Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  Dane was a fantastic artist. I mean, off the charts good. I would never tell him this because his head was already so big I was surprised he could get it in his t-shirt in the morning, but he had talent. I knew so little about him, but I did know he’d been through some very painful events; it showed in his paintings with angry red and black color combinations. I could tell he had pain locked inside of him and wondered if he kept it all hidden, like I did.

  When class ended, it didn’t seem possible that two hours had passed. If I could spend all day, every day doing what I was doing now, I would be the happiest girl in the world. I grabbed my things as a large strong hand wrapped around my arm. “I’ll pick you up at 9. Text me your dorm and room number.”

  Then he was gone. As I stood there, I could feel my head and heart racing. My head was scared to death because Dane was unchartered water for me and my heart was skipping around like a little girl on the playground. What was he doing to me?

  That night I was sitting in my dorm working on a paper for my English Literature class when my phone started to vibrate.

  Dane: Miss me yet?

  I swear my stomach did a little flip flop when I saw it was from Dane. How the hell did he get my cell number?

  Alex: How did you get my number?

  Dane: Texted myself when I programmed yours : )

  Okay, that was clever.

  Alex: Stalker much?

  I was flattered, but there was no way I was going to tell him that!

  Dane: Only U

  Alex: Night!

  Dane: Goodnight, Gorgeous!

  Even the whole Gorgeous thing was starting to grow on me.

  When I woke up the next morning, I was full of nerves. Maybe this was a mistake? Did I really want to go out with Dane? It was only one date, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea and think this was more than it was. Did I think he was attractive? Yes, but this couldn’t go anywhere. I promised him one night and I fully intended to give that to him. After that, we would have to go back to being art partners and friends. I thought about calling Gwen, but I already knew what she would tell me; this couldn’t end well and I should stop it before it even starts. Jade didn’t have class until noon on Thursday so she was still wrapped in her comforter across the room.

  I took a quick shower and headed toward the coffee shop to study before I had to go to my English Literature class. I ordered my favorite skinny mocha and found an empty seat near the window. There was something so relaxing about sitting in a coffee shop. The smell of coffee and chocolate are like lavender for my senses. Maybe it was being outside my normal environment or the noises of chatter, blenders and movement that relaxed me, but it was my thinking place. The walls were a deep espresso brown with red, yellow and green accents. The shop was full of tables and chairs as well as a few comfy couches. The lighting was dim, but accented with the natural light from the window. The whole setup washed me in a sea of calm.

  Today I’d had a hard time staying focused because of a certain boy who remained under my skin. I couldn’t stop thinking about the reasons I should, and should not, go out with Dane tonight.

  There were many reasons I should go out with Dane Wright. First, if I gave him this one date he would leave me alone. I had promised him one date and nothing more. Second, it would get Jade off my back; the girl thought I needed to get out more and have some fun and that was exactly what I was going to do tonight. Third, I wanted to go. Dane and I were so different, but we shared a love for art and he could be really fun to talk to, even if he was a pain in my ass. Last, there was going to be live music and dancing. How could you go wrong with that?

  When I thought about the reasons I should not go out with Dane, I realized that list was a lot shorter. First, he could get the wrong idea and think this was more than it ever could be. I got the impression that he didn’t do relationships, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have other expectations. Second, I was afraid of what others would think if they saw us together. I didn’t go out too often and hadn’t met too many people outside of Jade’s friends. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression about me. I’d always been far too concerned about impressions; it was driven in to me that it mattered what other people thought about me above anything else.

  As I thought through all of this, I decided the reasons I should go far outweighed the reasons I shouldn’t. It was just one night. I could go out, have fun, and hopefully come out unharmed. I headed to class, happy with my decision and ready to see what the night would bring.

  I was relieved that Jade was in our room when I got back from class. I was hoping to pick her brain over dinner. I had been on dates before, but I had never been on a date with a non-parent approved boy with tattoos and a leather jacket. My legs were already trembling and my hands were sweaty just thinking about it. I needed a distraction to kill the couple hours I had between now and when Dane would arrive.

  “Hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?” I asked. She didn’t look up as she continued to paint her nails. She should have been studying, but she was painting her nails instead.

  “I’m meeting Tyler for a drink later,” she replied, briefly looking up at me with a sheepish grin. I was surprised she was meeting with Tyler, but I liked him and I thought he would be good for her.

  “Let’s grab something to eat. I have to be back early anyway because Dane is picking me up at 9. Actually, no, we should be back by 7 because you need to help me get ready.” I knew I was rambling as I paced back and forth across the room.

  She looked up at me, her eyes huge. “Oh, I almost forgot about the big date tonight. We need to make you look hot!”

  “This is not a date. I’m just going out with him to get him off my back.” At this point, I didn’t know who I was trying to convince; her or me.

  “Would it be so bad if it was a date?” Jade asked.

  “It can’t happen, Jade. Just leave it alone.”

  Jade laughed. “Whatever, Alex. If you get one taste of that man, you will never go back to polos and khakis. That boy is going to rock your world.”

  I rolled my eyes at her. She thought she knew everything, but she really had no idea what she was talking about here. She hadn’t lived with my parents and she had no idea how bad things could get. “You know that will never happen. It can’t happen.”

  “Well, let’s go to dinner and then we’ll get you spruced up for your big non-date.” The way she emphasized “big” led me to believe I still hadn’t convinced her this was not a real date. I wasn’t going to waste any more of my time trying to convince her when I’d spent so much time trying to convince myself.

  We grabbed our coats and headed out the door. One of the only things I missed about home was being able to grab something to eat and drink from the fridge without stepping outside. Really, who wanted to walk a half-mile outside in twenty-degree weather to grab dinner? The food wasn’t even that good.

  Jade started toward our regular table after we grabbed our food, but I quickly stopped her. I needed some advice without the guys around. There were only two sitting there tonight, but two was too many. “Can we sit alone tonight? I need some help and I don’t want testosterone getting in the way.”

  She stopped, glancing back at me. “This isn’t your first date, Alex. Didn’t you just get out of an eight month relationship?” She sat at a small table in the corner with only two seats. I hoped it was enough of a hint to deter any visitors.

  “We both know Ryan was more of a friend than a boyfriend. I’ve known him forever,” I said, moving my salad around on my plate, but not really eating it. I didn’t know why I even bothered to grab any dinner; my stomach was wound in so many knots.

  “So, what do you want to know?” Tonight she was eating chili cheese fries. How she maintained her size four figure and perfect skin was beyond me. Genetics could be so unfair.

  I thought about it for a minute. “Well for starters, what do I do if he expects more than I’m willing to give him? I’m not used to d
ating guys I barely know.”

  “I can see why you’ve never been in love.” She stopped to blot her mouth with a napkin before throwing it on the table. “Do you know how pathetic you sound? Have you ever followed your heart to see where it takes you?”

  “My heart told me it was time to let Ryan go and I did. Seriously though, how do I let him know that we’re in friend territory without sounding like a total bitch?” I decided to try a few bites of my salad. I needed something in my stomach if I was going to drink tonight. I would need the alcohol to combat my nerves.

  “Look, you don’t have to say anything. Just go out, have a great time, and cross that bridge if you have to. Honestly, he seems like a nice guy.” I snorted at this. He could be a really nice guy; he proved that the night he took me to his apartment, but he was also walking sex. Everything about him screamed sex.

  “Seems nice, yes.”

  We headed back to the dorm. Jade had just started going through my clothes to find me something to wear when my phone buzzed.

  Dane: One more hour. Can’t wait.

  I couldn’t help the butterflies in my stomach as I read it over and over. No one had ever been this forward with me and I found it exciting. I curled my hair into soft spirals and applied my usual amount of makeup before Jade intervened, giving my eyes the same smoky look they had that night at the club. I’d never been a fan of being overly made up or one of those girls who thought the way to a guy’s heart was to completely paint on a face that wasn’t real.

  Jade picked out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a fitted teal camisole, and my black healed ankle boots before she left for her own date. I expected a tight little black dress, but this was a welcome surprise. The boots were questionable since we had to walk but I should be able to handle two blocks without much trouble.

  Right at 9pm, there was a soft knock at the door. I took one more look at myself in the mirror and grabbed my black pea coat and gloves before heading to the door. If there was one thing I wanted to avoid, it was Dane Wright stepping foot into my dorm room while we were alone.

  I opened the door and got an eye full of his gorgeous dimpled smile. “You look beautiful,” he said as his eyes traveled the length of my body. I felt myself blush under his stare. What was happening to me?

  He didn’t look bad himself. He wore faded blue jeans, which were a little worn in the knees, a white button up and the infamous leather jacket. That leather jacket was really starting to grow on me. I wondered if it would smell like him if I buried my nose in the jacket. “You don’t look half bad yourself,” I said, as I tried to shake myself from my thoughts.

  He held out his hand. “Ready to go?” I didn’t offer my hand and instead stepped out closing the door behind me.

  “Ready,” I replied. He walked with his hands in his pockets while I fidgeted with the buttons on the front of my coat. We enjoyed some small talk about our latest art project on the way to the club which relaxed me a bit. Before I knew it, we were there. I handed the bouncer my fake ID before we found an empty table.

  “I’m glad you decided to come out with me tonight. I don’t get out too often because I work every Friday and Saturday night at the bar and sometimes pick up a weeknight when they need me.” If I didn’t know better, I would say that Dane was a little nervous as he rolled the corners of a napkin between his fingers.

  “How did a college student get stuck working every Friday and Saturday night?” I was genuinely curious. Dane didn’t seem like the type of guy that would skip the opportunities that weekends brought.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I need the money and those are the money nights.”

  Fortunately, I didn’t have to worry about that as long as I kept my parents happy. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have to support myself through school. Finding the time to study was hard enough.

  “Your parents don’t help you out?” I regretted the question as soon as it left my lips. He looked down at the table. I saw sadness in his eyes; not the usually happy and confident look that I was accustomed to.

  “No. Dad left when I was really young and I’ve only seen him twice since. Mom barely makes enough to support herself and my little brother.” This was the first time he had mentioned a little brother. I had assumed he was an only child after his sister’s death.

  “How old is your brother?” I asked.

  “Eighteen. Come on, let’s dance.” He offered me his hand for the second time tonight and this time I accepted. Turn on the Lights, by Future, was playing and I loved this song. There was a brief moment of awkwardness because I wasn’t quite sure where to place my hands. He lightly ran his hands down my arms before settling them on my hips, never taking his eyes off mine. I placed my left hand on his shoulder and lifted the other one in the air as I started to move to the music. My eyes closed as I began to relax; this didn’t have to be any different from any other time I’d danced. I was in the middle of the dance floor with a sexy man wrapped around me, beats flowing through my body. When I opened my eyes again Dane had a serious look on his face as he watched me move, but it turned into a smile as soon as he noticed me staring at him. Something silently passed between us. He wasn’t Dane Wright, the annoying jerk from Art class anymore. He was Dane Wright, the guy I sort of liked and understood.

  I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but once Dirty Dancer by Usher came on I turned so that my back was pressed against his chest, just like the first night we met. His strong arm wrapped around my stomach, pulling me as close as I could get to him. I could feel every part of him as our bodies moved together with the rhythm of the music. I’d never danced with someone who could move like Dane and my whole body was alert in a way I didn’t even know was possible.

  The DJ announced he was going to slow it up for a couple of songs. I decided this would be a good time to go back to our table and have a drink, but before I could say anything Dane turned me to face him. I could read the question in his eyes. My heart and mind battled before I answered him by wrapping my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. I couldn’t stop myself from smelling the leather jacket when I pressed my face to his chest. The scent was better than I imagined; a combination of cedar, citrus, and leather with a hint of mint. It was so intoxicating that I completely lost myself in it. “You smell good,” he said, burying his head in the crook of my neck. After a few minutes I felt his lips brushing my delicate skin. That was my wake up call; it was getting too comfortable. We were too close and I needed to end it before it went any further. The whole gesture felt too intimate and the warning signals were going off throughout my body.

  I stepped back out of his grasp, “Let’s go have a drink.”

  His brows pulled together as he rubbed the back of his neck, but he didn’t say anything as he followed me back to our table. I ordered a beer and whiskey before Dane told the waiter to bring the beer and forget the whiskey. I lifted an eyebrow in his direction. “Don’t you have class tomorrow?” he asked. Point taken. He ordered himself a beer before turning his attention back to me.

  We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before he started to speak again. “Are you having fun?” I was actually having more fun than I’d had in a long time, but I didn’t want to tell him that. I wished I could do this every night….with him, but I couldn’t.

  “Yeah, I love this place.” I gave him a small smile before taking a long drink from my beer.

  He looked at me like he really wanted to say something before finally opening his mouth. “Do you have plans for Sunday night? There’s an urban art exhibit at the gallery near campus and I thought you might like to go.”

  “Look Dane, I said I would go out with you one time and I did. You’re a really nice guy and I’m sure you can find someone else to go with you, but you and I can’t do this again.”

  I watched as his jaw tensed and I wasn’t sure if it was sadness or anger I saw in his eyes, but I knew I’d disappointed him. I felt awful and wished I c
ould just tell him everything about my controlling and judgmental parents, but that would almost be like admitting he wasn’t worth the risk. “I’m only asking you go to an art gallery with me, nothing else. We both like art and I thought it would be fun. I didn’t think you were too good to go with me.” He stood up, glaring right into my eyes. “Let’s go. I should probably get you back before I start cramping your style.”

  His words stung. I picked up my coat and immediately started toward the door as anger ran through my veins. If he wanted to be an ass, he could be an ass, but I wasn’t going to put up with it for another minute.

  “Alex!” I heard him call after me, but I continued to walk. He quickly caught up to me, but didn’t say anything as we continued to walk.

  “You don’t have to walk me home. I’m a big girl and I don’t need a chaperone!” I yelled.

  “I’m not letting you walk home alone. Just keep walking and you can continue to pretend that I’m not here. If you prefer, I can walk a few feet behind you so no one suspects that we’re together.” He used finger quotes to emphasize “together”, pissing me off even more.

  “Quit being an ass,” I said through my teeth. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this mad and had let someone else see it. Dane had a way of bringing emotions out of me, good and bad.

  “I’m not the one who started it,” he said, picking up his pace to walk next to me. Neither of us said another word as we made our way to my dorm building. I wanted to get inside my room and forget this night ever happened.

  “Looks like you’re off the hook now,” I said, grabbing my key from my purse. I wanted to get away from him as quick as possible.

  “So this is it?” he asked, as I placed my key into the lock.

  I opened the door and quickly stepped into my room, shutting it in his face before he could follow me in. As I threw my purse onto my bed, I heard him yell, “Shit!” I stood still in the middle of the room until I heard him stomp down the hall. I let out the breath I had been holding in.