Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star

by Heather Lynn Rigaud

  “I’ve got great news, Lizzy.”

  Elizabeth stopped and tilted her head expectantly. “Well?” she smiled.

  “Collins just called. He’s bringing the video commissioner down tomorrow and we’re going to have a meeting to plan your video!”

  Elizabeth smiled brightly. “I still can’t believe it,” she said, then she laughed with delight. “That’s great, Alex. Thanks for telling me.”

  “I’m going to go tell the others,” he told her as he moved off.

  Elizabeth nodded and returned to her guitar. As Darcy watched, she smiled again and then looked away thoughtfully.

  He was puzzled. Elizabeth was not prone to sadness, and yet for the last few days, she seemed almost depressed. He walked up to her quietly, as she sat absently strumming and staring into space.

  “Hey,” he said easily.

  “Oh!” she started. “Hey,” she replied.

  “I heard you got good news.”

  She nodded her head, looking very pleased. “I’m very excited. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for so long. I just hope I don’t screw up too much. I’ve never done this before and I’m certainly not an actress.”

  No, you’re not, he thought. “Elizabeth, is something wrong? You seem down lately.”

  She looked for a moment as if she was going to push him away, and then her face changed and she spoke. “My mom called today,” she began. “She told me that a good friend of mine from college is pregnant.” Elizabeth smiled in embarrassment. “And it’s kinda bothering me. This girl is my age, and she’s going to have a baby. Be a mom. All that responsibility for someone else.” Her eyes widened at the idea. “I can’t imagine being in that place. I’m just so not ready for anything like that.” She looked at Darcy. “Does that make any sense?”

  He nodded. “It makes a lot of sense.” More sense than he could tell her.

  Elizabeth nodded. “I’ve been putting all my energy and my attention into my music and my career; it’s almost impossible for me to think about a family or settling down. I guess I’m worried I’m missing something.”

  “You are committed to your career, Elizabeth. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s where you should be. Children can come later, if you want that. Right now you are creating music that touches millions of people, and that’s no less valid than being a mom. You should be proud of what you’ve done.”

  Elizabeth looked into his eyes and smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Darcy, that helps.”

  He smiled softly. “Anytime.” He was painfully aware of the distance between them. She was deeply committed to her career, and he respected that in her. But it didn’t stop him from wanting her. He wanted to help her, to ease her way. He could. He could make it so easy for her, if she would only let him.

  But she wouldn’t. She would tease and play, but she would never let him close. She was so guarded and focused. He smiled mirthlessly as he recognized himself in her. The difference was that he had a career already and was willing to make room in his life for her.

  He had no idea how to close the distance between them, or even if he should; would she welcome him, if he did? Yes, they had both shown an awareness of each other, but could they move beyond it?

  He was almost to the point of despair when she went back to her song. Still, listening to her words again, he knew there was hope. It would take time and effort, but he had hope.

  ***

  Richard smiled lustfully at the woman before him. She was a tall, leggy blonde with beautiful blue eyes and a charming, quiet manner. He met her earlier at the meet-and-greet and was delighted at her ability to make him believe that he was her first choice, as opposed to being a poor replacement for Darcy. Gently he lifted her chin and kissed her, tasting her sweetness. Oh yeah, this is going to be good. He kissed her again, long and hard. She responded vigorously, yet no matter how deeply he probed her, he couldn’t find what he was searching for. No woman, no matter how beautiful or sexy, had touched him the way she had. He didn’t like that thought, and he pulled the girl closer, determined to banish it.

  “Richard?” a soft voice spoke to him from behind.

  He stopped, puzzled by what he heard. It was like his thoughts had invoked her presence and for a second, he doubted if he had really heard her. The reaction of the woman in his arms, however, made it clear that Charlotte was really there. He frowned at her in confusion. “Char?”

  “Um,” she appeared to shrink before him. “I was wondering if I could talk to you, but I see you’re busy.”

  Richard looked from her small face to the blonde and back. “Oh, Char, this is Suzanne. Suzanne, Charlotte Lucas, of Long Borne Suffering.”

  Charlotte nodded and smiled politely to the blonde, who smiled coldly back.

  Richard looked confused. “Is it important, Char?” he said uncomfortably. They were backstage, and Richard had only a short time before the buses would be leaving. He really wanted to be with the hot blonde, but he was concerned about Charlotte. He had never seen her looking this worried before.

  “No,” she shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she said as she turned away.

  “Char?” His voice stopped her. “Is something wrong?” he questioned her, clearly torn.

  She shook her head, not looking back. “It’s nothing, Richard. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  ***

  Elizabeth felt like she was walking on air. Winnie, the video commissioner from De Bourgh, had just spent the last two hours discussing plans for the video. It was going to be a challenge; she had never done anything so complicated or expensive before. The “Everything You Are” video had simply filmed them during their rehearsal. The money involved in the new video had definitely given her a moment of uneasiness, but Alex assured her that they had made enough from the tour to cover it, even if CD sales fell flat, which was highly unlikely. “First Impressions” was still in the top forty, and all the predictions were that it would be moving up rather than down.

  In less than a week, they would fly to a race car track in Ohio, the setting for the video. They would meet the director and spend two days shooting. Elizabeth’s excitement had reached a new high, and she was ready to celebrate with her friends.

  She invited Alex and Winnie to join her in going out for dinner, but they declined, being too busy crunching numbers. She then found Jane with Charles in his suite, the door left open as it usually was. They were working on a song together. Elizabeth smiled with genuine happiness for them. It really seemed like they were made for each other.

  “Congratulations, Lizzy!” Charles said when he noticed her there. He stood and gave her a friendly hug. “Jane told me all about the video. I’m really happy for you!”

  “Thanks, Charles,” she grinned. “Do you two want to come out for dinner?” It was a rare night off, and Elizabeth wanted to have fun.

  The smiling pair agreed and Elizabeth walked across the hall to Darcy’s door. She knocked determinedly. He wasn’t going to beg off this time.

  He was in a robe and holding his guitar when he opened the door. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why are you in your bathrobe?”

  “I was playing,” he answered in his soft voice.

  “What? You play in the nude?” she asked teasingly.

  “Yes,” he answered her with complete seriousness.

  Elizabeth’s lips formed an O and her cheeks warmed slightly, but she maintained her nerve. “Well, get dressed. We’re all going out,” she announced.

  “Out?”

  “Yes, out to dinner to celebrate the newest Long Borne Suffering video, starring me.” She smiled happily.

  Darcy smiled back, enchanted by her infectious happiness. “Give me a moment.”

  “Okay, you can meet us at our suite. I’ve gotta find Char,” she answered as she walked off. Darcy watched her move away, admiring the view, then shut the door.

  ***

  Elizabeth opened the door to her suite, a wordless tune of joy on her lips. She walked t
o Charlotte’s room, where she heard noises. The door was open and she looked inside. The tune died.

  She stared, her eyes not able to understand what she was seeing, her mind unwilling to process the image. Before her was Charlotte, pulling her shirt down, and sitting on her bed, far too close to her, was Bill Collins.

  Shock and confusion froze her into place. “Char?” she whispered, completely unable to believe what her eyes were telling her.

  Charlotte looked up, her face reddening. “What?” she snapped.

  “What are you…? What are you doing?”

  “Excuse me,” Collins huffed as he stood up and pushed past her.

  Elizabeth heard him leave; the sound of the door slamming broke her out of the trance. “Charlotte! What have you done?” she asked, horrified, as she rushed to her friend’s side. She heard the door of the suite open and close again, but she ignored it. “Oh my God! He didn’t force you, did he?”

  “Nothing happened, Lizzy!” Charlotte snarled.

  “Char, why?” Elizabeth’s voice was trembling. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “Nothing happened! Now, let it go, Lizzy.” She moved to the window, lit a cigarette, and took a long drag.

  Elizabeth looked at her in confusion, not noticing the two men observing from the doorway. “Charlotte, I find you with that, that… thing all over you and you tell me nothing happened?” Elizabeth was aghast. “How can you say that?”

  “Because it’s the truth, Lizzy,” she retorted. “Nothing happened, and even if it did what business is it of yours?”

  “I’m your friend, that’s what makes it my business. Why didn’t you tell me? I just can’t understand why—”

  “I know you can’t understand! I’m not asking you to understand. I’m asking you to let it go!” Charlotte cut her off and then sighed and turned away. “I’m not like you, Lizzy,” she said in a calmer voice. “I’m not idealistic, and I’m not romantic like Jane. I never was.” She paused. “You want to know what happened? Fine. I’ll tell you! Bill wanted me, and I didn’t say no. That’s all,” she spat. “I know you would never do something like that, but I’m not you, and don’t you dare look down on me for it!”

  Elizabeth was stunned. She couldn’t understand why Charlotte would have ever done such a thing.

  “Lizzy,” Elizabeth whirled around, surprised to find Richard standing in the room, his face pale and his eyes grave. “Could you excuse us please?”

  Charlotte turned a sullen face to him then moved back to the window as Elizabeth left the room.

  ***

  Richard closed the door slowly and turned back to Charlotte. Even with her back turned to him, he knew what she was feeling. He knew she was expecting him to blast her, so she could blast him back and avoid really talking about what happened. He could see it in the lines of her shoulders and the tension in her arms.

  Instead he moved silently to her side and lightly put his hand on her shoulder. Charlotte flinched at the gentle touch but otherwise remained where she was. Richard felt it as she took a deep breath, and he felt the tension slowly draining out of her. When he thought she was ready, he turned her with his hands and took her into his arms, letting her rest her head against his chest.

  “You are not supposed to be doing this,” she said finally, her voice weak. “You are supposed to be disgusted and yelling at me.”

  “I know,” he said, his voice quiet. “But you’re talking to a recovering alcoholic. I’m afraid righteous anger looks pretty stupid on me.”

  Charlotte chuckled once and let him lead her to the bed. They sat there, side by side, as Richard held her hand, unwilling to let her go. “Want to tell me what happened?” he asked.

  Charlotte looked at him. His question was an offer for her to explain. He was not judging her in any way. She sighed tiredly. “Collins has been hitting on me for the last few weeks,” she admitted dully.

  “Since Will threw him off the tour for hitting on Lizzy?”

  Charlotte looked at him, her eyes wide. “What?”

  Richard’s eyes grew sadder. “I thought you knew,” he explained. “Will threw Collins off the tour because he was hitting on Lizzy. That’s why he left so suddenly and never came back except for meetings.”

  “Oh,” Charlotte said, her lips pressed tightly together. Clearly this was news to her.

  “So, Collins was hitting on you?” Richard prompted, trying to get back to the issue of Charlotte.

  Charlotte nodded. “He never forced or threatened me or anything. He just clearly thought LBS owed him a fuck for all the ‘wonderful’ assistance he’s given us. And he offered to help our CD along, so that didn’t hurt.”

  Richard reached out and pulled her close to him, stroking her back comfortingly. “Why did you do it?” he asked.

  “Why not?” she squeaked. “He was easy. I could kiss Collins and it was nothing to me. I could be in control with him. It would be a simple business transaction. He would help the band and I knew I would feel nothing for him, that he could never hurt me.” She closed her eyes and bit her lip hard, struggling to keep control. “It was just a business deal.”

  Richard stayed calm, stroking her back, careful to remain open to her, but inside his heart was breaking in two. He was devastated to know that his Charlotte, his beautiful, beautiful Charlotte, could think she was worth so little. “Char, why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked, again not judging, only seeking to understand.

  “I tried,” she whispered.

  Richard grew very still, his eyes not focusing on anything. Then slowly he licked his lips and attempted to speak words that were almost too difficult to say. “What do you mean?” he whispered hoarsely.

  “I tried to tell you last night when Alex told me Collins was coming. I knew he would be expecting something from me today.”

  With her words, Richard’s flesh turned to stone. He felt all the color, all the life draining out of his body, leaving only a worthless shell. He struggled to breathe as two facts became completely inescapable to him: he loved her, and just as surely, he was destroying her. He had a moment of breathtaking clarity and he knew what he needed to do. He had to save her, even if it meant losing himself. Gently he returned to stroking her back. “You should have told me, Char. I would have helped.”

  Charlotte looked at him and he could see the anger in her eyes. “When?” she seethed. “When you were screwing that blonde?” She snorted. “It was easier on my pride just to do Collins.” She pulled away and walked across the room, crossing her arms in front of herself and pressing her hands to her chest.

  “I’m sorry, Char; you’re right,” he said with a voice awash in sadness. He walked to her and rested his hands on her upper arms, her head fitting neatly under his chin, and they stood there, each lost in their own pain. “I’m very sorry, Charlotte. For what it’s worth, he won’t bother you anymore. Darcy will get rid of him and you’ll never have to see him again.”

  Charlotte snorted derisively. “I told you, Collins was the least of my worries.”

  He turned her around, her body not resisting him. She looked into his eyes, and for the first time, she found a wall there, a barrier. “I know. I’m going to try to fix that.” He kissed her once, softly. “Charlotte, you were wrong. You’re too good for the likes of him. You’re too good for the likes of me.”

  “What?” Charlotte asked, confused and suddenly deeply worried.

  For a moment he couldn’t answer her. “I just meant you sold yourself far too cheaply. You are very special, and I really hope that someday you know it.”

  Charlotte’s chin began quivering and she shut her eyes tightly. “Please don’t say that.”

  Richard took her close into his arms and nodded, his lips making soft soothing sounds in her ear. He could feel her fighting against her tears. He wished he could give her what she needed, so she could trust herself enough to cry in front of him. It was curious; she gave him every part of her body, but her soul she held far away from him. He
smiled bitterly as he realized that this was for the best. He knew he could only bring her pain, and he loved her just enough to turn away from her.

  He watched her pull herself together and put on a brave face for him. He smiled encouragingly at her. Yes, he told himself, this was best. He looked at her beautiful face, one he would always hold dear, and sincerely hoped that she would find someone who deserved her, someone better than himself.

  ***

  As Elizabeth entered the living room of the suite, she was surprised to see Darcy there. Then she remembered she had invited him for dinner. He was speaking into his cell phone as waves of anger washed off him. His voice was low and dangerous.

  “I want to be explicitly clear. I will not work for a company that allows its executives to sexually harass its artists. Now you have five minutes to make this right or I will pull our contract and I don’t care how much it costs me.” There was a pause, and then he growled, “Well then, perhaps you should put your mother on the phone, Anne.”

  Elizabeth shivered at the cold rage she heard in his voice. She turned to see Charles, Jane, and Caroline all looking worried and puzzled.

  “What happened, Lizzy?”

  Elizabeth sighed disgustedly. “I don’t know, really, I came in to tell Charlotte about dinner and I found her in the bedroom making out with Collins.”

  “What?”

  “Oh my God!”

  “Richard is talking to her now,” Elizabeth reported in resignation.

  “Where is Mr. Collins?” Jane asked.

  Elizabeth shrugged.

  “I saw him leave when I came in,” Darcy said in a soft voice as he put away his phone. “Elizabeth, may I speak to you?”

  Elizabeth nodded. A feeling of numbness had come over her. She walked into her bedroom, knowing he would follow.

  Darcy closed the door firmly behind them. He turned to see Elizabeth pacing the room, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

  “Lizzy?” he said in a gentle tone.

  Elizabeth’s eyes closed and her face crumpled into a mask of pain as she put a hand to her forehead. “It’s all my fault!” she said shakily, her breathing labored and quick. “I knew! I knew exactly what he was, and I didn’t tell anyone.”