As She Fades

by Abbi Glines

  I looked around the room that had become a part of his life. His existence. “You’ll wake up soon. Things will be different. For both of us. I’m worried about that. Even a little scared. I’m not the same girl I was on graduation night. And I know you won’t be the same, either. This isn’t exactly what I imagined when we talked about growing up.”

  Again, nothing. Just the silence. I stood there and watched him breathe until his mother returned with a bottle of water in her hands. Saying good-bye was easier than I thought it would be. My life was truly changing.

  * * *

  ONCE WE WERE back in the Jeep, Slate didn’t ask me questions about Crawford. Nor did he mention anything his uncle had said. I had actually expected him to do both, but he acted as if there was nothing to talk about. So I went along with it. He was quiet, and I could tell seeing his uncle so sick was hard on him. Leaving him had seemed to be the most difficult.

  My parents were expecting us, and so was the rest of the family, apparently, because all their cars were parked out front when we pulled up. I had given my mom a call after breakfast to let her know we were visiting Slate’s uncle and Crawford, then stopping by to see them. She insisted we eat dinner with them.

  Slate had seemed on board with the idea. The only one missing was Knox, who was back at Bington. He worked Saturday nights at a local radio station. I also didn’t let him know I was going anywhere with Slate. I had seen and heard enough already. I didn’t need his warnings.

  “So it seems that the rest of the family will be joining us for dinner,” I said, feeling like this was a bit unfair. Slate hadn’t agreed to the whole family thing. “My brothers and I are close. They aren’t used to me being gone all the time. Jonah you won’t see tonight because he’s a Marine and on active duty. But the others are all here.”

  Slate nodded and smiled, but the smile wasn’t as genuine as it had been before we visited his uncle. It had been hard on him. Again, I wanted to hug him and tell him it would be all right. But the truth was, it wouldn’t be, and we both knew it. His uncle D’s time was limited.

  “It’s okay. I like the McKinley family members I’ve met so far. I’m sure everyone else is just as cool.”

  They were. I loved my family, and after spending the day with Slate and his uncle I realized I was incredibly lucky to have the large family I had. No sickness had touched us. No death. Crawford had been the biggest tragedy we faced. And I still believed he would open his eyes one day.

  “Okay. Well, the food will be good. More than likely one of my favorites. You can expect red velvet cake for dessert.”

  “Momma’s baby has come home for a visit,” he teased.

  I nodded. Because he was right. “Yep.”

  I opened the door and waved him inside. “Here we are.”

  The house wasn’t huge. It was big enough for us, though. The foyer had a coat rack that currently held two rain jackets, an umbrella, Mom’s purse, and her reusable shopping bags. The stairs were right around the corner leading up to the four bedrooms. One for my parents, one for me, one that Knox and Jonah had shared, and one that Dylan and Michea had shared. They all still remained the way they had been left when the others had moved out. Except there was a baby bed in Dylan and Michea’s old room. The girls had outgrown the baby bed, but it was waiting on the next grandchild.

  Voices from the kitchen and living room were so loud they hadn’t even realized we were here. This was typical of my family. Everyone was always trying to out-talk the others.

  “VALE!!” Maddy was the first to see us. She screamed my name and ran at me with her arms up in the air.

  I bent down to catch her just as my mother, father, Malyn, and Catherine all came out of the kitchen. Michea and his fiancée, Hazel, came from the living room with Dylan.

  “I didn’t even hear y’all come in,” Momma said, wiping her hands on her pink polka-dot apron that the girls had painted for her last Mother’s Day.

  “I expect not with all the talking that was going on. Everyone, this is Slate Allen. He is a friend of mine and one of Knox’s frat brothers,” I said. Then I turned back to Slate. “You’ve met Dylan and the girls. This is Catherine, Dylan’s wife and the girls’ mother.” I then went on to make the rest of the introductions.

  Dad shook his hand, as did Michea. When I was finished, Maddy decided to remind us that she’d seen him kiss a nurse. He was never going to live that down with the girls. Dylan had quickly hushed her up, and I smiled over at Slate. He needed to be careful where he kissed people.

  The table was already set and I was sure Mom had put Catherine and the boys to work as soon as they got here. We had a long, wide farm table that my dad had made just after he and Mom got married. We filled it up now, and over the years he’d had to make two benches for either side to fit everyone.

  Right down the middle was where the food was placed and we passed it all around to fix our plates. I scooted in to sit beside Maddy and let Slate take the end seat. “How’s your uncle?” my mother asked as soon as plates were filled and everyone was comfortable.

  “He’s tough,” Slate said, “but he’s not getting better.”

  Mom looked at him in a way only a concerned mother could. “Well, we are here if you ever need us to take him something. Meals, or just to check on him. Don’t hesitate to call. I was thinking of sending Dylan up there with a plate tomorrow. We always have so many leftovers.”

  “I’m sure he’d like that. He hates the hospital food. His appetite isn’t much these days.”

  Mom nodded, and I was willing to bet that Uncle D got a hot meal from her every day from now on. She, however, never mentioned Crawford or asked about my visit with him. I figured Slate’s being here had her keeping quiet about that.

  “I was hoping Knox could make it home tonight. He didn’t have time to stop by the other day and it’s not easy with y’all both being gone,” Momma said, looking down at her food.

  “Yeah, me and Michea aren’t enough to keep her happy. If Michea and Hazel would hurry up and get hitched and shoot out some kids, then she’d have something else to worry over. The girls are getting too big now, and she needs a baby to tend to.” Dylan was teasing, but there was truth to his words.

  “Leave your momma alone. She’s doing just fine. We’re all glad Vale is off at school and living her life again. Ain’t no one wishing she hadn’t gone,” Dad piped up before soaking his corn bread in turnip greens and taking a bite.

  “How are classes?” Catherine asked me, changing the subject before the boys could keep on.

  “Good. Harder than I was prepared for, but I’m managing.”

  “So how is Knox adjusting to the frat house life?” Michea directed his question to Slate.

  The rest of the dinner went just as smoothly. Slate laughed at stories my brothers told about my childhood, and although some were very embarrassing, it was making Slate laugh so I let it go.

  * * *

  WHEN WE LEFT, both my parents told Slate to come back anytime. That he didn’t need me to get a good meal. For that, I hugged my parents. Simply because they had no idea what they had offered him. Something he’d never really had. A big family.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  EVERLY WAS NOT happy. It wasn’t a guessing game as to why she was angry, either. I was a good roommate. I overlooked the pitch-black windows when the sunshine should be lighting the room so I could see to get dressed, and the fact I had no space in the bathroom for my things, and the way she left her shoes and clothing draped all over the place—even my bed at times. Heck, I even accepted the furry pink pillow and ridiculous paintings she hung around the room.

  So she had no reason to be mad at me. But she was. And it was all because of Slate. He had begun picking me up in the morning and walking me to my first class. I didn’t think much about it, other than it was really nice and saved me from going without coffee, because he always brought me some. However, the rest of the dorm was buzzing about it, because Slate Allen didn’t do this.
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  But he was doing it with me.

  Telling people we were just friends didn’t seem right, either, because we were dating now. Not exclusively, but we were dating. I tried not to think about the exclusive thing too much. I didn’t want to know who else he was seeing. For now, he seemed to be seeing only me.

  * * *

  WHEN I CAME out of the bathroom the next Friday morning, Everly stood at the door with her hand on it like she wasn’t going to let me leave the room. She was normally in bed at this time yelling at me to be quiet.

  “Why you? What, do you have a magic vagina or something? Do you give world-class blow jobs? I mean, what is the deal here? I am a hundred times more attractive than you. I am fuck-worthy. Look at me!” She waved her hand down her body as if I should be taken in by the sight. “So why is he seeing you over and over again? Slate Allen doesn’t do that. He is a one-time fuck. Everyone knows that.”

  I knew the guy of whom we spoke was waiting on me downstairs. He had just sent me a text.

  “Move, Everly. I have a class to get to.”

  Her face grew bright red and she slapped the door. “Answer me, damn it!”

  I’d seen her pitch fits before, but this one was on its way to being her worst yet. “Possibly because I don’t act like this.”

  She looked confused. “Like what?”

  “A psycho bitch. Now move.”

  “Did you just call me a bitch?” she roared loudly. I was beginning to wonder who all could hear this and if a crowd had gathered outside our room to listen.

  “Don’t forget the psycho. That’s really important.”

  Her eyes flashed pure hate, and I wondered if I had gone too far. I had never in my life been in a fight and I didn’t want to have my first one now.

  “You’ll regret that. I always get what I want. Always.”

  That was a threat that didn’t even make sense. What did she want? Slate? She was in for disappointment.

  “Noted. Can I leave now?”

  She rolled her eyes and stepped away from the door.

  When I opened it, three of the girls down our hall were standing there with big eyes, listening. I had figured as much. This would be all over campus by lunchtime. I’d have to tell Slate about it. As silly as it was.

  Slate held out my coffee as I climbed into his Jeep. “You’re late.”

  I was typically very punctual. “Everly” was my explanation before I took my first drink of coffee.

  “Getting ready in the dark again,” he said, already knowing my normal Everly woes.

  “Nope. I have that mastered. Today she got up to threaten me about you. She’s not happy about this,” I said, pointing at the two of us. “You aren’t supposed to see a girl more than once.”

  Slate chuckled. “Yeah, she’s a bit wack. That’s why it took me a year to even give in to her constant flirting and just get it over with.”

  “Very romantic,” I drawled.

  He shrugged. “That’s me. Mr. Romance.”

  I smirked and sipped more coffee. I wasn’t rested enough for this class and I had a full day, then work tonight. I would finally be working without Mae, and I was nervous but looking forward to the tips.

  “You working tonight?” he asked, and I nodded.

  I almost expected him to ask what time I got off, but he didn’t. He stayed quiet and we drank our coffee in silence. When he drove up to the building that was my stop, he leaned toward me. “Come here.”

  I met him halfway and he kissed me. The kind I’d come to expect every morning. The kind that made it hard to walk to class with his taste on my tongue and his scent still surrounding me. This was my favorite part of the morning.

  “I’ll see you later,” he whispered against my lips as the kiss ended.

  All I could do was nod. My breathing was still a little erratic. The best way to snap out of this was to think about how kissing Crawford had never made me feel this way. It was what I had finally come to acknowledge while walking to my morning classes. It sobered me and reminded me that my life was changing. I was happy again. Without Crawford.

  I hadn’t thought that was possible. To enjoy life without him. But I had my memories. Our childhood was a good one and those memories would always be there. Sometimes life throws changes our way that make us stronger and show us we don’t always know what is best.

  Sitting down in class, I got my laptop out of my book bag so I could get settled before the professor arrived. I had a routine. Set up my laptop, sign on to the Internet, and get my coffee in the right spot.

  “She isn’t the only one. He’s taking Babs to the Kappa Sigma party tonight. All she’s talked about all week is Slate Allen asking her out. I think they’re just friends. Maybe she’s a lesbian.”

  The whisper had been a mock one. The girl wanted to act as if she didn’t want me to overhear her, but the pitch in her voice said she definitely wanted my attention. If that was meant to hurt me or upset me, she had succeeded. Not because Slate was doing anything wrong—he had made it clear that this wasn’t exclusive. Simply because for me he was it. I couldn’t kiss him and then go date someone else. I didn’t want to. But he did. That hurt.

  This was something Crawford never would have done. I’d asked for this. I’d accepted it. But I wasn’t sure I could actually do it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  WHEN SLATE TEXTED me about meeting him for lunch, I gave him the excuse that I had a study group I needed to be at. He didn’t argue and I didn’t say any more. I even stayed at the library until the very last minute before changing and heading to work in case he came by the dorm to see me. I wasn’t prepared to see him. Not with knowing he had a date tonight but kissed me this morning.

  He’d have sex tonight. That was what he did. I knew this, yet I would kiss him every morning and in the afternoon when I saw him again. But how many of those times had he left me and gone to screw someone else? He hadn’t tried to do anything but kiss me. He had a reputation for wild, hot sex, but he never touched more than my hand when he held it, my face when he kissed me, and sometimes my waist.

  Maybe he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. That had to be it. I thought he liked kissing me, but I was beginning to see that maybe it had been to make me feel better. Maybe the kissing didn’t affect him like it did me. He wasn’t overcome with lust and the need to do anything more. Tonight he would, though. He’d take her to his room and screw her. She’d tell everyone and I’d be his lesbian friend.

  Fantastic.

  My phone buzzed and I glanced down to see a text from him asking me where I was. I thought about ignoring him but decided against it. I told him I was headed to work.

  He didn’t say any more. Good. I didn’t want to keep responding to him. It wasn’t easy. I wanted to throw my phone every time I saw his name. And I shouldn’t even be mad at him. It wasn’t his fault. Just because I wanted more and he didn’t. At least he’d been honest about it.

  Luckily, my first night on the floor alone was so hectic I didn’t have time to think about frat parties or Slate Allen. I was too busy remembering drink orders and how customers wanted their burgers cooked.

  Pocketing three hundred dollars and forty-five cents in tips after tipping the bartender and busboys was nice. I hadn’t expected tips like that, and although Mae had warned me that Friday nights were better than the other nights of the week, I still liked the money. I needed to work every Friday night.

  That wasn’t the only unexpected thing that happened that night. Only the first.

  When I stepped out the back door to go to my car, Slate was waiting on me. He was leaning up against the front of my car with his arms crossed over his chest and a serious expression on his face. He was supposed to be at his frat party. With his date.

  I stopped and stared at him a moment. I wasn’t sure I wanted this confrontation. He would only be here if he knew that I knew about his date. What, had he already screwed her and left her? Was he that shallow? Thought he could just come running to me a
fterward?

  “Why are you here?” My words were angry. I couldn’t pretend otherwise.

  “Because I wanted to see you.”

  I shook my head and walked around him to my car door. “You saw me. Now go back to the girl good enough to fuck and leave me be.” Ouch … that was not what I meant to say. The words were just flying out of my mouth without thought or hesitation.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, and that only made me angrier.

  I jerked open my car door with way more force than was necessary and glared at him. “It means that I’ve changed my mind. I can’t do this.” I paused, then finished. “Whatever this is. I am not that girl. I will never be that girl.”

  My next course of action was to get in my car and drive off. Unfortunately, Slate was faster than me and he was behind me with his hands on my arms, stopping me before I could move.

  “You can’t do what, Vale? Say it! What is it you can’t do?”

  He wanted to hear it. Fine. I shook him off me and spun around. “I can’t be the girl you keep around because you don’t want her sexually while you go screw everyone else. I can’t let you kiss me and then go sleep with some girl that turns you on. I don’t do it for you. I’m not enough. FINE! I quit. I have more pride than this. I—”

  Then his mouth was on mine and no more words were coming out. I put both hands on his chest to push him away, but he grabbed my wrists and held me there while he kissed me like I was his last breath. Like he couldn’t get close enough to me. And it only took a few seconds of this intensity to melt into him and run my hands up his chest and into his hair.

  Slate’s hands slid to my waist, then they moved lower, covering my bottom and jerking me flush up against him. The hard thickness that he pressed into my stomach was something I knew. I recognized it, and it told me one thing was certain: I did turn Slate on.

  I rubbed up against him, wanting to feel it. Feel him. The groan that came from his chest sent shivers through me, and I held on to his hair and tried to get even closer.