Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Can I get you a coffee?’ she asked, waving him into the living room. ‘I was just about to make one.’

  ‘Let me do it,’ he said, leading her gently to the couch. ‘You just sit down and relax. You must be wiped out. Where’s the baby?’ he asked then, looking around. ‘Is she in bed?’

  Sarah’s tears began again at the mention of her daughter.

  ‘Hey!’ Sitting down, Vinnie put an arm around her. ‘What’s wrong? She’s all right, isn’t she?’

  ‘She’s at Hannah’s,’ Sarah sobbed, burying her face in his shirt. ‘I wanted to keep her with me but people were saying things about Pete – that he was a junkie, and he didn’t love her. She’s only little, but she knew what they meant. Hannah took her for a couple of days.’

  ‘Do you want her back?’

  ‘Yeees . . .’

  ‘Right, well, calm down.’ Vinnie lifted her face and peered into her eyes. ‘You’ll be no use to her like this, will you? Now, I’ll make you a coffee and run you a bath, and when you’re feeling a bit better we’ll go and pick her up. Okay?’

  Resting against his broad shoulder, Sarah nodded. She felt safe for the first time since it had happened – as if someone had stepped in and taken control of the mess that her life had become.

  Hannah distrusted Vinnie on sight. He was way too good-looking, and he thought far too highly of himself. She considered herself an excellent judge of character, and this man wasn’t right.

  ‘Are you sure you’re ready?’ she asked when Sarah said she’d come to take Kimmy home. ‘She can stay with us as long as you need. There’s no rush. Why don’t you leave her till morning?’

  ‘No, I’ll take her now,’ Sarah insisted, smiling shakily. ‘I’m fine, honest.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure.’ Hannah eyed Vinnie with suspicion. She’d have betted that this was his idea. And was he the reason for Sarah’s sudden composure? Was there something going on here that she didn’t know about?

  ‘This is Vinnie,’ Sarah told her, picking up on Hannah’s curiosity. ‘He’s one of my and Pete’s oldest friends. He’s only just heard, and he’s going to look after us for a bit – get us through the funeral, and that.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ Hannah murmured, a little put out that this handsome stranger had usurped her position as chief supporter. ‘Well, if you’re sure?’

  ‘I am,’ Sarah assured her. Then, understanding the unspoken disquiet of her friend, she said, ‘You’ll still come with me though, won’t you? I still need you there.’

  ‘Course I will.’ Hannah smiled. ‘I wouldn’t desert you at a time like this. I’ll just fetch Kimmy. She’s playing with our Danni upstairs. Won’t be a minute.’

  ‘Can I get youse a drink?’ Steve asked, awkward in his wife’s absence. He didn’t know how to deal with Sarah’s grief, and the man was making him nervous. ‘A beer, or a brew, or something?’

  ‘Not for me.’ Vinnie shook his head. He didn’t want to stay any longer than absolutely necessary.

  ‘Nor me,’ Sarah agreed. ‘I’m really tired. I just want to get home and get things back to normal.’

  ‘Here she is,’ Hannah said, opening the door and ushering Kimmy in.

  ‘Mammy!’ Kimmy yelped, flinging herself at Sarah as if she hadn’t seen her in a year. ‘Mammy, mammy!’

  ‘Hello, baby,’ Sarah cried, kissing her tiny face. ‘Have you missed me?’

  ‘Wanna go home now. Wanna see Daddy.’

  ‘I know you do, sweetheart, I know you do.’

  ‘Might be best if we get moving,’ Vinnie suggested. ‘Get her into her own bed.’

  Twisting her head at the sound of his voice, Kimmy peered up at him with heartbreaking eyes.

  ‘She’s tired out,’ he said, reaching out to touch her silky hair. ‘Poor little thing.’

  ‘You look after them,’ Hannah told him, walking them to the door. ‘She’s got my number if she needs me. Just give me a ring – any time, yeah?’

  ‘I will,’ Vinnie assured her. ‘Thanks for being there for her.’

  ‘She’s my friend,’ she reminded him pointedly. ‘Her and Pete.’

  ‘Mine too.’ He smiled, refusing to let her see the irritation building in his gut at her interference.

  Back at the flat, Vinnie cleaned up while Sarah put Kimmy to bed. He was sitting on the couch when she came back. Flopping down beside him, she rested her head back and released an exhausted breath. Lighting a couple of cigarettes, Vinnie passed one to her.

  ‘I’m glad you came round,’ she told him, smiling gratefully. ‘I thought I was cracking up, but I feel loads better now. Thanks.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ Reaching out, he took her hand in his. ‘That’s what friends are for. Anything I can do, you only have to ask.’

  ‘I think you’ve done enough already,’ she said, looking around the dust-free room with a smile of embarrassment.

  ‘Nothing’s too much for you,’ he murmured, wanting with all his heart to kiss her, carry her to bed, and . . .

  Pete’s bed.

  Pulling himself together, reminding himself that he had to play this to the letter, Vinnie eased his hand from hers.

  ‘Look, I’d best get moving. I didn’t realize it was so late. You must be shattered. I’ll come back in the morning and check you’re okay – if that’s all right?’

  Sarah sat up straighter. She didn’t want him to leave – didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

  ‘You don’t have to go,’ she said, blushing furiously. ‘I doubt I’ll get to sleep. I’ll be too busy listening out for Kimmy. She’ll be feeling a bit weird back here, with all this going on.’

  Vinnie frowned and glanced at his watch. ‘I don’t know. I really should be getting back. I’d love to stay, it’s just . . .’ Pausing, he shrugged. ‘Someone’s coming round to mine.’

  ‘Oh, God, I’m sorry,’ Sarah spluttered as she suddenly understood what he was trying to say: that he had a date, and she was delaying him. ‘I didn’t realize. Look, go. I’ll be fine.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Absolutely. Go on . . . I’ll see you in the morning.’

  At his own flat a little later, Vinnie poured himself a drink and carried it to the couch. Switching the stereo on with the remote, he closed his eyes and let the strains of vintage Boyz II Men wash over him.

  The words were poignant, perfectly apt for his and Sarah’s situation. They had come to the end of the road – the old road. And he couldn’t let her go because she did belong to him, and he to her. He had always known it. It had just taken longer to achieve than he’d imagined it would.

  Vinnie’d had plenty of time to think in the years since leaving Starlight, and he regretted the way he’d handled things in the early days. He should never have done what he had to her. He should have waited, instead of taking what she wasn’t ready to give.

  Okay, so he’d been wrong about that, but he’d been too young to know better back then. Now things were back on track, he had only to wait for the right time.

  32

  Sarah made it through the cremation. She even managed to hold it together back at the flat afterwards, smiling as she handed out the sandwiches and booze to her friends and neighbours, enduring their anecdotes and memories with good grace. Pete, it seemed, had suddenly become everybody’s best friend.

  She’d been glad to get them out of the flat that night, wasn’t sure she could have carried on being so good-natured when she found their behaviour so hypocritical. These were the same people who had been indulging in some pretty slanderous gossiping in the days leading up to the funeral – and who quickly resumed it straight after.

  Sarah no longer cared what they said, as long as they had the decency not to say it to Kimmy. Pete might not have been the best husband or father in the world, but his daughter didn’t need to know that. And if it was the last thing she did, Sarah vowed that Kimmy would grow up with only good memories of her daddy.

  Which was why she was concerned when she re
alized that Kimmy was becoming so attached to Vinnie.

  It was four months since the funeral and Vinnie had called round almost every day, to check that they were all right and to see if they needed anything. He always made a fuss of Kimmy, and he was so sweet and gentle with her that Sarah began to worry that Kimmy was transferring her desire for a daddy onto him. It was Vinnie that the little girl talked about now – Vinnie that she looked out of the window for. He didn’t seem to have noticed, but Sarah was afraid that when he did he would run a mile, leaving Kimmy to suffer yet another desertion by a man she loved.

  Thinking it would be better if he took off sooner rather than later, she sat him down and told him her concerns.

  ‘I’m flattered,’ Vinnie said when she had finished. ‘She’s a lovely kid, and any man would be proud to be her father. I’m perfectly happy to be a standin, if that’s what she needs.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Sarah frowned, afraid that he didn’t realize the depths of the responsibility that he was offering to take on.

  ‘Absolutely positive.’ Reaching out, he gently stroked a stray hair from her face. ‘I’d take care of you both, if you’d let me.’

  Sarah didn’t pull away. Instead, she held his gentle gaze, her own eyes wide with apprehension. This was something she had dreamed of, but had fought against because it seemed so ridiculous. Vinnie was Pete’s friend. Her friend. She loved him for everything he had done for her since Pete had died, but beyond that . . .

  Anyway, even if she admitted that she herself was becoming too attached to Vinnie, it wasn’t just about her and what she wanted, was it? She had no clue if he felt the same way about her. He’d made no secret of the fact that he had a girlfriend. He’d never mentioned any names, but when he made his excuses to leave it was invariably because he was expecting ‘someone’ at his flat, or he was meeting ‘someone’ in town, at a club, a restaurant, or whatever. Did she really want to get involved with him if he already had a woman? And was he even offering that?

  ‘Take your time,’ he was saying now, his voice low and husky. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Just let me know when you’re ready.’

  ‘I think I might be.’ The words slipped out of their own accord and Sarah covered her burning face with her hands, cursing her mouth for betraying her. It was only four months. Vinnie would think she was cheap and indecent. But, God, she wanted him. She wanted to be held and loved, craved the intimacy that only a couple can truly share.

  Vinnie gently pulled her hands aside. He had been waiting for this from the moment he’d laid eyes on her again on Christmas Day. It was the outcome of a carefully manoeuvred plan, and he was going to seize it with both hands.

  Taking Sarah gently in his arms he carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. Easing himself down beside her, he drew her to him, stroking her hair, taking it slowly. Feeling a dampness seeping through his shirt, he tilted her face up and kissed a path from her eyes to her lips.

  ‘Don’t cry, Sarah. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I’ve always loved you.’

  Kissing her properly now, tasting the salt of her tears and the sweetness of her tongue, he ran his hands down her body, thrilled by her response as she rose to meet his touch.

  Undressing her slowly, Vinnie looked down at Sarah’s naked body and groaned. She was so beautiful, so perfect. Her breasts large and satin-soft, her skin as smooth and tanned as cocoa butter, her waist slender.

  Dropping delicate kisses onto her flesh, he circled his tongue around each nipple then trailed a path down, savouring the taste and smell of her.

  Pulling his head up when she could stand no more, Sarah gazed deep into his eyes and drew him onto her.

  Forcing himself to hold back, Vinnie hovered above her. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ he asked, his voice husky with desire.

  ‘Yes,’ she moaned, pulling him down. ‘Absolutely positive.’

  33

  Everyone noticed the change in Vinnie. He’d always been vain, but now his self-interest soared to new heights. His clothes and his hair always had to be immaculate, and he developed a passion for body sprays and aftershave – much to the amusement of Glen and the others.

  Taking it all in his stride, Vinnie adamantly refused to admit what they had already guessed – that he had a serious woman tucked away. Sarah was his secret, and he wasn’t ready – or willing – to share her. He wanted to protect her from this side of his life. Didn’t want her exposed to the crudity of the guys. And he especially didn’t want her anywhere near Carina.

  Carina would swallow him having another woman as long as she still got the occasional legover, but he wasn’t fool enough to think Sarah would stick around if she found out. And how was he supposed to explain that, much as he loved and desired her, he wasn’t the kind of man to fight his natural urges? If it was there, he was going to take it. It was just the way he was. It didn’t reflect on Sarah in any way shape or form, but Vinnie knew instinctively that she wouldn’t get it. No, as far as Sarah and this side of his life were concerned, the further apart he kept them the better.

  Carina was no fool. She knew that Vinnie was messing around with some tart, but with no proof she couldn’t accuse him outright of anything. She and Vinnie were still doing their thing, but not anywhere near as often as she’d have liked. It wasn’t easy to snatch opportunities at the best of times, with Glen calling Vinnie out to do this, that and the other, but these days Vinnie rarely stuck around for long enough at the end of work to snatch much more than the odd kiss and grope. It ate her up to think of him loving another woman, but she knew better than to let it show. It would destroy their truce, and that was the last thing Carina wanted when deep in her heart she still harboured the dream that, one day, when they were both free, Vinnie would see that she was the only one for him.

  Pam was the last to hear the rumour.

  Bed-bound now, having failed to make a full recovery, she had insisted on moving back to her beloved bungalow. Glen wasn’t happy about it, but he’d had to admit that it wouldn’t work having her at his place. It was no secret that Carina and his mother couldn’t stand the sight of each other, so he’d finally let his mother go home – on condition that she have round-the-clock nursing care. And Pam readily agreed – anything being better than putting up with Carina twenty-four-seven. She now had a daytime carer who gave her a bath and made her lunch, then a private nurse who came at nine and stayed overnight. And Glen and the guys took it in turns to look in on her during the unmanned hours.

  It was Joe who told her about Vinnie, laughing as he described the kid’s sudden passion for aftershave and telling her how the guys had ribbed him that he was turning into a tart, asking if he was doing punters on the side.

  ‘Shady little shit!’ Pam laughed, pleased as punch. ‘Just wait till I see him. I’ll tan his arse for holding out on me.’

  She had another three days’ wait before she got a chance to quiz Vinnie. His day for calling in was Wednesday, and she was more than ready to pounce when it finally arrived.

  ‘Park your arse, you,’ she ordered when he walked through the door. Gripping his hand when he obliged, she peered deep into his eyes for a moment then slapped a hand down on the quilt, declaring jubilantly, ‘I knew it! You have got a woman. And don’t give me that guff you’ve been feeding our Glen and them, ’cos you can’t fool me. I’ve got the vision.’

  ‘You’ve certainly got the imagination,’ Vinnie chuckled.

  ‘Oi!’ Pam scolded, slapping him on the arm. ‘Since when have you and me lied to each other? I thought you was one of me own, but if you’re just gonna sit here and tell me bare-faced lies you can bugger off!’ Pursing her lips, she folded her arms and huffily turned her face from him.

  ‘All right, you win.’ He sighed exaggeratedly. ‘Yes, I have got a woman, but I don’t want anyone to know, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your big trap zipped for once.’

  Peering round at him, Pam narrowed her eyes. ‘That special, is she?’

&
nbsp; ‘Yes, she is.’

  ‘Told you it’d happen one day,’ she gloated. ‘How long has it been going on?’

  ‘About four months, but we’ve know each other for years.’

  ‘Tell me about her,’ Pam demanded. ‘And don’t leave nothing out.’

  As Vinnie began to describe Sarah, Pam listened in silence, nodding every now and then. The girl sounded lovely – just what he needed. Beautiful and straightforward, with no airs, and no baggage but a little fatherless girl whom Vinnie claimed to adore.

  ‘Bring her round,’ she said when he’d finished. ‘I want to meet her.’

  ‘You sure?’ he asked.

  ‘Since when did I invite strangers round to me house if I didn’t want to?’ Pam snapped. ‘Bring her. Tonight.’

  Sarah got into a flap when Vinnie told her that he was taking her to meet someone special that night, and that he wanted her to dress up real pretty for the occasion.

  ‘But who is she?’ Sarah asked. ‘And why does she want to meet me?’

  ‘She’s my boss’s mother,’ he told her, ‘and she thinks she’s mine as well.’ Grinning wickedly, he said, ‘I expect she’s going to give you the third degree. Find out if you’re good enough for me.’

  He laughed when she looked horrified.

  ‘I’m only joking, babe. She just wants to meet you because she knows how serious I am about you. You’ll come, won’t you?’

  ‘All right,’ Sarah agreed. ‘But I’m warning you now, if she turns her nose up at me I’m out of there!’

  ‘She won’t,’ he assured her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. ‘No one could turn their nose up at you, princess.’

  Sarah frowned. ‘What about Kimmy? Should I bring her, or ask Hannah to have her for a bit?’

  ‘Whatever you think best,’ Vinnie said, a flicker of irritation crossing his face at the mention of Hannah. ‘But Pam’ll be cool if you want to bring her with us. She won’t mind.’

  Pursing her lips, Sarah thought about it then shook her head. ‘No, I think I’ll leave her out of it for now. She’s still a bit iffy with strangers – she might get upset. Maybe next time, when I’ve got to know your friends.’