by Pamela Ann
Even if my romantic life was gearing up for the future with certainty, when it came to my career, I had no doubts as to where I wanted to be heading.
I was my own woman after all, no matter what happened with Bass or Carter later down the road, I knew I had my work to keep me occupied.
~E~
Barbara and I had a meeting round lunchtime along with signing other important documentation for the movie I had just recently signed up for. It was a romantic comedy and I was pretty psyched because it was a project to be shot in Chicago.
I was in the living room, going through the script and the list for the movie Sleeping with my Best Friend. One of the main things that stood out was how the movie needed me to have black hair. The big question was, did I want it dyed or in a wig?
I was surrounded with my girls, sans Amber, discussing the movie and what other girly things we liked to gush about when they saw what I was looking at.
“Black hair? On you?” Trista’s eyes were full of ideas. “Bass will marry you in a heartbeat.”
If she only knew that I was already engaged to him. Soon, I really was going to tell everyone about that. For the meantime, back to the current problem, my blonde tresses. “Great input, Tris. Thanks.”
Lindsey shook her head along with a strangled noise when she saw that I was about to circle the wig selection. “Why don’t you dye it black instead of a wig? I’m sure your man will nut in his pants when he sees you.”
It was no secret to everyone that he preferred dark hair. Would Bass like it if I did, though? I was tempted because a big part of me was cheering on, wanting to see his reaction, too.
The decision was made. Hair dye it was.
Seeing Carter last night, and now with this movie swirling around my head, it was time to cleanse everything out and get into perspective. I needed to do that.
Since it was a night of surprising myself, I booked the biggest surprise of all.
Chapter 11
Emma
“Emma,” Bass spoke against the door. His voice didn’t sound angry, but more like complacent, as if he knew what I was dealing with.
The whole surprise was ruined because the jealous, ugly head reared out of nowhere and engulfed me in a heartbeat. I could’ve fixed it, but the picture of Nikki I just saw online today shopping for baby clothes already had me in a twisted knot.
Each day I felt like I was deteriorating inside because I kept wishing and praying that Nikki’s baby wasn’t his. Instead of focusing on my script and new filming coming up, I was more in-tuned with the tabloids and reading up scraps about Nikki. No one knew about this odd fixation I had as of late, but truth be told, it was scaring me more than I cared to admit.
Here I was, in Bass’s trailer, staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if I could survive this. What if Carter was right? What if I really was meant to be with him and all of these emotions I had for Bass was merely a mirage of what I wanted too badly, but was never going to happen?
Being with Bass was easy before, yet this time around, it certainly was changing me, turning me upside down.
A knock on the door made me almost jump out of my skin. “Emma! Please let me in.”
Slowly cracking the door open, I met his gaze with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. What happened out there was uncalled for.”
“Come here.” He enveloped me in his arms, cradling my head against his chest. “You don’t have to explain, my love. This is all my fault.” He stroked my hair with soft, rhythmic strokes. “I’m so sorry for putting you through this.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I murmured before kissing the base of his neck.
“I forgot to say, but you look stunning.”
That made us both laugh a little, breaking the ice. “I thought you might.”
“You know I love you in whatever color you choose to dye your hair, right? Be it purple or orange, I’d still love you and think you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever beheld.”
When Bass talked to me that way, my insecure heart melted all for him over and over again. Moments like these made all this torture worthwhile.
Since my surprise visit was already a bust, Bass decided to take us back to his hotel room and order room service while we chose a movie to watch.
After a dinner of steak and potatoes, we were on the bed, heads joined together as we browsed through the movie catalogue when my phone decided to disrupt our alone time.
Moving to fetch my phone on the nightstand, I muttered a silent curse when I got a glimpse of the phone screen. Carter was calling my phone, but I was putting him on silent. Tonight, I wanted the rest of the world to vanish.
“Answer it. Tell him you’re with me and that you’re pre-occupied,” Bass said behind me.
I tensed, eyes bulging out of my sockets. Since when did his territorial streak emerge again? “Stop spying.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t even move a muscle. I could just tell by your immediate reaction. Your body always tells me when it’s him calling.” He was still browsing, but I could tell that something was not right.
“That would be harsh, babe. And besides, he doesn’t know that I’m in Canada.”
His jaws locked. “Carter doesn’t need to know your ins and outs, Emma.”
He did have a point. Carter was my ex. “Right, yeah. You’re right.” I nodded with affirmation as I prayed for Carter to just quit calling my phone and bug someone else. I was hoping that he wouldn’t do this, but shit, when my phone indicated I had a voicemail, I bit down on my lip, hard.
“Aren’t you going to listen to that?” Bass kept on pestering.
“I’ll do it later.” I was about to shove the phone back on the nightstand when the shitty night started to become shittier.
“Are you hiding something from me?” he asked, shutting the television off then moving to face me.
Wait, where the hell was that coming from? “No, why should I?” I said nervously. “I can listen to this now if I wanted to. Hell, I’ll even let you hear it.” Was there anything I hid? I panicked as I tried to make a quick rundown of all the things that might get me in slight trouble.
Bass scrutinized me before folding his arms behind his head, resting against the headboard. “Okay, let’s hear it.”
“You mean now?” What the shit.
“Unless you have any objections?”
“No.” F.M.L.
When I didn’t move, Bass nodded towards where the phone was still gripped in my hands as if it was a life sentence. But was it? Why was I so paranoid anyway? I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t hiding anything, so there shouldn’t be any reason for me to become all skittish.
I pressed the ‘Listen’ button and Carter Mason’s voice came to life.
“Hey baby. I’m out with the boys, but for some reason I just wanted to call and was hoping to hear your voice.” He paused, making a small grunt. “I know you’re busy doing your thing, but I’m missing you like crazy, baby. I’m drunk as a skunk, girls everywhere, but all I want to do is see you, Ems. Everyday I wake up feeling like shit, but I always remember your promise and I keep going again.” He sighed heavily. “Can’t wait to see you again.” Carter sighed again, this time it sounded like he was getting choked up. “Don’t keep me out of your heart for too long, it gets too lonely for me. Love you, Ems.”
Fuck, my heart broke for him. The last part, hearing him like that, so broken; it made me feel like the worst person ever. My emotions took over and I almost forgot that Bass was right next to me before he spoke up and placed a barrier along my road to sadness route.
“Did you purposely not announce our engagement because of Carter?” He was frowning, looking at me with hurt in his eyes.
“Bass—”
He gave me a slashing look. “Answer the question, Emma. It’s a simple yes or no.”
How could it ever be simple? “A part, maybe.” Did he not hear that? Carter was breaking and I hated that I was the reason for it.
Bass looked away, rak
ing a hand over his hair, mussing it up some more. “Why do you care about his feelings so much? Who cares if our engagement will make him angry? Sooner or later he has to deal with the fact that you’re mine. You know that, don’t you?”
I did. Where was he going with this? “Of course, I do—”
“Good, then what’s the problem?” he asked, his voice sounding more like it was defeated instead of being persistent.
It was going to happen. I simply needed more space to wiggle. “Let’s wait for a little bit more—”
Bass flinched like I slapped him or something. “Don’t put us back there again, Emma.” He pleaded, his voice in a mere whisper, “Please, I beg of you.”
Why couldn’t he just understand? I was going to break it in, I swore. “I’m trying to make this as easy as possible. You have to understand his position—I don’t like hurting him—not like this.”
“So instead you choose to hurt me.”
“It’s not like that, babe,” I murmured, reaching out to him, but he wouldn’t look at me.
“Isn’t it? If you were in my place, you’d feel like shit, too.”
What other choice did I have? “I was with him physically when I met you… I made a promise that I wasn’t going to let another man kiss me, let alone have sex before him. I broke that promise when I came back home as your girlfriend again.” The memories of my broken times flooded me. “He was there for me when you abandoned me, Bass.” Now it was me abandoning Carter, the guy who stood there soothing my broken heart. “He held me in my sleep, crying. Every. Single. Night. Carter was there for me.” I was a rotten person, I thought as guilt took charge of my feelings.
“Are you sure you’re not choosing to be with the wrong man then?” Bass stared ahead, still not looking at me.
“What do you mean?” His question baffled me. We were engaged, and yet, he was still questioning this? What the hell!!!
Bass rested his head against the white leather, tufted headboard, exposing his sinful neck. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times before he decided to speak again. “If you need more time, I’d understand.” His voice sounded truly hurt. “I’m always going to be here.”
He was scaring me. Where was he going with this? “Why would you suggest that? You just proposed to me.” Would Bass leave me again? The thought brought chills all over me.
“I know what I want, it’s always you for me, Emma,” he rasped out. “But I wasn’t always yours.”
The tight coil in my stomach got severe. I had to make Bass understand. He did before; surely he could see it through my eyes again. “Carter rooted himself when he became my pillar of strength—my go-to person when I was feeling blue. Those months happened…all I’m asking is for a little understanding here.” I waited for him to respond, staring at him without risking a blink because I didn’t want to miss anything.
This was important to me. I merely needed time to make him happy.
He finally opened his eyes and gazed down at me. “Then you shall have it.” Bass smiled sadly at me.
Chapter 12
Bass
I see it in her eyes, she knew that her decisions were hurting me, however she was taking a stand in protecting Carter.
This was one of the things that I had to swallow and accept. I would have to try with all my might to understand somehow because I made a mistake in leaving her, thus resulting with me making consistent sacrifices. At the end of the day, as long as we both knew where we stood, as long as she remained honest and forthcoming with me, I could always compromise.
I loved her, which was all that mattered. These hurtful things were a pain to endure, and I was still learning the ropes in being in a committed relationship. I also believed, though, that if I couldn’t tackle these details now, how would I ever face future problems later on during our marriage? Even if this situation was upsetting, in the long run, it would all pave off. For now, I had to do what Emma was asking of me.
Emma scooted all the way up against the headboard and planted her legs on my sides before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me close against her chest. “Let’s not do movies tonight.” She kissed my neck. “Maybe doing this for hours would make you a little sweeter?” she suggested before backtracking. “On second thought, don’t answer that question.
“Well, maybe I have some news to cheer up my sexy sour puss.” Emma huskily laughed next to my ear while her hands were busy skimming about on my chest.
“Yeah?” I cocked my head to the side, brow rising, as I looked at her sunny, grinning face. “I could do with a healthy dose of good news.”
“It’s not really that exciting, but I want you to know that I declined the GQ spread.”
My, she had definitely got my attention. “I thought you wanted to do it the last time we spoke?” What made her change her mind? She never mentioned anything that could be the cause of her pulling out of a very important—well-renowned—men’s magazine.
“I did, you know.” She paused, smiling lovingly at me. “With all the bad press surrounding my name at the moment and then having me worry about your reaction with the final shots, I wouldn’t want to put that on top of all the pile of poop you’re on.” Her head rested atop mine before whispering, “I can compromise, too.”
Apart from the whole Carter debacle, Emma was truly showing how much she was trying to make me happy. “That’s good news indeed.” Her surprise visit and this GQ news was a good sign, but I was feeling somewhat guilty about it. “Thank you,” I said thoughtfully, wondering if I should say something more.
“You’re welcome.”
“I appreciate all of the effort, my love, but if you really want to do this spread, don’t withdraw because of me. I’m not that guy that would hinder your future and the vast possibilities this exposure could do for you.” Holding her fingers, I kissed the tips before lightly sucking on her thumb. “We can make this happen, I’ll always be supportive of your work, never fear that.”
“Yeah, yeah, buddy.” She pulled away from my hand before sliding both of her palms upwards, towards my shoulders, slowly massaging them. “The decision’s done. Besides, I know you’re supportive even though the last thing you want is to have the world gawk at my semi-nakedness. You’re amazing; I know that already. Now, how about those videos, hmmm?”
Damn, we were back to that? I had prayed that she hopefully had forgotten about that whole thing—apparently not. “I’m still thinking…don’t have an answer for you yet.”
“Oh, come on; don’t be such a pussy.”
Was that pun intended? I was afraid so. “Taunt me all you like.” I was not going to budge here. Nah, I sure as hell wouldn’t.
She brushed her lips against my ear, using her sweet voice and hot breath to muddle my way of thinking. “Please? I promise to be objective.”
I groaned. Seriously? “Why, Em? I don’t fucking get it. This is baffling me.” What woman asked this question? Most would be mortified, yet then again, this was Emma. She truly had a way of always surprising me.
She sighed, though continued to remain as persistent as ever. “Maybe I just want to know more of you? This is a part of you—your desires—even if you claimed that you haven’t watched any of them since we got together, still…these were once important to you somehow.”
“Not important like that…” These were merely videos. They meant nothing to me.
“Okay, they were your jackoff vids. I get it.” She nodded, looking like she had just gotten the answer for a difficult mathematical equation. “I think I can deal with that.
“You’re crazy,” I blurted out, aghast that she was still pressuring me to bust out my phone and show her intimate videos of me with women I had before her. What now? Did she expect me to get some popcorn, too, while we watched back-to-back Basswhore raunchfest? Fuck. Me.
“Yeah, yeah, nothing I haven’t heard before.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Show me one then maybe that will make me shut me up.”
What in the world
was going on inside my fiancée’s head? I was starting to worry where she was going with this discussion, or the aftermath of said discussion was more like it. “I don’t know why you’re obsessing about this. Really, these are old.”
“Okay, great. Now show me.” Emma outstretched her hand, showing me her palm as she waited.
Think, damn it. “Fuck, this is bad.” Maybe if I showed her a quick glimpse, she’d be repulsed and quit the subject all together? Fucking hell and this hellish predicament.
“Come on, hurry.”
I was done for. Whatever happened after this mini showing, I had no one to blame other than me. It wasn’t like I really wanted to, in fact, I was completely against it, but Emma was being relentless. If didn’t oblige her now, she’d never cease the nagging.
“One minute.” Here comes my doom.
“Two.”
Oh, she was negotiating this? Not a chance. “No, Emma, one minute is all I can agree with.” I stood my ground. This was all I would give. “I don’t even know why I’m talking; I weighed this a thousand times, and all those times I didn’t see myself agreeing to even a peek at it.” But look at me now…
My crazy love simply winked at me. “‘Cause you can’t say no to me, that’s why, BC.”
Sadly, she could be right about that. The things we do for the people we love. God, Jesus, Mary and all the Saints, please let this be nothing and not some ploy to add more onto our ongoing problems.
Counting patience from one to ten, I took hold of my phone and painstakingly went through my folders. Unlocking the specific folder that had all the past kink in it, I randomly chose a video and pressed play before handing it to her. A quick peek of the small screen was all it took before she had her hands all over it, giving me an idea of what and who she was seeing in the video.
“Oh.” She leaned closer, the tip of her nose almost hitting the glass screen, like she needed closer scrutiny. “Is that…?”
I pulled my hair to the side, hoping I’d pulled enough hair so I could feel some pain and be jolted awake and away from this extremely bizarre circumstance. “Yeah, that’s Lydia.”
