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Heart Of The Outback, Volume 2

Page 46

by Margaret Way


  His eyes flew open when he felt warm hands sliding over his lower back. He could feel the contact each time her hands reached waist level, but what her hands were doing below that he had no idea. But, more to the point, why were her hands on his back in the first place? When he had been at university the hamstring muscles had been at the back of the thighs, and he was pretty sure that’s where’d they still be, accident notwithstanding. He cleared his throat as he wondered what he should say.

  “Awake now? I thought that might get your attention.”

  He craned his neck, trying to get it to turn 180 degrees, at the sound of her voice. “Steffi?”

  “Got it in one. You nodded off before Carla finished and she didn’t have the heart to wake you. I offered to save her the trouble.”

  “Thank God it’s you. I was nervous for a minute there.”

  “Thinking a pretty physio was about to have her wicked way with you?”

  “When you put it like that, why don’t you see if you can call her back for me?”

  “Not a chance, Dr Zeller. You’ve got more than you can handle right here.”

  He knew that for a fact. He couldn’t handle anything in this state.

  With Steffi’s help he turned onto his back and tried to ignore the frustration stinging him. “It’s good to see you.” She looked so fresh and lovely, and he was feeling better just looking at her. “How did things go with my mother last night?”

  “Good. You never told me she was a nurse, too.” “Didn’t I?”

  “No. You’ve hardly mentioned them at all.”

  “Don’t take it personally. I don’t talk about them much.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why would you be interested?”

  The man was more than a closed book, he was a slammed-shut tome wedged between heavy bookends. “For starters, they’ve had fascinating lives and made lots of sacrifices for you and Anna. I’d have thought you’d be proud of them.”

  “I am, but that doesn’t have to translate into telling all and sundry my life story.” It came back to him that before he’d gone down the mine he’d decided to tell her more about his background. He’d forgotten that until now. But he’d have postponed it in any event. Lying in a hospital bed wasn’t the right place. Besides, she’d met them for herself now—what more was there to say at this point? “You’d be surprised how many people don’t think so kindly towards people like them.”

  “Maybe, but I’m not those people.” She’d let him think about that, think about whether he’d been right to shut her out quite so fully. “Besides, I can see lots of similarities between your mum and me. We both want what’s best for our children and we’re both nurses—”

  “Mum’s a cook now.”

  “And I love to eat.” She suppressed a sigh. He was determined to keep his own counsel on his family history and she wouldn’t convince him to trust her by forcing the issue.

  He shrugged, the gesture noncommittal.

  “She misses you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She says you don’t call her often enough.”

  “I could speak to her six times a day and she’d still want to hear more. I love her but I can’t make up things to talk to her about.” It didn’t sound as if his mother had frightened Steffi away. Instead, it was starting to sound as though she now had Steffi convinced to get on his case about being more open in his life. Understandable, maybe, if they were going to get involved with each other, but uncomfortable nonetheless. Lucky, then, that he’d mastered the art of swift subject changes. “You haven’t told me how long you’re planning on staying in Adelaide.”

  “I’ve got to go back tomorrow, I want to be back for the weekend with Jess. I thought of flying her down here so we could make a start on sorting out the house in between visiting you, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to tackle that at the moment.”

  “You can’t stay for the weekend? Your parents wouldn’t mind having Jess for a couple more days.”

  “Jess isn’t with Mum and Dad.”

  He frowned. “Where is she?”

  “Her dad’s looking after her.”

  Matt’s eyes widened slightly as memories flashed past and more things that had been knocked out of him by the blow to his head started to trickle in. Especially Steffi cancelling their movie date because Jess’s dad had turned up out of the blue. What they’d been going to see he couldn’t recall, but the overwhelming feeling of disappointment came surging back just thinking about that night. And he’d planned to have a heart-to-heart with her but he’d had the accident instead. Obviously they’d never had that discussion so where did that leave things between them? And where did it leave things with Steffi and Rick? What had happened during those hours he’d now lost?

  “Matt?”

  “Hmm?”

  “What’s wrong? You’ve gone awfully pale.”

  “Headache.”

  “Shall I call for the nurse?”

  “No. I think I just need to rest.”

  “I’ll come back later. Oh, the grapes are in a bowl here.” Steffi pointed at the bedside cabinet. “They’re sweet and juicy. Enjoy.” She bent to kiss him, a gentle kiss that barely brushed the corner of his mouth but still it sent waves of longing through his body and started the flood of questions off again. Did they have a future? Would he be able to compete with the father of her child? What if he was left permanently disabled? Would she want him then?

  Matt closed his eyes before the door had clicked shut, blocking out the vision of Steffi walking out of his room. An hour ago he had imagined feeding those grapes to her, but now he just wanted to pick up the bowl and hurl it across the room in frustration.

  The accident didn’t change the fact that he still had things to say to her, but he’d be blowed if he’d say them while he was lying flat on his back in a hospital bed.

  It was Saturday morning before Steffi got back to the hospital, dropping in on her way to the airport. Pushing open Matt’s door, she was surprised to see Anna in the room but not Matt.

  “Steffi! Hi. I just tried to call you.”

  “Why? What’s the matter?”

  “Matt’s gone down for a myelogram, the specialist just organised it. Matt wasn’t sure what time your flight was and wanted me to tell you not to bother coming past here first.”

  “Why does the specialist want to run that test now? What’s happened?”

  “Nothing’s changed, but I gather that’s the problem. The neurologist seems to have expected some improvement by now. I can’t say I quite understand what a myelogram is, though.”

  “It’s a test they use to examine the spinal nerves more closely. They’ll inject a water-soluble dye into the fluid that surrounds his spinal cord, and then take X-rays. The dye will flow out along the nerves and on the X-rays it will show if the pathways are being compromised. I know the specialists were thinking that Matt’s paralysis was from swelling around the spinal cord, but it sounds like they’re checking for more serious damage.”

  “Like what?”

  “Nerve damage that may be permanent.” Her heart sank. She’d known this might happen but had been holding out hope that everything would be OK.

  “Oh, poor Matt.”

  Anna’s words echoed Steffi’s thoughts but she tried to remain positive. “It might not be the case. We’ll have to wait and see. But the myelogram is a pretty unpleasant test and they don’t do it unless there’s a real need.” Steffi glanced at her watch. It was already ten o’clock. “Did anyone say what time he’ll be back?”

  “No. They only came for him about fifteen minutes ago.” “He won’t be back before I need to leave. Will you give him my love and tell him I’ll call when I get home?”

  “Of course.” Anna hugged Steffi. “Take care and have a good flight.”

  “Thanks.”

  Her flight was uneventful, even arriving in Port Cadney on schedule. Arriving home to an empty unit, her first thought was to place a call to Matt.
Her thoughts had been with him almost exclusively since she’d left Adelaide. Dialling the hospital and Matt’s direct room extension, she was surprised when it was answered by one of the nurses, one she didn’t recognise.

  “Prince Edward Neurosurgery. Can I help you?”

  Steffi realised the call had been diverted to the nurses” station and was momentarily thrown. “Oh, uh, hi. This is Steffi Harrison. I’d like to speak to Matt Zeller in room two.”

  “I’m sorry, he’s diverted his phone. He must be resting.”

  Steffi could tell the nurse wasn’t about to offer to go and check. Why couldn’t Julian have been on? Should she push her? No, she might be busy and Steffi didn’t want to be the type who hassled the nursing staff. She’d been on the receiving end of that more than she liked herself. She knew, too, that she’d get no other information as she wasn’t family.

  “Could you let him know I called, please?”

  “Sally, was it?”

  She bit back a sigh. “Steffi.”

  “Right.”

  Replacing the phone, she stared at the wall. Was he OK? Her stomach had just been invaded by a swarm of agitated flying insects, definitely too unsettled to be described as butterflies. More like marauding locusts. Was he really just resting or had he had bad news?

  CHAPTER NINE

  “IT’S good to have you back. You, too, brother-in-law,” Steffi said, her greetings mixing with those of the newly-weds as she hugged first one, then the other, before they carried the bags inside Lauren’s flat, still talking. “How was it?”

  “Wonderful,” they replied in unison, Jack looking adoringly at his new wife. Lauren threw her bag down on the floor and Jack rolled his eyes at Steffi as they both reached out to pick it up and put the pile of luggage in the main bedroom. “I’ll let you two natter for a few minutes and start sorting through this lot.” He gestured to the bags at their feet. “Give me a call when the kettle’s boiled. I imagine that’s where your sister’s disappeared to.”

  “One white tea, no sugar, coming up.”

  Lauren was already in the kitchen, opening windows and flicking through the mail Steffi had collected for them. “Anything to report on back at the ranch?”

  “Literally or figuratively?”

  “Both. Nothing new on the station? With you?”

  Steffi took the easiest question first. “All under control with the property but, then, Dad’s the one to ask about that. They’re champing at the bit to make the move now, even Dad.”

  “And we can’t wait to make the move to the farm.” She filled the kettle and flicked it on before perching on a kitchen stool. “What about you? Looking forward to getting settled in here properly with all your things around you?”

  Steffi shrugged.

  “What’s the problem? You were so keen on the new plan. Changed your mind already?”

  “No. Things have just got a little weird since you’ve been gone. No.” She shook her head, correcting herself. “Not weird, just … complicated. Matt and I seemed to be getting somewhere …” She filled Lauren in on the scant details she’d felt sure of a week or so ago. “Then Rick turned up and Matt had an accident, injured his back, and has been in the Prince Edward ever since.”

  Lauren had just stood up from her stool but, on hearing the news, sat back down. “Is he OK?”

  Steffi shrugged again, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “The specialists say he’ll be flown home tomorrow, because there’s nothing else that can be done for him at this stage. The diagnosis is temporary paraplegia due to soft tissue damage and swelling around the spinal cord but the tests were all inconclusive.”

  Lauren nodded. “But, in theory, things should resolve in time.”

  “From what Anna tells me, he should be making progress even now, but he’s not, and the doctors aren’t sure why he’s not improving.”

  “From what Anna tells you? What about Matt?”

  “He’s not taking my calls.” Steffi slumped against the bench. “At least, that’s all I can assume, given that I’ve rung every day over the weekend and I never get to talk to him. There’s one excuse after another. He’s gone for another test, he’s resting, he’s asleep, his phone’s been diverted.” “Couldn’t that be the case?” “Twice a day, no matter what time I ring?” “But why the sudden change?”

  A third shrug. “I don’t know. Either he’s changed his mind about us, or he’s still annoyed that I cancelled a date with him when Rick turned up, although he was happy enough to see me in the hospital. But the day I came back to Port Cadney he wasn’t in his room when I went to say goodbye. Anna says she told him I’d been and that I’ve called, but I haven’t heard anything at all from him.” “He’s probably got a lot on his mind.” “I know that. I’m not trying to pressure him but a brief conversation would be nice, some emotional connection. But he’s just shutting me out. I don’t know what happened.”

  “Guess you’ll find out tomorrow.” Lauren stood up, taking three mugs from the cupboard. “By the way, what’s happening with your panic attacks?”

  “I had one when I heard about Matt’s accident and Jess saw it. I terrified the poor baby. I’ve seen Nadine twice since then and she seems to agree that I’ve finally turned a corner, mostly because I’m adamant that I’m never going to put Jess through that hell again.”

  “And Rick? Where does he fit into all this?” “Whoever knows where Rick fits in.” Steffi turned away. “Isn’t that kettle boiling yet?” She walked across the kitchen to check on it. “It helps if you turn it on at the wall switch, Lauren.” She turned back to catch the smirk on her sister’s face. “You did that on purpose so you could quiz me.” Lauren laughed and Steffi waved a teaspoon at her. “Bad, little sister, very, very bad.”

  ***

  Yes, it was bad, very, very bad, reflected Steffi as she sat in Matt’s sunny lounge room the next afternoon, looking at Mrs Zeller over a glass of water. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her uniform feeling tight and hot after a day’s work. Although none of that was actually what was bad. Matt was asleep.

  Or so Mrs Zeller was saying. But the way she couldn’t quite meet Steffi’s eyes was telling a different story, and the fact that she’d heard Matt’s voice coming from the master bedroom at the front of the house as she’d knocked only added weight to her suspicions.

  So where did that leave her? Apart from feeling unwanted and very, very silly.

  Steffi tapped her feet as she perched on the couch where only weeks before she’d sat with Matt, flirting over ice cream. What a lot of changes there had been since then. None of them good, except for Jess having Rick back in her life—but even that had a dark side. She was pretty sure Rick’s arrival had something to do with Matt’s change in attitude towards her.

  “Another drink, dear?” Matt’s mother asked in her accented English. Her eyes were kind, reflected Steffi, and the nervous over-talkativeness she’d seen on their first meeting seemed much more under wraps today.

  Steffi shook her head. “No, thanks, Mrs Zeller, I don’t want to keep you. I just thought Matt might be up for a visitor …” Her words trailed off and she felt embarrassed all over again because they both knew Matt just didn’t want her as his visitor.

  “He’s not doing too well, dear. Don’t take it to heart, he’s just having a difficult time with his injury. I’m not sure whether having me as his home nurse will make things better or worse. It might make him focus less on being a patient, but there is the risk I’ll drive him mad.” She smiled but the stress lines around her mouth and eyes didn’t soften.

  “You’re home-nursing him?”

  The older lady nodded. “It seemed the best option. I wanted to stay down here and this way there was one less body in the house and one less bag of medical bills.” She stopped talking and fixed Steffi with a penetrating look. “I’m sure Mattias will want to see you soon. Please, don’t give up on him.”

  Don’t give up on him. What was that supposed to mean? Her bewildermen
t must have shown in her face.

  “Sometimes it’s best to let things sit as they are for a time, see what happens,” the older woman said.

  Wasn’t that at odds with not giving up on him? One more piece to a puzzle that was really flooring her. The thought of puzzles jogged her memory.

  “Jess would like to see him. Matt had promised to help her with her latest jigsaw puzzle. Can you check if that’s OK with him at some stage, when he’s feeling a little better? If it’s easier, I can drop her off for an hour and then pick her up, if that’s not too much trouble for you. She’d just really like to see him, and she’s been very upset about his accident.” Good grief, now she’d caught the nervous-over-talking bug. She snapped her mouth shut.

  “I’m sure in a few days or so that will be just what the doctor would order.”

  Whereas it’s pretty clear I’m exactly what the doctor’s taken off the menu. The bitterness in her tone as the words rang out in her head surprised her. Matt not wanting to see her now didn’t mean for ever. Not necessarily. And in the meantime, she had a lot of things to sort out with Rick.

  One problem after another. Was that all life was?

  She suppressed a sigh, not wanting to sound like a worn-down old woman, and stood up, stretching her hand out to Mrs Zeller. “Thank you for the water, and the chat. It was nice to get to know you a little better, just a pity it wasn’t under happier circumstances.”

  Mrs Zeller took her hand and stood up, too. “They’ll come again, dear, they always do.”

  They walked to the front door.

  “Give my …” Steffi paused. What should she say—regards, love, best wishes? She bit the bullet, going for broke. “Give my love to Matt, and wish him all the best. I’ll be in touch with you, to see about Jess coming for a quick visit.”

  “Thank you, Stephanie.” Her name sounded unusual with Mrs Zeller’s pronunciation, and she liked it. Not that she’d have much reason to hear it in the future if Matt kept avoiding her.

  Matt heard their voices grow louder as they neared the front door. Heard Steffi send him her love, wish him all the best. Heard the front door close and knew his mum would come immediately into his room in the hope of finding out why he’d refused to see her. So he did what any self-respecting male wanting to avoid a grilling would do and closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He’d have rolled over, too, but, of course, that wasn’t an option for him.

 

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