Rain Water

by Buttrfli Jones

Monday morning found Paisley preparing for her exodus. She went through her usual motions without excitement as her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of her future. She finished her morning routine and left without a word to Ms. Tandy as she made her way out of the house toward the only other person she had ever loved.

  Her mother.

  The clouds scattered the sky causing the sun to momentarily peek through as she made her way down the broken sidewalk. She concentrated on the distance between each step as a distraction, taking caution to avoid stepping on any cracks. The wind blew lightly against the edges of her ears, carrying her thoughts into the atmosphere as she fought to control the feelings of uncertainty that plagued her as she walked the fifteen minute walk to her mother’s home.

  She reached the weathered mint-colored four-plex that she had once shared with her mother and opened the gate, walking up the stairs toward apartment ‘A’. She hesitated when she reached her destination, not knowing what would await her on the other side. She knocked politely at the door, apprehensive as to what she would say when she saw her mother’s face. Paisley focused her eyes on the worn ‘WELCOME’ mat below her, rubbing her sandals against the ‘OM’ as she heard movement behind the door.

  Princess opened the door looking disheveled, pulling the frayed polyester robe tighter around her small frame outlining the roundness of her pregnant belly. Despite the bulge, a menthol cigarette burned tightly between her full lips. Paisley’s eyes remained transfixed on her mother’s stomach, anger burning her insides.

  “Yea, I’m pregnant. Get yo’ ass in here and quit standin’ dere lookin’ like a damn clown wit’ yo’ mouf all open.”

  Paisley somewhat expected the cold greeting that she received, letting her mother’s hollow tone pass over her head into the air without taking root in her heart. Paisley followed her inside the old familiar place that seemed like a world away from her current life. Overflowing cigarette filled ashtrays and empty bottles of liquor lined the wooden coffee table in front of the dilapidated brown couch. As Paisley took in the smells of the apartment and the darkness within, she started to regret coming but settled uncomfortably on the dirty familiar couch that held her on many lonely nights.

  Princess walked to the refrigerator and opened it to reveal empty shelves with the exception of a plastic jug of orange juice. She threw her stubby cigarette into the stink and ran water from the tap into a dirty cup, swishing the water around and around as to remove any traces of impurities. She then reached into the open refrigerator and grabbed the jug, making a motion to pour the contents into the cup. Paisley watched in thinly veiled disgust, thinking to herself how Ms. Tandy would have slapped the cup and the juice from her hands before telling her to go wash the cup properly.

  Princess looked in Paisley’s direction and hesitated, opting to drink the juice directly from the container, stopping briefly to turn her eyes back to the contents of the jug as she emptied it. She threw the dirty cup back in the sink and made her way to the chair opposite of where Paisley was sitting, reaching in one of the ashtrays for a partially smoked cigarette.

  “You comin’ back home or what? I’ma need yo’ help when dis baby is born.” Princess avoided eye-contact as she lit the cigarette she had found, assuming that Paisley had gotten tired of living under Ms. Tandy’s rule. She shifted her left leg to hang over the side of the chair, her robe hanging between her open legs. Paisley looked around the apartment in consideration of the prospect. When she lived there, she remembered it being more friendly and clean, possibly because it was all she had.

  “Naa, I ain’t comin’ back. Well, actually . . . I need to talk to ya . . .”

  Paisley jumped as she heard the bedroom door opening, revealing a tall copper colored man with tightly curled chest hair and large hands. He stepped out and it was as if he had stolen all of the oxygen in the room. He was completely naked, causing Paisley to stand abruptly in confusion, her body flushed in heat. He acknowledged Paisley’s presence and glared at Princess as he walked straight toward the kitchen. Princess hurriedly made her way in his direction, speaking in a sweet and timid tone unfamiliar to Paisley.

  “Hey . . . hey Daddy. Whatchu need dis mornin’? I was jus’ ‘bout ta cook ya some breakfast.”

  Princess moved as if she was busying herself for his benefit. Instead of a warm response, he slammed the refrigerator door angrily, pushing Princess out of his path. “How you gone cook when we ain’t got nothin’ in dis damn place.” He looked in Paisley’s direction and back at Princess then back at Paisley again. “Who da hell is dis kid in here? You know I ain’t like nobody in mah house!”

  Paisley started to make her way toward the door, knowing that she would run as fast as she could once she reached the outside. The smells of the house, coupled with the naked man made her wish for the comfort and normalcy of her home with Ms. Tandy. She reached the door and looked sadly in her mother’s direction, watching how Princess hung desperately on the naked stranger for reassurance without so much as an acknowledgement of her existence.

  “Jus’ gimme a minute. I’ma go to da store an’ get somethin’ for ya. Lemme get dressed.” Princess scrambled her pregnant body toward the bedroom, leaving Paisley there in the presence of the grown man. He stood proudly in front of Paisley, watching her eyes curiously roam over the unfamiliar male parts. Unlike her mother or Ms. Tandy, she was not fully aware of what happened between a man and woman and she examined his body, noticing the hard differences to her own. He mistook her naïve nature for opportunity and came toward her slowly, touching himself.

  Paisley unconsciously reached behind her for the doorknob against her back. With a conniving look in his eye, his demeanor changed to one of softness toward Paisley, much different than the anger he displayed in front of Princess. Paisley stood confused, heart beating through her fingertips.

  “Whas yo name lil’ pretty? You eva’ had one-a these?” He whispered the words and came close enough for her to feel his hardness against her arm. She sensed the danger of his presence, instinct telling her that she needed a diversion but she remained unable to move from the terror that rocked her body. He looked over her young pre-pubescent body, similar to Princess’s own before pregnancy. He reached his hand up to touch her hand before forcefully grabbing her wrist and pulling her toward him.

  “I . . . I’m her daughter. I’m . . . . Paisley. Please stop . . . “

  Paisley felt as if she was suffocating, fearful of the force behind his pull. With a sly grin on his face, he continued to hold her tightly, forcing her clenched palm open to touch him. He enjoyed her helplessness and became more aroused with her resistance. Time stood still as she fought to keep from touching him and she looked in every direction for a way out. Paisley breathed a sigh of relief as the exchange was interrupted by Princess, screaming at the top of her lungs.

  “You lil’ BITCH! Get tha hell off my man!”

  Paisley looked in disbelief and relief at Princess as she ran toward Paisley throwing punches. The naked stranger stood amused, finding enjoyment in Princess’s jealousy. He held Princess’s small frame at a distance, watching her grow winded with her display while saying nothing in Paisley’s defense. Paisley remained silent and started to cry as she quickly opened the door, staring at Princess in shock and sadness while keeping an eye on the stranger.

  “Don’tcha bring yo’ ass ‘roun’ here again! Ya hear me! I bet’ not see yo’ face here no mo’!”

  Paisley heard the yells behind her as she ran until the voice and her mother became distant remnants. Time moved in slow motion as her feet carried her further and further away from the painful realization that her mother chose a man over her, just as she had for the majority of her life. When she felt that she had reached a safe distance she stopped against a tree and caught her breath. Her lungs burned from the speed at which she ran and her body shook from the emotional pain.

  She cried a deep moan, sounding similar to a wounded animal. She hugged the corkwood tree tightly, using it as an
anchor to hold herself upright. She felt hands on her shoulders and an older, grey-haired gentleman’s voice invading her senses.

  “Babygirl . . . you alright?”

  She opened her heavy eyes and stared blankly at the man trying to regain her sense of composure. Before her eyes flashed an image of the naked stranger and she defensively tensed up, preparing herself to escape. Before she could stop herself, she started to yell at the top of her lungs toward the gentleman.

  “Don’t touch me! Don’t you eva’ touch me! Get away!”

  His expression displayed his puzzlement at her response. She once again broke into a sprint, not bothering to look behind her. She did not stop until she reached the home she shared with Ms. Tandy. As she reached the top porch step, she tripped and crashed head first into the front door with a loud thud. She made no move to get up, desiring to be lay in her pain.

  Ms. Tandy heard the commotion and immediately came to door and found Paisley curled in a fetal position. Panicked and confused she picked the young girl up and sat on the porch floor, feeling her body for signs of life.

  “Paisley . . . Paisley, Chile whas wrong? Talk tuh me!”

  Paisley started to cry harder in the arms of Ms. Tandy, finally feeling safe enough to speak on the unthinkable events of the day. She tried to catch her breath while piecing together what happened in order to appropriately articulate the course of events.

  “I . . . I went to see my mama this mornin’ . . .”

  Ms. Tandy did not need to hear the rest of the story to know that something terrible had occurred between Paisley and her mother. In the years that Ms. Tandy had known the young girl, she had never seen her so distraught. Ms. Tandy sat straight and looked off into the distance, settling herself for whatever Paisley would tell her.

  “Uh huh . . .”

  Ms. Tandy’s short response made Paisley feel uneasy about continuing the story, but she knew that Ms. Tandy would make her provide every detail. Paisley recounted the course of events from leaving their home in the morning to arriving back on the porch in a messy heap. As the story unfolded, Ms. Tandy’s demeanor became more and more agitated, her anger visible in her every expression. When Paisley brought the story to a close, Ms. Tandy took a deep breath while she rubbed Paisley’s back.

  “Alright, Paisley . . . gone take yo’self on inside an’ finish packin’. I got tah walk somewhere an’ get sum thangs straight fo’ da trip. Don’ worry yo’self none . . . thangs gone be alright.”

  Hesitantly Paisley stood, afraid to let Ms. Tandy out of her sight. Paisley could tell by the tone of Ms. Tandy’s voice that whatever had settled inside of Ms. Tandy the day prior had become instantly unsettled. Paisley kept her eyes on Ms. Tandy, slowly making her way inside of the house while a barefoot Ms. Tandy made a beeline in the direction of Princess’s residence.

  Paisley wanted to run after Ms. Tandy to stop her, or beg her not to go back there in fear that the stranger would somehow harm her. The look in Ms. Tandy’s eyes as she was leaving let Paisley know that it was not wise for her to interfere with whatever was going to happen. She stood in her room of three years, surveying the place that had become her refuge. Her heart was heavy and she felt exhausted as she fell to her knees and buried her head between them.

  “God, I don’t know if You hear me but please don’t let nothin’ bad happen today. Please let us jus’ leave an’ go far far away . . .”

  Ms. Tandy reached Princess’s apartment and did not bother to knock. She opened the door and found the stranger sitting in the dirty apartment in his shorts, jumping up as Ms. Tandy entered. He stood arrogantly, almost daring Ms. Tandy to confront him. She rushed him and tackled him back to the couch, pummeling him with her fists.

  “Yuh like messin’ wit’ lil’ guls, huh? Cain’t handle a grown woman?” She enunciated each syllable in between punches and the stranger was so taken aback that he could not defend himself.

  “She twelve yeahs ole! Yo’ nasty ass gone make a lil’ gul like dat touch yuh. Is yuh sick?”

  She was yelling with everything she had inside of her, not giving the stranger a word in edgewise. Blindly she continued to beat him until she saw blood on her knuckles from his nose and during the fight Princess entered, screaming for Ms. Tandy to stop. The force of Ms. Tandy’s anger came full circle on Princess, her only hesitation came from noticing Princess’s swollen belly.

  “An’ yuh . . . How DARE yuh call yo’self a woman! Gone let dis pervert touch mah baby like dat an’ not say a got damn thang!”

  Princess sat her groceries down in the middle of the floor and stood expressionless. Ms. Tandy looked at the pregnant girl and around the apartment, saddened that Paisley ever had to live under such conditions.

  “First of all, you in my place tryin’ to talk crazy to me! You can get out any time now!” Princess stood with her hands on her hips, defiant in her response. She was determined to show Ms. Tandy that she was on her own turf and could not be intimidated.

  “When it come tah Paisley, don’ try me. I see yuh wit’ chile so I’m tryin’ tah take it easy on yuh.”

  Ms. Tandy made a motion to leave, satisfied that she had made her point. She initially came in the door with a force of a hurricane, but felt such sadness for Paisley in a way that she did not fully comprehend that she was leaving with a cloud hanging over her heart. Looking at the dysfunction that Paisley had to endure, it dawned on Ms. Tandy that it was a miracle Paisley was as level as she was. Princess moved toward the injured stranger, seeking to console him from his wounds.

  “You don’t know nothin’, ole lady. I was her age once . . . she know what she was tryin’ to do wit’ my man. Don’t come in here actin’ like Paisley all innocent.”

  Before she could control herself, Ms. Tandy turned from the door and slapped Princess with such a force that the younger woman was spun against the wall. As Princess touched her face in disbelief, Ms. Tandy spit in her face and stared her down with eyes of hatred.

  “Lemme be VERY clear . . . I don’ raise YO’ daughter ta be like YOU. She da’ bes’ thang yuh done eva’ do wit’ yo’ sorry assd life an’ yuh ratha’ have a molesta den yo’ own chile. But don’ worry. She comin’ home wit’ me an’ yuh gone rue de day yuh eva’ hurt dat chile.”

  Ms. Tandy looked at the bloodied stranger on the floor and back at Princess, satisfied that she had partially rectified the wrong done to Paisley that morning. Her hurried arrival made for a solemn descent, her thoughts focused on how to repair what had been done. As she walked she took in the sights along the street that had become familiar over the twenty year span of her residence in McComb. She thought about how Paisley will adapt to life in Tangipahoa. She reached 622 Muse and found Paisley sitting on the steps gazing expectedly, noticing the blood on Ms. Tandy’s hands.

  “Don’ worry none, I ain’t kill nobody. But I bet mah las’ drop a blood dat he won’ touch nare ‘notha’ youngin’ long as he live.”

  She walked past Paisley up the stairs, noticing that the young woman was not herself. She paused before going inside, opting to turn around and talk to her. Paisley had so many thoughts running through her mind that everything became a jumbled mess. Ms. Tandy took a place beside Paisley on the steps and Paisley unconsciously moved closer to Ms. Tandy to lay her head on her shoulder.

  “I’m ready to go, Ms. Tandy. I don’t neva’ wanna come back here again.”

  She looked up at Ms. Tandy with tears in her eyes, her emotion conveyed in her every word. Ms. Tandy understood the urgency . . . the need to get away from those things that cause you pain. She understood that Paisley did not want reminders of her mother’s disregard. She did not want to catch glimpses of her abandonment after knowing the truth of the matter.

  “Yuh got all yo’ stuff packed?” Paisley nodded her agreement, still looking blankly out into the distance.

  “One thang I want cha tah rememba’, peoples do thangs that ain’t got nothin’ ta do wit’ us, an’ everything tah do wit’ dem. Yuh mama an’ dat sorr
y ‘scuse fo’ a man ain’t got nothin’ tah do wit’ who yuh gone be, yuh hear me?”

  Ms. Tandy searched Paisley’s face for some sort of response, feeling a bit helpless at the young girl’s disposition. A light breeze lifted the tree limbs and carried a salty ocean scent that reminded Ms. Tandy of home.

  I’m goin’ home today . . .

  The thought made her heart race a bit with excitement, believing that once they reached her home the troubles of the day would be long forgotten. Paisley’s voice had grown raspy from her tears and she struggled to speak as she gripped her kneecaps.

  “I can’t believe she would throw me away like that.” She shook her head and her tears reappeared. Ms. Tandy could feel her anger reemerging as she looked at the girl and she fought to keep her own emotions in check. Just as she was about to speak, she heard Clem’s footsteps coming from inside. Paisley felt a fear emerging as he approached, and her changed expression was not missed on Ms. Tandy.

  “Naa, Paisley . . . he ain’ gone harm yuh. Nobody gone hurt yuh, Chile. I’m gone protect yuh wit’ mah life.”