Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  I felt sick to my stomach as I turned back around, not wanting to see anymore. Jade gave me a weak smile and exchanged a look with Chris who had also witnessed the scene behind the bar. I could tell she was thinking the same thing I was. Her face dropped when she looked behind me again, causing me to spin around. When I did, I saw Dane and the brunette had disappeared. The anger building in me, combined with the sinking feeling in my stomach, was too much. He wouldn’t let me dance with Chris, but it was okay for some other woman to have her hands all over him? Maybe this was what Chris warned me about.

  “I think I’m going to head home. It’s been a long week and I’m really tired,” I said. Not the full truth but what was I supposed to say, “The boy who is sweeping me off my feet is flirting with another girl right in front of me and I don’t want to witness another minute of it”?

  “Oh, sweetie, do you want me to go with you?” Jade asked as I stood to put my coat on. My whole body was shaking, making it difficult to get my arms in the sleeves. I gave up and threw it over my arm. The anger rolling off my body should be enough to keep me warm.

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to ruin her night. “No, you stay. I’ll be fine.”

  “It probably isn’t what you think,” she said, but I could see in her eyes that she didn’t believe her own words.

  She mouthed sorry to me before I turned and walked out of the bar. The night was chilly, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home, put on my sweats and bury my face in a pillow. How could I be so stupid? More importantly, why was I letting this man I’d only known for a few weeks affect me so much? I had let my guard down just this once and look where it got me, alone on a cold Friday night.

  It only took me a few minutes to get settled into bed before the tears started to fall. I wanted Dane to be different. I wanted to prove to my mother that her opinions and ideals were wrong, but once again she was right. Men like Dane Wright would only break my heart.

  I must have drifted off to sleep because some time later I heard a loud knock on my door. “Alex, please open the door. I need to see you.” It was Dane. I rolled over and looked at the clock; it was just after two in the morning.

  I remained silent as he continued to pound on the door, begging me to open it. I was concerned that he would wake up others in the building, or even worse the police would be called. “Go away. I have nothing to say to you.” My voice quivered as I tried to hold back my emotions.

  “I’m not leaving until you talk to me! Open.the.door!” he yelled, causing me to jump out of bed and head toward the door. I was pissed about what happened earlier and I was even more upset now because he was causing a scene when I wasn’t ready to talk to him.

  He was about to pound on the door again when I opened it, stopping him in his tracks. I ignored the pained, tired look on his face. “Please leave. You need to go home and leave me alone,” I said without my voice breaking which surprised me.

  “Not until you tell me why you left so quickly. I thought you were staying until I got off work and when I noticed you were gone, Jade wouldn’t tell me anything. Please tell me what I did wrong.” He pulled his hands through his hair, almost as if he was trying to pull it.

  “You’re kidding me, right? You stopped me from dancing with a friend, yet you had your hands all over some chick while I was sitting less than 20 feet away. Then you disappeared! I don’t play games, Dane, so why don’t you go find your bar tramp?” He winced at my words, rubbing his hands over his face.

  “Can I come in?”

  Is he crazy? “No.” I exclaimed, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Please, I can explain.” Standing my ground while looking into his amazing eyes was getting more and more difficult. “Alex, please.” I quietly opened the door to let him in. “Thank you.”

  I laughed. I’m not sure why, but hearing him say thank you for letting him in was almost too much. I had friends who had been cheated on, but looked the other way because they didn’t want to lose their boyfriends. My parents had numerous friends whose relationships had been rocked by infidelity, but yet they stayed together. I always told myself that I didn’t want to resort to that level of pathetic sadness.

  Would I hold my breath waiting for Prince Charming? No. Would I hold my breath waiting for someone who was kind, respectful and honest? Hell, yes.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked, glancing around the room.

  “You. Say what you need to say and leave. I want to go back to bed.” Detached Alex was back and she felt completely numb.

  “Nothing is going on between me and Bree. We had a thing once, but it meant nothing. She needed some help tonight and I gave it to her. End of story.”

  I swallowed down any hint of emotion. “Did she need help getting out of her dress? Did she need help memorizing every part of the male body? What was it, tell me.”

  “Fuck! I thought you were different. I thought you wouldn’t look at me and think the worst,” he yelled, pacing the room with his hands on his hips.

  His words cut right through me, but I know what I saw. “I don’t think the worst, Dane, I saw it. And don’t you dare tell me I’m like everyone else.”

  “And what did you see to make you think I did anything even remotely like you think I did?” He moved forward with every word standing a foot away from me.

  “What would you think if you saw me whispering in some guy’s ear with his hands on my body?”

  He was silent and I see understanding flash across his face. “You saw all that?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry. I should have taken her hands off me, but I honestly wasn’t thinking. I only have eyes for you, Alex, only you.” He slowly reached up, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

  “What did she want?”

  He looked up at the ceiling. “I dated her for a while in high school and she knew I worked at the bar. She was out with some friends and her car wouldn’t start. I went out to take a look at it for her. That’s all it was, I promise you.” I’d always been convinced that when someone was lying they wouldn’t look into your eyes and he was looking right at me.

  “You can’t tell me who I can and can’t dance with and then allow someone else to touch you. This isn’t going to work that way.”

  “I know. I was being a jealous ass and I’m sorry.” We stood there silently staring into each other’s eyes.

  “Alex,” he reached up, cupping my cheeks in his hands, “are we okay?” His voice was soft and unsure.

  “You need to be open with me. That is the only way this will work.” I said, looking into those glassy green eyes for the truth.

  He put his forehead to mine, still holding my cheeks in his hands. “I’ll do everything in my power to do right by you, but you need to give me a chance before you run. Just please be patient with me and for God sakes, talk to me,” he whispered. I answered him by pressing my lips to his. He groaned before wrapping me tightly in his arms. He held me in place for several minutes; I could feel his desperation and sincerity with every kiss, every movement of his fingers on my back. Falling for him could easily turn my heart to glass and shatter it into a million little pieces, but I couldn’t stop myself. This thing I was feeling had me so wrapped up in him and I may never be able to release myself from the tangles.

  “Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked, causing me to tense. I’d known him for just a few weeks and we had only been dating for a week.

  “I’m not ready for that. Did you walk? Do you need a ride home?”

  “No, you go back to bed. I can walk.” He grabbed my chin with his index finger and pressed his lips to mine. “So we’re good?”

  “We’re good,” I whispered and after one more kiss, he was gone.

  I fell asleep thinking about Dane and all the things that could be, all the things I wanted, and all the things that could never be. Tonight was a wake up call; I now knew what it would feel like to lose Dane. I knew what it would feel li
ke to see him with someone else and I never wanted to feel that again.

  I’d never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. It never bothered me because there are expectations that came with it and I’d rather not deal with them. For instance, what do you get a guy for Valentine’s Day? Do you get him a shirt representing his favorite sports team? Do you get him a watch? I never wanted to deal with those types of decisions, but that had changed this year. Dane and I had talked about our plans yesterday after class.

  “Valentine’s Day is Wednesday and I was hoping we could do something, you know, different than studying and eating dinner in the student center.” I could hear a little bit of nervousness in his voice. Dane was the poster child for confidence and it was very interesting that this one holiday had caused him so much anxiety. It was actually kind of cute.

  “What did you have in mind?” I bumped his shoulder with mine in an attempt to calm his nerves.

  He smiled. “I want to take you to dinner at the Italian restaurant we went to on our first date.”

  “That was our first date, huh?”

  “It was.”

  “Sounds perfect. What time?” I asked, leaning into him.

  “6:45, I have reservations for 7,” he said, grabbing my hand and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. I loved the taste of mint that always seemed to be on them.

  Our lips lost contact, but our foreheads still touched. “You got yourself a date,” I whispered. This time it was me who leaned in for a kiss. If I could, I would stay attached to those lips forever. My first Valentine’s Day would be celebrated with Dane; everything was easier with him.

  Now we’re one day before the big holiday and I was trying to decide what I should get him. I thought about asking Jade, but I doubted she had ever had a boyfriend on Valentines. Fling yes, boyfriend no. I was dating Ryan at Christmas time. He gave me a diamond bracelet. It was beautiful and must have cost a fortune, but if he had known me a little better, he would know I wasn’t a huge fan of shiny things that scream, “I have money”.

  I remembered Dane talking about this Warped Tour Music Festival he wanted to attend this summer and decided to get him two tickets. I knew he liked music and hoped it would mean more to him than any material thing ever could. I also got him a gift certificate to his favorite tattoo parlor, a little something he could use now and keep forever.

  When I told Jade what I got him, she told me I did good. When Gwen called, I got a different reaction. She knew I’d been dating a guy named Dane, but she hadn’t met him and, though I told her he was different than my past boyfriends, I don’t think she understood what I meant by that exactly.

  “Any plans with the new guy tomorrow?” she asked. I told her our plans for tomorrow night and she seemed impressed.

  “What did you get him? You know you have to get him something, right?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m not stupid!”

  “Okay, okay, sorry. What did you get him?”

  I played with the bottom of my t-shirt while I talked, bracing myself for what she would say when I told her what I got him. She reacted pretty much as I expected she would.

  “You got him a gift certificate for a tattoo? Why on earth would you do that? I understand the concert tickets, but a tattoo?” She spoke rapidly, not allowing me to get a word in.

  I lay back in my bed and covered my eyes with my arm. “He likes tattoos.”

  “He already has some? Mom and Dad are going to flip. I mean flip.” She wasn’t telling me something that I didn’t already know. I knew things would not go well if they ever met Dane. They would never take the time to get to know the guy inside, but would take one look at him and make my life miserable. I didn’t plan for him to meet my parents today or ever, to be honest.

  I calmed her down by telling her I was just enjoying my college years. She didn’t necessarily agree with my logic, but she let it go. She was planning to visit me this coming weekend and while I was excited to see my sister, part of me was already thinking of ways to keep her away from Dane. I wasn’t ashamed of him, but I knew if the life I was supposed to live and the life I was currently living ever met, the result would be disastrous.

  I put on my long sleeved red shirtdress with a black belt, black knit tights and stilettos for our date and drove to Dane’s apartment. I was nervous as I drove closer to his building. I wasn’t sure if I should go in and get him or if he was watching for me, but as soon as I pulled up to the curb, he came out looking absolutely edible in grey slacks, a black button up and, of course, his signature leather jacket.

  He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek before grabbing my hand in his. He stared at me for a while without speaking. “You look beautiful.”

  I smiled. “You look good yourself.”

  Dinner was even better than the first night we were here. You always hear about couples that have a restaurant they go to on every anniversary because it was their place and I imagined if Dane and I got married, this would be our place. Marriage may never be in the cards for us, but for a moment I imagined how nice it would be if it was.

  I was so nervous about the gifts I had picked out for him that I could barely concentrate on what he was saying. Should I give them to him now or wait? What if he didn’t get me anything and I made him feel bad? I decided to keep it in my purse until later, hoping for the right opportunity.

  He paid for dinner and we walked back to my car, hand in hand. I’d never had such a desire to touch a man. Usually it was something I felt inclined to do because I was in a relationship, but with Dane I couldn’t get enough. I think I surprised him when I turned and wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck. I felt safe and comfortable; I could stay in this moment forever. When he cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead, I felt like the only girl in the whole city. There was so much care in his touch; he made me feel appreciated. I finally let him go as we drove back to his apartment in silence.

  I wasn’t ready for the evening to be over and I hadn’t given him his gift. “Do you want me to come up?” I asked. I couldn’t believe these words were coming out of my mouth. A couple weeks ago, they would have petrified me, but every day I felt more comfortable around Dane.

  “I assumed you would. I have something for you,” he said with mischief in his eyes. He jumped out of the car and ran around to open my door, offering me his hand. I think I swooned a little bit; this was the type of thing movies were made from.

  His apartment was just like I remembered it the first time I was here: very clean and organized. “Do you want something to drink?” he asked.

  “I better stick to water. I have class tomorrow.” I learned my lesson the last time I drank and wound up in Dane’s apartment.

  He brought me a bottle of water and a beer for himself. I didn’t say anything as I watched him take sips from his beer. He looked at me with a knowing grin; Dane Wright knew how sexy he was and how to use it to his advantage.

  I cleared my throat. “I have something for you too.” My hand trembled as I reached in my bag and handed him his gift.

  “You didn’t have to get me anything.” His smile absolutely melted me. I wondered if he’d received gifts when he was younger since his parents weren’t really around. I could picture Dane giving his brother Christmas presents while getting nothing for himself; he was as unselfish as they come.

  “I wanted to. Open it.”

  I waited nervously, ringing my hands together as he opened the envelope. I had carefully picked out a card that didn’t say, “I love you”, but didn’t sound too impersonal either. I settled on one that talked about happy moments shared in the past and those yet to come. Dane smiled as he read it before lifting his eyes to mine. I smiled back, motioning for him to look in the envelope. He removed the two music festival tickets, grinning like a child in an ice cream shop. “I can’t believe you got these. You remembered. I know who’s getting the second ticket.”

  “Who?” I asked, genuinely perplexed.

  �
�You. Who else would I give it to?” He cocked his head to the side and looked at me like I had just called him by the wrong name.

  “We’ll see.” It probably wasn’t the right time to tell him that I didn’t think we would be together then. I would be back in Greenwich and he would be living his life in the city. I motioned back toward the envelope. “There’s more.”

  He reached behind the tickets and pulled out the gift certificate to the tattoo parlor. Now he was grinning like a five year old on Christmas. “Thank you, Baby. You have to come with me when I use this. Maybe you can get one, too.”

  “Well, I’m glad you like it, but a big no to the tattoo for me. My parents would disown me.” This might be an exaggeration when some people say it, but for me it’s the absolute truth. My mother in particular would flip out if I marked my skin.

  “You’re an adult and you can do whatever you want to do. If you want a tattoo, get one.”

  “We’ll see,” I said, glancing around the room for any hint of my gift.

  “But really, this is great. You don’t know how much this means to me. No one has ever actually bought me anything besides of my mother, and that was only when she was sober.” He gave me a soft kiss on the lips followed by another on the tip of my nose. “Let me go get your gift.”

  He disappeared into his bedroom and I felt a dozen butterflies in my stomach. The anticipation was killing me. He returned with a large box wrapped with a red bow around it. “I’m sorry. I can’t wrap to save my life,” he said, handing me the box.

  “It’s okay.” I nervously untied the bow and opened the box. Inside was one very new, very real, dark purple leather bomber jacket. “Dane, this is too much!” I ran my finger over the nice smooth leather before bringing it to my nose. I loved the smell of real leather.

  “You’re worth it,” he said, stepping closer to me.

  I lunged at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck as I planted kisses all over his cheek. “I love it,” I said before pressing my lips to his neck.