What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy)

by Lisa Suzanne

  She nodded curiously.

  “When you asked how you’re supposed to trust me, did you mean that? Or was it your anger talking?”

  “Maybe both. I don’t know that much about you, Travis. We’re in the early stages of getting to know one another, and it takes me a long time to build trust.”

  “I get that. But please don’t say that you don’t trust me, because that hurts. If I haven’t earned your trust after we’ve gotten to know each other better, then we have a problem. Is there anything else I can do to make this better?”

  “Get the blonde out of here and then take me to your bed and fuck me.”

  Jesus.

  “Deal.” I lifted her off the ground so that she was cradled in my arms. I felt like a beast of a man holding my petite woman in my arms. I carried her all the way to my apartment, and Jules was standing near the doorway with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. Her brows rose when she saw us. She looked surprised that I was walking in the door with Lindsay curled around me.

  “Julianne, this is Lindsay. Lindsay, meet Julianne.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Lindsay said, one hand wrapped around my neck as she stuck the other one out. Jules shook it.

  “You, too,” she echoed. “Bye, Trav. I’m heading out.”

  “Bye. Safe travels.”

  I glanced over at Dan, and he nodded at me. I walked through the apartment with Lindsay in my arms, figuring Dan would take care of seeing Julianne out. I had bigger fish to fry at that moment, and I was fairly certain that the woman wrapped around me wouldn’t appreciate my goodbye hug with Jules after what she’d walked in on a few minutes earlier.

  Close call. Julianne had nearly ruined a very important piece of the puzzle that my life had become, but I wouldn’t let her. Nothing would ruin what I was starting with Lindsay. Together, we were much too strong and powerful to be broken.

  And that was my guiding thought as I stripped her out of her clothes and threw her on the bed. She writhed under me and I let out a low growl, looking at her beautiful body ready for me to feast on.

  I ripped my clothes off except for my boxers and threw them on the floor, climbing up the bed and hovering over her as my lips found hers and my tongue twisted against hers in a wicked show of passion. I saw fireworks exploding before my eyes as she took over every one of my senses.

  This was going to be fast and hard, and I was trying to savor every second of her body under mine.

  The feel of her was pure bliss, and the smell of her was that same citrusy smell like I just been in the summer sun on a picnic. I gazed down at her, really seeing her full, perfect beauty as I could hear her gentle moans beneath me, turning me on in ways I never knew I could be turned on.

  I lavished attention to her breasts, and my hand slowly trailed down her belly, down further to her core. She bowed up toward me as I thrust a finger inside, and her hand found my erection through my boxers, stroking me in the same rhythm that I was using to pump in and out of her. As usual, I knew that I wasn’t going to last very long with her. She just did it for me. She nearly made me come just from a simple look, never mind when she actually touched me.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” I hissed in her ear, kissing her neck and gently biting her earlobe.

  “For you,” she gasped. My mouth on hers was almost violent as I kissed her unrelentingly, taking everything I could as I gave her everything I had, making sure that she knew that she was the only woman in my life.

  Her feet found the top of my boxers, and she slowly dragged them down my legs and off of me using only her feet. That was the goddamn sexiest thing I had ever experienced. I growled low in my throat as I dragged my lips from hers and moved down her neck, her throat, and back up again. Her tongue slid against mine, licking as aggressively into my mouth as mine was into hers.

  I stood up to remove my boxers, and she gazed at me with lust the entire time.

  “You like what you see?” I teased once I was fully naked.

  “Oh yeah,” she breathed. “I could stare you all day.”

  The feeling was mutual, but my body’s response was instinctive.

  I yanked her up from the bed, pulling her up into my arms. She wrapped her legs around me, and then I impaled her with my hardness.

  I pushed into her and her head rolled back. Seeing her like that almost made me lose it. I pressed all the way in to the hilt, and then I pulled back, almost all the way out. She cried out with a sexy kitten moan, and then I pushed forward again, this time lingering inside of her, never wanting to leave that perfect place as I felt her walls gripping me to her.

  She cried out as I grunted, both of us panting. She balanced herself by placing her hands on my shoulders as my hands found her ass, lifting her up and down as I moved in and out of her, her breasts bouncing flawlessly in front of my face.

  The visual of her body moving as I drove in and out of her and the sounds escaping her lips as she built toward her climax was my undoing.

  I tried to focus on baseball. That was my go-to to try to last longer. But with Lindsay, my old tried and true tricks to hold off my orgasm just didn’t work.

  “Fuck, Lindsay,” I roared.

  “Wait,” she cried. “Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

  I couldn’t hold on any longer. I detonated up into her just as her body contracted around mine. She depleted every last drop I had in me, sapping my energy as she consumed every part of my being.

  I collapsed on the bed, still buried deep inside of her as her head came to a rest on my chest. I clutched her against me. She grunted softly as I slowly pulled out, and we lay like that for minutes or hours or days; I wasn’t sure, but what I did know was that I would never get enough of this woman.

  After we had both come down from our orgasm-induced highs, it was just about dinnertime. I invited Dan, but he had plans with Mel, so it was just Lindsay and me. “We don’t have much in the house. Want to go out to eat?” I asked, surveying the pantry and fridge.

  “Sure,” she said. “Just something close. Whatever’s easy. I need to run home and get some work done tonight.”

  “Skips? It’s a bar just down the street. Pretty good food, and very cold beer.”

  She grinned. “Perfect.”

  We walked down to Skips and picked out a booth, sitting across from each other. Tracy walked over to the table. “Hey, you.” She grinned at me.

  Lindsay glanced up at her, another spark of jealousy marring her beautiful eyes.

  “What are you drinking?” Tracy asked Lindsay first. She ordered a Miller Lite. My kind of girl. “And the usual for you, T?”

  I nodded.

  “Be right back.”

  Lindsay glared at me over her menu.

  “What?” I asked, wondering what I had possibly done to be in trouble again.

  “She was your date at the Sunset Cliffs event.” Her eyes narrowed.

  “Yeah. Because I didn’t know anybody else in San Diego. She has become a good friend.”

  “You seem to be friends with a lot of girls.”

  I sighed. I didn’t like the jealous side of her that was suddenly showing itself, but I had to accept it as part of the rest of her perfect package.

  “I guess.”

  “Is there anything between you?” she asked.

  I shifted uncomfortably. “There was the potential for something once. We had a sort of hook up one night. But that was it.”

  “What is a sort of hook up?”

  “Why don’t you just look at the menu and figure out what you want to eat?” I didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

  “You said you hadn’t been with anybody since me.”

  “Correction. I said I hadn’t fucked anybody since you. And that is the truth.”

  “So what happened between you two then?”

  “We fooled around right after I moved here. But that was it. We agreed that neither of us wanted anything more.”

  “So are you telling me you aren’t ready f
or a relationship?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’m telling you that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with Tracy. With you, I am most definitely ready.”

  “Why didn’t you want more with her?” she pressed.

  I was starting to get frustrated with this conversation.

  Tracy dropped off our drinks. “You kids know what you want to order?” she asked.

  “I do. Lindsay?”

  “I’ll just have whatever Travis orders,” she said.

  I looked up at her in surprise. She always seemed so sure of everything she wanted, yet in this instance, she was handing the control over to me right after our conversation about control. She constantly confused the shit out of me.

  “Two of the usual,” I said.

  Tracy nodded, took our menus, and headed back to put in our order.

  Lindsay gazed at me for a moment. “So tell me why you didn’t want more with her.”

  I sighed. She was actually going to make me do this.

  I laid it all out on the table. “After my night with you, I was a mess. I was heartbroken over Jules, and then you came into my life and disappeared, shattering me in a totally different way. I leaned on a few different people during that time. Tracy was one of them. I couldn’t start a relationship with someone after you had broken me by walking out of my life.”

  “So there’s nothing between you two?”

  I shook my head. “In fact, I told her all about you. She knows how I feel, and she knows that I'm not available to her as more than a friend.”

  Apparently I had said the right thing, because her foot found my leg and traveled up my shin. She reached across the table and took my hand in hers, and her eyes softened.

  “I wasn’t innocent in that time between our first and second meeting, either.”

  I really didn’t want to hear this part. “We can’t change the past. I’d just as soon not hear about it.”

  “I want to be honest with you.”

  I gazed into her eyes. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “I need to. I need you to know what happened in the time between our night in Arizona and that night at Sunset Cliffs.”

  “Go for it,” I said between clenched teeth. My jaw ached as I ground my teeth together, bracing for the confessions that I didn’t want to hear. I drummed my fingers nervously on the table.

  “I didn’t sleep with Spencer.”

  I blew out a breath of relief.

  “I was too miserable over you. That night… God, Travis. That first night with you was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I had this fundamental connection to you that I just couldn’t get over. I saw you everywhere. I felt like I had lost something precious that I would never get back. And during that time, Spencer tried, and like you did with Tracy, we fooled around a little when we got back together. But I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with him.”

  “Good,” I whispered. “If we’re being completely honest, I should tell you that there was one other girl that I almost hooked up with. She was a random girl who was on vacation. I met her at some bar in Gaslamp. She took me back to her hotel room, but I stopped it before anything more than kissing and a little groping happened.”

  She took a sharp breath. “Thanks for the honesty.”

  “Thanks for not going bat-shit crazy jealous on me again.”

  She giggled. “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be. It’s kind of hot to see how much you want me all for yourself.”

  “When should we tell Spencer?” she asked.

  “He needs some time, Gorgeous. He’s not doing well.”

  Sadness passed across her face. “He’s a good guy. I shouldn’t have gotten back together with him. It gave him hope when I knew there was no hope for us.”

  “Doesn’t matter now. You can’t change it. He’ll be okay.”

  “Is it weird seeing him at work?”

  I nodded, taking a long drink of my beer.

  We were both quiet for a minute, and then Tracy broke our silence by delivering our food: cheeseburgers with a side of fries.

  “Thanks, Trace,” I said. She asked if we wanted a second round, and we both nodded.

  Lindsay looked over at me, her eyebrows raised, once we were alone. “Cheeseburger?”

  I grinned. “They’re pretty spectacular.”

  “I believe you used that word to describe me once.”

  “Take a bite. You’ll see.”

  She squeezed mustard on her burger and squirted ketchup on her plate for her fries. And then she picked up the burger and took a bite. As she did, she closed her eyes and moaned.

  I instantly had the need to readjust my crotch. “Jesus, Lindsay. You even make eating a sensual experience.”

  She giggled, her eyes glittering with a smile behind them.

  We finished our dinner and our beer, and I paid the bill before we walked back to my place, hand-in-hand. Something about clasping her hand in mine made me feel so protective over her. I had never felt the need to protect the women I had dated in the past; I always just assumed they’d take care of themselves. But something about her screamed to me that she needed me to care for her, to love her, to protect her. Forever. Maybe it was because of our connection to each other. Maybe it was because she was so petite. Maybe it was because her dad had left her when she was just a small child. Maybe it was because of what she had been through with Spencer because of me. But whatever the case, I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to put her needs above mine and to show her how much she meant to me.

  We got back to the parking lot and she stopped at her car. “I need to go home for awhile.”

  “You’re not driving.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Travis, I’m fine.”

  “You had two beers. It’s not safe. I’ll take you home.”

  “You had two beers, too,” she protested. “Besides, I need my car.”

  “Then I’ll drive your car and you can bring me back here in the morning.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s just go.”

  “Can we run upstairs so I can grab a few things? I have some work I can do, too.”

  She followed me up and I grabbed my iPad and packed a quick overnight bag. Before we left my bedroom, I pulled her close to me. “Hey,” I whispered.

  She looked up into my eyes.

  “Thanks for taking me back,” I murmured, leaning down to press my lips against her forehead.

  “I told you, Tiger. I couldn’t stay away.” She ran her tongue along her bottom lip, and that little peek of her tongue made me almost immediately rock hard.

  “You came into my life like a hurricane and a volcano and an earthquake all at once, and I fucking love it.”

  She leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Good. Because I’m going to continue shaking things up for you.”

  “I hope so,” I murmured against her lips. And then I couldn’t help myself. I parted her lips with my tongue, and my tongue slid hotly against hers, our mouths colliding together with passion and craving. Her hands found their way under the back of my shirt, and I moaned into her when I felt her nails scraping down my back.

  I once heard the urban legend that men think about sex every seven seconds. Maybe it’s true, and maybe it’s not. But since I met Lindsay, I blew that story out of the water. I couldn’t ever stop thinking about sex with Lindsay.

  I ran my fingers lightly down her arms and back up, finding her neck beneath my palm as my other arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly against me. Her warmth sent a shiver of lust straight through me, and I wanted her again like I hadn’t just had sex with her before dinner.

  “We have to stop this,” she pulled away first.

  She looked up at me, her cheeks flushed and eyes hazy with lust and lips swollen from my aggressive kisses.

  “Stop what?” I asked, my voice husky.

  “Every time I get you alone, I want to have sex with you.”

  “Nothing wrong
with that,” I grinned.

  She smiled back at me. “No, but I don’t want our relationship to be based only on sex.”

  “It’s not. I’ve had relationships like that, and whatever this is,” I said, motioning between the two of us, “I can say with confidence that there’s a lot more here than just sex.”

  “What if you came over tonight and we both got our work done and then we just talked?”

  “No sex?”

  She shook her head. “No sex. We talk, we can kiss and cuddle, but that,” she pointed to my erection, “stays in your pants.”

  “Was I bad?” I asked, making a pouting face.

  She laughed. “No. You’re a very good boy,” she said, reaching up to pat the top of my head. “My good boy.”

  “I want to be your bad boy.”

  “You’re silly.” She kissed me sweetly. “Take me home.”

  “You got it, Gorgeous. But don’t think for a second that I’m not going to make a pass at you tonight.”

  I drove her car to her place, and when pulled into her driveway, I noticed a figure sitting on her front stoop, his elbows resting on his knees and his head bowed downward.

  Shit.

  It was Spencer.

  CHAPTER 16

  “Fuck,” Lindsay cursed under her breath.

  “Want me to stay in the car?” I asked.

  She looked at me with fear in her eyes.

  “You make the call, Lindsay.”

  “Shit.”

  “You can’t sit here swearing all night.”

  “Dammit. I know. Just come with me.”

  I moved to get out of the car, but she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

  “Wait.”

  I turned back to look at her.

  “Give me a minute with him.”

  “Whatever you need, babe.”

  She got out of the car and headed toward the steps. Spencer stood, and he made to hug her, but she held up her hand. I could see that they were talking, but I had no idea what they were saying. And I was dying there in the car.

  Here was this great guy who I worked with who was suffering because his girlfriend – the girl he proposed to, who he wanted to marry – dumped him. And now he was about to find out that she was with another guy… a guy he knew. A guy he had confided in over beer not very long ago.