Cold Cold Sea

by Linda Huber

  There was nothing she could do about Mrs Marshall, but new babies fitted into the Families theme very nicely. They could do quite a lot right here at school to help Hailey cope. Katie grinned to herself.

  ‘Right, Mrs Babar,’ she said, when the other children had gone, and was rewarded with one of Hailey’s rare giggles. ‘Let’s get going. We’ll stop off at my flat first, I want to change into something more comfy and collect my shopping bags.’

  Katie parked at the side of her building and led Hailey up to her first floor flat. Mr Chips shot past when they were halfway up, and stood with his nose pressed against the flat door.

  ‘He’s probably hungry,’ said Katie. ‘He didn’t have much breakfast.’

  Hailey bent to stroke Mr Chips, who purred obligingly and pressed himself against her legs. To Katie’s surprise she lifted him right up and buried her face in his back. Katie opened the door and ushered Hailey inside.

  ‘I see you like cats - and he likes you too, I can tell.’

  Hailey put Mr Chips down and watched while Katie opened a tin of cat food.

  ‘I had a cat once too. He was called Slinky and he was a Siamese cat.’

  ‘Oh, how lovely. Mr Chips is just plain cat. I’ve only had him since last April, he was a stray and he kind of adopted me. What happened to Slinky?’

  Hailey looked up and spoke drearily. ‘Oh, he didn’t move house with me.’

  First a teddy bear that hadn’t moved house with Hailey, and now an obviously much-loved cat. Katie smiled sympathetically.

  ‘Maybe Mummy didn’t want a cat now there are going to be babies very soon,’ she said. ‘Cats and babies don’t always go well together, you know.’

  ‘No, he was at the house before that,’ said Hailey, and Katie racked her brains. The Marshalls had moved from somewhere in Devon, hadn’t they?

  ‘At Truro?’ she said.

  Hailey frowned. ‘Not the last house, where I was sick and I had to take the pills and we were only there a little while,’ she said. ‘The one before that.’

  Suddenly she looked frightened and closed her mouth tightly.

  ‘Maybe you can have another pet someday,’ said Katie, eyeing Hailey thoughtfully. She gave her a glass of juice and went through to the bedroom to change. The past few minutes had shown her clearly that the child was perfectly capable of having a normal conversation. She hadn’t seemed introverted at all and the eye contact had been effortless. The only strange thing had been the way she’d suddenly looked scared at the admission of another previous house.

  Hailey was silent during the short drive to her home, a wistful, far-away expression on her face.

  Katie pulled up in the Marshalls’ driveway and went to ring the bell.

  Jennifer Marshall yanked the front door open, and Katie gasped. The woman was flushed, and her make-up was shiny and patchy. Ignoring Katie, she grabbed Hailey and pulled her indoors.

  ‘Quick quick quick!’ she cried. ‘Upstairs and get ready. Daddy’ll be here in less than half an hour!’

  Her voice was high. Hailey glanced at Katie and then went upstairs without a word.

  ‘Mrs Marshall, can I help at all?’ asked Katie. The other woman looked as if she’d just run to Land’s End and back, and she seemed half hysterical too.

  ‘No, thank you very much. Everything is perfect.’ And with that, she shut the front door in Katie’s face.

  Chapter Five

  Phillip gripped the steering wheel with both hands and forced himself to breathe calmly. Just a few minutes more. He was past Bodmin now and driving towards the coast. Soon he would come to the turn-off for St Mary’s Castle and Polpayne, and in twenty minutes he’d be arriving at his new home.

  He had made good time, considering how tired he was. His assumption that traffic would be light had fortunately proved correct, and the weather was dry and cloudy, ideal for driving long distances. He’d stopped in a lay-by after Salisbury, eaten the sandwiches he’d bought at Heathrow, and he tried to phone Jennifer again, but there had been no answer at home and her mobile was switched off.

  In a funny way this reassured him. She would be out in the village, shopping for his favourite lamb chops - or maybe she’d do the salmon with pepper sauce recipe he liked. Or she might be getting her hair done. It was comforting to think of Jennifer keeping busy. And of course she’d be getting the house ready for him to see for the first time. They had noticed it in a brochure that spring, but they’d looked at details of so many houses he really couldn’t remember what this particular one had been like. It did sound fantastic - two big reception rooms, a state of the art kitchen, four fully-fitted bathrooms. Phillip smiled suddenly. How very Jennifer. What on earth did they want with four bathrooms? It wasn’t as if they often had visitors.

  Everything was going to be alright.

  Here was the turn-off. The road ran along the coast now, near the edge of a high cliff. Phillip caught the odd glimpse of the ocean thundering up golden beaches far below. The tide was halfway in, and as always he marvelled at the force of the Cornish breakers. On another day, he and Jennifer would drive along here more slowly. They would admire the scenery and enjoy being together again, and they could look for a good place to scatter Gran’s ashes. A remote little bay, perhaps, somewhere secluded where he could sit and watch the ocean and remember. Remember the good times, keep the happy memories, forget the bad ones.

  He had never imagined that Jennifer would choose a house near the sea. It was probably a positive step forwards, but it must mean difficult days too. Phillip edged his foot down, seeing the road straight and empty for two hundred yards ahead.

  A few minutes later he found himself driving into a quaint little fishing village with an impressive natural harbour. He pulled into a space outside a café and programmed the sat nav.

  ‘At the next junction, turn left,’ said the anonymous female voice. Phillip complied.

  ‘Turn left. Take the third road on the right.’

  Phillip drove uphill, looking round curiously. These houses were quite different to the Edwardian elegance of their last place, and that was another positive thing, surely. Jennifer wasn’t living in the past here.

  ‘In one hundred yards, turn right.’

  So this was Castle Gardens, no castle in sight but there were plenty of beech trees lining the road. This seemed like a very pleasant place to live.

  Heart pounding, Phillip inched the hire car along the street, looking for number four.

  ‘You have arrived at your destination.’

  Here it was, a good-sized house with lovely big windows. There must be a fantastic view over the ocean from upstairs. He would buy himself a really good telescope - or maybe that was the surprise? Cheered by this happy thought, Phillip pulled into the driveway beside the BMW and sounded the horn.

  Nothing stirred in the house. His hands damp with sweat, Phillip strode to the front door. It was locked. Forcing himself to breathe quietly, he rang the bell.

  Silence.

  ‘Jennifer!’ he called, hearing his voice shake. ‘Are you there, honey?’

  But then the door opened, and Jennifer was laughing up at him. Phillip stood rooted to the spot.

  ‘Jennifer! You... you... my God!’

  She laughed again. Her face was flushed, and her hair was tied back in a simple ponytail. And she was... how was it possible... but she definitely was...

  ‘Oh Phillip!’ she said, gripping his arm so tightly that it hurt. ‘Yes, I’m pregnant! Isn’t it a wonderful surprise? I knew before you left, of course, but I managed to hide it, I wanted it to be a surprise for you coming home, something good after losing darling Gran. Are you pleased?’

  For a moment it was impossible to speak. Hot, tired tears welled up in Phillip’s eyes as he looked at his wife. She was so lovely, her eyes were so bright and happy. Pleased? He was astounded. More than that, he was gobsmacked. He was pleased, yes, of course he was pleased, but – after everything they’d been through – another baby?


  He put both arms round her and hugged her as tightly as he dared.

  ‘Oh darling! It’s... I just... it’s a lot to take in. For heaven’s sake let’s go inside and you can tell me about it. How are you? And when’s the baby due?’

  She led him into the sitting room. ‘I’m fine,’ she said softly, her eyes shining up at him. Something about her just wasn’t right. He didn’t quite like to see it. This wasn’t the woman he’d left behind this summer, something had happened, she was different now.

  Why hadn’t she told him about the baby? A tired surge of resentment flushed through him. He’d have cut his stay short, he’d have come home to support her. Gran would have understood, she’d have been thrilled for them. But instead of sharing it all, his wife had let him stay away for nearly four goddamn months and flung herself into an orgy of house-buying.

  Jennifer was still smiling her new smile.

  ‘I’m not due for another five or six weeks,’ she said softly. ‘And oh, darling, it’s two! It’s twins! And oh, Phillip... ’

  She laid a hand on his knee and he could feel her fingers start to shake.

  ‘Actually they’ll be here very soon, darling. I’m in labour...!’

  And with that, she started to breathe deeply, leaning forward to grip the edge of the coffee table. Her face went red and he could tell she was trying hard not to moan, for his sake. When the contraction was over she lifted his hand and placed it on her enormous belly.

  ‘My God, Jennifer!’ shouted Phillip, hearing panic in his voice now. ‘How long... where’s the hospital... how far apart are the contractions?’

  ‘Fifteen minutes this time,’ said Jennifer. ‘We should go. Don’t worry darling, soon we’ll have our babies. I didn’t mean to greet you like this, but oh, isn’t it a wonderful surprise?’

  Phillip felt something begin to throb behind his left eye. This wasn’t a surprise, this was a shock. A huge, enormous shock. And he was so tired, God help him, he was exhausted.

  ‘Jennifer,’ he said quietly. ‘Tell me now where the hospital is, and get your jacket. We’re going.’

  ‘It’s the Rosen Clinic, just a few minutes past St Mary’s Castle on the Bodmin Road,’ she said, and he relaxed slightly. At least she had arranged to go somewhere local.

  ‘Where’s your case?’ he said, striding out to the hallway table and lifting the key for the BMW.

  ‘Upstairs on the left,’ said Jennifer. ‘And darling, you must have a quick look in the small room at the top of the stairs too. There’s another surprise for you in there.’

  Phillip charged upstairs. God, oh God, he thought. This was all his fault, he should never have left her for so long. But she’d seemed so much better this year. Why the fuck had nobody noticed what was happening? She must have stopped going to the therapy. If he’d been delayed just half an hour on the way home... those babies, his babies... were they alright? Jennifer had been on strong medication, what was happening with that?

  He pushed the bedroom door open. All he had to do was get her to the clinic, then they could take it from there.

  Phillip grabbed Jennifer’s case and turned to the small bedroom like she’d said. He opened the door and looked in quickly.

  For a moment he was looking at a ghost. He actually staggered backwards as his mind struggled to take it in. But it wasn’t a ghost, it was a child. A little girl was sitting on the bed, a baby doll in her arms. That little face. Hailey’s face.

  For a moment neither of them spoke.

  ‘Who - who are you?’ Phillip asked, his voice sounding like a stranger’s.

  The child was looking at him with big dark eyes.

  ‘Hailey Marshall,’ she said sadly.

  Phillip’s senses reeled.

  ‘Oh my God,’ he whispered, then heard Jennifer moaning downstairs.

  ‘And the lady here is - ?’ His voice broke on the last word.

  ‘Mummy,’ said the child. ‘Are you Daddy?’

  Horror filled Phillip and once again he could hardly breathe. He found himself shivering uncontrollably. Hailey. Another moan from Jennifer forced him back to the present.

  ‘We’ll talk properly later,’ he said, trying to sound kind. ‘Come on, kiddy. The babies are coming. I have to get -Mummy - to the clinic straightaway.’

  He ran downstairs again. Jennifer was leaning on the hall table, clutching her middle.

  ‘Jennifer,’ he began, then realised that this was no time at all for questions or explanations. They had to go. Right now.

  ‘Can - Hailey - stay with a neighbour?’ he asked, helping Jennifer into her jacket. She took his arm and walked slowly to the car.

  ‘Goodness, no, she can come with us, can’t you, Hailey darling? She’ll want to see the babies as soon as they’re born, our own two darling babies, Phillip. We’ll be a proper little family. You and me, and three lovely children.’

  He helped her into the car and tossed her case into the back beside the child.

  Sobs welled up in his throat, but he forced them down and drove as fast as he dared towards the Bodmin Road.

  Three lovely children, he thought weakly. Then the full horror of the situation hit him, and an aghast, disbelieving shriek rang through his head.

  But Hailey is dead, Jennifer. Had she forgotten? The tears, the helplessness, the unbearable grief, months and months of it, how could she have forgotten that? She must remember... Hailey was dead...

  Chapter Six

  Before the Black Patch

  It was the last day he’d truly been able to say that he was happy. Holidays in Turkey, normal family seaside stuff. Until the tenth day.

  The morning had passed as usual, with Jennifer at Keep Fit and the hotel beautician, and Hailey and Phillip by the pool. Hailey had gone to the mini-disco at twelve and Phillip watched indulgently as the children’s entertainer led the group of small dancers through various disco hits under the palm trees. Every so often, Hailey would look across at him and smile, a happy, look-at-me-Daddy smile.

  They all had chicken salad instead of sandwiches for lunch that last day, with a glass of white wine for himself and Jennifer. A rest in the garden, then they’d wandered down to the beach. Hailey ran off into the children’s playground, and he and Jennifer had gone to their loungers under the blue sunshade.

  The dreadful, ironic thing was, he hadn’t even gone for a swim after lunch that day. They didn’t usually have wine at lunchtime, and the heat was making him sleepy. He had dozed, half-listening to the waves splashing up the beach and the happy-tourist voices around him. Jennifer sat doing her nails and tossing him the odd remark. Sleepy, relaxing, holidays.

  Would it have made any difference if he’d been sitting up watching what was going on around him? Probably not, with all those beach umbrellas obscuring the view. And even if he’d had his swim as usual, he still might not have noticed anything. It was a family resort; there were always children splashing in the sea, running around calling to each other. It was impossible to tell which child belonged to which family, or if any child was in the wrong place. And nobody had been watching for a little girl all by herself.

  They would never know exactly what happened. Phillip had gone up to the playground to collect Hailey and discovered she wasn’t there. It wasn’t the kind of place you had to clock your kids in and out, and the hotel employee who kept an eye on the children hadn’t noticed her at all that day. So she must have run out of the playground almost as soon as she’d run in.

  Never to his dying day would Phillip forget the feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realised that his daughter had been missing for nearly an hour. He’d yelled for Jennifer, the hotel employee had phoned up to the reception for help, and they had searched the beach, running between the loungers shouting, calling her name. The hotel produced two beach buggies, and he and Jennifer were driven off, right and left, far along the beach, still shouting for Hailey. But there was no sign of her.

  When they got back, the police and coastguards were there in c
ars and boats, and the search continued officially.

  Two hours later they found her. He and Jennifer spent that time in the hotel, talking to policemen whose command of English just wasn’t enough to inspire confidence. Jennifer had looked grey and shaky, and Phillip had felt the weight in his stomach grow heavier every minute.

  Then shouting. Outraged, tearful voices. A white-faced young policeman and a doctor who’d appeared from somewhere. And a pathetic little sundress-clad figure in the hotel’s medical room. She was soaked, seaweed in her hair, lips blue and skin white. Phillip had taken her in his arms and held her. She was so white... and so cold and he had never known pain like it. His Hailey. His own special girl. She was gone.

  Chapter Seven

  The evening wasn’t turning out quite as she’d anticipated.

  Katie looked across the table at Mark, who was ordering the meal for two they’d chosen. The restaurant was beautiful and the food sounded fantastic, but all Katie could think about was the expression on Hailey’s face when her mother had pulled her into the house.

  The waiter stepped away from the table and Mark lifted his eyebrows at her.

  ‘Okay, out with it. What’s making you look like you’ve lost the winning lottery ticket?’

  Katie bit her lip. She’d wanted this date to be about the two of them. Now the conversation was going back to her inability to deal with a pupil.

  Quickly, she outlined what had happened, grateful that he listened without interrupting.

  ‘And it didn’t strike me until I was in the supermarket, but, should I have left Hailey there? Mrs Marshall was obviously out of control, and Hailey looked like a deer caught in the headlights.’