Innocence

by Kristin Mayer

  The barn light was still on. Dad probably was working late in the back part of the shop. I’d let him know I was tired while I made sure Sparkles was okay. All of the sudden, Sparkles sounded into distress. I heard her angrily neighing and pounding, like the stall was kicked.

  I picked up my pace hoping a snake hadn’t gotten in her stall. The door at the end of the barn swung. Nervously, I glanced around making sure I was alone. Sparkles pawed the ground clearly agitated. My eyes drew to an unwelcome note in red ink that was attached to the stall with a serrated hunting knife.

  I screamed.

  Dad rushed into the barn and stopped at the sign. “What the fuck?” He grabbed my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and he took off toward the open door, grabbing a pitchfork. “Dad, be careful!”

  He didn’t answer. My whole world swayed as I leaned against the stall. Sparkles nuzzled me, helping to ground myself in the present.

  How could this be happening?

  Was this all because of Alec?

  Or did it really have something to do with Charles, like Millie suggested?

  Was it all interrelated?

  The questions spun out of control. I had no idea. None of it made sense—whatever way I looked at it. Dad came back in the barn, locking the open door. “I can’t see anything this late at night. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m shaken, but no one was here when I came in.”

  Bringing me to him, Dad hugged the life out of me and I let him, needing his strength. “Let’s check Sparkles out and head to the house. Okay?”

  “Okay. She was kicking the stall. I want to make sure she didn’t hurt herself.”

  Dad and I methodically checked Sparkles over. Well, Dad did. Sparkles kept her neck on my shoulder, giving me a horse hug. It was hard to focus, but I used my horse to help center me. “It’s okay, girl. We’re okay. We’re checking you out and then Dad is taking me to the house.”

  She nickered in response.

  Dad stood. “She looks fine. Let’s head back to the house. This needs to be reported.”

  I tried to keep my voice steady and think I succeeded. “Okay, Dad.” I kissed the side of Sparkles’ face. “Night sweet, girl. I’ll check on you in the morning.”

  I received another loving sound from Sparkles. Dad put his arms around me and walked us back to the house. A terror resonated within me. Whoever wanted me gone was serious. There would be no hiding out until I figured things out. To protect my friends and family, I needed another solution. Fast.

  Exhausted from the day’s events, we traipsed upstairs. The family pictures hung along the stairwell brought back fond memories.

  Dad and I camping in the backyard.

  Mom and I cooking for the county fair pie contest.

  Riding Sparkles through the field.

  Taking the stage as I let the music move me in my last dance recital.

  Now, I was facing threats and blacklisting—putting those I loved dear in harm’s way. A cold shiver ran down my spine. “Dad, can you call the nursing home and check on Mom?”

  A worried look passed over his face. He picked up his cell phone and spoke to them. My mind kept drifting into nothingness, trying to protect itself from all that threatened the ones I loved. I had gotten out early. Whoever was behind this was acting quickly.

  “Your mom is fine. Fast asleep.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank goodness. I wasn’t sure why I thought Mom would be harmed, but I needed the reassurance. We entered my bedroom. Without all of the memories of Charles and me, the room felt cleaner.

  Dad wrapped his arm around me and guided me to the bed. “I’ll file a report with the police. See if anything can be done. I don’t want you involved.”

  “Dad, I’m so sorry.”

  He sighed while running his free hand through his hair. “London, this is not your fault. Not at all. You made a mistake that you pay for every day and regret it. I know you.” He paused for a second. “I heard you talking to Millie on the porch. I heard all of it when I went to the kitchen to get something to drink.”

  “Oh, Dad. I-I-I . . .” Not sure what to say, I closed my mouth. I never lied to my parents.

  He shook his head. “You know, punkin’, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know my girl and I know she has a heart of gold.”

  “Dad—”

  “Let me finish.” I nodded. “I don’t think it’s safe for you here.”

  Tears pricked my eyes. “Dad, I just got out. I love being home . . . with you. Why are they doing this?”

  “I don’t know. But I need to keep you safe while I figure it out.” He patted my leg with the opposite hand. “I called an old friend, Levi McCole.”

  “I remember him.” Levi had a huge ranch in the heart of Colorado. I’d met him once quite a few years back. Levi and his wife passed through town and came to dinner. From what I remembered of him, he seemed like a good man. Dad and Mom saw them often when they attended different horse conventions when I was a teenager. I never was able to go because of ballet recitals and modern dance competitions. Dad looked at me. “Let me finish before you saying anything.”

  “Okay.”

  He took a deep breath and I wasn’t sure how he felt about what he was about to say. “He has a job on the ranch. Working with horses. Says it’s yours if you want it.”

  This was not what I expected. “What? Dad, I can’t.”

  “Before you say no, think about the fresh start you’ll have. We’ll talk and I’ll come to visit. No one will know where you are except me. You’ll be safe there. Able to live. I can’t keep you safe here if whatever asshole is brave enough to come to my barn when I’m not even fifty feet away.”

  This was exactly what I wanted earlier. But now that it was within my grasp, I was afraid. Find the courage, London. Protect your dad. If I am gone, then they’ll leave him alone.

  I cradled my head, knowing he was right. “I don’t want to lose you again, Dad. Promise, we’ll talk and I’ll see you as often as possible.”

  “I promise, punkin’. I wouldn’t suggest it if it wasn’t to protect you.”

  “Thank you, Dad.”

  He squeezed me and I relished the moment. “Get some sleep. We’ll head out tomorrow after lunch. Do a father-daughter road trip. I think Sparkles should go with you.”

  “Really?” Being able to spend more time with Dad prior to staying in Colorado helped ease the guilt of my decision. Having Sparkles with me was even better.

  Dad stood, “Really.” He kissed my forehead and for the first time in four years, I felt peace. As Dad made it to the doorway, he added, “London, I agree with Millie. There’s something more to what happened that night. I don’t think you would have deliberately done that. It’s never made sense.”

  “What if it is the truth?”

  He took another deep breath. “I still love you. The guilt of what happened will stay with you, regardless. But, I think there’s more to the story. Your mom did too. But, we never were able to find anything. All any of us can do is to spend the time we have left making the world a better place.”

  The door closed. Mom believed in me too. Maybe, there was more. The Colorado sky might allow me to think clearly, remember something—anything to piece together the mystery of what happened.

  A SIGN FOR THE MCCOLE ranch hung above the entrance after being on the road for two days. A security gate opened as Dad crept forward. The black iron bars reminded me of prison in a sense. Would this be my new prison? I wasn’t able to stay at home, forced to leave. My heart ached at the thought.

  I kept a pleasant smile on my face. The last thing I wanted was for Dad to feel guilty about me having to leave. It was safer for him.

  Driving up a long dirt road, wooden fences framed in the land on each side while horses grazed. I rolled down the window taking in the fresh mountain air. Colorado was beautiful. Majestic mountains stood in the background creating a breathtaking view. For now, I focused on the beaut
y and not the reason I was here.

  No one knew me here. It was a clean slate. That was the positive to all this. This is good, London. This is what I need. At least, that was what I willed myself to believe. My mind was a mess with all the change in such a short amount of time.

  I took a quiet, deep breath. A large state-of-the-art barn sat off to the left. There was room for over forty stalls judging from the size. It was exciting to get to do one of the things I loved—taking care of horses. The buildings surrounding the main stable were like a miniature city. The place was grander than I’d imagined, even after hearing my parents talk about it.

  The McCole’s were involved in rehabilitating injured horses. In addition, they hosted the annual McCole Classic—a jumping event which brought riders and horses of the highest caliber. I was in awe of the beauty and operation and I hadn’t left the vehicle yet. It was still family-owned even with many offers to buy them out from what Dad mentioned.

  “What do you think?”

  I glanced over at Dad. “It’s amazing. Sparkles is going to think she’s at a resort.”

  Dad chuckled. “She probably will.”

  A truck met us coming the opposite way. Dad rolled down the window to greet an older man with peppered-color hair and a day’s worth of stubble. “Hey, Levi. Good to see you.”

  “You too, man. Saw you in the camera at the gate. Thought I’d meet you to get your horse settled. Maybe let her run around while we have dinner.”

  Dad nodded his head. “Sounds good. It’s been a while since you’ve seen her, but this is London.”

  Levi smiled, no malice in his eyes like I was used to over these past few years. “You’ve grown up a lot since I’ve seen you, London. Welcome to our place. Look forward to your help.”

  “Thank you for having me, sir. I look forward to working here.”

  “Just Levi will do.”

  I nodded feeling a bit of the tenseness leave at his laid back manner. Turning into the large open area, Dad parked the truck. The ride had been long, but worth it. Stretching, my limbs popped as I walked to the back of the trailer. Sparkles was restless as I unloaded her. I was glad she was here with me. I looked out onto the green pastures as I led her to the gate Levi gestured toward. She nudged me to go quicker. “I know, girl. It’s beautiful. I’ll be back after dinner to put you up.”

  At the gate I released Sparkles and she took off, burning through the pent-up energy. In the middle of the field, she looked directly at me before neighing and taking off again. Sparkles loved it here.

  I took a deep breath and gazed out onto the land. Colorado was rejuvenating. Maybe I would finally be able to move forward . . . remember what happened that night.

  Dad and Levi retired to the front porch to smoke cigars. I was in the kitchen with Pam McCole, Levi’s wife, finishing the dishes. Earlier, she’d insisted I call her by her first name. As I’d gathered information on our trip, Dad mentioned they were in their late sixties. The McCole’s aged well. Levi had that Robert Redford look.

  Folding the dishrag, I asked, “Is there anything else that needs to be done?”

  Looking at me, Pam gave a gentle smile. “I think we’ve got everything done. Thanks for your help.”

  “Of course. Thank you for letting me work here for the summer.” Pam tucked a stray of gray-streaked chestnut hair behind her ear as she put away the last of the leftovers. I continued, “Dad mentioned I would be staying in the bunkhouse? I would like to get situated, if that’s okay.”

  “Why don’t we have a glass of wine and talk about it on the back porch?”

  I stared at one of the many cedar beams lining the ceiling thinking about how to respond. It was best to address everything straight on. “Water will be fine for me. I don’t drink.”

  Pam watched me. Was this a test? I understood if it was since they were opening their home to me and all those who shared their life. It was aggravating to not be able to escape no matter where I went if it was the case.

  “I know Dad told you about the accident. I don’t remember anything.” I took a deep breath as I pushed away the queasiness that came when talking about what happened. “I rarely drank because of dancing. I’m not sure why I turned to alcohol or what happened that made me want to drink it.” My lip quivered as I thought about Alec. “I am responsible for killing a boy, which will haunt me for the rest of my life.” A tear fell down my face and I quickly wiped it away. “I get you not trusting me for what I’ve done. But the person from that night of the accident is not me, and I’ll live with the regret for the rest of my life.”

  Laying her hand on my shoulder, Pam responded, “I’m sorry, London. I wasn’t thinking when I asked about the wine. I only wanted to chat about the change in plans.”

  I swallowed feeling foolish for overreacting. “Thanks. I’d like that.”

  Pouring two glasses of tea, Pam handed me one. “Here’s to a fresh start. Levi and I don’t judge a book by its cover. We get to know the person and form an opinion for ourselves.”

  That was more than I could ask for. “I like the sound of that. Thank you.”

  Pam motioned for me to follow her to the back porch. Across from the pool was a guesthouse. I took a sip and listened to a few horses neigh in the distance. “I have a grandson, Ty, he’s five. Well, just turned five last week. He’s a handful to say the least.”

  I chuckled. “Most five-year-old boys are.” This was an odd way to start the conversation.

  “Yes, they are. My son is a single dad. He needs help though he doesn’t think he does. I wanted to know if you would mind working with the horses and helping out with Ty depending on the schedule?”

  Swirling my tea, I paused. “Did Dad tell you about the threat? I want to make sure you know anything that could affect your decision.”

  “Sweetheart, this place is locked up tight. No one knows you’re here. Watching him here won’t be an issue.”

  I smiled. “That would be great. I’m here to help however I can. I love watching kids. Even the wilder ones.”

  Images of Alec and me blowing bubbles in the front yard raced through my mind. His giggle as he chased them around the yard. The ache in my chest returned thinking about that precious boy.

  Pam laughed not noticing my change in thoughts. “Thanks, London. Jaxson, Ty’s dad, lives up on that hill over yonder.” As she pointed, I followed the direction of her finger to see a large house up on the hill in the distance. Maybe a mile away. “I thought it might be easier with you watching Ty if you stayed in the guesthouse versus the bunkhouse. You’ll have your own space. Plus, Ty has a play room out there.”

  “Oh, Pam. I don’t mind staying in the bunk house.”

  “I know, sweetheart. But, it’ll make it easier for me too.”

  My own place. I hadn’t had my own space in such a long time. This was perfect. Almost too good to be true. “If it makes it easier for you, I’ll gladly stay there. Thank you. When do I get to meet him?”

  What I thought to be another prison was looking like one of the best things to happen in a long time.

  “He’s at my daughter, Sydney’s, house tonight while Jaxson is out of town. He’ll be here bright and early tomorrow before she has to head out of town.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  The screen door opened and the men came out on the back porch. Dad looked at me and gave a genuine smile. Levi asked, “What are you ladies discussing?”

  Levi put his arm around Pam as she responded. “London watching Ty and us wanting her to take the guesthouse. She’d love to. ”

  “He’s a handful. But I have a feeling you can handle your own.” Levi gave me a wink.

  Dad gave me a hug as he stated, “Then, it’s all settled. I better get London unloaded, and then go to sleep. I have an early morning on the road since I need to be in Kansas tomorrow evening to pick up the new boarding horse.”

  As we unloaded the vehicle, there was a suitcase I hadn’t packed. “I don’t think this is mine, Dad.”


  “Millie packed it for you. She wanted to send some essentials out here until she could get here herself.”

  I froze looking at the bag as if it could explode. “I’m afraid to look.”

  “I would be too.”

  We laughed as we approached the guesthouse. I hesitantly wheeled Millie’s surprise bag into the house. The wood and rock combination from the main house was continued into the guest home. It was stunning with the cedar beams. The rustic feel made me want to curl up with a good book.

  Opening the door, the cream-colored theme continued with the dark accented furniture. Class and elegance were my initial thoughts.

  “You’re going to get spoiled living here.” Dad’s voice was excited. I raised my eyebrow with apprehension. Before my thoughts could go forward, he voiced, “You deserve a little spoiling, London.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say as I looked down. A hand came on my shoulder. “Let’s explore and get you settled. But, I’m not helping with Millie’s bag. She told me not to open it.”

  A giggle escaped helping to abate the earlier dimmer thoughts. As we walked around, the place was larger than it appeared on the outside. It was three-bedroom and two bathrooms. The third bedroom had been converted to a playroom for Ty. I smiled at the dump truck stencils on the walls.

  “Do Pam and Levi have any other grandchildren besides Ty?” I yelled back down the hall.

  Dad appeared in the hallway coming from the master bedroom where he’d placed my bags. “Yes, one with Sydney. Ty was unexpected from what I understand. The granddaughter, Mallory is older. I think she’s thirteen.”

  I imagined Jaxson and his sister where in their mid to late thirties from the bits and pieces of information I received from Dad on the way up.

  “Well, punkin’, I need to get some sleep.”

  A bittersweet feeling came over me. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him. Time had flown by too fast. But, I had to be strong. Keep him safe. “Dad, I’m going to miss you.”

  Giving me a squeeze, Dad kissed the top of my head. “I’ll miss you too. I can already tell a difference. This place will be good for you. The McCole’s are good people.”