Under Fire

by Jamie Denton

  “You can’t be serious.” A string of ripe curses followed. “I am not yelling,” he shouted into the receiver.

  Yeah. Sounded like a whisper to her.

  He sat on the edge of the bed with his feet planted on the floor and his back facing her. She didn’t need to see his face to understand he was furious about something. The extreme tenor of his voice and the tension radiating from him were pretty solid clues.

  “Why are you calling me instead of Drew?” he asked whoever was on the other end. “Don’t be a smart-ass, Cale, just answer me.”

  More ripe curses. Inventive ones, too.

  “Yeah, whatever,” he snapped harshly.

  Jana scooted off the bed and quietly crept into the bathroom. They only had a few hours left alone before they drove to L.A. together. They’d planned to visit the aquarium and Cannery Row in Monterey this afternoon. Since he obviously needed at least the illusion of privacy, she decided to shower and dress.

  “And I’m supposed to be happy about it?” she heard him shout before she turned on the shower.

  She stepped beneath the spray once the water heated to her satisfaction. She could still hear his voice, but the words were indecipherable now. Having been up close and personal with his temper herself, she couldn’t help but feel a stab of pity for whoever had disappointed him. And that, she realized suddenly, was his biggest flaw. Ben had dozens of exemplary qualities, with the exception of a shortage of coping skills when other people failed to live up to the expectations he had for them. Something she understood all too well having been there herself.

  Spending time alone with Ben had been absolutely wonderful, and ranked high on her list of most incredible and memorable experiences. He loved her. Not just physically, but with his heart. She’d known how much it had cost him to tell her, too. The sheer terror on his face when those three little words had slipped out had been a dead giveaway.

  She’d played it cool and hadn’t let on that he hadn’t fooled her with that panicked like this addendum. Although she had wondered if the words he’d blurted had been one of those caught-up-in-the-moment declarations he’d regret later. As her mother had constantly drilled into her and her sisters, a man would say just about anything if it involved sex, so the possibility existed.

  She had no idea what the future held. Sure, they loved each other, but what came next, if anything? This morning had been the first time she’d ever woken up with him. Although she could definitely grow accustomed to having him in bed beside her, they were nowhere near ready to start shopping for china patterns. They weren’t even close to considering cohabitation as the next logical step in their relationship.

  By the time she stepped from the shower, the angry outbursts had stopped. She wrapped a towel around her wet hair, then another around her body and left the bathroom. Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. The closet door stood open, with four empty hangers rocking back and forth on the bar.

  She walked as far as the edge of the wall, then propped her shoulder against the cool plaster. In the time it’d taken her to clean up, he’d finished his phone call, dressed and had started packing.

  “Change of plans?” she asked, unable to keep the disappointment from her voice.

  He stuffed the shirts inside the canvas bag without bothering to fold them. The jeans and khakis suffered the same fate. “I’m sorry I woke you,” he said shortly.

  She was more sorry to see him packing. And walking out on her—again. “Something happen at work?” Her disappointment segued into a perfect rendition of resentment.

  Which he caught. “Does it make a difference?” He chucked his shaving kit into the bag and looked up at her. His pale-blue eyes were as icy cold as his voice.

  She pushed off the wall and shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. The call had been from his brother, but considering they worked together, it was entirely possible Ben was leaving because of his job. “Maybe.”

  He regarded her dispassionately for a few more seconds. Was it her imagination, or did she really feel him starting to slip away from her? She had no idea how to stop him, or if she should even try.

  “It’s my brother,” he finally said. He yanked the zipper of his bag closed.

  “Drew?” she asked, instantly concerned. “Is he all right?”

  “No,” he snapped at her. “He’s out of his friggin’ mind.”

  Thoroughly confused, she dropped to the edge of the bed near the canvas bag. “Ben, what’s going on?”

  He let out a harsh breath and rammed his fingers through his hair. “He’s married,” he said without an ounce of warmth. “I knew he’d picked out a ring. I expected to hear he was engaged, not married. And not like this.”

  It seemed to her he should be celebrating, not storming around like a petulant child who didn’t get his way. “I don’t mean to be obtuse, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset. I would think you’d be happy for him.”

  He narrowed his gaze. “You sound like Cale.” From the rough tone of his voice, she didn’t think he’d just paid her a compliment. “Why should I be happy that Drew blew off his responsibilities? He was supposed to take the fire detectives exam yesterday.”

  Men were too thick-headed for their own good. “Ben, your brother eloped. That’s something to celebrate.”

  He gave her a look that clearly questioned her mental state. “Celebrate?”

  “He can always take the exam later. Besides,” she added, “if you knew he was planning to ask this woman to marry him, what’s the big deal?”

  “The big deal is he ran off like he had something to hide.”

  Thick and dense. “Eloping isn’t about hiding anything.” She smiled as she rose from the bed. “Eloping is all about being so in love that you can’t wait to start your life together.”

  His frown deepened. Obviously he didn’t share her romantic views on the subject. “He has responsibilities.”

  She crossed the room to the dresser and pulled open the drawer. “To who?” she asked, dropping the towel and slipping into a pair of navy-blue cotton panties. “You?”

  She ignored him as she fastened the matching bra, then dug a thick navy sweater from the next drawer and pulled it over her head. “Oh, my God,” she said, disentangling the towel she’d forgotten was still wrapped around her hair. “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? You’re ticked because Drew didn’t tell you he was eloping.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her, his expression thunderous. Uh-oh. She’d hit a nerve. With precise accuracy, too.

  She let out a sigh and moved toward him. “Ben, your brother is a grown man.”

  “I know that,” he said. “I helped get him there.”

  She laid her hand over his arm, but he didn’t respond to her touch. He just continued to glare at her, the expression in his eyes so glacial she fought off a shiver.

  “He doesn’t need your permission to get married.” She dropped her hand to her side. “Whether or not he takes some test is his business now. It’s not your job to control his life any longer.”

  “I never said I wanted to control his life.”

  “Not in so many words. Look, I do get it. You were forced into a position where you had to look out for your brothers, and I respect that. You were just a kid, yet you held their lives together by assuming responsibility for them. You didn’t have a choice then. But you do now. It’s time for you to let go and allow them to grow.”

  He spun away from her and stormed across the room to the window. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Just because he kept his back to her didn’t alleviate the deep chill in his words. Or the warning that she’d ventured into treacherous terrain.

  She’d never backed down from his blustering before, and she wasn’t about to start now. “Oh, I think I do,” she told him. “If you keep everything under control, then nothing can fall apart. Well guess what? The world won’t stop spinning if you let go of it for once.”

 
He looked over his shoulder at her, then turned to face her completely. “There’s only one control freak in this room. I’m not the one who keeps the contents of my fridge alphabetized.”

  She folded her arms and tilted her hip to the side. Then she threw in a narrow-eyed glare for good measure. “Oh, now there’s an intelligent response. Don’t you dare bite my head off because I’ve brought up something you’re unwilling to face.”

  “You weren’t there, Jana. You don’t know what it was like.”

  “Maybe I don’t, but I know that your big speech of dealing with it and moving on is a load of bull. And I thought I had baggage. You’ve got a steamer trunk full of it.” She let him stew on that for a minute while she went to the closet for her jeans.

  After she shrugged into the heavy denim, she walked toward him. “You know, Ben, this goes way beyond older-sibling syndrome. You think if you’re in control then things can’t fall apart? Well, life just doesn’t work that way. We don’t have that kind of power.”

  “You’re wrong,” he said.

  “I don’t think so,” she argued. “Your dad still died, Ben. You were in control, but you couldn’t save him, even from himself. When are you going to forgive yourself for something that wasn’t even your fault?”

  Fury burned in his gaze. “Don’t push me, Jana,” he warned coldly.

  She was ready to push his stubborn hide out the window. At least he was fighting with her and not shutting her out where she couldn’t attempt to make him see more clearly. “You wanted me off the investigation because you were afraid I’d tell you that you hadn’t been in control of the situation. You were in control, and Fitz still died. How long are you going to carry that one around?”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. He looked as if he wanted to stuff a sock in her mouth just to shut her up—or maybe throw her out the window.

  He stormed to the bed and grabbed the canvas bag. “I have to go.”

  She followed him to the door. “And do what?” she sniped at him. “Punish Drew by taking away his TV privileges for a week because he was a naughty boy?”

  He slowly turned toward her. “Be careful, Jana,” he said, his tone low and filled with a warning she couldn’t possibly mistake. “You won’t like it if I push back.”

  Her patience with him reached the limit, then snapped like a dry twig. “Why did you even bother to come here if all you’re going to do is run out the first chance you get?”

  He dropped the canvas bag with a dull thud. “Because,” he said, leaning toward her until they were practically nose to nose, “I was ordered to take time off.”

  She held her ground. “Oh? So what are you saying? I was a convenient substitute? A diversion?”

  He stared at her, his eyes so cold and hard, she almost wished he’d start blustering again. Anything to let her know he felt something.

  His silence ripped her heart to shreds.

  “You bastard,” she fired at him. “I will not be a convenience for you or any man.” God, she almost wished he hadn’t told her he’d loved her. Maybe then she could breathe.

  He shrugged, then stooped to pick up his bag before turning and tugging open the door.

  “Dammit, Ben. Stay here and finish this.”

  Nothing in his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at her on the way out the door resembled the warm, caring man she’d fallen so helplessly in love with.

  “We are finished,” he said, before he walked out of her life.

  14

  IT TOOK Ben just under six hours to make the drive from Carmel to L.A. By the time he pulled up in front of Cale and Amanda’s place in Hermosa Beach, the sun had already begun to set on the horizon, casting long shadows on the house. His temper cooled on the long drive, which made way for a nagging conscience branded with the image of Jana’s eyes filling with a deep pain. He’d been a fool. He’d let her believe she was no more important to him than a convenient roll in the hay.

  It’d taken three-hundred-plus miles for him to realize nothing could be further from the truth.

  Provided she’d even speak to him again, he had some serious apologizing ahead of him. But now that she’d finally been acquainted with the cold-hearted bastard he really could be, he expected her to tell him exactly where to go, and what he could do once he got there.

  She might have pushed hard on a hot button he hadn’t realized existed, but he accepted full responsibility for his behavior. Why hadn’t she just let him be? He would’ve come back to L.A., dealt with Drew, and everything would have been fine between them. Instead, she’d pushed him to the limit of his patience. She’d prodded until she’d unearthed things better left buried, then dragged them out and poked some more. She’d not only found the scar of a wound he’d thought healed years ago, she’d sliced it open, then stood back to watch him bleed.

  He cut the engine and left his truck parked in the sloped drive behind Drew’s SUV. Amanda’s new convertible was missing, which probably meant that only his brothers were waiting for him.

  Waiting for him to what? Tell Drew what a mistake he’d made because he’d blown off something as important as his career? That he wasn’t ready for marriage and an instant family? Or maybe, Ben thought suddenly, Jana was right. The reason he’d really driven back to L.A. in record time was because Drew had made a life-altering decision without consulting him first, meaning he was no longer needed.

  He walked toward the rear of the house without any concrete answers. All he did know was that he didn’t have the energy for another emotional battle. He was still recovering from the last one only hours ago.

  He pushed through the gate to the backyard. Pearl, Cale’s black Lab mix, greeted him by barreling around the side of the house, barking excitedly until he bent down to pet her. “At least someone’s happy to see me,” he told the dog, then gave her thick side a hearty rub.

  Cale waited for him on the covered patio. “You look like hell.”

  Made sense, Ben thought, because he sure felt that way. He hadn’t bothered to shave, just packed his gear, stomped all over Jana’s pride, then walked out on her.

  “Hello to you, too,” he groused at Cale. For once, Cale kept his mouth shut. Maybe Amanda had taught him some manners.

  Pearl trotted into the house ahead of them, found her giant stuffed pillow and made a few circles before finally settling down with a gusty groan. Cale’s fixer-upper had come a long way. The house had always been comfortable, but there was a more welcoming feel to it now, which Ben credited to Amanda’s touch.

  Framed movie posters and other film memorabilia decorated the walls of the recently remodeled den. He spied a new addition, a framed page from a movie script, autographed by one of the starring actors. Circling a square coffee table were a pair of matching sofa recliners and a leather chair, arranged for optimum viewing in front of the big-screen television.

  He attempted to shoo one of the black-and-white cats from the chair, but the feline meowed at him in protest, refusing to budge. “Stubborn female,” he muttered, then dropped wearily on one of the sofas. “Where’s Drew?” he asked Cale.

  “Upstairs.” Cale sat on the other sofa and stretched his arms along the back. “He’ll be down in a minute.”

  Several books and a spiral binder filled with notes littered the coffee table. He picked up one of the books and looked at his brother. “Hot Sex and How to Do It Right Every Time?” he read aloud. “Amanda branching out from suspense novels?”

  “Research,” Cale said, then grinned. “It’s for her next book. An erotic thriller.”

  Amanda had been one of Cale’s strays. She’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time when a paint-and-wallpaper-supply warehouse had caught fire. She’d had amnesia, caused by a head injury, and Cale had taken her in until she recovered her memory, which had returned in the guise of the main character of the novel she’d been researching.

  Ben set the how-to manual back on the table and managed a half-hearted chuckle. “Knowing the way she absorbs her research,
I don’t think I want to know any more,” he told his brother. “I didn’t see her car.”

  A scruffy orange ball of fluff sprang over the arm of the sofa to land in Cale’s lap. “She and Tilly took Emily over to Debbie’s.” Cale winced and eased the cat to the cushion when she tried to use his legs to sharpen her claws. “Something about an indoctrination for Emily’s first girls’ night in.”

  Sounded more like Amanda was protecting Emily—from him. He had nothing against Emily. He hardly knew her, something that would be remedied now that she’d married Drew.

  Drew came down the stairs and walked into the den. He carried a plastic bottle of soda in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other.

  “Tilly ever tell you what they do over there?” Cale asked, taking the beer Drew handed him.

  “Not really. Eat chocolate. Paint their toenails. OD on chick flicks all night.” Drew shrugged. “They could dance naked under the moon for all we know.” He handed Ben a chilled amber bottle. “Thought you might like a cold one after such a long drive.”

  Ben nodded his thanks. He set the unopened bottle on the table and stood, extending his hand to his brother. “Congratulations, Drew.”

  Drew shook his brother’s hand, although caution filled his eyes. “Thanks.”

  Ben couldn’t help but notice that, whether consciously or not, Drew had chosen to sit near Cale. A united front, he thought. Against him.

  “You should have told me you were getting married,” he said to Drew. He tried not to sound as if he was lecturing, but he couldn’t completely mask the censure in his tone.

  Cale twisted the cap off his beer. “What’s the point of eloping if you announce it to everyone?”

  “Not everyone,” Ben said. He glanced at Cale, then shifted his attention back to Drew. “Your family.”

  A family that had grown in the past year, and would continue to grow as Cale and Amanda, and now Drew and Emily, started families of their own. A sharp pang pierced his heart. So where did that leave him?

  Drew propped his foot over his knee and gave him a level stare. “Emily and I decided to elope because she’s already starting to show. With the opening of her new ad agency scheduled for the first of the year, and the baby due late March, when were we supposed to plan a wedding?”