothing. She could not trust herself to speak, and did her best to stop crying. She wiped away her tears as soon as Austin's back was turned. He stopped to examine his horse, and discovered that it was lame. "Damn!" he swore. "Jim will be upset now. It's his favorite in the stable."

  "What will we do? Do you want me to walk it back?"

  "No, it's too far. We'll both use Smoky, and lead Thunder."

  Austin walked stiffly, but he was obviously in one piece. He led the two horses around the fallen branch. Then he helped Sinead up into the saddle, and climbed up behind her. He put one arm around Sinead's waist, while with the other hand he held Thunder's reins.

  Sinead was nearly suffocated by the presence of him, the scent of his coat, his after shave, his musky maleness after the exercise of the morning. The arm around her waist became a red-hot brand which scorched her. Though she tried to sit stiffly, she could not help but lean back into the muscled wall of flesh which was his chest.

  They rode along in silence, Austin obviously still winded by his fall, and Sinead unable to trust herself to attempt any polite conversation. With enormous relief she saw the stables loom into sight, and was glad to see Jim's concerned face as he waved at them. They rode into the yard, and Austin told Jim briefly what had happened to Thunder as he dismounted from behind Sinead.

  Jim hastened back inside to get some liniment and bandages for the horse. Austin reached up for Sinead. She felt his hard hands on her waist and slid down the whole length of him as he held her close. Her feet didn't touch the ground for many moments, as he held her and kissed her briefly but powerfully.

  Clucking noises from Jim broke the enchantment. Sinead slid the rest of the way down Austin's front until she landed squarely on the ground. Then Austin was off to help Jim with Thunder, leaving Sinead to follow along by herself.

  Soon they had the bandages on, and Sinead obeyed Jim's orders concerning the grooming of Smoky, while Austin looked after Thunder and then took a rest on a bale of hay.

  "I'm so sorry, Jim. It was just one of those things."

  "No need to apologise to me, lad. It's your horse, and it was definitely not your fault. Don't worry. In a couple of days he'll be as good as new. And that horse Smoky has turned out fine. He was the best at the sales yesterday. He's the steadiest mount I've ever seen, perfect for a lady."

  Sinead was astonished. Austin had bought the horse only yesterday? For a woman? She saw Austin staring at her, and fled the stables.

  Fool! fool! she silently cursed herself. Once again she had allowed herself to forget about Margaret, who at this very minute was probably interviewing at Castlemaine General and scheming various ways of making her look incompetent or forcing her out of her job by making her life a misery. As if she hadn't already done that with Luke. As if she wasn't doing that now with Austin Riordan.

  Sinead knew she ought not to feel jealous. Margaret had the prior claim, just as she had done. But, then she loved Austin, body and soul.

  The conclusion should have shocked her, but it only saddened her as she reflected upon the impossibility of it all. It had all happened so suddenly. She never would have imagined her feelings for anyone could grow so strong so fast. Yet in only a few short days, Austin was all that she could think of. And yet it was quite clear that Margaret and he had a past, and that he was certainly planning a future with her if he had bought her such a remarkable gift.

  Sinead ran her fingers through her hair in despair, and paced up and down for a few minutes with her fists clenched, until she heard a crunch of snow near her.

  "Sinead! Sinead, where are you?" Austin called. She busied herself at a horse stall patting the black mare inside.

  "Are you all right?" Austin said, sounding concerned.

  "Fine, I just thought I'd wait for you out here in the sunshine," she said.

  He searched her face intently, but could not seem to find anything wrong with her excuse. "Then if you're not too tired, we'll go to that pub now. I'm starving."

  "First you need your injection. I'll just use Jim's sink to wash up."

  "Then later if the weather stays clear I thought maybe we could take a drive," Austin suggested.

  "Fine," she said, a trifle too brightly. She dreaded being alone with him in the house again, so any excuse for not going back was fine. After taking care of his injection and saying their goodbyes to Jim, they sped down the road, Austin at the wheel, to the nearest village, Seskin.

  As they neared Seskin, Sinead admired, "Look at the church! Norman, isn't it? And the village hall! Look at the stone work! Even a poultry cross! And it's market day!" she observed with glee.

  "Would you like to have a look around?" Austin asked, enjoying the sight of Sinead's bright smiling face peering out of the window.

  "Yes, please. I adore open air markets. But you must eat first."

  "Fine," Austin agreed. "I'll park the car by the library and the pub is just a short walk away."

  The pub was an old fifteenth-century coaching inn in a fine state of preservation. Austin selected a secluded alcove in a nook near the open fireplace and shrugged out of his coat while Sinead sat down. "What would you like to drink? I don't mind d
riving, since I'm not allowed very much now anyway."

  "Well, in that case, as a special treat, can I have a glass of cider?"

  "Sure thing," he said. She watched his awesome body as he disappeared into the lunchtime crowd waiting at the bar. She observed the crowd part in front of him.

  Some of the men clapped him on the back, while Sinead noticed the eyes of most of the women firmly fastened on him as he came back with the drinks. Sinead thought resignedly that she couldn't blame them. There must have been dozens of women like Margaret chasing after him over the years. It was foolish to think his attentions to her were anything more than a light-hearted flirtation.

  He put down the drinks, sat, handed her a menu, and said, "A penny for them?"

  Sinead shook her head. "They're not worth even that much." She forced herself to read the words waving in front of her, trying to focus on the menu when all the while her senses swam at the nearness of him.

  Austin asked her advice about what to choose and she replied several times to his questions, but she withdrew back into herself and avoided his concerned glance.

  Finally they had both chosen, and Austin disappeared once again to place the order. Her feelings became even more crushed and bruised when the crowd suddenly thinned, and Sinead spotted Margaret at the far end of the bar, talking with Austin.

  Her stomach shrivelled. Margaret was standing with her arm around Austin's lean hard waist, smiling up at him invitingly. Sinead could not see his face, but he saw Margaret suddenly glimpse her sitting in the corner. The dark-haired woman scowled briefly, but continued to fondle Austin. He nodded a few times at whatever she was saying and Margaret seemed all smiles.

  Sinead thought with a sinking feeling that she had every right to be, as head of the ICU nurses. Her heart nearly leapt into her mouth as Austin stooped to kiss her. She looked away in a haze of tears as their lips met. She felt broken in two, and could only stare into her lap for minutes. Her mind began to whirl furiously and she determined that she had to escape. She couldn't sit and watch them together. Or worse still, have Margaret come over and join them at the table. Sinead felt physically ill at that thought, and grabbed her handbag. She was about to reach for her coat when Austin's deep voice arrested her flight.

  "Here we are, my dear, get this inside of you," he said, and put a steaming plate of food in front of her. Sinead could only stare at it blankly and then up at him. She noted with relief that at least he was unaccompanied.

  Her face was white, and he could see her clutching her bag. "I'm sorry, I should have given you a few minutes so you could go to the ladies' and freshen up. Go give your hands a good scrub, and I'll give this back to the kitchen to keep warm."

  "Oh no, it's fine, I'll just be a minute, really, so don't trouble yourself." She thought about taking her coat, but it would look so obvious. And he had the car keys. She was going to have to face him again sooner or later, even if she did run away now.

  Sinead rose unsteadily to her feet.

  Austin supported her by the elbow, a look of concern in his eyes. "Are you all right? You're not coming down with something, are you?"

  "No, I'm just a bit stiff in the legs after our ride," she lied. Then she ran to the powder room as fast as her legs could carry her.

  Once inside, Sinead splashed face with cold water and put a wetted cold paper towel on the back of her neck as a compress but it gave her no relief. She had never felt so hot and cold before in her life. Maybe he was right, maybe she was ill. She seemed to have no control around him or whenever she caught sight of the despicable Margaret. The other woman was like a mocking ghost from her past sneering at her at every turn and making a mockery of any hopes and dreams she had ever had for her future. She wished she could just crawl into bed and cry herself to sleep.

  When she felt a bit calmer, she filled the sink with hot water and scrubbed her hands thoroughly.

  There was a small mirrored table in a corner, so she wet a few more paper towels and sat down with them pressed to her neck and chest. The cool sensation soothed her, and she forced herself to look in the mirror. She looked as white as a ghost. She thought wryly that she hadn't looked so terrible since she'd been recovering from her accident.

  Her face hadn't been scarred, fortunately, but she thought it might have been better if it had. She couldn't be any more unattractive than she was already, she decided bitterly, and it might have made things easier. The scars would have told people of all her hurt and anguish, and she wouldn't now be wounded even more by the prospect of happiness being dangled in front of her, only to be brutally snatched away.

  Her reverie was broken by a young woman's voice saying, "Are you all right? It's Sinead, isn't it?"

  Sinead looked up and saw a pleasant-looking woman with brown hair and eyes standing above her.

  "Yes, I'm fine," she said, though another quick glance in the mirror told her she was a liar.

  "I'm Anne. My husband Bob and I own this pub. Austin said you weren't well. He asked me to come in and check on you."

  "I'm sorry to put everyone to such trouble," Sinead apologized, attempting to rise.

  Anne pressed her back own onto the stool firmly. "It's no trouble at all. Just stay there a second, and I'll help you with your hair."

  Sinead obeyed meekly, digging in her bag and bringing out her brush. She'd tied her tresses back with a simple ribbon, but now Anne tumbled it loosely over her shoulders, and brushed it until it crackled. Sinead felt soothed by the sensation, and gradually the color came back into her cheeks.

  Anne looked at her handiwork and marvelled, "Lovely. Such a color, like rich brown chocolate, and what texture. I used to be a hairdresser. You ought to wear it down more often."

  "It gets in the way a bit, especially if you're a nurse."

  "Well, if I were you, I wouldn't complain. And don't you dare ever cut it!" she ordered, as she stroked the brush down to her waist. "Now, how about giving me a special treat, and letting me braid it for you?"

  Sinead saw the sincere delight in her face, and couldn't refuse. Soon she saw a new Sinead in the mirror, looking very smart and sophisticated while Anne cooed over her, patting here and there and telling her how she could do it all by herself with a bit of practice.

  "And very long arms," Sinead said with a laugh.

  Anne patted her on the shoulder again. "Now, I put your food back in the oven to stay warm, and Austin is waiting for you. Could you manage to come outside and eat in the pub, or would you like to have something in our kitchen? It's no trouble, I assure you."

  "Thanks so much, you've been very kind. But I'd better go out and see if Austin is all right."

  Anne looked concerned, so Sinead explained hastily that he'd come off his horse. She didn't think he'd wish her to mention his health.

  Anne put her arm around her and led her back to the table, where Austin took her hand briefly to reassure her that he had eaten and was fine. He admired her hair until she blushed.

  "If you keep having funny turns like that around me, I shall begin to take it personally," he joked, though he looked very serious. "Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me, Sinead?" he asked softly a short time later.

  Sinead thought for a fleeting moment that he looked frightened.

  Then Anne came bustling up with her food and the spell was broken. As she toyed with her meal listlessly, she wondered what she would have said. Yes, Austin, I love you beyond all reason, I want to stay in your arms for the rest of my life, and see you look at me and hold me the way you do Margaret.

  But no, those words were inadequate to describe these incredible new sensations which she had struggled against for the past three days.

  And even if she had the courage to tell him the truth, what would he say to all this? The same as Luke? I'm sorry, but I'm in love with someone else?

  In Luke's case, Sinead had never really loved him. On Austin's lips, those words would have killed her, with a more forceful impact than Luke's sports car.

>   Sinead forced herself to eat a few more mouthful but Austin could see her appetite had gone. He drank his orange juice slowly, waiting for her to finish, but after another five minutes of silence he reminded her, "The market's still on for a little while longer. Are you ready to go?"

  Sinead nodded numbly, all the joy gone out of her day.

  "Whatever it is, Sinead—-"

  "It's nothing. I'm fine," she bit out. "Just a bit tired. This was supposed to have been my day off, after all. I mean, not that looking after you is hard work, but—-"

  "No, I know what you mean. How thoughtless of me."

  "Not at all. I loved the ride, it's just..." She trailed off with a shrug.

  "That's fine. You don't have to explain. If you're sure you're finished eating, let's go."