Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  She nodded wordlessly and gathered her things.

  Austin cuffed her elbow in one huge hand to help her stand, then assisted her with her coat in a gentlemanly way which gave her even more of a pang of longing that she could have such an amazing man in her life as more than just a patient. But what was the point of wishing. Even though they were standing side by side, they were world's apart. Margaret had seen to that.

  After saying a brief farewell and thanks to Anne, they went out into the hustle and bustle of the marketplace.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The fresh air made Sinead feel more herself, but she wondered how she could manage to get rid of Austin for a time to be alone with her thoughts. Once outside, he took her gently but securely by the elbow, so that it was fruitless to attempt any escape.

  The cold crisp air reminded Sinead that she had wanted to go Christmas shopping during her time off from the hospital, and decided that might be a way of getting rid of Austin. After all, what man liked to shop?

  And it wouldn't be a mere pretense either. Sinead saw many fine things on the stalls, for excellent prices.

  "Would you mind if I did a bit of Christmas shopping? There are so many things that Maeve, and Mike, and my friends would like."

  "Of course, if you're sure you're feeling all right," he said. "Would you like me to come with you?"

  "Wouldn't you be bored?"

  "Not at all. And you could help me where my four sisters and mum are concerned. My brother Edmund is easy to buy for. Anything to do with fishing."

  "Sure, I'd be delighted," Sinead lied.

  She sighed inwardly. Once again, the irritatingly magnetic man had foiled her plans. He held her arm even more intimately. In the end she decided that she could do nothing to deter him, so she just had to make the best of it.

  They proceeded to make an organised assault on the laden stalls. Soon their hands were full of carrier bags. Despite her brooding thoughts and upset stomach, the hustle and bustle couldn't fail to lift Sinead's spirits. It had been a long time since she'd gone out to have fun. Though she regretted that Maeve wasn't there, she looked forward to her sister's delighted surprise at the lovely things she'd got her for Christmas. She also kept an eye out for presents for the baby, and got dozens of small items of clothing and some adorable toys at bargain rates.

  Austin didn't buy much until they reached the book stall, where he picked up several cookbooks for his eldest sister Alice, a caterer, and an assortment of books on William Morris for his next sister Marie, who was an interior designer. His other sisters Julia and Elizabeth were mad about music, so Sinead helped him pick out some of the latest CDs for each of them. A new tackle box for Edmund, Austin's brother, nearly completed his purchases.

  Then he looked at Sinead pensively for a moment. "I need something special for a woman now."

  Sinead decided to turn the tables on him. "And I have to pick something for Mike, Dr. Sheridan, you know. Perhaps you could give me some advice."

  His steel-gray eyes went as cold as glaciers, but she thought it served him right after the awful exhibition he had given in the pub. What nerve, to ask her to pick out a present for Margaret only hours after their last close semi-romantic encounter in the animal hide in the woods.

  "Let's go back to the car to drop off these bags. We can have another roam around the stalls. There's also a rather good row of shops down to the right, so we could try there as well," Austin said, still looking at her intently, his expression unreadable.

  On their second trip around, Sinead did not see anything special on the stalls. In all honesty she had no idea what to get Mike. She wondered bemusedly what she would get a man like Austin for Christmas. He certainly seemed to have everything except a woman who really loved him.

  Austin interrupted her thoughts. "How about that tapestry kit for my mother?' he said, indicating a beautiful unicorn patterned canvas with richly hued wools.

  "I'm sure she'd love it," Sinead agreed, eyeing it with enthusiasm.

  Once it was safely in the bag and Austin had paid, he suggested, "We'd better try the shops now if we're going to find something special."

  "Fine. I still need something for Maeve, her husband, and a couple of other important people in my life," Sinead couldn't resist saying. She often got colleagues little presents, and Dan the male nurse, Dr. Maguire and Dr. Jameson, as well as her female colleagues, deserved small tokens for all the kindness they'd shown her after her accident. Austin would see her buy a pile of things for men, and let him think what he liked!

  They went past a rather fine men's store, and she picked out several silk ties and some rather fine socks and handkerchiefs, which would do for Dan, Mike and Dr. Maguire. She spotted a beautiful cashmere scarf for Mike as well, but her attention was arrested by a gorgeous hand-made sweater in long Icelandic wool. She thought immediately that the color matched Austin' eyes perfectly, and she made him hold it up to himself for size.

  "Some sweaters run rather large, and of course some men like them baggy," Sinead said, pretending to make up her mind as to whether it would fit the man she had in mind. She knew it was perfect for Austin even before he'd held it up. Though she knew it was quite expensive, she decided it was made for him.

  Austin scowled and tried to talk her out of it, but she could see from his eyes that he had admired it himself. She happily paid for all her purchases by check, but noticed with annoyance that she had brought her old book, and only had a few left inside. But surely she wouldn't need to buy much more, or so she thought.

  There was a liquor store and a tobacconist's shop further down the row, and she bought a few special bottles, and some cigars and pipe tobaccos. Dr. Jameson smoked a pipe, so she bought the most unusual tobaccos she could find as a special treat for him.

  Austin watched her with interest.

  She reminded him that he wasn't allowed to smoke if he knew what was good for him. He shrugged and continued to stare as she accepted or rejected the aromatic mixtures, and sniffed the cigars appreciatively.

  Finally, Sinead found the perfect present for Maeve, a large oval gold locket with exquisite engravings of flowers all over it. It looked very Victorian, and even had a special little glass compartment for putting a lock of hair. Sinead thought she could put a lock of the baby's hair and photo in it, and there was still space for a photo of Mike. She looked up at Austin for his approval, and saw him admiring it with glowing eyes.

  "And what do you think of that ring there?" Austin asked, point at another tray which held an assortment of Victorian-style rings.

  "Which, the ruby?" she said, making a face. "It's a bit overdone."

  "I'll say." He laughed, and his eyes glowed approval. "No, I meant the amethyst, with the matching band and eternity ring," he indicated.

  They were breath-taking, but Sinead felt a stab of resentment. How could any woman be so lucky!

  Austin was waiting for her reaction, his gaze never once leaving her face.

  Despite her dislike and resentment of Margaret, she said in all honesty, "I've never seen anything like it. It's beautiful. But of course it's a bit old-fashioned, and might not be to everyone's taste."

  "What's wrong with it, the setting?"

  "Well, I think it's perfect. A more modern type of woman might not like it. And of course a lot of women would go for diamonds. Amethysts aren't to everyone's taste."

  "Do you like them? I mean, you're pretty modern, and you seem to have pretty good taste," Austin asked, and stared directly into her eyes.

  "I really do think they're perfect, honestly. But you'd better not think about buying your girlfriend a ring unless you know the size. The rings are exquisite, but they might not fit her."

  "Quite right," Austin agreed.

  With that he pushed into the door of the shop. "Can we please see the lockets in the window, and the amethyst rings on that tray," Austin asked the elderly man behind the counter.

  "Well, I must say, sir, you have excellent taste," he complimen
ted Austin, as he took the trays out of the window and beamed in the direction of Sinead.

  Before she knew what was happening, Austin had seized her hand and placed the rings on her left hand.

  The rings were only the tiniest bit loose.

  Sinead protested, "There's no point in trying to guess the size from my hands. My fingers are far too plump compared to the average woman's."

  The old man looked a bit puzzled. "Nonsense, they're strong and capable but not plump, and size O is not all that big. It fits you almost like it was made for you."

  "Yes, but I'm not the lady who's getting it for Christmas," she said haughtily. She turned her attention to the lockets, while the two men continued to admire the rings.

  Sinead seethed, but the beauty of the lockets soothed her, and she was certain that the oval one was the best present she could get for her sister.

  She asked the man to wrap it, and while she wrote out her last check the storekeeper put the trays away. She couldn't get out of the shop fast enough.

  They walked along in silence for a few minutes until Austin exclaimed, "Oh no, I forgot my gloves. I'll meet you at the end of this row in a couple of seconds. Don't buy up the whole town while I'm gone."

  Sinead looked in a few windows, and admired the tasteful Christmas decorations. That's what Christmas should be like, she reflected. A few bits of green and red and some candles, not tons of synthetic trees and flashing fairy lights.

  As she strolled along, she came upon a carpenter's shop. In the window was the most exquisite baby's cradle she'd ever seen. Its rich mahogany sheen, and the delicate carvings at the head and foot, and edges, were the work of many hours of skill and love. Sinead knew instantly that she had to buy it for Maeve no matter what it cost.

  She rushed in the door just as the young man was getting ready to close, and asked if he could bring it down out of the window. The man, who introduced himself as Nick, struggled with the other items in the display before setting the cradle down in front of Sinead.

  "Did you make this?" she asked, awestruck, stroking the top so reverently, it was as if she hardly dared touch it.

  "My father. He's one of the last great craftsmen of the old school."

  Sinead caught a glimpse of Austin as he walked past the shop window, turning his head right and then left, obviously looking for her.

  She called, "Excuse me! Back in a minute!"

  She ran out of the shop and practically cannoned into Austin as he headed back up the street. Completely carried away by her find, she grabbed Austin's hand and tugged him into the shop. "Come see what I've found! Isn't it perfect?"

  Austin stared at her for a few moments, and then at the cradle. He released her hand in order to run his fingers over the carvings, and to test the cradle for sturdiness.

  "What do you think? Shall I get it for Maeve?"

  "You're right, my dear, it does seem absolutely perfect."

  "You don't mind us taking it in the car?"

  "I'll deliver it for you if you like, madam," Nick offered.

  But Austin said, "No, I think the lady would like to take it now, if only to admire it."

  As Sinead reached into her handbag, her face suddenly clouded with disappointment. "Oh, no, I can't," she sniffed.

  "Why not?" Austin asked in confusion.

  She checked her wallet next. Drat. She had left her credit cards in her other bag too. "I've just used my last check and forgot my plastic at home. Could I put a deposit on it, whatever I have in cash, and get the rest to you in the next few days when I get my other checkbook?"

  "Don't be silly, Sinead, I'll pay for it," Austin asserted, taking out his wallet.

  "You can't. It's a present for my sister! It's very kind of you, but—"

  "No buts," Austin insisted, and handed over his credit card to Nick. "Put the bags inside, and you and I can carry it to the car. It's just around the corner."

  Sinead thought to protest further, but there wasn't much point in making a fuss. Besides, it would be easier to give Austin a check or cash at the hospital than to come all the way back to Seskin for the cradle in her small Mini. So she whispered, "Thank you."

  After placing the bags inside, she wrapped the cradle in some large cloths Nick gave her to protect it on its eventual journey back to Castlemaine.

  Nick offered to carry it, but Sinead insisted she would do so herself. She and Austin said their goodbyes and headed off to the car park. The ground was rather slippery underfoot. Just as Sinead was putting down her end of the cradle at the car, she slid down onto her backside with an abrupt thud.

  Austin looked concerned, but Sinead laughed uproariously in spite of herself.

  "I hope I haven't broken anything."

  Austin knelt on the ground and said, "Why, where does it hurt?"

  "No, not me, silly, the bottles, and the cradle!"

  They both hooted with laughter.

  Austin stooped to help her up. She looked up into his eyes as the dark night closed in around them.

  "Thank you for helping me get this. I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

  Austin released her abruptly. "Don't bother. I owe you already for all the work you've done, so I'll just subtract it from your pay."

  "Perfect, so long as you don't mind."

  "Not at all. It's a business-like solution," Austin said, opening the back door of the car, and sitting inside. He grabbed one end of the cradle and lifted.

  Sinead helped manoeuvre the cradle into the car, while Austin pulled and slid over on the seat. Their hands met once or twice, and Sinead longed to feel their strong but delicate touch possess her again.

  But he seemed so distant, especially now that the day had grown dark. She wondered what she had done to offend him.

  They drove back to the house to the sound of the radio, which Austin flicked on as soon as he started the car. Over the strains of Beethoven's Sixth, they couldn't really have a conversation. And after the events of the day, Sinead was more than content to sit quietly in the dark. Austin's hand occasionally brushed her leg as he shifted gears, and she thrilled at the casual contact.

  As she relaxed, she suddenly realised how tired she was. She also began to feel a dull ache as the muscles which she had used for that morning's horse riding suddenly began to stiffen. It also occurred to her that Austin must be rather bruised after his fall from the horse, and thought with mischievous delight that she could offer to have a look at his back, which would mean him taking off his shirt...

  Soon they were back at the house. "We'll leave the cradle in the car tonight. You can take it into Castlemaine tomorrow, unless of course you want to keep it a secret until Christmas."

  "No, I'd like to go see Maeve tomorrow, if it's convenient. To tell you the truth, I'm so pleased with it that I couldn't keep it a secret from her even if I tried."

  "Great, then I'll just take my bags out of the car. Everything else can stay inside for your trip home tomorrow."

  Sinead felt a gnawing fear. It sounded almost like a dismissal. She wondered if perhaps he had decided that her services were no longer required. After all, Margaret was a nurse as well, and would be more than willing to get her hands on Austin.

  She wondered as she looked through the bags in the trunk and picked out Austin's, if he and Margaret had been plotting and scheming together in the pub that day. With a heavy heart she went up the front steps and headed straight for the kitchen.

  Sinead threw off her coat and in a frenzied burst of nervous activity began to get some pasta and vegetables ready for dinner. She coated some chicken pieces in crumbs and spices, and put them under the grill, then turned her attention to the sauce.

  Austin came in with the rest of his bags, and said, "Are you all right?"

  "Fine, I'm a dab hand at Italian," she replied, waving her wooden spoon with a flourish as if it were a conductor's baton.

  "Great, then if you don't mind, I'll get the fires going upstairs and down here, and I'll put on a few CDs if you like."
/>   "Fine, but you get your shot first."

  "All right, just do it, as they say."

  She took him through the routine again, measuring the two different kinds of insulin, and injecting him in his upper arm. "There, all set."

  "Thanks," he said, rolling down his sleeve.

  "You mentioned CDs before. Any opera?" she asked.

  He smiled. "Sure thing. Domingo or Pavarotti?"

  "Both?" she asked, starting to chop the large onion. The tears sprang to her eyes at once.

  Austin came straight over to her and put his arm around her. "What's wrong? Are you depressed or homesick?" he asked softly.