Under Fire

by Jamie Denton

  Ben looked hard at his youngest brother. “Couldn’t you have waited a week?” he asked him. “At least then you wouldn’t have blown off the exam.”

  “So I’ll take it in six months when it’s offered again.” Drew shrugged. “Even if I pass, I still have to wait for an opening and go through the interview process.”

  “But you’ll have priority,” Ben reminded him. “It could be a year or more before you make detective now.” Drew had a rare talent for reading a burn, and Ben hated to see him waste it. “You’re really willing to wait that long?”

  “If it takes a year, it takes a year,” Drew said impatiently. “I don’t care if it takes two years. Emily is what matters. She’s more important to me than leaving arson for the fire detective’s squad.”

  Ben wanted to understand his brother’s reasoning, but he couldn’t grasp why Drew was so willing to put his career on hold. The elopement made sense, although Ben still would’ve preferred to have been informed beforehand. So he could’ve tried to change Drew’s mind? Or had he gone off the deep end today because he didn’t want to face the truth—that his brothers no longer needed him?

  Ben looked over at Cale. “You haven’t said much.”

  “If he wants to wait a year to defect to the other side and become a blue canary, that’s his business. Drew and Emily have to make that decision,” Cale said, his gaze intent. “I know I’d never make a career move like that without first talking it over with Amanda.”

  “It’s going to be hard enough on Em with a new baby and starting her own ad agency,” Drew added. “Changing jobs now would make it a lot harder on her. I’d be looking at long hours and I can’t do that to her when she’s going to need me to be there for her.”

  “What about your responsibility to yourself?” Ben asked him. “What about what you want?”

  “Emily and the baby are my responsibility. I want what’s best for them.”

  Ben let out a sigh and leaned back against the cushion. He scrubbed his hand down his face and didn’t bother to remind Drew that he’d sacrificed his chance to become a fire detective for a kid that wasn’t even his. Apparently the baby’s paternity made little difference to his brother.

  Emily had been pregnant when she and Drew had met. The father, Emily’s ex-boyfriend, lived in New York. Drew had told Ben recently that Emily and the father still hadn’t made any firm decisions regarding visitation and custody. Surely his brother had to realize the problems they could be facing.

  “What about what’s best for you?” he asked Drew.

  Drew’s bright-green eyes hardened with determination. “You’re my brother, and I love and respect you. God only knows what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there for us. But Emily is my wife, Ben. If you can’t accept that…”

  “I don’t object to your marriage,” he told Drew wearily, and he meant it. He’d already alienated one person he loved today, and that was one too many. “I’m only worried you’ve taken on more than you realize, and given up a whole lot more.”

  Drew set his bottle of soda on the table with a sharp click. “That’s not your job anymore.” He shot off the sofa, his eyes glittering with frustration. “In case you haven’t looked around lately, Cale and I have been taking care of ourselves for a while now.”

  Drew walked to the sliding-glass door. For a minute, Ben thought he’d leave, but he braced his arm above his head on the doorjamb and stared into the backyard.

  The world won’t stop spinning if you let go of it for once.

  Drew’s argument and Jana’s words slammed into him like a freight train. They were both right, he realized reluctantly. He was trying to hold on—desperately. Not because looking out for his brothers was all he knew, but if he held on a little tighter this time, if he kept them even closer, then just maybe he’d be able to keep them safe. But, as Jana had bluntly pointed out, life simply didn’t work that way. He really didn’t have that kind of power. Maybe the time had come for him to let go and stop assuming responsibility for things he had no control over.

  Just because Drew had run off to get married without consulting him first didn’t have to mean he was losing his brother, either. His relationship with Cale hadn’t changed when he’d married Amanda a few weeks ago. Losing his brothers wasn’t what had him running scared; it was the fear of no longer having a purpose in their lives.

  Cale set his beer on the table and looked over his shoulder at Drew. “Let me see if I can put this in terms even he might understand.”

  Drew glanced in their direction, his expression skeptical. “Good luck.”

  “Being married is like being on a team.” Cale propped his bare feet on the edge of the coffee table. “But instead of eleven guys on a football field, or a squad of firefighters, there’s only two of you on this team. When a save is made on the job, the whole team gets the credit. When there’s a problem, the team pulls together to find a solution. Marriage is that way, too. You work together.”

  Drew came back to the sofa and sat. “That was good,” he said to Cale.

  “Thanks.” Cale grinned. “I do have my moments.”

  Ben didn’t know whether to strangle the two of them or laugh. “Okay,” he said in defeat. “I get it. I’m only concerned about your future, Drew. I know how much you wanted to make the move.”

  “The job will be there when the time is right for me,” Drew answered.

  Cale laced his fingers behind his head. “There’s more to life than work, Ben. I heard Rick had to threaten you with a suspension to get you to take some time off.”

  Both of his brothers looked at him with concern. “If you burn out, then what do you have?” Drew asked him.

  “You know, you’re not the only one in this family who worries,” Cale added.

  This wasn’t supposed to be about him. And he certainly didn’t like that his brothers were worried about him, either.

  “Keep it up, and you’ll end up with a forced retirement,” Cale warned him. “Then what are you going to do? Hang out with the tribal elders and guzzle coffee all day?”

  “At his age?” Drew winced. “Now that would be pathetic.”

  “Okay, I get the point,” Ben said. The tribal elders were retired firefighters who spent much of their time hanging around the firehouse. Most spewed words of wisdom and offered sage advice. They were respected and revered by the actives for their experience and years of service. Ben was far too young to join the tribe, and he didn’t want to waste his life reliving glory days over bad cups of coffee because that was all he had. “I’ll work on getting a life. Happy?”

  “Why don’t you get yourself a wife,” Drew suggested. “Let someone take care of you for a change.”

  “That OSHA babe’s a hottie,” Cale said, then exchanged a blatant, conspiratorial look with Drew.

  “Who will probably never speak to me again,” Ben admitted. Which was more than he deserved after the way he’d treated her.

  Cale chuckled. “Showed her your winning personality, didn’t you?”

  “Something like that,” Ben muttered. He straightened and snagged the beer from the table. Twisting off the cap, he took a long drink.

  “Well?” Drew prompted impatiently.

  “We had an argument.” Because she was stubborn, infuriating, and she insisted on dragging the demons out of the closet to prove they were still there after all. She wanted him to resurrect a past he’d already buried, because she’d known he’d never fully laid it to rest. Although he’d only been a kid, he’d dealt with the loss of his parents and the aftermath in an adult manner. There was a world of difference, he realized, and that was something he planned to correct immediately.

  Cale shook his head. “Uh-uh,” he said. “No way. You don’t argue. You try to bully me and Drew around, but when it comes to women, you’re tighter than a virgin.”

  “He argues with her,” Drew told Cale.

  Cale let out a low whistle. “Wow,” he said, his blue eyes widening in surprise. “This reall
y is serious.”

  Ben did not appreciate his brothers speculating about his relationship with Jana as if he weren’t even in the room. “Butt out,” he warned them. They didn’t even glance his way.

  “You missed them in action at the firehouse,” Drew continued. “We could hear them shouting all the way upstairs. You know, she might even have a temper quicker to fire than Amanda’s.”

  Because she’s so passionate, Ben thought. About everything. When Jana believed in something, or someone, she allowed her passionate nature to rule her. She relied on her instincts, and she didn’t believe in holding back, either. All of which translated to a never-ending roller-coaster ride, filled with ups, downs and every possible emotion in between. Life with her would never be boring.

  Life without her would be damned lonely.

  “You aren’t looking so good.” The concern in Cale’s voice dragged Ben away from his miserable thoughts. “Is it that bad?”

  Ben drained the last of his beer and set the empty bottle on the table. If Jana was there, she’d flip because he hadn’t used a coaster. “She thinks she’s a convenience,” he said. “I didn’t say anything to change her mind.”

  At least Drew had the decency to show a modicum of sympathy. Until he started laughing. “You are so screwed.”

  Cale didn’t bother with compassion. “He won’t be anytime soon,” he said with a hearty laugh.

  “Groveling helps,” Drew offered, looking a little too sheepish. Memories of his own mistakes he’d made with Emily, no doubt.

  “Flowers are good,” Cale added, “but I think this calls for jewelry, old man.”

  Drew dug into his hip pocket and pulled out his wallet. He extracted a business card and slid it across the table. “You’re going to need this.”

  Ben picked up the card. “A jeweler?”

  “No lingerie,” Cale’s voice held a distinct warning. “Whatever you do, don’t give a woman anything that makes her think you want sex when she’s ticked off at you.”

  “Big mistake,” Drew agreed.

  Ben wasn’t accustomed to admitting he’d been wrong, nor was he used to receiving advice from his brothers. That’d always been his role. Today, he was grateful for their expertise.

  “You think it might work?” He’d try anything if it meant having Jana back in his life.

  Cale and Drew shared a smile, as if they were privy to a private joke—and he was the punch line.

  “What do you have to lose?” Drew’s grin widened. “Other than your pride.”

  15

  “ALL OF THIS stuff is from him?” Chloe plucked one of the two red velvet jeweler’s boxes still sitting on Jana’s dining table and opened it.

  “Oh, Jana.” Lauren trailed an airbrushed fingernail over the emerald-and-diamond tennis bracelet Chloe held up for inspection. “It’s absolutely stunning.”

  Even Chloe managed to look impressed when she opened the box containing the pair of matching earrings. “He is seriously sucking up.”

  Jana carried the vase of autumn flowers to the sink to add water. She had no idea where she’d even put this newest arrival. Her apartment was already crammed full of elaborate floral arrangements and thick, leafy plants she couldn’t even begin to name. “It’s starting to look like a funeral parlor in here,” she said. “He isn’t exactly subtle, is he?”

  When Ben had realized she wasn’t going to take his calls, the gifts had started arriving. He’d had them delivered to her office, her apartment, even on-site when she’d been in the field yesterday conducting a routine follow-up inspection with one of her new team members at another firehouse in the valley. In addition to all the flowers, exquisite jewelry, gourmet chocolates and desserts arrived, sometimes two or three times a day. By Wednesday she’d started bringing home the flower arrangements, strictly out of embarrassment. Even her new assistant, Paul, had started giving her a hard time because she refused to take Ben’s phone calls.

  “This is all a very nice touch,” Lauren said, “but has he apologized for acting like a donkey wanker?”

  Jana laughed abruptly. After the miserable week she’d had, Lauren’s brash assessment helped lighten her mood. After filling the vase, she left the flower arrangement in the sink and walked back to the table where the three of them had just finished off an impromptu Sunday brunch.

  She reached over Lauren’s shoulder and snagged a thick stack of pink message slips. “Several times,” Jana told them. “To my new assistant, who has started referring to Ben as the Dreamboat. I’m surprised he didn’t bribe the parking attendant to put messages on my car.” She let go and the message slips slid from her fingers, raining over the table in a pink shower. “If I had an answering machine instead of voice mail, I’d have to buy a new tape, because he would’ve worn it out by now.”

  “Good grief, Jana,” Chloe exclaimed, inspecting the bracelet to see if it was real. “He sends you jewelry and you haven’t returned his calls?”

  Lauren stood and circled the table to place her hand over Chloe’s forehead, which Chloe promptly slapped away. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Lauren smiled down at a frowning Chloe. “Just checking for fever.”

  “Bite me, Lauren,” Chloe said impatiently. “Jana, you have to forgive him sooner or later. What are you waiting for? A Ferrari?”

  “I refuse to be a convenience for any man.” Even for one she loved. Especially for one she loved.

  “You are being more stubborn than usual,” Lauren pointed out as she returned to her seat.

  Her downfall, Jana knew, but she really didn’t have a choice. She didn’t trust her willpower. Hearing his deep, rich voice on her voice mail was hard enough. One look in those impossible blue eyes, or a tilt of his wickedly sexy smile and she’d cave.

  “Why is it so wrong for me to want someone that values me as a person? Am I supposed to wait until he decides when it’s right? You know the kind of relationship my parents had. My mother lived her life according to my father’s schedule, and what did she get in return? An unfaithful husband who rarely remembered he even had a family. I refuse to live that way.”

  Lauren lifted the lid on the enormous box of Godiva chocolates that had arrived that morning. “You haven’t even opened them.”

  “Go for it,” Jana said, smiling at Lauren’s disappointment at finding the box untouched. “Take them home with you.” He’ll probably send more anyway, she thought.

  Chloe leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms. “It doesn’t have to be that way,” she said. “He screwed up, but take a good look around. I think he figured it out.”

  The distinct tone of the instant messaging program from her laptop computer bleeped, stilling the argument hovering on Jana’s lips. She’d been online earlier looking up the recipe for seafood quiche to make for brunch. She’d called her friends at the last minute because she couldn’t bear the idea of spending another moment miserable and alone. She’d been rushed for time and had apparently forgotten to shut down her laptop.

  Another bleep had Lauren tipping her chair closer to the computer stand for a better look at the laptop. “Uh-oh.” She laughed. “You’ve got mail.”

  Chloe got up to stand behind Lauren. “FireBen?” She looked at Jana and giggled. “His handle is FireBen?”

  “He is a firefighter,” she reminded Chloe, hating that she’d sounded so defensive. Personally, she thought his handle was kinda cute. Corny, but still cute. “What does he want now?”

  “Aw,” Lauren pointed to the screen and cooed. “It says, Please talk to me.”

  Chloe snagged Jana’s hand and pulled her out of her chair. “Come on, Jana,” she said, guiding Jana to the computer stand. “You are going to talk to him. You can’t make him suffer forever. You’re not that heartless.”

  She was too that heartless. Her heart no longer existed since he’d stolen it, then cruelly smashed it into unrecognizable fragments.

  If she didn’t have a heart, then why did she still hurt so much? Because she
loved him, she thought. Not with her heart, but clear down to her soul.

  “Oh all right,” she muttered. “But I’m doing this under protest.”

  Chloe pointed to the laptop. “Type.”

  Bored? She entered the word in the reply box. Before she chickened out, she clicked the send button.

  Be nice.

  Jana muttered a curse. You want nice, message another girl.

  I miss you.

  She missed him, too, so much that she ached. But that didn’t mean she would let him batter her self-esteem a second time.

  Too bad for you. She clicked Send.

  Come see me.

  Not a chance.

  Still mad, huh?

  She drummed her fingers on the keyboard and tried to find the right word. Seething.

  I love you.

  “Ooh, the man is positively infuriating,” she complained. “Not a word,” she warned her friends when they started with all that gooey “Aw” stuff again.

  She clicked on the pull-down menu, moved the mouse over the little yellow happy-face icon with a big yawn and hit the select button.

  “Jana, don’t,” Lauren said. “That’s mean.”

  She glanced over her shoulder and grinned as she hit the send button.

  Within seconds, I want you popped up on the screen.

  Dozens of sexy images immediately flooded her mind. Exciting, sensual memories of the incredible pleasures they’d shared. A sorry substitute for the reality she knew could be hers if she’d be inclined to lower her standards and accept whatever meager scraps he’d throw her way when the mood struck.

  “He doesn’t know when to quit,” she muttered. She typed Take a cold shower.

  No fun—alone.

  “Oooh, I do like the way he thinks,” Chloe drawled.

  “You would,” Lauren teased her.

  Jana giggled. $50 + red light district = fun—at your convenience.

  BEN WINCED at Jana’s reply. Ouch! he typed.