Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘Good morning Phillip did you sleep well, oh dear you’ve been crying, have you slept, it doesn’t look like it, you must otherwise you will get very ill.’

  ‘I don’t care if I get ill I might die and then I could be in heaven with Mum and Gran.’

  ‘Phillip; you mustn’t talk like that.’

  ‘Well everyone says heaven is a better place and it would be nice to be somewhere nice with Mum and Gran.’

  ‘We don’t know if heaven is better, people say that so as not to make you afraid of death, but nobody knows. I have never met anyone that has been to heaven and come back to tell us all about it. Just imagine if you went there and it wasn’t nice, what then?’

  ‘I’d be with mum, it wouldn’t matter.’ June sits on the bed and gives me a hug.

  ‘Now listen to me young man, you must not get depressed, and you must think in a positive way, life is made up of sad and happy times, if you are positive you will find there is more happy than sad. It is up to you to make your life a good one. When things seem bad, push the bad aside, and find the good things. The best way to be happy is to try to make someone else happy; right now you are making me sad so get positive, get happy. You may not think so but there are many people worse off than you, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Now, no more sad okay ; get up get washed and dressed, then come down and have breakfast and get ready to meet these people.’

  ‘I’m sorry June, I’ll try.’

  ‘Good boy’ she says as she kisses me on the forehead.

  I wish she could be my mum, she is kind and talks to me like a person not a kid, I like that.

  I have been standing in the dining room for the past hour, looking though the net curtains, and waiting for the people to arrive. A small Hillman car with a gasbag on its roof pulls up outside. A very fat woman with grey hair tied up in a bun, gets out from the driver’s side, she is wearing a black suit that looks too small for her. An elderly thin man, wearing a black raincoat gets out of the other side. They stand talking for a few moments looking up at the house. The woman reaches into the rear seat and picks up a briefcase and a hat. As she bends over her short skirt rides up showing her fat legs and the top of her stockings. As they talk she very precisely positions the hat at a jaunty angle, the long feather on it sticking up, making her look like a Red Indian warrior. The man slightly stooped is holding a white panama hat passing the brim though his hands as they stand there talking. They make no attempt to come to the door; it is as though they are waiting for something or someone. Their waiting comes to an end as a policeman rides up on a bicycle; he dismounts, places his bike against the wall, and shakes hands with the couple.

  ‘June, why do you think a policeman has come with them?’

  ‘I’m sure I don’t know but we will probably soon find out.’

  Mr. Milligan answers the door and shows them into the sitting room, June and I follow, holding hands we sit on a settee, they haven’t looked at us I feel invisible. The three of them are sitting on the edge of their chairs looking most uncomfortable. Mr. M asks ‘Would you like a cup of tea or something else?’

  ‘No I don’t think so!’ Indian warrior snaps, as though she had just been asked to commit a crime. The policeman answers,

  ‘That would be very nice thank you, I’m parched.’

  ‘Well, if you’re making one, the Reverend and I will join you.’ Mr. Milligan leaves the room to make the tea.

  ‘Ah, you must be Master Snell and, pray tell who are you?’

  ‘I am June Milligan, you have already met my husband and yes, this is Master Snell but we prefer to call him Phillip, and you are?’

  ‘Sorry, we seem to have got off on the wrong foot, I am Penelope Peabody, this is the Reverend McGuire, and this is Constable Brown.’

  ‘I am pleased to meet you, Mrs. Peabody, and you Reverend. We have already met, haven’t we Constable?’

  ‘Yes we have, the other night, when Mrs. House passed away, a dreadful business I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Thank you Constable’

  ‘Miss, its Miss Peabody.’

  ‘Oh I’m sorry.’

  ‘That is quite alright, when your husband joins us we can get down to business.’

  Mr. M, arrives, goes to the dumb waiter and pulls up the lift from the kitchen below, placing the tray on the table he says, ‘Help yourselves to milk and sugar’ Everyone is now sitting relaxed waiting for Red Indian warrior to speak. She adds four spoons of sugar to her tea. I can see Mr. Milligan counting; she pauses stirring her tea as though she is trying to calm herself.

  ‘Mr. and Mrs. Milligan my name is Penelope Peabody, I am the welfare officer for the Hastings Borough Council. I am here to take Phillip Snell into care for his protection. It has been brought to our attention that Phillip has no living relatives that are able to care for him in a suitable manner; therefore it is my duty to ensure that he is properly looked after. I have a court order here,’ as she speaks she slides a sheet of paper from her briefcase.

  ‘This states that, from nine- o-clock this morning, Phillip Snell has been made a ward of the court. Constable Brown is here to ensure that the terms of the order are upheld.’ I don’t understand what she is talking about but I can sense June is annoyed; she is squeezing my hand, so hard it is hurting.

  ‘You pompous bitch, you come into my house, you treat me as though I’m a criminal and a child molester, you show insensitivity in front of a child who, within the last ten months has lost both his parents and his grandmother, and you believe, because you have the law on your side, it is your right to behave in this manner, well I think it stinks.’

  ‘June it is no good getting upset, let us try to be calm and make it easier for Phillip’ June turns to me her eyes blazing, I have never seen her so angry. She whispers something to me but I can’t understand, I whisper back, ‘Sorry what did you say’

  ‘Never mind forget it, it’s not important’

  Turning to Indian warrior Mr. Milligan asks, ‘Miss Peabody now that Phillip is a ward of the court what happens now?’ The reverend speaks; he has a deep voice with an accent I would expect from a farmer.

  ‘May I interject, quite right Mr Milligan we need to keep calm for the sake of the boy. It has been decided that Master, err Phillip is to go to Saint Stephens Care Home at Pen Dalton which is near Tonbridge. There he will receive the care that he needs also he will get the proper education and spiritual guidance that is so crucial to a child at this time in his life.’

  ‘When is this all going to take place?’

  ‘Now Mrs. Milligan’, Indian warrior says, as soon as you can pack Phillip’s things we will leave, it is best not to delay.’

  ‘But we were hoping to keep him until after the summer holidays.’ Indian warrior answers,

  ‘I’m afraid that will not be possible, you see, you have not been vetted by the authorities so, for you to have Phillip in your care is not an option.’

  ‘So, let me get this right, you expect me to pack all Phillip’s things and let Phillip walk out of our lives just like that; he has been part of this household for the past ten months, he has been part of us and now you expect us to turn our backs on him just like that?’

  ‘Yes, that is what I’m asking because it is in his best interest. Now, please Mrs. Milligan, can we get started?’

  ‘Does Phillip have any say in this?’

  ‘I’m afraid not.’

  ‘Why is everybody talking about me as though I’m not here, I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to stay here?’

  ‘Phillip, go with Mrs. Milligan and pack your things, you can’t stay here, you must come with me,’ Indian warrior says as she puts her arm around me. I pull away shouting,

  ‘Leave me alone you fat cow.’ As I run to go to my room Mr. Milligan blocks the doorway and stops me.

  ‘Phillip, where the devil did you learn language like that, there are two ways of doing this, the hard and the easy way, let us do it the easy way it will be better for everyone. Don’t be disre
spectful to Miss. Peabody, she is only doing her job and, with practice, she may get good at it, even though she has an awful lot to learn, it is possible you may find underneath all that officialdom Miss Peabody is quite a nice person, now say your sorry.’

  ‘Quite right Mr Milligan, the boy needs discipline; he needs to be severely punished’

  ‘Reverend, please do not tell me what to do in my own house, whilst Phillip is here in this house I will administer the discipline.’ Indian warrior stands in front of Mr. M places her hands on her hips and says ‘Technically Mr. Milligan you are not in charge, I am, now can we get on with this business’

  ‘Leave it Reg, before this gets out of hand.’ Turning to Indian warrior June asks ‘is he expected to pack everything he owns?’

  ‘No, Mrs. Milligan, just his clothes, and any personal things he may feel he wants to take. He cannot take money, or jewellery. Any valuables that he takes will be put into safe keeping until he leaves our care to be fostered or he reaches the age of fifteen.’

  Following June up the stairs to the attic, I freeze at the foot of the last flight, where Gran died, June gently steers me past it. She then lifts Gran’s suitcase from the top of the wardrobe, in it are some of her things, some jewellery, and a very old, leather bound bible. ‘Phillip listen to me, these are your Gran’s things which now belong to your uncle Ron. We can’t keep them so I am going to parcel them up and deposit them with our solicitor until your uncle claims them. We will find out where he is, write to him, and tell him about you.

  The case is far too big for my things, it is not heavy, but I insist that I carry it myself. The Reverend places the case into the car boot. June hugs me, her eyes are wet, and I can tell she is trying hard not to cry.

  ‘We will write to you, promise you will write back to tell us how you are getting on.

  ‘I Promise.’

  Chapter Three

  I have never been in a car before; this trip probably doesn’t count as I am only in it for five minutes. It took Indian warrior longer to turn the car around than it did to drive to the station. Passing number twelve I can see June standing with her head buried in Mr. M’s shoulder, he raises one hand as we pass.

  ‘Phillip, I am leaving you in the care of Reverend McGuire, he will take you to your new home, and I am sure you will enjoy it there. There are many other boys and girls just like you, without parents. You will make many friends I am sure, the carers are very kind and they will look after you. Goodbye Phillip, do what the Reverend asks you to do. Good luck.’ She is holding out a podgy hand for me to shake, I ignore it.

  ‘Young man that was very rude, that is twice you have been rude to Miss Peabody, you will learn respect. If you want to do it the hard way so be it but we can be a lot harder; now, no more nonsense from you. When I ask you a question I expect you to answer me otherwise I expect you to be silent and only speak when you are spoken to, also, always address me as Reverend’

  That suits me fine, why would I want to talk to him, he is horrible?

  We are sitting on our own in a compartment waiting in silence for the train to start; he hasn’t asked me anything, which is good because I don’t feel like talking. I should be excited about travelling by train but I just feel sad, I am determined not to show my true feelings to this horrible man. The journey to Tonbridge takes one and a half hours, with the train stopping at every station. I purposely look out of the window, taking great care not to look at my jailer because that is how I feel, like a prisoner.

  ‘Did you enjoy the train journey?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Yes thank you Reverend.’

  ‘Yes thank you--- Reverend.’

  ‘That’s better, remember respect.’

  The train glides slowly along the platform, as it jolts to a stop, the Reverend lifts my case down from the luggage rack and carrying it in his right hand he grabs my wrist and pulls me from the train. Trotting to keep up with him we pass through the ticket barrier into the station concourse, he makes for a waiting a taxi.

  ‘Good afternoon Reverend, Saint Stephens is it?’

  ‘Thank you John.’ I can see the driver looking at me in the mirror, when he sees me looking he winks and gives me a big smile, I smile back because he is the first person to be nice to me since leaving June.

  We pass between two, tall brick, pillars supporting wooden gates that are already open.

  On the left hand one is a big sign that says Saint. The driveway is about a hundred yards long. Where it meets the house it forms a circle, in the centre is a statue of a man standing with his hands behind his back, looking up at the building as if he is admiring it. The taxi pulls up at the door, we get out and the driver lifts my case from the luggage space onto the steps, he then looks at me in a meaningful way, ‘You’ll be okay here son, be brave’

  ‘I’ll try, thank you.’

  As the Reverend pushes open the door a jolly looking lady wearing a white apron, comes bustling across the black and white chequered tiled floor.

  ‘Good afternoon Reverend how was your journey and you must be Phillip?’

  ‘Tiring Alice; Phillip, this is Mrs. Miller, she is house keeper and mother to all the children at Saint Stephens, say hello.’

  ‘Hello Mrs. Miller.’

  ‘Hello Phillip very pleased to meet you; you will call me Mam. Now let us go to your room, and get you unpacked.’ She picks up my case and starts up a huge staircase that curves at the top. Walking along a landing we pass several doors with names on them, we then turn left into a passage.

  ‘Phillip, this passage is the boy’s, dormitory the one over there is the girls. It is forbidden for the boys or the girls to enter each others dormitories.’

  ‘Yes Mrs. Miller, what’s a dormitory?’

  ‘Yes Mam, remember my name Phillip; It’s the room you will sleep in, you will be sharing it with five other boys but at present it is only four, another boy will join you in a couple of weeks. We have a rule here; all the boys are about the same age, usually only three years between the youngest and the eldest. The eldest is in charge and is responsible for everything that happens in that room. So if you do something wrong he gets the punishment so, it is in his interest to make sure you behave yourself, he won’t think kindly of you if you cause him grief.

  ‘No Mam. But that doesn’t seem fair’

  ‘As may be but that is the rule’

  We enter room D1013 there are six beds, three on each side, beside each one is a small three drawer cabinet, the floor is highly polished, the beds look as though the folds in the sheets have been measured, the room looks so tidy as though it has never been lived in let alone the bedroom of four boys.

  ‘This is your bed.’ She is pointing to the middle one on the right; it is up to you to keep it clean and the area around it. The Principle the Reverend Clarence Harrison and I inspect the rooms once a week and, quite often at random, woe betides any room leader if it is not up to scratch so, as a team you must pull together, each one of you is responsible to the other.

  Mam opens my suitcase. ‘Now, let us see what you have brought with you. What have we here a teddy bear, now I’m sure you are not going to need this, how old are you, ten I believe, if you were a girl I could understand it but not for a boy.’

  ‘I’m eleven, last Sunday was my birthday, I have had Ted since I was four he is my friend.’

  ‘Eleven is far too old for a doll Phillip; he is just a stuffed toy, an image, not real, if you need someone to be your friend call upon Jesus. We will help you to do that here. Now, lock that dirty doll in your suitcase, the next time you take it out it will be to throw it in the dustbin.’

  ‘Yes Mam.’ There is no way I will ever get rid of Ted he will be with me till I die, why is everyone so horrible, why can’t they be nice to me, why couldn’t I stay with June she loves me I know she does?

  ‘In half an hour your roommates will be back from their activities, unpack your things put them in your drawers and your suitcase can go under your
bed for the time being. My goodness look at the dust under your bed, you had better clean it up before I visit this room again. Lionel your room leader will tell what is expected of you, read the rules of this establishment they are over there by the door, any questions Lionel cannot answer I will when I see you at supper time; welcome to Saint Stephens Phillip.’

  ‘Thank you Mam, where will I find something to clean under the bed?’

  ‘Lionel will show you; now get on with putting your things away.’

  At the end of the room there are six tall cupboards, three either side of a large window, one must be mine, but which, they all look the same? I assume it’s the middle one on the right, it matching my bed position. Opening the door very carefully, I peep in, it is empty except for a small white towel, a face cloth, and a toothbrush; is this all I’m supposed to keep in there?

  Peeping in the next cupboard to it, I can see a dressing gown and a pair of long trousers hanging from a rail. On the shelf are books, on the floor is a pair of white gym shoes and hanging on the back of the door is a towel similar to the one in the other cupboard.

  ‘Get your thieving hands out of my locker, what do you think you’re doing sneaking around, who are you anyway?’ I spin around to see a tall boy with red hair, running towards me. I try to close the door but he barges into me knocking me over, the towel on the door falls to the floor. I try to get up but he grabs the towel and flicks me with it, stinging my arm.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean,’ he flicks me again ‘that hurts.’

  ‘Good, that’s what thieves get when they steal my things, who are you?’

  ‘I’m Phillip, I’m new here, and I was looking to see what to put in the cupboard.’

  ‘Locker, it’s called a locker so, what have you stolen’