Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Riley.” Dane was nothing but polite and charming in my element.

  My mom had her fake smile back on. “Well, yes, it is nice meeting you, too.” She didn’t like him; I could tell. That was the exact same tone she used at her fundraisers and country club functions when she greeted a woman only to turn around five seconds later and complain to her friend Lori that she couldn’t stand her. Watching her at these functions made me want to be anything but her.

  She turned her attention to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. She never hugged me. Never. Her intention was fully noted a few seconds later when she whispered in my ear, “Please make sure he covers up those tattoos before going to the church. Don’t embarrass me, Alexandra.” She released me before continuing. “I set Dane up in the green guest room. Let me know if you need anything.” I gave her a tight smile before heading up the steps, pulling Dane behind me.

  We hadn’t even been here five minutes and my mother was already passing judgment. She didn’t like him; I could see it and I hated how she compartmentalized people into good or bad so quickly. She was everything I didn’t want to be. I wanted to live with hope; I wanted to love with my heart and turn my dreams into reality. I wanted to.

  I just didn’t.

  As soon as we reached the top of the stairs, Dane pulled me back into his chest. “Are you okay? You seem really tense all of a sudden.” I didn’t want to lie, but I couldn’t exactly tell him that my mom doesn’t like him without making the rest of the weekend really awkward.

  “I’ll be fine. She just unnerves me sometimes, you know? I just need to get out of this house; it suffocates me,” I confessed. I wanted to get out of this house and get this whole weekend over with.

  Putting his forehead to mine, he said, “Baby, just remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. And always remember I’m here for you. You have to let me in.”

  I took a deep breath. “My mom would like you to cover up your tattoos before we head to the church.” I didn’t want to suppress who Dane was. I had been suppressed my whole life and I hated every minute of it.

  “I can do that if it will keep her off your back.” He kissed the tip of my nose before grabbing my hand and leading me down the extensive hallway. “So, which one is mine?”

  “Third door on the left,” I said, before turning the knob on my own door. “This one is mine, in case you need to find me or something.”

  He swatted my behind as he walked past to his room. “You know I’ll need something.” I walked into my room, taking it all in. Sleeping alone in my bed was going to be hard, especially knowing Dane was right across the hall. I grimaced as I looked around; it was the same as it has been for the last twelve years.

  I remembered the day before my seventh birthday when my mom said they were going to redecorate my bedroom as part of my birthday gift. I was so excited and had visions of green and blue polka dots; they had always been my favorite colors. My mom had a decorator come over and I didn’t get to speak one word; it was the Catherine Riley show. Two weeks later my room was splashed with various shades of pink and purple and I absolutely hated it. I hated everything about it, but I just smiled and said thank you because that’s what I was expected to do.

  A couple of years ago, I had replaced the pink comforter for a white down comforter; it was the one piece of me that was in this room. In fact, I liked it so much I bought the exact same one to take to college with me. I glanced at the pin board above my desk; it was covered with photos of Ryan and I. I hadn’t been home since I broke up with him so they were still on full display. I put my bag on the floor and started to pull the old photos down when Dane walked in. He had rolled his sleeves down to his wrist, covering all his tattoos. I loved that he did that for me without saying too much; I didn’t need another person telling me what to do.

  I continued to pull pictures off the pin board as Dane came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging my body close to him. It felt uncomfortable having my current boyfriend stand behind me while I took down pictures of my ex-boyfriend. Dane didn’t say anything about the pictures as I took them down one by one, but I could tell he wasn’t looking at them as he moved his lips up my neck and to my earlobe.

  When I was done, I placed them in a box I kept on top of my desk. I may not be with Ryan anymore, but memories never fad; they are just kept where we can no longer see them.

  “I was just thinking, we don’t have a picture of the two of us.” I could feel Dane’s warm breath on my ear as he spoke. We didn’t. I had known him for almost two months and we had not taken one single picture of the two of us together.

  “We could fix that right now,” I said, tilting my head to give him better access to my neck.

  I felt his lips leave my skin. “I think we should. Your board looks kind of bare now.” I left Dane’s arms long enough to grab my purse and pull my iPhone out of the front pocket.

  I stood beside him, wrapping one arm around his waist and pressing the top of my head to his. “Ready? Smile.” I snapped a couple pictures and then instructed him to kiss me. When I was done, I did the typical girl thing and went through the pictures to make sure our eyes were open and we looked okay. My smile was different than any other picture I had seen of myself; it was real.

  “You look beautiful, Baby,” Dane said from behind me.

  I tucked my phone back into my purse and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “We should get going. Rehearsal starts soon.”

  He nodded. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I wasn’t okay, but there wasn’t much Dane could do to make my nerves go away. He couldn’t change my parents and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t change my reaction to them.

  “I’m fine. Come on, we need to go because if we’re late, I will not be fine.” My mother would have my ass.

  We rode to the church in silence as I worked through all the emotions that were going through me. I was nervous about tonight, but more than that I was scared of what could happen. I didn’t want to leave Dane alone, even for a minute. We would need each other tonight.

  I took a few breaths before entering the church I had grown up in. It was a beautiful Catholic church with pastel colored murals painted on the ceilings and gold accents; it took my breath away every time I stepped inside. My sister had chosen light pink, gold, and ivory as her wedding colors and the flowers looked amazing with the church as a backdrop. Though I didn’t think she was marrying the love of her life, I had to admit she was going to be a gorgeous bride and her wedding would be one the town would be talking about forever.

  Since I was maid of honor, I was needed in the bride’s room to prep for rehearsal. I never understood why we had to practice with fake bouquets and all. It really doesn’t take that much skill to hold some flowers in front of you while walking down the aisle.

  I walked Dane to a pew in the back of the church, hoping no one would bother him while I was hanging out with the bride. My dad hadn’t met him yet and I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. I didn’t want Dane to be alone when it finally happened.

  I walked into the bride’s room where Gwen was having a meltdown because her rehearsal dress wasn’t the same shade of pink as the flowers in the test bouquet the floral shop had sent over. For one, I couldn’t believe my sister had real flowers sent over for rehearsal and two, was it really that big of deal? They were maybe a shade off. As soon as she noticed me standing inside the door, she ran over to me and wrapped me into a hug. “Oh, Alexandra, I’m so glad you’re here. Don’t these flowers look hideous with my dress? Tell them.”

  Seriously, this was the least of my worries this weekend. I patted her on the back. “I think you look really pretty. The two different shades look stylish. I personally love it.” I didn’t want to see what would happen tomorrow if things weren’t exactly how she imagined them.

  She sniffled. “Really?”

  “Yes, no one is going to be looking at anything but you,” I replied. I meant it; ev
eryone stares at the bride.

  “Thanks, Alexandra,” I squeezed her once before pulling back. “We should probably get going; the guys won’t be happy if we make them wait to eat.”

  Rehearsal went as smooth as it could go with a wedding planner, as well as my mom and sister running the show. After three run throughs, we knew exactly how we were to walk down the aisle and how quickly. My mom was worried that the wedding guests wouldn’t be able to see the front of my sister’s dress. I made a quick mental note to get eloped if I ever decided to get married. This would put me straight into a psychiatric hospital.

  I glanced at Dane every few minutes. He had his arms on the back of the pew; he looked very comfortable and relaxed, exactly what I was not. His eyes never left me; every time I looked he was staring right at me. I tried to smile at him, but it would have been a Catherine Riley smile and he deserved more.

  When the priest announced that we were done for the evening, I was relieved. As soon as we were locked in the car alone, he pulled my face to his and kissed me like a man who hadn’t eaten in days. His hands locked into my hair as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. For a moment, I forgot everything. I forgot where we were, forgot the nerves in my stomach and forgot the weight on my heart. Dane was my first and only addiction. I understood what he meant about drugs making him forget.

  I was feeling a little more relaxed as we drove to the club for the rehearsal dinner. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad since my sister was the focus of the weekend. I couldn’t let myself get too comfortable, though. When we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed it was almost full. As long as we didn’t miss the toasts, we should be fine. Dane grabbed my hand and walked me inside.

  The banquet room was decorated with gold table clothes and pink and white roses. It probably cost more than most couple’s wedding receptions. Most of the chairs were taken and I noticed the bridal party and their significant others were seated at a large rectangular table at the front of room. I didn’t want to eat in front of all the guests, but it didn’t look like there was any other option. “It looks like we are up there,” I said pointing to the front of the room. Dane nodded before following me across the room.

  My heart sank when I realized there was only one chair left at the table and the nameplate said Miss Alexandra Riley. Where was Dane’s chair? My eyes met my sisters before she looked over at my mom who was seated right in front of the main table. The expression on my sister’s face was pained; she may not resist my mom as much as I did, but I know she didn’t agree with half the stuff she does either.

  When I glanced in my mom’s direction, she seemed to read my mind because she stood and started to move in my direction. I was seething. I told her I was bringing Dane; why would she do this to me? I felt uncomfortable and I couldn’t imagine how it was going to make him feel. I didn’t want to confront her in front of him. “Wait here. I’ll be right back,” I said, motioning my mother to meet me outside the door.

  I had enough time to take a couple deep breaths before she reached my side. “Is something wrong, dear? You don’t look so good.” She was smiling at me. I wanted to rip that smile off her face, but just like all the other times, I did nothing.

  “Why doesn’t Dane have a seat at the head table? You knew he was coming,” I said with the calmest voice I could manage.

  She set her lips in a firm line. “You and Dane aren’t married.”

  I laughed. It was fake, but I laughed. “Neither are Tim and Rebecca or Anna and Reed, but they are sitting together at the table.”

  “Well, there must be some mistake,” she replied before turning her lips back into a smile.

  I was mad. There wasn’t any mistake; it was my mom being my mom. “Where did you expect Dane to sit?” I finally asked.

  “I arranged for him to have a spot with your cousins from your father’s side.” She hated the cousins on my dad’s side. She did this all on purpose.

  This was my chance to take a stand. To stand up for myself and tell her I was not okay with the way she treated me but I couldn’t. I just froze. Confronting her now meant confronting everything. I couldn’t do it; not now when it was my sister’s special day. So I simply walked away from her. It was my way of telling her I didn’t agree with what she was doing, but I wasn’t strong enough to fight her either.

  Dane had a puzzled look on his face when I approached. He didn’t know these people and wouldn’t realize that he was the only significant other not at the table. I grabbed his hand and led him to the back of the room. “Since I gave my mom such short notice that you were coming, she put you with my cousins.” I watched as his face fell slightly. “I’m sorry. As soon as we are done eating, we can leave.” My parents would be the perfect hosts and stay until the last guest left. With any luck, I could have some alone time with him before the chaos of tomorrow began.

  I liked my cousins on my dad’s side; they were down to earth and funny. While my mom saw this as a punishment, it may be better than sitting at the head table. I gave him a kiss on the side of his mouth before turning toward the head table. It was time to eat and get out of here.

  Things never happen as I expect them to when I’m around my family. Tonight was no different. After finishing my dinner, I stood from the table to get Dane and leave, but my mom stopped me to introduce me to a bunch of random people. When she was not done with her introductions several minutes later, my frustration hit a new high. “Mom, I need to go talk to Dane,” I finally said in an attempt to break free from the fake pleasantries.

  She grabbed my elbow, moving me to the left. “There are people I still want you to meet. You’re not home very often so I don’t want to hear you complain when you are.” I pulled my elbow out of her grasp, but followed her.

  I glanced over at Dane who was watching me as I followed her across the room. I watched him laugh a few times during dinner, but now he looked impatient and concerned. When I turned back around, I was face to face with Ryan and his mother. I hadn’t called him before this weekend like I intended to; I was too busy with finals and Dane. I wished I had now, to ease the awkwardness of this moment.

  My mom was saying something to Ryan’s mom. I didn’t say anything; I just stared at him while he did the same to me. I wanted to say something, but words wouldn’t form. As if in the middle of some choreographed move, the two older women dismissed themselves to talk to the caterer, leaving only Ryan and I. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was stuck in the same place I was.

  “How are you?” My voice was so soft I didn’t think he heard me.

  He cleared his throat, still looking right at me. Before I could react, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his body. “I’m sorry I left the way I did that day. I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he murmured into my hair.

  “Ryan, I’m the one who should be saying sorry,” I replied, wrapping my arms around his back.

  He lifted his head just enough to look back down at me again. “Are you saying you’re sorry you ended it?” His eyes showed so much hope and I hated to take that away again.

  “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m sorry about how things ended that morning, but I’m not sorry I did it.” He loosened his grip on me and took a step back. He had a pained look on his face. I wanted him to find what I had with Dane. He may have loved me, but I don’t think I would’ve been his happily ever after. I was just as comfortable for him as he was for me. He let out a breath and I continued, “Do you think we can be friends again? I miss my friend and I regret everything that happened between us that ruined that friendship.”

  “I miss you, too. Just give me more time.” He stepped forward again speaking in a low voice, “I’ve got to go help our moms with some stuff. I’ll see you around okay.” I nodded as he placed a light kiss on my forehead before walking away.

  I stood frozen for a minute before turning toward Dane’s table. I immediately began to panic because he wasn’t there. I looked over at the bar area and he wasn’t there either. Had m
y mom gotten to him? What had she done this time? I needed to find him before it was too late. I had a pain in my chest as I walked over toward my cousins. I asked if they knew where he went and they hadn’t seen him leave either. I felt sick to my stomach after one more glance around the room confirmed that he wasn’t here. I headed toward the lobby hoping he was there, but he wasn’t. Maybe he needed a breather. Yeah, that’s it. Maybe he just needed to step outside to get some fresh air.

  I hurried through the double wood doors and didn’t see him anywhere. I walked toward my car; I needed a minute to myself. I needed to decompress. I wanted all this pressure in my heart to go away. I wanted Dane. Where was he?

  I was almost to my car when I heard my name. I glanced to my left and saw him sitting on the curb. He had rolled his sleeves back up and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt. When I looked at his face, I noticed his angry stare and clenched jaw.

  I swallowed down my panic enough to approach him. “I was looking all over for you. What are you doing out here?”

  He glared at me, “I was done watching my girlfriend and her ex hug and kiss. Sorry, I should have told you, but I didn’t want to interrupt,” he said, his voice rising with every word.

  I sat down next to him on the curb, pursing my lips. “That was nothing. I hadn’t seen him since the morning I broke it off and we had some things to discuss.” I wrapped my fingers around his. “I’m sorry about this whole night.” I would be lying if I said it hadn’t been what I was expecting. This weekend wasn’t going to be easy and I knew it going in. This was my life and I was used to it.

  “Do you still have feeling for him?”

  “Yes, but not like you’re thinking. He’s been my best friend since we were kids. He’s always going to be a part of my life, Dane.”

  He sighed. “I don’t like to watch any guy put their fucking hands on you.”

  I thought back to the night at the club when I saw the leggy brunette touching Dane and something registered within me. I knew how innocent my exchange with Ryan had been, but Dane had no way to know that. He needed reassurance just as I had that night. He needed to know that I was his and no one was going to take me away. “I’m sorry. I should’ve stepped back when he hugged me, but it all happened so fast. We had some things to say to each other, but I promise you it was nothing more. I love you. You have to know that by now.”