Absolutely Not

by Daisy Dexter Dobbs

  A prickle of desire inched up his spine at the thought of Rudy’s masterful cock. Sex with the big German was like Oktoberfest—vigorous, heady, wild, fun and exhausting as hell.

  “Who are you?” Norman prompted, trying to ignore the way Rudy’s warm, musky, inviting scent filled his nostrils. There wasn’t any time to play. It was imperative they spend every moment possible preparing for the dinner with Wilson.

  Clearing his throat, Rudy stopped the massage and hopped off the bed, standing in front of Norman and straightening his broad shoulders.

  Bad position. Very bad. Because it meant Norman had no choice but to look at Rudy’s oh-so-lickable, Conan-the-Barbarian body. All those bronzed, well-defined muscles…the barely there sprinkling of pale blond across his chest that trailed down his abs and led to his… Damn, that bold cock of his never seemed to deflate.

  Norman’s groin tingled and he looked down at his own dick, watching as it bloomed joyously at the thought of another mind-boggling, wildly sensual romp between the sheets. A desirous groan rumbled in his chest.

  Rudy licked his lips and cleared his throat again, reminding Norman of a nervous, overgrown kid preparing to give a school recital. All he needed was a little bow tie.

  “I am Maisy’s loving husband, who just became an American citizen, and we are going to have a little baby. I am also Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cousin.” Rudy furrowed his brow and rubbed his jaw. “That could be a problem, Norman. Schwarzenegger is Austrian and I’m German,” he said proudly, puffing out his chest.

  “Yeah, and?” His gaze glued to those broad, expanding pecs of Rudy’s, Norman’s mouth went dry.

  Rudy looked at him as if he had two heads “The accent and the mannerisms are completely different.”

  “They are?” Norman said incredulously. He wondered what was different. Maybe it was a slight inflection when pronouncing ja, or perhaps it was the manner in which they held their steins when they were tossing back beer. “No kidding?”

  Rudy’s frown deepened. “Ja.”

  Norman focused on the sound of the word and shrugged. Damned if he could tell the difference. Rudy sounded just like Schwarzenegger to him, although he certainly wasn’t about to insult Rudy by mentioning that little fact.

  “I am not sure I can be a convincingable Austrian. I am worried that Big Wilson might get suspended.”

  “You mean suspicious.” Norman did his best not to laugh at Rudy’s genuine look of concern and butchering of the English language. “Believe me, Rudy, you don’t have to worry about convincing my cousin. Anything that’s not a Texas drawl sounds foreign to him.”

  “I am excited to meet him. I hear many stories from the time I am a child about cowboys and Texas.”

  “I’m afraid Wilson’s no cowboy. He’s a racist, a bigot and a horny sexist in a big ol’ Stetson.” Norman sighed. “And he’s just going to think of you as a kraut-head.” He offered an apologetic shrug.

  “Since he is half German on his mama’s side, that makes him half a head of fermented cabbage too, ja?” Rudy asked, apparently in all seriousness.

  Norman chuckled. It never ceased to amaze him how this big, gorgeous, sexy towhead could have his cock stiff with a mere glance, yet keep him in stitches too. Yup, Rudy Haggenmacher was a prime example of German ingenuity at its best.

  “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Rudy. Big Willy thinks of himself as one hundred percent pure Texan. Period. That means, one,” Norman began counting off on his fingers, “anybody outside the Texas border is a foreigner. Two, anybody from across the ocean is the enemy and, three, anybody who’s a homosexual is from another planet. And should be sent back as soon as possible. Preferably in tiny pieces.”

  Wincing, Norman made a motion as if he were breaking matchsticks.

  A mask of solemnity pinching his features, Rudy harrumphed. “Ja, I think I understand this type of man. We have them in Germany too.” He crossed muscled arms over his chest, and Norman’s gaze locked on to his huge biceps and the magnificent pecs they bordered.

  “Good,” he said, tearing his gaze away. “So for God’s sake, Rudy, whatever you do,” Norman steepled his fingers and looked skyward, “don’t say or do anything that might lead Wilson to believe that we’re anything less than shining icons of macho virility and heterosexual manhood.”

  Rudy looked clueless. “This means what?”

  Norman could help breathing an exasperated sigh. “That we’re straight,” he clarified. “Heterosexual. Nein gay. Nicht queers. Not fairies. I don’t want Wilson thinking we’re a couple of pansies. Get it?”

  “Ja. Don’t worry, Liebling,” Rudy said earnestly in his thick, melodic accent as he returned to the bed, scooping Norman into a hug and kissing the top of his head.

  “Big Wilson will never suspect that you and I are queer pansy fairies from outer space. You can count on me to protect your proud, macho, manly, very unwomanly image.”

  Norman just looked at Rudy silently for a moment. “Great,” he said finally, with a resigned smile. “That makes me feel a whole lot better,” he lied.

  “We will belly up to the bar, pardner,” Rudy boasted in what Norman imagined was his idea of a Texas drawl. “Listen and listen up tight,” Rudy added, sounding like a gay, German John Wayne. “I’ll be back,” he added, and then broke into a grin. “That was my Schwarzenegger imitation. What do you think?”

  Norman thought it sounded exactly like Rudy’s regular voice. “Superb,” he said. “For a moment I thought Arnold had come into the room.”

  “Good.” Rudy nodded happily. “Then I will use that voice tonight for Big Wilson so he will think I’m from Austria.”

  Norman sighed. Dead meat. Definitely.

  Rudy brushed his hands together, beaming a satisfied grin. “All done,” he announced. “Das is gut. Now we have vigorful man-to-man sex, ja?”

  “Vigorous,” Norman corrected absently, wondering if he should call the whole damn dinner with Wilson off, claiming a sudden three-way case of stomach flu. Wilson would no doubt be pissed, and damned suspicious. Norman supposed he could always come clean and just tell his cousin the truth.

  After all, there’s no way he, Rudy and Maisy were going to pull off this charade. While Wilson might not be the brightest crayon in the box, he’d see right through it.

  But, dammit, he owed it to Maisy to try. He had to make this work somehow. Had to make Wilson believe Rudy and Maisy were happy honeymooners and expectant parents. It was the only way Norman could think of to keep his amorous cousin’s mind off Maisy, and set his plan of getting rid of Sharon in action.

  His thoughts a mile away, Norman started at the delicious feeling of Rudy’s hot tongue traveling down his spine. Lodging in the little hollow just above his ass crack, it circled there a moment before slipping down farther, between his cheeks. Norman sucked in a breath. He hadn’t yet discovered a single part of Rudy’s amazing body that wasn’t supremely talented.

  “We must have sex now,” Rudy said. “I cannot be close to your big, strong, muscle-bound, burly, naked body for very long without thinking about fucking you in a strong, masculine way.”

  That had Norman’s dick granite hard at the same time it had him collapsing in laughter. Since he worked out periodically, Norman wasn’t exactly cushy, but he knew he sure as hell wasn’t muscle-bound, much less burly.

  “You really know how to lay it on thick, don’t you, Rudy?” Norman gave him a playful whack on the back.

  Returning the whack, which almost sent Norman sailing across the bed, Rudy smiled broadly. “Ja, I like to lay thick with you. My cock is very thick right now.”

  Norman winced from the powerful collision of Rudy’s big paw with his back. He tried to flex his biceps. “This is getting ridiculous. I’ve got to get back to the gym and build myself up.”

  “You look just fine to me.” Rudy yanked Norman into an affectionate squeeze and wrapped his hand around Norman’s cock. “You are very perfect to my eyes. Your body feels good in my h
ands, and you have good heart, Liebling. You are everything I could ever want in a lover.” Lowering his head, his tongue flicked out and laved the swollen head of Norman’s cock.

  “Oh my darling boy,” Norman breathed. “Where have you been all my life?” He still couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have a man as sensational as Rudy for his lover.

  “I was in Germany, remember?” Rudy answered. He slid his tongue up and down the length of Norman’s erection, pausing to lap up the pearl of glistening pre-cum at the tip.

  Too lost in passion to laugh at Rudy’s literal response to his question, Norman felt his insides light up with a buoyant sensation he’d never experienced with another man. Joy. True, unbridled and complete. He never would have believed it, but in the short time he’d known Rudy Haggenmacher, Norman had fallen in love with him. Deeply.

  And the sex? Holy shit. There were simply no words.

  “Time now for good, hot, sticky sex,” Rudy announced, heading to Norman’s nightstand drawer and pulling out lube and condoms. “I will fuck you good, Liebling,” he said, tearing the foil packet with his gleaming white teeth. “I will make you come so many times you will be too happy and tired to be nervous about Big Wilson.” He rolled the condom on and returned to the bed.

  Before he could say, sounds good to me, Norman found himself being tossed into fucking position as if he weighed no more than a slab of Wiener Schnitzel. Oh yeah, there was definitely something to be said for having Conan as your lover. An instant later, large hands grasped Norman’s ass cheeks, digging into the firm muscles. God, those hands of Rudy’s were magic.

  A substantial finger, slick with lube, pushed against Norman’s anus, making Norman shudder with anticipation. Rudy’s broad finger always felt incredibly good as it stretched and explored Norman’s hole, better even than some cocks he’d had up his ass.

  While Norman waited impatiently to have Rudy’s finger slide into the first ring of muscle, Rudy took his sweet time, drawing a circle with his fingertip around the taut opening. The man knew just how long to prolong the anticipation, increase the sweet agony of waiting.

  “Your ass is like a big, full moon,” Rudy said, and Norman knew it was meant to be a compliment. Growling, he clamped his teeth on Norman’s ass cheek and bit down, making Norman tense, clenching his cheeks at the unexpected act. Just when Norman thought he’d go insane with longing, he felt the finger at his ass replaced by Rudy’s warm, wet tongue.

  “Oh Jesus,” Norman moaned.

  Rudy’s tongue rimmed the puckered hole while he fisted Norman’s cock, stroking slowly, firmly, from base to head. Norman broke out in sweat when Rudy’s tongue pushed past the muscle and into Norman’s hole. Both men indulged in protracted groans as Rudy’s tongue pressed deeper into his ass.

  As soon as Rudy’s tongue slipped from Norman’s hole, Rudy shoved his finger deep in its place, twisting and turning. Sliding in and out, back and forth until Norman wanted to crawl the walls from an overdose of sheer bliss.

  “I like to hear the cloud nine sounds you make when I do this,” Rudy said.

  Norman had no clue what Rudy meant, but at the moment the last thing he cared about was helping his lover master his English.

  “Ahhh, Liebling, what a fucker you are.”

  Norman bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Rudy was killing him in more ways than one. A protracted groan escaped his throat as Rudy’s skilled finger massaged his prostate, making Norman downright shudder with delight.

  “You make my balls tight,” Rudy told him, “before my cock is even inside fucking you. I never be so happy fucking with anyone else, Norman.”

  “Same here, Rudy. You’re amazing. I swear to God, you have magic fingers. You have no idea how great that feels. Mmmmm…yeah…that’s so damn good…”

  “Not so great as this, I bet,” Rudy responded, trading his finger for his cock and pushing into Norman’s ass.

  Normal yelped with pleasure at the sweet, thick invasion. Each time Rudy fucked him, Norman felt like he was being stretched impossibly wide. But after a few seconds, his hole relaxed and he accepted another inch of Rudy’s seemingly endless cock. The sheer rapture of being filled greatly surpassed any discomfort.

  His fist clenched, Rudy continued his steady stroking action on Norman’s cock, mimicking the slow glide of his dick in and out of Norman’s ass. Nipping Norman’s buttocks with his teeth, Rudy treated him to a hypnotic pace of dual fucking, inching Norman toward what promised to be a thunderous climax.

  “Oh ja, das is gut. You are so pinching tight inside,” Rudy grunted. “Like a vise. Like a squeezable fist. Soon my cock is exploding with passion.”

  “That makes two of us,” Norman managed, aware of his body tightening in anticipation of impending climax. He felt the pulling, tickling sensation in his balls snake up into his gut. The potent sensation captured Norman in entirety as the first vigorous waves of release took hold.

  His body going rigid, there was that one glorious instant, that perfect moment of otherworldly existence where pain commingled with pleasure in an almost unbearable rush of ecstasy. And then, cupped by Rudy’s hand, Norman came in torrents.

  “Ja, ja…I feel your vibrations,” Rudy roared as Norman’s ass clenched and unclenched around his cock. His fingers dug into Norman’s buttocks and, bucking hard, he shot his load of cum into Norman’s ass…

  “Ach, du lieber!” Rudy belted out at the same time Norman yelled, “Holy shit!” And then they collapsed together into a well-sated heap.

  * * * * *

  The doorbell rang and Hershey raced to the door, barking. “That’s my good little guard dog.” Maisy laughed as she reached down to pet Hershey who gratefully lapped up the attention. She opened the door to find a mesmerizing, blond mountain of a man flashing a gleaming white-toothed smile down at her. “Hi, Rudy, nice to see you again. Come on in.”

  “Guten Abend…good evening, Maisy,” Rudy said in his considerable accent, nodding a polite half-bow. “Do I look good enough to be your husband?” Holding his arms out to the sides, he turned left and right.

  Taking in the striking German’s smart, charcoal-gray suit, crisp, French-cuffed white shirt and conservative tie, Maisy eased into a smile and nodded. The guy was a knockout, a certified heart-stopping hunk.

  “Oh yeah. You look just fine, Rudy. Amazing, in fact.”

  “Good. My sister Marta picked out this suit. She said it made me look like a sexy American husband.” He smiled proudly. “You look very amazing too, in your fancy dress, Maisy. Zaftig.”

  Maisy felt herself blush as she smoothed the skirt of her little black dress. “Black hides a multitude of sins,” she said. She glanced to the left and right of Rudy. “I thought you and Norman were coming together.”

  “I’m here,” Norman said, stepping out from behind the big German and wiggling his fingers in a wave. “He’s deliciously big, isn’t he? Makes me feel like I’m thin.” He brushed his hand along the arm of Rudy’s jacket and Maisy caught the look of affection that passed between them.

  “Hershey, stop that,” she said, noticing her curious little dog spent more time sniffing this stranger than most. “Shame on you. That’s not very polite.”

  Contentedly planting himself next to Rudy’s leg, Hershey cocked his head and looked up adoringly as he licked his chops.

  Rudy laughed as he splayed his huge hands, turning them to and fro. “It must be the sauerbraten I was preparing this afternoon. The ginger smell stays on the skin for a long time.”

  “Eau de Kraut,” Norman offered. “It’s my favorite new scent.”

  Rudy laughed. It was one of those laughs that began at the eyes and lit up his face. “Norman is so funny. He always makes me laugh.”

  Maisy looked at Norman, who stood there looking as sweet and innocent as a cherub. “Oh he’s a riot, all right,” she said with a smirk. “Rudy, are you sure you don’t mind going along with this whole ridiculous charade tonight? I feel terrible that you got rop
ed into this.”

  “Mind?” Norman said. “Of course he doesn’t mind. Do you, Rudy?”

  Rudy draped his arm around Norman’s shoulder. “Of course not, Liebling. I would do anything to make you happy.”

  “What does Liebling mean?” Maisy asked.

  Rudy gazed down at Norman with a lovestruck grin. “It means darling.”

  She smiled when she saw Norman’s cheeks flush. It was obvious he’d flipped for Rudy in a big way. They really did seem perfect for each other.

  “You do not have to worry about anything tonight, Maisy,” Rudy assured. “I will make sure Big Wilson will never guess in a million years that Norman and I are from another planet.”

  “Oh…well, that’s, um…that’s good,” Maisy said, shifting a questioning glance toward Norman.

  Rudy squeezed Norman’s arm in a buddy hug. “Tonight Norman and I are macho, manly men who only like to fuck with women.”

  “That’s great, isn’t it, Maisy?” Norman offered with what looked to Maisy like a highly uncertain smile. And then he let forth with a staccato giggle.

  That’s when Maisy knew for certain they were sunk.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Mellifluous sounds of a string quartet floated gently on the air. Silver, fine china and crystal gleamed in the golden flicker of candlelight and the soft glow of the grand chandeliers overhead. The ambience of Montague’s, an upscale restaurant in downtown Chicago, was subdued, stylish and elegant.

  The foursome was seated in a roomy semicircle booth upholstered with fine-grained black leather so yielding it felt like cashmere. It was by far the ritziest, and no doubt priciest, restaurant in which Maisy had ever dined. That was probably the only advantage to dining out on Big Willy’s tab.

  “Give me the biggest, best doggone steak ya got, son, with all the fixin’s,” Big Willy addressed the young male server. “And tell the cook I want it well-done.”