Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  I was a mixture of confused, relieved and sad. I was confused, because my heart was telling me one thing when my head was telling me another. I was relieved, because the date was over and I wouldn’t have to fight whatever this feeling was any longer. I was sad, because all those wants and feelings would have to be left unexplored. I could imagine him, but I couldn’t have him. It was more obvious than ever that given the opportunity, Dane Wright could break me.

  Friday and Saturday were a complete blur. Jade asked me about my “date” on Friday morning and I left out some of the more colorful details, telling her we had a good time dancing, he walked me home, and that was it. She stared at me, waiting for mention of a kiss or more, but was disappointed.

  To be honest, I was a little disappointed in myself. I should’ve told him that he was good enough when he thought he wasn’t. I shouldn’t have let him leave thinking he was the problem, but I didn’t know how to tell him I was the problem.

  Dane arrived in Art Class before me on Friday. He didn’t greet me with the smile that he normally would, causing my stomach to drop. I didn’t know what I expected, but I hoped everything would just be normal when I walked into class. I sat in my seat and whispered “hi”, but he still didn’t look up at me. I had always been the girl everyone liked, the one who was always nice and never hurt anyone’s feelings, so I wasn’t sure what to do with this.

  On Saturday, my guilt reached an all time high so I decided to send him a text.

  Alex: I’m Sorry. Friends?

  I spent the next two hours checking my phone every five minutes, waiting for the text that never came. Jade asked if I wanted to go out with her and I turned her down, telling her I had yet another date with Ben and Jerry.

  When Sunday morning arrived I still hadn’t heard anything from him. I hated it when someone completely ignored me; it felt worse than being yelled at. Jade hadn’t come home last night which gave me extra time to think… and drive myself crazy. I paced the room before doing some angry cleaning. I decided to try another text.

  Alex: What gallery is the exhibit at?

  Again I waited with no reply. I guess I could add stubborn to the list of words to describe Dane.

  It was times like this that I thanked my lucky stars for Google. I googled Urban Art Show, New York, NY, January 29, 2012 and Expressions Gallery popped up. I wrote down the address and started getting ready. I had no idea if this was a dress up kind of art show or a more casual one so I decided on something in between. I settled on a knee-length black shirtdress that flowed slightly at the bottom with a thick red belt around my waist and my black boots. I topped it off with a black and white checkered scarf and a black beanie. I slipped on my jacket, grabbed my car keys, and headed out the door.

  There was no guarantee that he was going to show up, but I was hopeful that he would. A man took my coat as I entered the packed gallery. I took a quick look around and when I didn’t see him I started looking at various sculptures, large paintings in vibrant colors, and collages of items that would be junk to some people, but put together in the gallery were absolutely beautiful.

  I turned a corner and standing right in front of me, talking to an older couple, was Dane. He wore black dress pants with a grey sweater that fits snug around his arms and chest. I liked this Dane, but had to admit I missed the leather jacket. I imagined the way it smelled and how it felt to hold him with it on. The other night I was stupid to think I could just walk away from this. He saw me and stopped talking for a second before he returned his attention back to the couple. I felt rejected, but not enough to give up so easily. I looked at the metal sculptures that were arranged behind him and discovered that the artist was Dane Wright.

  They were of couples; one was dancing, one was hugging, one appeared to be sitting on a bench and one was holding hands. They were so simple, yet beautiful. I knew he was talented, but I had no idea he could do this.

  “Does my work live up to your expectations?” he asked, startling me. He stood so close to me that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

  I turned around, leaving us separated by only inches. “They’re beautiful,” I whispered.

  “Really?” His voice was controlled, but there was a hint of sarcasm. I didn’t say anything; I deserved his tone.

  “Really.” I took a deep breath and said what I had come to say. “Look, Dane, I’m really sorry for what happened the other night. I had a great time with you and I let my head get in the way.”

  He moved his head a little closer to mine. The way he looked at me, I was sure he was going to tell me to go away, but before I could process what happened, his lips were on mine. At first, I didn’t react, but then my body took over as I wrapped one hand behind his neck, tasting the mint on his lips and savoring the soft feel of his mouth. The connection made me pull him closer until there was absolutely no space between us. As his tongue begged for entrance, I granted it. We stood there for what seemed like forever, like there was no one else in the room. His kiss was soft, yet passionate, and at that very moment I knew it was the first meaningful kiss I had ever experienced. I needed him and I was his if he’d have me.

  He broke away, putting his forehead to mine. His eyes were hooded and I wanted nothing more than to have those lips back on mine. I felt naked and vulnerable as I waited for him to say something. “We can’t be friends,” he finally said as he closed his eyes. I nodded my head and began to turn around, feeling defeated and rejected, before he caught my arm. “Where are you going?” His eyebrows were drawn as he searched my face.

  “I came to apologize, but obviously it wasn’t enough, Dane,” I said, my voice shaking.

  “We can’t be friends, I meant that,” he stepped closer to me, never breaking eye contact. “I want you to be my girl,” he whispered. For a second I didn’t think I heard him correctly, but then my heart went aflutter.

  “What?” I had heard him, but I wanted to hear him say it again.

  “I want you to be my girl,” he said, a little louder this time. I started that internal battle between my head and my heart, but this time my heart won. This man standing in front of me right now could break me into a million pieces, but if I didn’t let him in I’d never feel that deep down in my stomach kind of love; I’d forever be unbreakable. I wasn’t sure how to respond so I did what I’d wanted to do since his lips left mine and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around me until I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs to breathe.

  He backed away just enough to speak. “Wait for me. I have to stay here until 7 and then I want to take you out to dinner.” I nodded before reaching up to give him one more kiss. It was hard to leave him as I toured the rest of the gallery. I wondered what my parents would think if they knew what I was up to right now, but I quickly buried it away. I made the decision to stay in the moment and not worry about anything else. I stole a few glances in Dane’s direction and whenever our eyes met he threw a sexy smile my way. It melted my heart every time. I was happy.

  After the show was over, he took me to a little Italian place around the corner from the gallery. It was quaint with soft yellow walls, black and white photos of old Italy, and white table clothes. It was a quiet Sunday night and I felt relaxed just being here and talking with him.

  There were some things I needed to say before we could move forward and there was no time like the present. I grasped the end of the table with both hands. “Dane, I’m really sorry about the other night. I just freaked out, I guess. I’ve never felt this type of connection with anyone and it scares me.”

  He reached across the table, grabbing one of my hands in his. “Alex, I’ve never tried this with anyone. I run from things like this; I don’t like getting close to people, but I can’t avoid what’s already there. For the first time in my life, it’s easier to just feel.”

  Heat radiated through my chest. He felt the exact same way I did. We were two people running from ourselves who found each other. “I know,” I finally replied. “I guess we’re goi
ng to do this together in more ways than one.” He squeezed my hand before turning his attention to the waiter who had arrived at our table at some point during our exchange.

  After the waiter took our order, he told me about his father who left them after his sister died. Things had turned really bad between his parents and his father began drinking heavily. His mother had never worked when his parents were married and had to take on a couple of minimum wage jobs to support him and his brother, Nolan. She wasn’t around much, so Dane took care of his brother. He began having problems at school, getting into fights and barely passing classes before he found art and music as a release for some of his anger.

  “How did you do it? You were a kid yourself,” I asked, staring at him intently. His life was like a sad storybook that would give you nightmares if you read it. I admired him more and more. How he could go through all of this and still be the kind of person he was today was beyond me.

  “Sometimes, when your back’s against the wall, you can do things that you didn’t know were possible. We were in survival mode, you know?” He shrugged like it was nothing, but the sadness in his eyes told me otherwise. He looked so vulnerable and young. I wanted to wipe his pain away.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, reaching up to rub the lines that formed on his forehead. He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm before clasping our hands on the table.

  “Don’t be sorry. I used to wonder what my life would be like if that day never happened, if my sister was still here, but I learned to let go of the things I can’t change. Mistakes make us who we are.” Tears welled in my eyes as I listened to him. He was so honest with himself; I wished I could grab onto some of his strength and use it as my own.

  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job. You’re in school, you’re working and you’re creating some of the most beautiful sculptures I’ve ever seen.” His expression relaxed.

  “Thank you.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful person in front of me and my heart warmed when he smiled back.

  “Tell me a little more about you,” he said, leaning in toward me.

  I told him about Jade and how we hated each other for a couple weeks before deciding we actually really liked one another. I told him about Gwen and he asked me some questions about Ryan. I avoided talking about my parents; going there would only remind me why I shouldn’t be here and right now this was the only place I wanted to be.

  When we left, he walked me to my car. “Where’s your car?” I asked, remembering that I had never seen it.

  “I sold my truck before school started to pay tuition. Now I just have my motorcycle and it’s a little cold out here for that puppy. I’m just going to grab a cab.”

  “Get in the car.” He smiled, but didn’t argue.

  We took the short drive in silence. I was content to steal occasional glances at him and breathe in his familiar scent. Every time I stole a peek at him, he had an incredibly sexy smirk on his face. I wasn’t sure if I was the cause of that smirk, but I sure hoped so.

  I pulled up in front of his building and put my car in park, leaving the engine running. “Do you want to come upstairs?” He had a hopeful look on his face and I hated to wipe it off, but I had homework to do and I wasn’t quite ready to be back in his apartment alone.

  “I should really get back. I have a paper to finish and it’s getting kind of late.” I gave him a soft smile, which he returned. I had never felt so much emotion from one smile. There was something so genuine and warm and I tried to capture it in my mind to hold for later.

  “I understand.” He reached over and cupped my cheeks in his hands, planting a light kiss on my lips. “See you in class tomorrow, Baby”.

  “I thought I was Gorgeous.”

  “You are gorgeous, Baby.”

  He rubbed his thumb over my lower lip and I couldn’t help but kiss it. “I kind of like the sound of that,” I whispered, leaning into his hand.

  “Goodnight, Baby.”

  “Goodnight.” He kissed me one more time before getting out of the car and disappearing into his building.

  At that moment, I felt like everything was right in the world. It was something I had never felt before and if this was what following my heart felt like, I might never get back up again.

  When I woke up Monday morning, Jade was moving around the room making way too much noise. I’d lived with her for over four months and I’d never seen her up this early. “What are you looking for?” I said, pulling the blanket over my head.

  She plopped herself down on my bed, clapping her hands together. “Nothing, I wanted you to wake up and tell me all about last night. Don’t leave anything out.”

  Really? It only takes a little bit of girly gossip to get her out of bed?

  I sighed, pulling the covers down off my face. I texted her yesterday and told her my plans to make things right with Dane in case she happened to come home last night. Since she was out when I arrived home, I didn’t get a chance to tell her how it went. “Well, I went to the gallery, which was really nice by the way. Dane was an exhibitor. Jade, you should see his work; it’s unbelievably good. I didn’t know what was going to happen when I saw him, but it didn’t go exactly as I had expected.” I paused while I debated whether to tell her the rest. I liked that Dane was mine, and part of me wanted to keep him as my little secret, but it would have been for completely selfish reasons. Plus, I couldn’t stop the huge smile that touched my lips whenever I thought of him. The moment he kissed me and asked me to be his girl was one of the best moments of my life. I could still see the look in his light green eyes and taste the mint on his lips.

  She studied me like my expression would tell her everything. “Keep talking. I can tell there’s more, and you better spill it.” She looked right into my eyes; I couldn’t lie to her. When I was a kid, I tried to tell little lies about where I was or whether I had stolen a cookie from the cookie jar, but I always failed. I couldn’t look someone in the eyes and lie. Honesty is a positive personality trait, but sometimes I wished I could twist the truth a little without feeling guilty.

  “Well, he planted the best kiss of my life on me. Said that we couldn’t be friends and then told me I was his.” I bit my lip, watching Jade’s eyes double in size. Before I knew what was happening she had me wrapped in a hug, swaying us back and forth.

  When she finally pulled back, her smile hadn’t diminished at all. “So, are you guys together? By the sound of your voice, I would say you are.” My mother may not like my current boyfriend if she ever met him, but Jade was over the moon. Having one person who supported me made me feel more at ease. Dane made me happy and for whatever reason, I felt like I could be myself around him. What happened yesterday made me forget everything I was supposed to be for one day. I was exactly who I wanted to be and no one could ever take that away from me.

  “I think so,” I said with a sheepish smile.

  She hugged me again before jumping off the bed. “Well then, I’m going back to bed.” She walked back over to her side of the room and wrapped herself back up in blankets. “Alex, love can change your life. Don’t run away from it,” she said before she drifting off to sleep. It took a minute for her words to sink in, but when they did it all made sense. The way this felt right now, I would never want to run from it, but it may not be up to me. Life can be unfair and unkind, but sometimes we just have to let go and let fate take over. I believed there was a reason Dane came into my life and I was done fighting my attraction to him.

  My phone buzzed.

  Dane: Good Morning, Baby

  This one simple text put a huge smile on my face.

  Alex: Good Morning

  I got up and started to pick out my clothes for the day when it buzzed again.

  Dane: What kind of coffee do you drink?

  Alex: Skinny mocha, why?

  Dane: I’m going to bring one to class.

  Alex: Really? Thx!

  Dane: See You Soon.

 
; I could get used to this if he was going to bring me a coffee to class every morning. Guys had done nice things for me in the past, but it meant something coming from Dane. He was slowly tearing down all my second thoughts and reservations. Maybe he couldn’t be my forever, but while he was my now I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

  I returned from the shower wearing my robe with my hair wrapped up in a towel and was about to apply lotion when I heard a knock at the door. I wasn’t expecting anyone and Jade would never invite anyone over this early. She mumbled something that sounded like “get the damn door”, but it was hard to tell with her head wrapped under the comforter. I opened the door just enough to see Dane standing there with two coffees.

  I stood there for a moment just staring at him. His green eyes sparkled and he looked edible in his long sleeve black t-shirt and jeans. I’d never seen a guy pull off simple like Dane could. I finally found my voice as I moved my focus back to his face. “What are you doing here?”

  His smile fell slightly. “I’m bringing you coffee. I was going to bring it to class, but I couldn’t wait to see you.”

  “Oh,” I said as I fidgeted with the belt of my robe. I was at a complete loss for words as I stood there staring at him.

  He looked behind me. “Can I come in?” I glanced down at my robe and contemplated whether or not this was a good idea. I was wearing next to nothing and my super sexy boyfriend wanted to come in my dorm room. I decided it was relatively safe since Jade was here and we had to leave for class soon.

  I opened the door all the way and motioned for him to come in. He handed me my coffee before placing a kiss on my cheek. “I’m sorry it took so long to let you in. I’m not used to having guys in my room, much less with me in my robe. Thank you for the coffee by the way,” I said, trying to hide my blush.

  I noticed his eyes scanning my robe-covered body as the corner of his mouth turned up. “I’m glad I stopped by. I may make this a daily habit,” he said as he winked at me. I felt my heart rate pick up. Dane was a total flirt and it was starting to grow on me.