Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  “Is it okay if he stays at our house? If not, we can get a hotel,” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek again.

  “You’re not staying at a hotel with some boy. You can both stay at the house, but he is not sleeping in your room. He can have one of the guest rooms.” I did a fist pump; this was a small victory. Before I picked up the phone tonight, I didn’t think I would get her to even agree to Dane attending and now I had her setting up a guest room for him. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe everything would be okay.

  “Thanks, Mom. I should probably let you go. I need to study before I go to bed,” I said, trying to hold back some of the excitement in my voice.

  “Yes, you do. But, Alexandra, we really are going to have a talk when you get home,” she said, leaving no room in her voice for argument.

  “Okay, well I will see you in a couple weeks then. Good night.”

  “Good night,” she said before quickly hanging up the phone. As soon as I put the phone down, I did a silent dance around the room. I had just done something I never thought I would do and I made it through. I felt like I was swimming.

  While I thought it went well, I wouldn’t know for sure until we get there. Hopefully my mother would be so busy that she won’t have the time to pay attention to me and my love life. We would be leaving that Friday after class, arriving just in time for rehearsal and dinner, have wedding festivities all day Saturday and gift opening and brunch on Sunday before heading back to school. I just had to make sure we didn’t spend too much alone time with my parents. This might just work after all.

  I pulled out my Calculus book and studied until my eyelids felt heavy. It was only 11pm when I threw on my pajama pants and tank top. A good solid eight hours of sleep was exactly what I needed to get through my Calculus test. This whole night had gone much better than expected and I had no doubt that I would sleep well tonight.

  My phone buzzed as I started to drift asleep. Dane. Whenever we are apart, he always texted me right at 11pm.

  Dane: I love you. Sweet dreams.

  It only took me seconds to respond.

  Alex: Love you too.

  I hugged my phone to my chest as I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

  For once, I was taking a chance for myself and I didn’t want to ever regret it because if I did, there wouldn’t be any more chances. I wanted this one to pay off.

  The next two weeks flew by and it was now the Friday of rehearsal dinner. My relationship with Dane was on strong footing since our argument over his attendance at the wedding and I had only spent that one night apart from him.

  Last night he’d had me help him pack. He usually didn’t care much about how he looked, but he really wanted to make the right impression. We stayed away from jeans and tshirts, opting instead for dress pants, polos and button ups. The wedding tomorrow was black tie so we rented a tux for that; I couldn’t wait to see it on him. I loved him exactly how he was, but didn’t every girl dream of seeing the man she loved in a tux?

  After Dane had fallen asleep last night, I laid there thinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if my parents, Mom especially, said something completely inappropriate? How would Dane react? What if Dane hated my life and wanted to go home? It all spun in my head as I thought about what my reaction would be to each and it all ended in me having a complete breakdown. I just needed to get through this weekend, stay close to Dane, and hope everyone else was too busy to pay much attention to anything but the wedding.

  I wasn’t looking forward to being Alexandra for the next two days, but I went into it knowing I could fit back into my comfortable self on Sunday. I wasn’t a natural actress and the more I got to know the real me and understood where and what I wanted to be, the harder the act became. Eventually I would either have to accept it or take it on headfirst. I couldn’t do either at this point.

  I placed my bags in the trunk and headed to Dane’s apartment. I knew it bothered him that I was driving, but taking his motorcycle to Greenwich in March with two huge suitcases was not an option.

  As I pulled up to his apartment building, I noticed him sitting on his suitcase on the sidewalk. He wore a beanie and his signature leather jacket, but he opted for grey dress pants instead of his usual jeans. My heart clenched at the realization of how much he cared for me. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me.

  I popped the trunk so Dane could throw his suitcase in with mine and waited for him to join me in the car. I hadn’t seen him since this morning and I craved one of his calming kisses. As soon as he was comfortable in his seat, I grabbed his jacket and pulled his face to mine. I could feel the smile on his lips as I completely took control of the kiss. “Did you miss me?” he asked when I finally pulled away.

  “I always miss you,” I replied before pulling him in for one more kiss. “Are you ready to meet the parents?” I asked as I pulled out into the street. I glanced at him out of the side of my eye and noticed that Dane Wright actually looked a little nervous.

  “Of course, I can handle meeting the parents,” he said before reaching for my hand and kissing the tips of my fingers. “I should probably warn you, though. This is the first time I have ever met the parents; I hope I pass the test.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel better, this is the first time I have brought someone home they didn’t already know. I guess, in a way, that this is my first time bringing someone to meet my parents.” We both laughed.

  “I guess it’s just another first we are experiencing together,” he said. I looked over at him and he gave me one of his sexy signature winks. “How about a little game to pass the time? Ten questions?”

  Playing a game sounded a little silly, but I was down for anything if it would relieve the anxiety I felt. “How does that work?”

  “We take turns asking each other questions and no matter what, you have to answer it. No passes,” he explained. His eyes showed a hint of mischief; this could be fun, actually.

  “Okay, can I go first?” I asked. I wanted to set the stage for this game; it might be the last piece of control I got for a couple days.

  “Go for it.”

  “Okay, how old were you when you lost your virginity?” I asked. I’d been curious about that for a long time, but hadn’t known how to ask.

  I expected him to answer right away, but he looked hesitant. “Bringing out the big questions already. Are you sure you want to know?” I nodded. “I was 14; the girl was a little older than me and things progressed faster than they should have.”

  There was a heavy feeling in my stomach; I was a little surprised that he was so young. I didn’t even get to go on my first date until I was 16 and Dane had been having sex for two years before that. I again reminded myself that the past was the past and I only needed to concern myself in the now. “I think it’s your turn to ask me a question now.”

  He sighed. “Okay, the night I first met you at the club you were with another guy. What happened to him?”

  “Ryan and I have been friends for years and when he asked me out last year, it sounded like a great idea. His parents and my parents are friends and he’s a great guy. I tried, I really did, but that spark was missing. Our relationship was more like a friendship and I needed more; it just didn’t feel right. I broke up with him that night I met you in the club and haven’t spoken to him since.” I stopped for a second before adding, “He’s going to be at the wedding this weekend and don’t be surprised if my mother brings him up a time or two. She is completely obsessed with the idea of him and she wasn’t all that pleased I had moved on.” His jaw was clenched and his fingers were wrapped tightly on the door handle. I grabbed his left hand in my right to calm his fears; he had nothing to worry about where Ryan was concerned.

  “How many boyfriends did you have before Ryan?” he asked, turning his eyes toward me.

  I looked over at him quickly before returning my attention back to the road. “It wasn’t your turn to ask a question which means I get 2 now. I have had two serious long-term
relationships and several short lived ones.” There were several times I went out with someone who my mother or sister set me up with only to find out after a date or two we were not compatible at all.

  He seemed to think for a few seconds. “And your parents knew all of them?”

  I worked my lower lip between my teeth, trying to decide how to answer this without sounding meek. “Yes, my mom actually set me up with a couple of them and she knew the others through her social circle. My parents are very controlling of my life and when I say that, I mean every aspect. They are good at telling me what to wear, what to be, who to date, what to eat and where to go. You’re my one exception.”

  “You can’t do that anymore, you know? You can’t walk through life using someone else’s plan.” His face was serious and his jaw had taken a hard line again. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, but he was telling me something that seemed impossible.

  “I know. It just takes time to break out of it. It’s harder than it seems, trust me.” I looked in his direction as we sat at a red light. “I think it’s my turn to ask you a question.”

  “Yeah, it probably is,” he said as he glanced out the front window. He was thinking about something, I could always tell, but this time I didn’t really want to know what it was. He was thinking I was a coward and weak and I didn’t want to hear it.

  “Okay, then, tell me something about yourself that I don’t already know,” I said, as I quickly looked over at him again. I could tell he was thinking.

  He looked over at me with a sad expression. “Are you sure you want to hear this?” I nodded. “I was addicted to drugs from the time I was 15 until I was 19. That’s the main reason I didn’t start school until this year.” I leaned forward in my seat, gripping my steering wheel with both hands. I wasn’t expecting that, not at all, and if we hadn’t been sandwiched in a stream of cars, I might have run right off the road. Never in my dreams did I think Dane was an addict; I knew he’d had a troubled past, but not this.

  “What? Why?” I asked when I finally found my voice again.

  He had a pained expression in his eyes and I would have done anything to wash it away. I knew what it was like to be broken and all I wanted to do was find all of his pieces and put them back together. “I had just started high school and I had all this pressure. My mother was busy getting drunk every day and I was full-time Mom and Dad for my brother; it was too much and one night something inside me snapped. One of my new friends said it would make me feel better and I was too stupid to think beyond that night. I’ve regretted it ever since. I was addicted and it took me years to break it.” My throat tightened as I listened closely to every word he said. His admission shocked me, but more than that I felt sad for him. He must have felt so lonely and desperate and I could imagine that the drugs would have temporarily made him feel better. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for him to have all the pressures of an adult, to go through so many things alone and then need someone, but have no one to help him.

  “What were you addicted to?” I asked, when I regained my voice.

  “Just ecstasy at first. It made me feel good and gave me all this energy to get the things done that I needed to get done. It’s hard to raise someone when you’re 15. I started to do cocaine my senior year and that’s when things really spiraled out of control. I started to forget lots of things.”

  “How did you kick the habit?”

  He sighed, focusing his eyes back on me. “One weekend I was partying with some friends and I realized the following Monday that I didn’t remember anything that happened that weekend. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. I was out of control. I was no better than her.” I could understand why he was giving his mom a chance. He knew what it was like to become overcome by a substance. “I checked into a 30 day program and haven’t looked back since.”

  “Are you still tempted?” I knew Dane still had a lot of stress in his life.

  “Sometimes. Life’s hard and when you know there are ways to drown it out, it’s hard to stay on the right path. It’s a constant struggle. For a long time, I did it by myself.”

  As soon as traffic allowed, I pulled over in a small parking lot, unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over the console, taking him in my arms. I needed him to know that everything was okay; he had me and could tell me anything. He held me so tight against his chest that I could feel his heart beating fast against mine. “You have me and I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m here for you.” I pulled back and placed a kiss on his nose then his lips; his eyes were both glossed over when I finally looked up at his face. “I love you,” I whispered, touching my forehead to his.

  He grabbed my face in both hands. “This doesn’t change anything, does it? I didn’t mean to bring it up on the way to meet your parents, but you asked that question and I have been meaning to tell you for awhile,” he said, his voice cracking with every word. I placed my finger over his mouth to quiet him. I loved him and nothing he did in the past was going to change that.

  “We all make mistakes and do things we wish we could take back, but it is what we do after that truly matters…and I like your after.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For letting me be me. For not judging everything I’ve ever done.” I thought back to some of the things Dane’s friends had said about him being trouble or having a past. It still followed him around and I was dismissing it. He had as many things to work through as I did.

  “I’m here for you. Always. We should get back on the road unless you want to meet the bad side of my parents when we’re late for rehearsal. You will get to know my parents a little too well if we’re late.” I crawled back to my side seat and buckled my seatbelt. This had not been what I had in mind when I agreed to play Ten Questions, but it had helped take my mind off my family.

  We drove in silence the rest of the way, with only a few glances here and there. We were both much more subdued than we had been leaving the city. I hoped that things would be smooth and easy tonight.

  I didn’t think about where I would be going for the weekend, or whom I would be spending it with, again until we pulled up to the long driveway to my childhood home. It was a large two-story brick home with white trimmed windows and black shutters. Even the circle drive in front of the house was brick up to the point where it led to the large wooden front door. It wasn’t the type of house you could just sneak into, expecting to bypass anyone; I had tried too many times and always failed.

  I turned to Dane whose eyes were stuck on the large house in front of us. “We’re here,” I said, raising my arm in the direction of the house. I had to admit that every time I hadn’t seen it in awhile and drove up the driveway that it looked obscenely large. I hated what it stood for. I knew my mother loved the house, but it was for all the wrong reasons. It didn’t feel like a home, but it got her to her desired status level.

  I parked in front of the door so we could bring our bags in as I waited for Dane to say something. I needed to know that everything was okay before we entered the house because, if anything, the atmosphere in there was just going to bring us down even further.

  He finally opened his door and climbed out, stretching his arms above his head. “Holy shit, you didn’t tell me you lived in a freaking mansion.” He looked at me before looking back over to the house. “I’ve never seen a house this big in person.”

  I popped the trunk and climbed out of the car to grab our bags, but Dane grabbed them before I had a chance. “There is more to life than big houses and fancy cars. You pay a price for them and it isn’t always monetary.”

  He just shrugged. We grew up on two different ends of the economic spectrum, but we were both lonely and starving for attention. Anyone who thought money would solve all their problems was just asking for trouble.

  We walked up two steps to the large door before Dane grabbed my hand. “We’re okay, right? I mean, what I told you in the car earlier hasn’t changed anyth
ing?” He had a concerned look in eyes. This damaged man was looking for reassurance of my love for him; I hated what his childhood had done to him.

  “The past doesn’t matter to me. I love you,” I said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

  He used our joined hands to pull me toward him. “I love you, too. Now let’s go meet the parents.” He gave me a squeeze before turning me toward the door. Here goes nothing, I thought. I held my breath and opened the door. It was now or never.

  The foyer had white marble floors, high ceilings and a grand wrap around wooden staircase. A wooden table stood in the center with a large vase of fresh cut flowers, which just happened to match my sister’s wedding colors. How very festive of my mother.

  “Alexandra, is that you?” a familiar voice yelled from the kitchen. It was impossible for anyone to sneak into this house. When I was a kid, I used to wish I was invisible. I didn’t know the impossibility of it at the time, but it seemed like it would solve all my problems.

  “Yes, we’re just going to bring our bags upstairs and then we’ll be ready to go to rehearsal.” I pulled off my coat and placed it in the coat closet before reaching out to take Dane’s. He had a white button down shirt on, tucked into his grey slacks and accented with a thick black belt. He looked incredible and every part of me wanted to come up with an excuse to skip rehearsal and stay home with Dane in my bed.

  I heard heels on the marble before my mom came into view. “Oh no you don’t. You can’t just sneak upstairs the minute you get home without introducing me to your friend,” she said with her signature fake smile. I panicked. My two worlds were about to meet: I just hoped they wouldn’t collide.

  “Mom, this is Dane. Dane, this is Catherine Riley.” I watched Dane extended his hand toward my mother. She lifted her arm to meet his before her fake smile fell slightly and her eyes doubled in size. I hadn’t noticed when Dane took off his coat, but his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing some of his tattoos. Whatever came of this, it was not going to be good. I watched as my mom seemed to regain her composure and shook Dane’s hand.