What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy)

by Lisa Suzanne

  I headed into the kitchen and got two glasses of ice water, feeling myself sobering. I was fucking sweating from our little four minute encounter, and I needed some fuel. I wanted to do that again.

  And when she returned, she had also lost the skirt. She stood in my family room wearing nothing but a smile.

  “Water?” I asked, my voice husky and low and foreign to my own ears.

  “Please,” she said, equally huskily.

  I walked it over to her, and seeing that perfectly tight little body naked in my family room standing before me was enough for TJ to twitch back to life.

  This was new. I don’t think I’d ever recharged in less than an hour.

  But there he was, ready for round two.

  She sipped her water slowly, and I found even that to be sensual. Everything about her was sinful.

  She set her glass on the counter and turned toward me.

  “You up for round two?” I asked.

  She glanced down toward my dick. “Are you?” There was surprise in her eyes when she made out the outline, and I puffed with sudden pride.

  “It would appear so.”

  “Then lose the jeans and take me long and slow on your bed.”

  Did I mention that this was the perfect woman?

  After my recollection of the evening, I realized that it wasn’t so much a bad hangover as it was dehydration. We had a long and slow session where I took the top, and that lasted well over an hour, and then we both passed out until I was woken up a few hours later when I felt her hot mouth taking me all the way to the back of her throat. I returned the favor, worshipping the most delicious mouth-watering essence I had ever tasted, and then we both passed out again. I woke up the next time, and I wanted to be inside of her again, so I gently pulled her on top of me and she rode me sleepily with her fingers laced through mine until we both climaxed together for a fourth time.

  It had been an unforgettable night with a woman who already told me she didn’t want any strings attached.

  I thought of Jules for the first time since the night before, when I had first started dancing with this woman and made the comparison between the two. I realized that in the past ten hours, Jules hadn’t entered my mind once. And I had this woman to thank for that. This woman whose name I still didn’t know.

  Half of me felt so utterly confused at what I was feeling, while the other half of me knew that it was exactly right.

  I got up to alleviate myself in the restroom, and then I headed to the kitchen to put on the coffee. I slammed a Gatorade to try to rehydrate myself, and sleeping beauty was still in my bed when I returned, just waking up. She was naked, tangled in my white sheets, and she looked fucking adorable all sleepy and mussed from our night together.

  “Hey, you,” she murmured.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” I said, not knowing what else to call her, feeling foolish that I didn’t know something as important as her name after the intimacy we’d shared but unsure how to ask after so much time had passed.

  “Come here,” she demanded softly, and I obliged, setting my cup of coffee down on my bedside table first and then taking off my basketball shorts. I pulled her into me, my arm under her head as she cuddled into my shoulder and threw her arm around my waist. Somehow her small body molded perfectly to mine. I lazily drew circles on her lower back with my thumb, idly thinking that my most favorite part of a woman’s body were the little dimples on her back right above her ass. And the woman sharing my bed had the singular most perfect back and ass I had ever seen in my life.

  “Mm. That feels like heaven,” she said, so I kept doing it.

  She looked up at me, and I recognized that same look from the night before. She wanted it.

  “Again?” I asked, exhausted from our physical night together.

  “If you’re up for it.”

  I pushed my erection into her hip. “What do you think?” I grinned at her. She pressed a kiss to my chest, and in that moment I knew I had to find a way to hold onto her.

  Moving lightning fast, I scooped her up and then threw her down, pinning her to the bed beneath me. I grabbed both of her hands in mine and held them above her head, and then I licked my way down her neck to her breast. I suckled for a moment, savoring the pretty pink tip in my mouth, and then I kissed my way back up to her mouth. She kissed back, that same abandon evident in her, inhibitions apparently checked at the door.

  I don’t think I had ever been so hard for a woman in my entire life. It was painful, and I needed to alleviate the pressure by being inside of her warmth.

  So I did.

  I let go of her hands, and they were immediately on me, one tangled in my hair and the other pulling my ass toward her. I let my erection lay heavy against her entrance for a moment as I kissed her, the soft moans escaping her mouth spurring me on. I gazed down into her dark eyes and saw lust. And something else.

  Something that told me that she was into me as more than a no strings attached type thing.

  I don’t read into things, but I know what I saw. And then I guided myself inside of her, and I had the sudden inclination that I was home. I was where I was supposed to be.

  I sank my teeth into her shoulder and she screamed out. Our morning sex was even better than the night before, her nails scratching down my back, pleasure edged with the slightest bit of pain as I rammed up into her.

  Maybe it was because I was sober, or maybe it was because I had developed an attraction to this woman that was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. Whatever the case, taking her in my bed that morning was by far the best sex I ever had in my entire life. It was slow and sensual and long and tender. And something about it meant saying goodbye. It meant saying goodbye to Arizona, perhaps, and to the horrific pain I’d gone through with Jules, but more than that, it meant saying goodbye to this incredible woman whose name I still didn’t know.

  After we both came hard into each other, we stayed in bed for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to end our time together. I had to get to the U-Haul place; my pickup time was 11:00, but I didn’t want her to leave.

  That was a definite first.

  I’d never spent the night with a woman that I picked up at a bar.

  I know that seems odd given my colorful history, but any time I had taken a woman home, I made sure she left before morning. I drove her home or I invented an excuse or I packed her up in a cab. And if I had gone to her place, I did the same.

  The phrase “one night stand” had the word “night” in it for a purpose.

  Most of the time, I didn’t want to see the woman the next morning. It may have been a douche bag thing for me to admit, but usually the women didn’t look as good to me in the light of day.

  But something about this woman had me holding on.

  And she looked even more gorgeous in the light of day than she had the night before in my drunken fog.

  “Shower with me,” I said, my voice low and gruff, and she nodded. I carried her to the bathroom much like we’d fucked the first time, her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms curled around my body, my hands firm under her beautiful ass, and we took a steamy shower where she lathered soap all over my body and I did the same to her. I massaged shampoo into her scalp, and she whimpered like she did right before she came. I was fucking hard again for her, not quite sure how that was happening, but she was different than any girl I’d ever been with. I was obsessed with the way she made me feel. I was obsessed with her warmth wrapped around me as I was inside of her. I was obsessed with the little moans that escaped her, with the way she held me against her, with her exotic eyes and her enticing body and pretty much everything about her.

  And clearly the feeling was mutual, because before I knew it, she was down on her knees in the shower getting me off with her mouth for the second time in less than twelve hours.

  Did I mention that this woman was perfect?

  I took care of her, making sure our orgasms were evenly matched where in the past I hadn’t really cared
if I was evenly matched with a woman I had met at a bar. And then we washed again and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped her up in a fluffy towel, and she found my bathrobe, cuddling into it as she wrapped a towel around her hair. I shaved, brushed my teeth, and threw some gel into my hair, and when I emerged from the bathroom, I found her on my bed. I pulled on a pair of shorts and checked the clock. I needed to get a move on to make it to the U-Haul place by 11:00.

  “You know how I told you I’m moving?” I started the conversation, realizing that I knew nothing about this woman. We really hadn’t spent much time talking.

  She nodded.

  “I have to pick up the moving truck by 11:00. Stay here, and I’ll be back in half an hour.”

  “I need to get going.”

  I can’t explain the depth of my disappointment hearing those words out of her mouth.

  “No, you don’t,” I said, walking over to the bed and covering her body with mine.

  She smiled, and I was lost in the depths of those eyes. “Yeah, I do. I’m actually in town visiting a friend, and she’s got to be wondering where I am.”

  I nuzzled her neck and bit softly. She moaned. “So text your friend and let her know you’ll be back later this afternoon.”

  “No can do, Tiger.”

  “Tiger?” I leaned back to study her, my body still poised over hers.

  “Yeah. Seems fitting. You’re ferocious and wild and at the same time playful and adorable.”

  My heart skipped a beat in my chest at her words. “I could say the same about you, Gorgeous.”

  Her eyes lit up at my compliment.

  Good God, how the hell was I ever going to let her go?

  She leaned into me for a kiss and then she pressed her hands against my chest. “If we start this again, I’ll never get out of here. And you’ll be late picking up your truck.”

  “Fuck the truck,” I said, leaning into her for another one of her kisses.

  She laughed beneath me.

  “We both need to go.” Her voice was firm, but I could sense her hesitation. She didn’t want to leave as much as I didn’t want her to go.

  “Can I see you again tonight?” I murmured against her lips.

  She froze beneath me. “I… um, I…” I kept kissing her neck while she tried unsuccessfully to form a coherent thought. Her hands met my chest again. She was trying to be strong, but she was having a hard time. A real hard time.

  “I don’t know if that would be a good idea. You’re moving, you’ve got stuff going on, and I told you last night, I’m not looking to start anything.”

  I pulled back, disappointed with her answer. I sat on the edge of the bed, and she sat up and laced arms around my waist from behind.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft as she cuddled her face into my back. She kissed the spot between my shoulder blades as she held me.

  “Don’t be sorry.”

  “But I am. I really like you.”

  “I really like you, too.”

  “This has been… amazing. Really. Outrageous. Cathartic in some ways.”

  It was like everything she said echoed my thoughts. “I agree. Spectacular.”

  “I’ll get dressed so you can go get your truck.”

  “Stay. Please.”

  “I can’t. But thanks for the offer.”

  I just looked at her blankly. I didn’t want her to go, but I didn’t know what to do to get her to stay.

  She stood up and started putting on her clothes from the night before. “I feel stupid asking this, but where are we?”

  “Tempe.” I gave her the cross streets and she typed it into her phone, presumably into a text to her friend.

  “Is there a Starbucks around here?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “I’ll just hang there until my friend can pick me up.” She put on her shirt, and I was sad to see her fully clothed after the hours of naked we had spent together.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I will take you wherever you need to go.”

  “You’ve got packing to do. I'm not here to interrupt your life.”

  “It’s not an interruption. I want to spend more time with you.”

  She glanced at me with sadness in her beautiful brown eyes. “I do, too. And that’s why I have to go.” She looked more than sad. She looked miserable.

  And I felt it hit me.

  The hours I had spent with her had been cathartic for me, too. The pain and sadness that Jules had caused were being replaced by the pain and sadness of having to part from this woman. And at that moment, the pain from leaving this woman behind felt so much stronger than leaving Jules behind.

  I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to move on from her.

  I don’t know how it happened, but she had clawed her way into my soul in the twelve hours I’d known her.

  She walked to my door, and like a stupid puppy dog, I followed her.

  “Thank you, Tiger. You’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know.” She leaned into me for a hug, and I wrapped myself around her, crushing her body to mine. I loved how she stood a foot shorter than me. Her petite frame fit perfectly against me, and all I could think about in that moment was what it had felt like to fuck her.

  The most perfect feeling I’d ever experienced.

  She tensed up in my arms, and when she tilted her head back, she gazed into my eyes.

  “Tell me your name,” I begged.

  “I like that you call me ‘Gorgeous.’”

  “And I like that you call me ‘Tiger.’ But I want to know who you are.”

  “Names mean strings, Tiger. Attachment.”

  “Then maybe we’ve got strings.”

  She opened her mouth to say something, and my lips automatically crashed down to hers. Her body remained tense at first, but then she melted into me, and I knew that this was our way of saying goodbye.

  The most perfect kiss of either of our lives ended, and she looked up at me one last time. Those eyes would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. I saw tears fill them, and before she had a chance to let them spill over, she kissed my cheek one last time and then turned, opened my door, and walked out of my life.

  I stood in my entryway for a moment, gathering my wits about me as I stared at the closed door that she had disappeared through.

  I wanted to run after her.

  I wanted to stop her.

  I wanted to tell her that I believed in love at first sight, as ridiculously cliché and foolish and absolutely stupid as that sounded.

  But I didn’t. I couldn’t. She had made it clear that she didn’t want that with her words, even though I didn’t believe that she had any conviction at all behind those words.

  I most certainly couldn’t set myself up for another heartbreak, and I couldn’t afford to hang around in self-pity. So I pushed it to the back of my mind, burying it and bottling it even though all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and smell the citrus scent that she had left behind.

  CHAPTER 4

  A little over an hour later, I was back at my apartment. Mike and Bill had met me at the U-Haul pickup location, and then we headed back to my apartment to load the truck. I was grateful for their help. We planned on packing from noon until 3:30, and then I had to head over to my parents’ place for dinner. Then I’d meet up again with my buddies for the last night we’d have together as three amigos out on the town, and I knew I’d miss my friends.

  But not as much as I already missed the mystery woman.

  I was glad for the distraction of picking up the truck. I’d been pathetic for long enough, wallowing over Jules and her betrayal for the past week and a half. My sister was right. It was time to man the fuck up, and the woman from the night before was the ticket to that. She made me realize that there was so much more out there than Julianne Becker.

  And in that moment, I knew what I really felt. Julianne had been such a fixture in my life for so long that I had turned her into a woman on a pedestal. Whether she deserved to be up the
re or not remained to be seen, but my night with Gorgeous had me believing that there was something more out there for me. Don’t get me wrong; I was still hurt over how Julianne had handled things between us, and I still was far from being over her and what she had put me through. But I saw an opening in the darkness. If it was the light from an oncoming train, so be it; but I had to believe that it was the hope I needed that I could end up happy.

  “So how was your night with that sexy little thing you brought home?” Bill asked as I stacked boxes on a handcart that he’d be taking down to the truck. Mike was in my guest bedroom taking my shelves down off the wall.

  I glanced up at him and raised my eyebrows.

  “That good?” he teased.

  “Jesus Christ. I’m pretty sure she’s the most perfect woman who ever existed.”

  It was his turn to raise his eyebrows. “Damn.”

  “And I don’t even know her fucking name.”

  He whistled. “Seriously?”

  “It’s fucking crazy, but I can’t get her out of my head.”

  “You seem different this morning. Maybe better than you’ve been.” I knew what he was getting at; he didn’t have to say that I’d been a giant pussy since the stuff with Jules went down because I already knew. He continued, “I assumed it was because of the move, but you think it’s because of her?”

  I nodded. “She made me see that maybe Julianne isn’t the end of the line for me.”

  “Good for you, dude.”

  “Yeah. Good,” I muttered sarcastically.

  “What’s with the cynicism?”

  “I didn’t get her name or her number. All I know about her is she’s the most fucking fantastic girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Or that I’ve ever laid. Period.”

  “So track her down.”

  “Did you forget that I’m moving to San Diego tomorrow?”

  “So what? If you want her, find her.”

  “She didn’t want strings.”

  He shot me a confused look.

  “No strings attached,” I clarified.

  “Ah. Sounds like the victim of a broken heart.”