Confessions of an Estranged College Freshman

by Kitty Parker

  "I was just watching the band."

  "You mean you were watching Elizabeth."

  "I was not!" he insisted.

  "You fancy her," Elena chimed in.

  "I do not!"

  I gave him a skeptical look. "Sure you don't. That's why you pick silly fights with her all the time like you used to do with me before we started dating."

  Unable to come up with a decent argument, he settled for glaring at me.

  Elena grinned. "I think you just nailed him, Evie."

  Amory stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not admitting to anything."

  "Fine. You don't have to. It's obvious." I gave Elena a look. She correctly interpreted it, and we turned our attention away from our friend, knowing it would drive him insane.

  Amory hated it when an argument didn't end on his terms.

  "You're wrong," he persisted.

  Elena shrugged. "Whatever."

  It only took another minute of us ignoring his attempts to rekindle the argument for Amory to snap.

  "Fine," he admitted. "I like her, okay? You happy now?"

  "Very," I replied, grinning widely.

  "Don't you dare tell her, Evangeline Kaiser."

  "Why not?" asked Elena.

  "Because I'd rather kiss Vladimir Lenin's corpse than admit it to her."

  Elena raised an eyebrow. "You'd rather fly to Moscow to snog a mummified communist than tell Elizabeth you want to shag her?"

  "Someone's got issues…" I muttered.

  Amory glanced over at the girl in question. "She hates me," he reasoned. "I don't think me telling her would go over all that well. She'd laugh in my face. Or slap me."

  I frowned. Elizabeth would never do that, even if she did actually hate him. She didn't, of course.

  Elena and I shared a glance. We'd both promised not to tell Amory about Elizabeth's feelings for him, and we intended to keep our word.

  "She probably doesn't hate you as much as you think," Elena reasoned, trying to drop a subtle hint.

  I rolled my eyes. "Just grow a pair and ask her out, Amory."

  He scowled at me, apparently deciding to continue being a stubborn asshole.

  It was time to take matters into my own hands.

  I threw up my hands in frustration. "Whatever, I give up."

  Elena gave me a questioning look.

  I winked at her, signaling that I had absolutely no intention on letting the matter rest. I was simply luring my unsuspecting friend into a false sense of security.

  Her eyes lit up with understanding and she nodded.

  We had some matchmaking to do.

  * * *

  After the game ended in an exciting four to one win for Cornell, I waited outside of the locker room for Tully. Considering the little shenanigan I'd pulled the previous weekend, I felt slightly embarrassed as the other hockey players began to emerge and walk by me. Some of them smiled and nodded at me. One even winked.

  Finally, Tully came out, talking with Locke Jillson. When he saw me, he said goodbye to his fellow forward and wrapped me up in a tight embrace, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

  "Hey you."

  "Hey. Great game. You were fantastic."

  He broke into his signature lopsided grin. "Well, I might have just been trying to impress my girlfriend."

  My heart filled with happy flutters at hearing him call me that. "It worked."

  I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips to his. Smiling against me, he brought one hand up to run through my hair, keeping the other at my waist. Just as he went to deepen the kiss, the mood was shattered by a loud wolf-whistle.

  Tully turned to glare at Scrivens, who had just come out of the locker room. "You suck, Ben."

  Smiling innocently, the goalie took his leave.

  "They probably all think I'm nuts," I mused as Tully and I began to walk hand in hand toward the exit.

  "Who, the guys?"

  I nodded.

  He chuckled. "Nah, they don't really. Most of them actually thought what you did was hilarious."

  "You probably got a lot of shit for it, though," I pointed out.

  "Yeah, a bit, but I honestly don't care." He pressed a kiss to my temple. "I think you're worth it."

  I melted a little at his absolute adorableness.

  "By the way," he whispered conspiratorially in my ear. "Have I told you how ridiculously hot it is when you wear my jersey like that?"

  I raised my eyebrows at him, even though what he'd said was making my insides do loads of funny flip-flops. "Behave yourself, Mr. McFadden."

  "I'll be good," he promised as we left Lynah and began walking down the street.

  "We're making a pit stop," I informed him as we neared Barton Hall, where the band room was housed. "Elizabeth told me she'd wait for us, and Elena and Amory went on ahead to meet up with her."

  "Sure," he agreed, following along when I headed for the large building's entrance.

  I flashed him a secretive grin as we went through the double doors. "By the way, Elena and I are planning on setting Elizabeth up with Amory. He finally admitted that he likes her."

  "It's about fucking time!" Tully exclaimed.

  Looking around warily, I shushed him, lest he be overheard by one of the two parties in question.

  "Sorry," he whispered. "I've just been trying to get him to own up to it since November."

  I nodded in agreement. "So have I. This is all on the down-low, though, okay?"

  Grinning, he gave me a peck on the lips. "You're so cute when you're trying to be sneaky."

  Rolling my eyes good-naturedly, I pushed open the door to the band room. Elizabeth, Elena, and Amory were talking to some other bandies who hadn't yet gone home after the game.

  "Hey, guys," I greeted them. "Ready to head out?"

  "Sure," Elizabeth replied, grabbing her bag and waving to her band friends. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

  With that, the five of us made our way back out into the freezing Ithaca winter weather and began the trek back to North Campus. Elena and I hung back at the rear of the group to watch as Amory and Elizabeth struck up a conversation.

  At first, it seemed relatively civil. Of course, we couldn't hear what they were saying, so for all we knew, they might have been calling each other's moms Chlamydia-infested whores. Whatever they were talking about, though, they were doing it calmly.

  That was a start at least.

  Halfway to the bridge, however, their chat somehow managed to degenerate into (surprise, surprise) an argument, resulting in Elizabeth shoving Amory into a snow bank.

  Elena and I shared a knowing look.

  We definitely had our work cut out for us.

  Chapter 21: The Matchmaking of Indignant Lovers Foundation

  On Saturday evening after the hockey game against Union, the first meeting of the Matchmaking of Indignant Lovers Foundation (MILF; three guesses who came up with that name) was held. All of its members attended.

  All three of us, that is.

  "So, here's the deal," I began, sitting down on my bed next to Tully. "Elizabeth likes Amory. Amory likes Elizabeth. They both think they hate each other. And we think they should stop being stubborn and screw already."

  Tully snorted.

  "Okay, not literally," I amended. "But you get the idea. So what are we going to do about it?"

  "I don't suppose we could nudge one of them into asking the other out?" Elena half-heartedly inquired, knowing it was a hopeless cause.

  I shook my head. "Won't work."

  "We could just shove them both into a closet and not let them out until they admit that they like each other," Tully suggested.

  I stared at him incredulously. "They'll run out of oxygen or kill each other first. I, for one, don't want two dead bodies on my hands."

  He chuckled. "I bet that would totally ruin your chances of working for the government, wouldn't it?"

  "Ya think?" I replied sarcastically.

  "That's too bad," he murmured
, nuzzling my neck and pressing a kiss to my collarbone.

  Elena rolled her eyes. "Are you two going to sit there and be nauseatingly cute all night, or are we going to make it so that Elizabeth and Amory can be nauseatingly cute as well?"

  Tully pulled away from me, laughing. "Sorry, Elena. Alright, back to business."

  Suddenly, an idea hit me.

  "I've got it. How about we do a note-dropping covert-op sort of thing?"

  Tully frowned in confusion. "Note-dropping?"

  "Yeah, like in that episode of South Park where Stan's parents end up doing it in the tree-house. Only more CIA-ish."

  Elena raised an eyebrow, not having seen that many South Park episodes. "Is this going to be another one of those Echo One, Tango Twelve things?"

  "So I'm not crazy!" Tully suddenly exclaimed.

  Elena and I gave him identical "what the fuck" looks.

  "I knew I was hearing stuff about echoes and tangos back when you were avoiding me, Eves," he explained. "I thought I was going nuts. You guys were using code, weren't you?"

  I looked down at my feet sheepishly. "Yeah, kinda."

  "Anyway," Elena went on. "What's this note-dropping thing about?"

  "Basically, we put a note in each of their rooms telling them to go to a certain place at a certain time for something important," I explained. "And then they'll meet each other there unexpectedly."

  "Then what?"

  "Well, I haven't really thought that far yet," I admitted.

  "When they get to the place, we can always, you know, set the mood." Tully waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "Like candles and romantic music and stuff," he explained.

  Elena tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "You know, that's actually not a half-bad idea."

  I nodded. "I say we go for it. Let's meet back here tomorrow - same time, same place - for some hardcore planning."

  Tully grinned. "Awesome."

  * * *

  "Here's the basic plan of attack." I pointed to the diagram I'd drawn on the large whiteboard I'd swiped from the common room. "At zero-nine-fifty hours tomorrow morning, Alpha Four will leave for class."

  I drew an arrow from the little stick figure representing Amory pointing toward one of the rectangles in the area labeled "Central Campus."

  "He shouldn't be back until around sixteen-hundred hours. Tango Twelve," I pointed at Tully, who was watching me from his position next to Elena on my bed. "You're responsible for dropping the package in his room during that time slot."

  "I have a question, Eves," he began.

  I cut him off. "You will address me as Echo One, Tango Twelve."

  He grinned. "You're hot when you're being bossy."

  Elena snorted.

  I sighed, giving up on the military jargon. "Yeah, Tul. What is it?"

  "Well, I was actually going to ask if you could knock it off with covert slang. It's kinda hard to follow sometimes."

  "Fine," I conceded. "But I still want to use it when we're putting the plan into action. We don't want to blow this op."

  "You watch too much NCIS," Elena chuckled.

  "There is no such thing as too much NCIS!" I insisted. "Now, back to the plan: the package - er, the note, I mean - is going to tell Amory to be in front of the library at nine PM. Elizabeth's note will say the same thing. Elena, I need you to sneak into Elizabeth's room while she's in class and drop the note on her pillow. Make sure Dorianne doesn't see it."

  She nodded. "Check."

  "What next?" Tully inquired.

  "Well, if all that goes according to plan, they'll both hopefully show up in front of Uris Library at nine. Tully, you and I will get there fifteen minutes early with a fishing rod, mistletoe, speakers, and some batteries and hide in the bushes near the main entrance. When they're both in place, I'll turn on the romantic music and you'll dangle the mistletoe over their heads with the fishing rod."

  "It's not Christmas," he pointed out.

  "So? We're trying to set them up! Work with me here!"

  "Where are we going to get a fishing rod?"

  "Some guy down the hall that Elena knows has one. Anyway, I'm hoping that Amory will take the opportunity to kiss Elizabeth, since he can just blame it on the mistletoe instead of having to tell her that he likes her. I know it's a stretch, since he's so damn stubborn, but it's worth a shot."

  "What if he doesn't go for it?" asked Elena.

  "If he doesn't, that's where you come in," I informed her. "You'll be 'conveniently' coming out of Olin and you'll see them and walk over. You'll see the mistletoe, point it out, and heckle them until they kiss."

  Tully rolled his eyes. "Now why does that seem like a bad idea?"

  "Probably because it is," Elena replied.

  I scowled at them. "Do you two have a better idea?"

  "Not really," Tully admitted.

  "Then knock it off with the criticism and help me write the notes."

  Smiling, he stood and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I love it when you get feisty."

  I raised an eyebrow. "Believe me, Tully McFadden, you haven't seen anything yet."

  * * *

  "How did it go?"

  "Great," Tully whispered, joining me in the bushes outside of Uris Library. "I put the note on his desk before I left for practice. When I got back, he started bugging me about it. I told him he should just go and see what was up. He's definitely coming."

  I pecked him on the cheek. "Nice work, Tul."

  "I think you mean Tango Twelve," he teased, grinning.

  I smacked him playfully on the arm. "No using my own obsessions to mock me! That's just mean."

  "I'll make it up to you."

  "Prove it."

  He silenced me with a kiss so passionate that it made my toes curl.

  I moaned.

  Grinning, he pulled away. "Satisfied?"

  "Mm, you made a persuasive argument."

  Our romantic tryst was interrupted as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Glancing briefly at the caller ID, I picked up.

  "Hey, you get the note in place?"

  "Yeah," Elena answered. "She definitely read it, too. She mentioned something about needing to go to the library when we were at dinner."

  "Awesome. Are you in Olin?"

  "Yeah, I'm watching out the front window."

  Cautiously, I poked my head out of the bushes to take a look across the footpath that separated Olin from Uris. "Yeah, I see you. We should hang up; it's almost nine. Just remember, if he doesn't kiss her within one minute of the mistletoe being over their heads, that's your cue to come out."

  "Got it."

  "Alright, Echo Two. Over and out."

  Tully rolled his eyes affectionately as I hung up. "You tell me not to tease you, and yet you make it so easy. Not fair."

  I was about to make a snarky reply when I heard footsteps approaching. Motioning for Tully to shush, I peeked carefully through the bushes.

  Sure enough, Amory had arrived in front of Uris and was leaning against its stone façade, arms crossed over his chest, looking impatient.

  "Alpha Four is in place," I whispered to Tully. "Have the fishing rod on standby."

  He carefully threaded the mistletoe onto the hook. "Ready."

  Making sure not to give away my position, I looked around for Elizabeth.

  "You see Eliz- er, Echo Three yet?"

  "Negative, Tango Twelve."

  We waited anxiously as frazzled-looking students came and went. One girl in pajama pants even ran across the path to the café in Olin without a coat and came back out a minute later with a coffee in hand to return to what looked like a really shitty all-nighter in Uris.

  After twenty minutes had passed, I began to worry. I pulled out my phone, deciding to take matters into my own hands.

  You in the dorm? I texted Elizabeth. I wanted to ask you about something.

  After a minute, she replied. Nah, I'm at Carpen
ter. Supposed to meet someone.

  What's Carpenter?

  Engineering library.

  "Shit," I softly cussed.

  "What is it?" Tully inquired.

  I showed him the text. "She went to the engineering library instead of Uris."

  "Crap."

  I was startled as my phone vibrated again.

  The person isn't showing up, so I'm going back to the dorm.

  "She's going back," I quietly informed Tully.

  "I think Amory is, too," he whispered, peeking out of our hiding place.

  I checked. Amory was swiftly walking away from the library and back toward North Campus looking supremely pissed off.

  "Shit! What if they run into each other?"

  Tully whipped out his phone. "I'll distract Amory."

  I sent Elena a quick "Abort mission" text to let her know what was going on, then looked over Tully's shoulder as he typed a message to his irritated roommate.

  Hey man, whatcha up to?

  Amory, who was halfway across the Arts Quad, stopped and checked his phone. He fiddled with it for a minute before Tully received his message.

  Heading back to the dorm.

  "Stall him!" I whispered frantically.

  Could you do me a favor? Tully quickly typed. I think I left my hat in Olin. If you're near there, could you see if it's there?

  We anxiously peered across the quad. Amory had once again stopped.

  Yeah, sure. The black one?

  Tully breathed a sigh of relief.

  Yeah. Thanks, man!

  Amory turned around and headed back toward Olin. Tully and I waited patiently for him to go inside before leaving our hiding place and heading back to the dorm.

  * * *

  "Un-fucking-believable."

  Tully raised an eyebrow as Amory shut the door to his room rather harder than was necessary. "Well, hello to you, too."

  "Couldn't find your hat," his roommate grumbled in response. "Sorry."

  Tully seemed confused. "My hat?"

  I gave him a significant look.

  "Oh! My hat, right. Oh, that's okay. Thanks for looking, anyway."

  "What's got your panties in a bunch?" I asked Amory.

  He yanked off his jacket and angrily hung it on a peg in his closet. "Elizabeth just wasted my entire evening."