Being Not Good: as opposed to being bad

by Elizabeth Stevens

  Phil smirked. “All right. Let me see… ‘Wave cereal bowl’.”

  “Brandish,” I replied after a few moments.

  Phil nodded again. “So it is.”

  On the surface his tone was somewhat condescending, but if you listened deeper you could hear that it was surprise and quite possibly begrudging respect that I was sure he didn’t want to show. I can’t say I blamed him.

  “How?” Ebony asked, leaning towards me with her eyes narrowed like she still wasn’t convinced.

  I leant towards her a little, finding the smaller St John rather amusing. “Cereal is bran. Bowl is dish. Brandish is a synonym for wave.”

  “Are you a reader, Davin?” Phil asked.

  “In that I’m capable or that I choose to read for pleasure?” I replied and he smiled.

  “I’d be very surprised to find you incapable, so I surmise you do in fact read for pleasure.”

  “I’ve been known to.”

  Phil nodded. “What are you reading now?”

  “I finished The Monk again last night. Don’t know what I’ll pick up tonight.”

  Phil looked legitimately surprised. “Matthew Lewis?” he asked and I nodded.

  “The guy from Harry Potter?” Ebony asked, looking between us.

  “Not quite, Ebs,” Phil said with a smile. “Bit before his time. Seventeen nineties, wasn’t it?”

  I nodded again. “Ninety-six.”

  The way Phil was looking at me, I had to wonder how he’d looked at Miles. What the hell was the distinction between me and the popular, charismatic, do-no-wrong arsehat in Avery’s father’s mind? I’d have been willing to bet that as soon as Miles walked in their front door he was simpering and going on about how special Avery was and how lucky he was to be dating her. I could picture it now, like I’d been there on that very night he was in my place.

  Avery would have bounded down the steps in her horrifyingly bright wardrobe choice and he would have been in the midst of telling Phil and Heather how amazingly exceptional she was. He would have timed it just right so she’d hear but not realise he was saying it for her benefit. He would have appeared all self-conscious when she made it known she’d heard – because it was Avery and she would have been excited and thrilled by such a thing. Their conversation was probably full of all Miles’ accomplishments and his hopes and dreams for the future while Avery gazed at him lovingly, Heather imagined their wedding, Phil thought he seemed a very upstanding sort of young man, and Ebony… Actually I doubted she much liked anyone, let alone Miles.

  “So you like the Gothic texts?” Phil asked, pulling me out of my supposedly impossible flashback.

  “I do.”

  “Are they the scary ones?” Ebony asked.

  “They can be,” Phil answered.

  Ebony nodded. “I like those ones.”

  I felt the corner of my mouth tugging up strangely. “Colour me surprised,” I said sarcastically.

  She grinned. “What’s your favourite then?”

  “That would be like asking on which day of the week I prefer to breathe,” I said suavely.

  Ebony stared at me with wide eyes full of wonder and I had a feeling I’d won her over at the very least.

  “A man after my own heart,” Phil commented.

  “Well Ave, sweetie. I think Dad’s close to giving his stamp of approval,” Heather chuckled. Under the smiles and welcoming tone, I noticed the way she still watched me warily. She was doing her job well: be supportive but cautious.

  I felt Avery’s hand slide under my arm and find my hand, her fingers threading with mine. I was surprised by the ease and comfort of the action but didn’t let it show.

  “He’s prickly, but not so bad once you get to know him,” she said warmly as she gave my hand a squeeze.

  I looked at her, not quite sure what I was feeling. I was finding her pep and vigour slightly less annoying than usual, and this whole meeting the parents (and Ebony) thing wasn’t quite the ordeal I’d expected. So far it seemed being my usual self was actually working out rather in my favour.

  There was a buzzing noise from another room and Heather smiled. “That will probably be dinner.”

  Everyone stood up and I followed in awkward suit as much from Avery pulling me up by the hand she still held as of my own volition. I felt like Avery was going to say something to me but, as we walked to the dinner table, Phil fell into step with me and started talking to me.

  “Have you read much Byron?” he asked and I looked at Avery like she’d orchestrated the whole thing. She grinned at me, but there was no indication the smile meant anything more than a shared joke.

  I sighed. “Yes. Although, I’ve never been one for the Romantics. I prefer the Victorians.”

  “Really? Poe?”

  “Le Fanu, preferably. Carmilla is a spectacular piece of work.”

  “I’ve always thought–”

  “Phil, darling,” Heather said gently but pointedly. “Do we want to not inundate Davin with your literary excitement just yet? Save that for at least the second dinner, hm?”

  Fuck. There was supposed to be more than one dinner? Was this normal? Do most boyfriends have to have dinner with their girlfriend’s family on the regular? Double fuck. Was I supposed to reciprocate? Was she meant to have dinner with my family?

  I felt a nudge and collected my somewhat frazzled mind to look at Avery. She was smiling at me and nodding to a seat at the table. I dropped into it and cleared my throat.

  “Uh, it’s fine. Literary excitement I can reciprocate,” I said, wondering if I looked as awkward as I felt.

  “Oh, something you actually enjoy?” Avery teased as she sat beside me.

  I gave her a look that quite clearly told her in no uncertain terms how I felt about her teasing me in front of her family. The last thing I needed was them thinking I was warm and fuzzy.

  “Carmilla’s the vampire one, yeah?” Ebony asked, looking around the table from her seat across from me.

  I nodded. “It is.”

  “I think I’ve heard Dad talk about it.”

  “I would imagine you have,” Heather said as she started bringing plates to the table. “I didn’t think there was another person besides your dad who liked Gothic books anymore.”

  Of course. Because it made total sense that I would share an interest with my love interest’s father. Why not? It wasn’t like that was totally coincidentally convenient at all. Brilliant.

  “It’s nice to see a young person who admires the classics,” Phil said, smiling at me.

  Holy shit-biscuits. Did I just get the approval of my girlfriend’s father? Was that what just happened? Me? I was either doing something terribly wrong or terribly right. I just wasn’t sure which it was yet.

  “I’d admire the classics if you let me read them,” Ebony grumbled. “I’m totally old enough for lesbian vampires.”

  I coughed only because something was in my throat. I in no way almost laughed at that.

  “If you insist on describing it as lesbian vampires, then I don’t think you are,” Phil replied sedately.

  “Why? What’s wrong with lesbian vampires?” Ebony asked.

  Phil looked at her like he knew there was a right and wrong answer here but had temporarily forgotten which was which. “Well…nothing–”

  “Exactly. So why don’t I get to read it? You know I can just get it online or probably in the library at school right?”

  “You could. But that wouldn’t make me think it any more suitable.”

  “Why not?”

  Phil looked at Heather like he wanted her back up on that one, but she just smirked and shook her head. “No, dear. You’re doing so well,” she said.

  “Davin?” Phil looked at me and I paused in raising my fork to my mouth.

  “Yes?”

  “What are your thoughts on it?”

  I blinked. “I’m not sure I’m qualified to comment on your parenting choices
.”

  Phil looked at Avery like I was a terrible help. “About the suitability of Ebs reading Carmilla.”

  Really? In what universe did I have any authority on the matter? I was a seventeen year old boy! But I rearranged in my seat and cleared my throat before I gave him an answer I presumed he was looking for.

  “I think the argument that it vilifies female and homosexual desire has validity. But I don’t think that needs to be read into it. After all, Dracula had a healthy dose of sexual desire for his victims. So in theory these stories were more about venerating the purity and prudishness considered appropriate of the time, and perpetuating the image so commented on by Wilde with Dorian Gray. In this day and age, the fact that Carmilla’s preferred victim was female is merely a fact, rather than an issue.”

  Phil put his wine glass down and looked at me in astonishment. I was suddenly not so sure that being myself had been the best idea. Again, it wasn’t like I cared if Avery’s family liked me. But not having an argument with them or being thrown out of their house was probably preferable for our continued dating.

  But instead of the debate I’d been expecting, I got the opposite.

  “I’m impressed. Very few of my students now could discuss sexuality in Victorian texts the way you just did,” Phil finally said.

  “You do seem to know a lot about sexual desire, Davin,” Heather commented and Avery almost choked on her dinner.

  I barely batted an eyelid. “I’m a teenager. It comes with the territory. If I can put it into even a vaguely academic framework then it just lets me sounds less degenerate.”

  Phil laughed. “Oh, I like him, Avery.” He nodded to his elder daughter as he saluted me with his glass.

  Avery grinned at me. “Me too.”

  A weird thing happened in my chest and I wasn’t so sure about this boyfriend-girlfriend behaviour she was exuding. I knew this wasn’t fake dating, but it wasn’t totally real either. This wasn’t a forever sort of thing. She’d get bored at some point because all she needed was lessons. And if the unthinkable happened and she gave me her heart, I had nothing to give her in return.

  But I gave her a nod and the closest I came to a sincere smile in an effort to hide my uneasiness.

  “So… Is that a yes or a no to me reading Carmilla?” Ebony asked the table exasperatedly and they all laughed.

  “Find yourself a copy and you can read it,” Phil answered and I made a mental note to pass my copy onto Avery the next day.

  Thirteen: Avery

  While Blair was hanging out with Molly and Krista in the Common Room, I went looking for Davin at Recess. I found him in one of the meeting rooms again, wearing his headphones as he read one of those thick, hardcover novels I was getting used to seeing around him when he wasn’t on his laptop.

  Before I even thought he’d seen me, he’d pulled a book out of his satchel on the table in front of him and held it out to me. I took it and realised I recognised the name as one he and Dad had thrown around the night before.

  “What’s this for?” I asked him as he pulled his headphones off.

  “Ebony.”

  Davin had done something for someone else without being asked to do it. Something that didn’t involve screaming goats. Something nice. Something for my little sister.

  I blinked. “Is it the lesbian vampire one?” He nodded and I smiled. “Thanks. She’ll be super pleased.” I paused then amended, “Well as pleased as you’d be.”

  He leant his elbows on the desk. “I would be very pleased to receive a book.”

  “Ha! So there are things you like.”

  He shrugged as he leant back again, crossing his arms over his chest. “I never said there weren’t.”

  “Things just don’t include people.”

  “There are some people I don’t…dislike.”

  I snorted. “Am I one of them?”

  “Most of the time.”

  “Who else? I never see you hanging out with anyone at school.”

  “That’s because I choose not to hang out with anyone at school.”

  “You could hang out with me.”

  “I could not hang out with you.”

  “You’re very resistant to this.”

  “You’re very insistent on this.”

  “I thought it might be fun to meet each other’s friends.”

  “In no universe would meeting your friends be something I’d constitute as fun.”

  “Okay. So we start with me meeting your friends.”

  “I don’t have friends.”

  “That can’t be true.”

  “It is.”

  “But you told me once that you might meet up with a mate… And there was something about drinking and sex after that…” I frowned, not sure I had it right.

  "I did let that one slip," he said, not to me. “He’s less of a friend and more of an…acquaintance.”

  “An acquaintance you spend time with. Presumably a reasonable amount of time?”

  Davin scrubbed his hand over the stubble on his jaw and sighed. “He’s my cousin. Any time I spend with him is…” He paused.

  “Obligatory?” I guessed.

  “I was going to say something more along the lines of not for the purposes of spending time with him per se. If you get my drift.”

  I nodded. I did get his drift. “So he’s your pimp?”

  Davin spluttered as he sat up. “Uh. No. I pull fine on my own. Thank you.”

  I crossed my arms and looked at him. “Really?”

  “Who was the one begging me to date them?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t desperate to get you into bed.”

  “Past tense,” he said with an almost cocky smirk on his face.

  I felt my cheeks heat and I tried not to let my smile show. “Point is. I think it would be good for us to be around people. If they’re your people, won’t that help the cause?”

  His eyebrows furrowed for a moment. “The cause being trash your reputation?”

  I nodded. “Yep. Surely they have parties and stuff?”

  He sat back again and looked at me like he was thinking it through. “You come to a party with my cousin and his friends?”

  I nodded again. “It’s perfect.” I suddenly thought of something. “They are…like you, right?”

  “Desperately seeking solitude and yet destined to be showered in all your…relentless optimism?” he asked dryly.

  I huffed. “No. Mysterious and dark and broody and–” I grinned.

  “Don’t say it!” he warned.

  “Byronic!” I said anyway.

  He rolled his eyes and muttered, “Why did you let me go along with this?” But I’d stopped wondering who he was talking to at times like that because it was Davin and he did that sort of thing. He looked at me again. “You want to go to a party with my so-called friends?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “That wasn’t… I wasn’t inviting you. I don’t even…” He stopped and seemed to be thinking of something. “Vinny is probably doing something…” he muttered. “Nate and Zac would have a fucking field day…”

  Oh, this was exciting. I already had three names of Davin’s friends. That was three more than I’d had previously. Which also meant there were at least three of them. Which went to show that maybe he wasn’t quite as isolated as he liked to make himself seem at school. Something much like the confidence, or at least willingness to be visible, I’d witnessed the weekend before.

  “You could get me drunk!” I said.

  Davin looked around quickly, although I had no idea who might be listening to us. “Jesus! Don’t say it like that in public. Do you know how that sounds out of context? Fuck.”

  I gave him my sorry grin. “Oops.”

  “Yeah. Oops. Until you make those rumours true and I get arrested for…fuck knows what.”

  “Come on. It’s fine. No one’s going to care.”

  He looked at me as tho
ugh saying he knew I wasn’t that stupid. “I assure you that is in no way true.”

  “My parents loved you. It’s been less than twenty-four hours and my dad can’t stop talking about you. He thinks you’re amazing.”

  His eyebrow rose, only evidenced by the way his hair shifted a little. “Sorry. What?”

  I nodded. “Even Ebony said something nice about you. And she barely ever says nice things about me.”

  Davin looked unconvinced. “Seriously?”

  It was true. Dad had raved about how great Davin was – how he was so intelligent and witty and funny. Ebony had hands down agreed with him. Even Mum had said he seemed like a very nice boy. I was really happy that my family liked him, but I also felt a bit weird about it. Mum and Dad had like Miles too, and that had turned out so well.

  But they liked Davin…

  That was good, right? But why was that? Aside from the obvious ‘it made it easier to date him’ thing, I could see no reason why I’d be so pleased my family liked him. It wasn’t like I was going to fall in love with him or anything.

  I nodded, turning my thoughts away from that. “So…a party with your friends…?”

  He looked at me for what felt like the longest time. Finally, Davin growled and sighed. “Fine. I’ll see what they’re doing. I make no promises, though.”

  “Great.” I smiled at him warmly. “This weekend?”

  He blinked. “What did I just say about promises?”

  “Would I have to ask Grace about the Goth thing? Or can I–?”

  “Why? Is there a fancy dress party you’re planning to irk me with after?”

  I frowned at him. “I’d like to try to fit in with your friends.”

  “Not my friends,” he said as he stood up from the seat and dropped onto the corner of the table.

  “Obviously not not your friends though. It would be nice if they didn’t hate me quite so much as you do.”

  “Don’t hate you.”

  “Anymore.” I thought of something. “What about baking something? I make excellent peanut butter and chocolate brownies. Well Ebony loves them and I feel like she’s a pretty good judge of food. And not just my food. Plus she’s picky as–”